Tuesday, December 26, 2006

God vs. Science

A battle is being fought in our society. We see scenes of this battle all in the media. Its battle grounds have even reached our homes. We see this battle inherent in the question of "evolution or creation". People ask us this question and many others. No matter how you put it, they all boil down to one thing: God vs Science. This ideological battle is more important than any battle we have seen so far in the 21st century; including our battles for oil.

This battle seems to have torn our country apart. Not in a physical way. There are no destroyed buildings because of this battle. People are not starving (at least that I know of). Governments have not been overthrown. Mass amounts of people have not been killed (at least in the 21st century!! Copernicus probably knows a thing or two about persecution). Yet ideologically, we have been torn asunder. You either place your hope in science or your faith in God. You must choose. There is no in betwee; no compromise. A side must be chosen.

I believe that there does not have to be a conflict between God and science. I believe these two can peacefully coexist. I see God in science. That may sound weird but it is true. When I look at the cell and how it works, I see God. The comet streaking through the sky, I see God. The intricate forces that hold an atom together, I see God in that also.

People believe that science disproves the existence of God. Many believe that science disproves the existence of God. I believe that Nature's Laws are God's Laws. God's Laws do not end at the 10 Commndments. They include the laws of gravity, thermodynamics, and elasticity. People may say God works in mysterious ways. I believe science may be God's way.

I am not preaching an "Intelligent Design" theory. I am just putting out the idea that maybe God works within scientific laws. Yet maybe we have not pushed science far enough to explain/not explain God's existence. Who knows.

I just know that for me I see God whenever I hear about quantum physics. I hear God's music in the movement of the Earth. In essence, science and God are two different ways of telling the same story. I saw a quote that was funny yet poignant:

"Science and religion are not at odds.
Science is simply too young to understand."

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Im So Lazy

I have been home for Christams Break almost a week now. I have had nothing but free time but I have not updated. I just have not felt like it. But don't fear, Epsi is here!!!!

I got in last Friday and hit the track running like a nosebleed. I went bowling with my Blue Monster Crew (will explain sometime later). K was there (look back). She was awkward around me especially after she found out that I knew she was kinda seeing some dude. I told he rthat she is not my woman so no need to worry. I am not jealous over something that does not belong to me. So the Blue Monster Crew went bowling and just enjoyed ourselves.

I spent a few days resting at home and then I went to dinner Tuesday nite with Cnel and So Wise. So Wise is the first blogger that I have met in person. I do not count Cnel because I knew him before we started blogging. We went to this spot near Loyola College called Loco Hombre. I heard of it before but I never ate there. The restaurant was good though. They make good mojitos ;) (thanx Wise). So me, Cnel and Wise just chilled. All I am gonna say is Wise is gorgeous and funny. She dished out some of that life experience to some young dudes and it is priceless. It was a good time. We will be doing it again.

So now I have to force myself into the Christmas spirit. I hate Christmas music and if it was up to me, I would not celebrate Christmas. I just have never been a fan f it. I canno explain why. But anyways, let me go watch Star Trek Voyager and figure out what gifts I have left to buy. Peace.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

The Practice of Happiness

The Practice of Happiness

1. Give yourself permission to be human. When we accept emotions -- such as fear, sadness, or anxiety -- as natural, we are more likely to overcome them. Rejecting our emotions, positive or negative, leads to frustration and unhappiness.

2. Happiness lies at the intersection between pleasure and meaning. Whether at work or at home, the goal is to engage in activities that are both personally significant and enjoyable. When this is not feasible, make sure you have happiness boosters, moments throughout the week that provide you with both pleasure and meaning.

3. Keep in mind that happiness is mostly dependent on our state of mind, not on our status or the state of our bank account. Barring extreme circumstances, our level of well being is determined by what we choose to focus on (the full or the empty part of the glass) and by our interpretation of external events. For example, do we view failure as catastrophic, or do we see it as a learning opportunity?

4. Simplify! We are, generally, too busy, trying to squeeze in more and more activities into less and less time. Quantity influences quality, and we compromise on our happiness by trying to do too much.

5. Remember the mind-body connection. What we do -- or don't do -- with our bodies influences our mind. Regular exercise, adequate sleep, and healthy eating habits lead to both physical and mental health.

6. Express gratitude, whenever possible. We too often take our lives for granted. Learn to appreciate and savor the wonderful things in life, from people to food, from nature to a smile.

- Tal Ben-Shahar

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

The Response

I wrote a poem about a week ago called "God, Can You Hear Me". You can scroll down and find it. It seems to have garnered quite a response. I also read it somewhere too. I have received an interesting response. Here is a treatise on the poem.

The fact that God has died is not me commenting on religion. Well, I am commenting on it but in a certain way. In no way am I condemning God. What I am saying is that is God is not playing as large of a role in our society as he used to. His "death" signifies this. I am not commenting on whether or not religion or God is important. I am just saying something that I have noticed in my experience. A lot of people I have come across are starting to feel that God is irrelevant. Whether or not that is a God hing, I leave that to your personal opinions.

Also, I do not believe that it is sacreligious to write about God in such a way. I do not believe that the poem degrades any religious point of view. It is just a metaphor. A very safe and creative one.

Yes, the "God" I am referring to is the Christian one. I have raised a Christian and Christianity is the religion I am most familiar with. I did not feel it would be appropriate to write a poem from the point of view of a religion I do not quite understand fully. Plus, I consider myself a Christian. I may not be the most frequent churchgoer or the most faithful but that is the religion that I adhere to. So thats what I chose

Oh, I forgot to add. That poem was a Epilonicus exclusive. Its on my next mixtape!!! Hahahahahaha!!!!

Monday, December 11, 2006

The Weekend Buzz

Let me tell you about the weekend:

My night started pretty benign. I did a shift at the radio station. Me, Mari, and Nick do Caribbean nite on Fridays. So we were just chillaxin at the station. Then I run to a Student Activities event in the Rec Center. I win a photo album in a raffle. Then me and the girl named Christina go the archaeology party.

I normally do not go to the archaeology parties. I dont socialize with many people in my major so that is why I normally do not go. But I went Friday. I learned a veru important lesson: MAKE YOUR OWN DRINKS!!! This girl name KB made my drinks too strong and got me tore up!! Now when I drink, I start giving lap dances and taking my clothes off. I also laugh at everything. So lets just say I got a lil friendly. Then KB was flirting with me talking about I have to work in order to "horizontally dance" with her. I told her I never work, I always play. Then when she came back and told me she had a man, I said to her "Your boyfriend is a speed bump under my tire". Lets just say that I talk mad junk when I am drunk and you tell me I cant do something.

KB then got upset because I wanted to leave. She wanted me to stay. I told he I am either going to stumble home or she can walk me home. Well lets just say two friends of mine walked me home because I refused to stay. I do not feel comfortable staying at other people's place when I am drunk.

I just chilled that night. Me and Christina (from above) watched "The Da Vince Code". I loved that movie!!! It makes a brother think. After the movie, me and Christina sat up and talked until 5:30am. The movie went off around 1:30. It was just great to sit up and talk to someone. Now do not get ahead of yourself people!! She has a boyfriend and them two seem happy. Looks aint everything but if she wanted it, Saturday provided ample opportunity for her to put on a move. But we discussed religion, politics, homosexuality and the church, relationships, friendship, everything.

I went to the Diversity 101 (which is a club here on campus that I am the treasurer of) office and cleaned it up. My friend Eric used to date Christina. So he brought it up and made an interesting face.

I called him out on it. If he had a problem with me and Christina hanging out, he should have manned up and said something. He said he was fine but I know he has a problem. I hate when dudes have a problem and wont say anything. I met Christina before me and Eric were cool. Eric aint my best friend. We are just cool. Our friendship has just started. So has me and Christina's. So I am not honor bound to pick sides and I wont. I believe I can be friends with both. Either one has a problem with it, they can build a bridge and get over it.

I listened to Cnel's last radio show and called in. It was good until his hot made a blanket statement saying that all Muslims hate Jews. I told her that she was wrong. I also said as an intelligent person, you should not say things like that. I believe the statement was very biased and prejudiced. She disagreed and took it personally. Cnel let us argue and he kinda referree-ed the situation. But I believe I was coreect in saying that the statement was prejudiced. If a White person made such a statement, we would rip them a new asshole. So I do not think anyone, Black, White, Brown, or Purple should be allowed to make prejudiced statements.

And that was my weekend. Let me go do some laundry now. I am almost out of clean socks.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

It Gets No Better Than This

A friendship that ceases was never real - St. Jerome

does not exist in my world anymore. She made the decision for it to be like that. You will not hear anymore about her. I will not waste another word, another drop of ink, tap of the keyboard, or another breath on the essence of her existence. I am done. I do not even want to talk about it anymore.

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

A friendship that ceases was never real - St. Jerome.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

God, Can You Hear Me

God, Can You Hear Me???

I found God stretched out on the sidewalk.
He laid face down on the concrete
Hair muddled in a pool of blood,
Breath barely present,
An inkling of life still in his eyes.

There was God, dying on the sidewalk
With countless people walking by.
No one dared to touch him, or even look his way.
So I sprinted to God’s side and I asked him
“God! God! Can you hear me?”
He murmured, “ Indeed. I hear you.”
I rolled God onto his back and asked,
“Who did this to you?”
”The people,” he said. “The people did this to me.”

Now I was confused and confound
Because I was used to God being the most powerful around.
So sitting on the sidewalk,
I held God in my arms.
He whispered in my ear, telling me stories
Of how he walked with Adam in the garden
And flooded the earth with his liquid fury,
His conversation with Moses on the mount.
He shared with me his memoirs of Babylon and her gardens
And how he cried when his son died.
Then he talked to me for a few more moments.
While he whispered to me the secrets of the universe
He died
Right there in my arms he died.
No one noticed
The entity that created the world, destroyed it, and renewed it again
Right there in my arms.
And no one noticed.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

What Does Your Birthdate Mean??

I took this survey that Bklyn Diva had on her blog. I kinda took it and ran with it.

You are a natural born leader, even if those leadership talents haven't been developed yet.
You have the power and self confidence to succeed in life, and your power grows daily.
Besides power, you also have a great deal of creativity that enables you to innovate instead of fail.
You are a visionary, seeing the big picture instead of all of the trivial little details.

Your strength: Your supreme genius
People have been telling me this for all my life. It has definitely been a burden. People expect too much someimes. Like they expect you to know everything at all times.

Your weakness: Your inappropriate sensitivity
I have been working on this and I have definitely improved.

Your power color: Gold
This is actually one of my favorite colors.

Your power symbol: Star

Your power month: January

Couldn't I have gotten a warmer one?!?!?

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

A Pimp With Morals

I should win an award for being the most honorable dude in the world. My homeboy Mason should give me a prize. Here is why:

First, me and Mason are friends. I was the guy he stayed with when he visited to decide to come to my school. Then when he got here, we hung out and I showed him the ropes. He is like my little brother. I try and help him out as much as possible.

Tonight, I went to my hunting ground aka Peccadilos (it was college nite and I was bored.). His ex grlfriend was there. We talk and chat for a minute. We start dancing. It was not out of the ordinary. All of a sudden, it got a lil hot. She was pushing up on me, I was pushing a lil on her. Our faces got kinda close, and I knew it had to stop. I cannot make out with my friend's ex. That is wrong. I may be single, but I got morals. I knew I could not do it. My roommate Kevin would prolly disagree. My future stepfather said two things dont live long: dogs that chase cars and men who mess with taken women. I am trying to live forever.

It was not easy to tell her no. I mean she had the puppies on her chest were calling me, booty was all up on me, and she has a cute face. I havent had the attention of a female in a while so I was feeling like Mos Def in "Miss Phat Booty": I GOTTA HAVE IT. At this moment I am going through "withdrawal" and I need a fix. I have a monkey on my back but I knew it would be wrong to allow her to get it off (pun intended). I just could not do it. Mason is a lucky dude, because I would be tearing that up from left to right. And she could have definitely found out tonite why they call me Chocolate Thunder!

The Random Thoughts of Sir Epsilonicus

- T.Cas, that is definitely a hard loss to take. My heart and prayers go out to you and her family. All I ask is that you do not quit blogging.
- Today is a good day
- Why am I still in love with her? Why do I still love her?? Why are my feelings for her still strong?
- "Miss B" needs to quit playing games and realize that I am a winner!
- I am actually enjoying my classes so far. My Anthropology Theory class is definitely stimulating my mind. I am loving it!!!
- My bathroom reading book is interesting too.
- I gotta pee
- My roommate Kevin said something hilarious: Women are like Pokemon, you gotta catch them all!
- I am still addicted to Facebook
- My poetry group DPS has been resurrected!!!!! Watch out for the return!!!
- There are too many cute girls in my Communications Theory class. How many can I holler at before they all find out??
- I am having an oatmeal craving right now.

Bye! Time for class!

Friday, November 24, 2006

When The Levees Broke

"When The Levees Broke", my heart broke

That is how I really felt after watching the special, "When The Levees Broke". I watched it and it seriously almost had me in tears. I have never felt that emotional over anything that I saw on television.

It hurts to see my people suffering like that. I am not from New Orleans but those are my people. We all live in this country together. It just hurst to see them still to this day struggling. There does not seem to be any plausible and working plan to help them. Just watching and seeing how much of New Orleans is just practically wiped out hurt my heart. I cant stand to see how our government has failed them. It just had me choked up.

This moved me to want to do more. I have made donations in oney, clothes, and food. But what else can I do?? Is there anything more? Can I make it better? I feel as if there something I have to do. I have to do. But I do not know what. I wish I could just make it all better for the, I wish I could just wave my hand and their lives be better. I really do.

Monday, November 20, 2006

The Life And Times of Epsilonicus...

U know I love u when u loving me
Sometimes it's better when it's publicly
I'm not ashamed I don't care who sees
Just hugging & kissing our love exhibition all

We rendezvous out on the fire escape
I like to set up an alarm today
The love emergency don't make me wait
Just follow I'll lead u
I urgently need you

Let's go to the park
I wanna kiss u underneath the stars
Maybe we'll go too far
We just don't care
We just don't care
We just don't

John Legend - PDA (We Just Don't Care)

I am in a great mood. So I had to put the song that I am feeling right now. That new John Legend is the hotness. Go cop that disc (pun intended)!!!

You know I did pretty well on my finals. One class I got a C in but the rest I got Bs in. I did well considering the stress and turmoil in my life. That damn Field Methods class is holding me back!!!!

So after my finals, I got to club on Wednesday last week. I see her boyfriend there. This dude is eyeballing me. I guess i was looking especially good or something!! Lol. But seriously, he kept watching me all night. I was creeped out. But I know he did not want anything. I refuse to fight over women, especially if I am not with them. But there was this young lady I was going to holla at. But it kind of slipped my mind. I said I would get back to her but I forgot. Oh well, it happens

I got home Thursday night and I have been chilling with family ever sonce. I got to see the new James Bond movie. It is a good one. Its definitely different from all the other Bond movies but I liked it.

Today I actually chilled with my friend Ty. We reminisced and all. We talked about all the things we did in the spring of our youth. We used to DJ early in high school and all. It was good just to see him. We always end up having a good time shooting the breeze and all. We really do.

I am gonna leave you all with this: Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Prayer For Finals

I have finals now and here is a prayer Cnel sent me.


The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not flunk;

He keepeth me from lying down when I should be studying.

He leadeth me beside the water cooler for a study break.

He restoreth my faith in study guides.

He leads me to better study habits

For my grade's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of borderline grades,

I will not have a nervous breakdown For Thou art with me.

My prayers and my friends, they comfort me.

Thou givest me answers in moments of blankness;

Thou anointest my head with understanding.

My test paper runneth over with questions I recognize.

Surely passing grades and flying colors shall follow me.

All the days of my examination,

And I shall not have to dwell in this university forever,


I have only one more final to go!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Something I Want To Say

There is something I want to blog about. It is about her. But I feel as if I cant because I mention her too much. There is always something about us going on. I wish it would stop.

I wish she did not play in my mind all the fucking time!! She is still the first thing I thnk about when I wake up and the last before I go to sleep. I am always hoping that she is doing well. I am curious about how she is doing. There are times that I still want to call her just to say hello. I cannot stop staring at her whne we are in class. I purposely came late so that I could miss her presentation today. I just cant deal with it. Why can't I just erase her from my memory. It would be sooooooo much easier.

My heart strings are being pulled on. I found something out that made me angry. When I got the info, I immediately put the punching gloves in my bag. I went ot class and went staright to the gym from there. I decided against the heavy bag and lifted weights like it was no ones business. I just felt the hurt flow into the weights as I moved them. I just exhauseted myself until I could not think about her. Now that I am alone with my thoughts, she just sits and marinates in my mind. I just need to get rid of her; remove her from my head. But I cannot seem to. The memory of her now haunts me.

She is in a relationship with someone else...

Monday, November 06, 2006

Good Weekend, Good Times

This weekend was a good one.

Friday was good. I went to class and that was ok. I did not have to go to work but I still get paid so I am all smiles for that!! We had snow up here so I had a huge snowball fight with some people right outside of my building. I did that for a few hours and then went to this even that the school hosted. It was like a pampering night so I went. I first did yoga. I am officially a yoga fan. I felt relaxed, at ease, and all Zen and ish. If you ever get a chance, do a yoga class. That ish is good for you. Then I went and got a massage. The massage was surprisingly good. It was done by sports therapy students. At first I was a lil worried but it was all good. Then I went and got a manicure. My nails definitely needed to get clipped and I figured that since I can go here and get a cute girl to clip them for free, why not.

Saturday was even better. I played some tackle football in the snow and got my exercise on. I looked like Marshall Faulk in his prime out there.!! Hahahaha j/k. I was kinda lazy for the rest of the day. I went to dinner at Olive Garden with some friends because it was someone's bday. After that I threw a party at my place.

This party was off the hook. Having a stripper pole in my living room tends to bring the freak outta everyone. I had some girls over who definitely loved the pole. And then there were some who just loved me!!! I am just gonna leave it like this: I definitely did not miss the signals this weekend!! Hahahaha! Buts eriously, people were at my place until 5am. I had to force people to leave!! I need to have parties a lil more often if I am gonna get that kind of response!!

I did finish one dare: I have a picture of a girl I have a crush on (if that is what you wanna call it).

Here name is Vanessa. I met her my freshman year. She was in 2 of my classes that year. I have had a thing for her ever since I first saw her. She is Honduran. She is gorgeous. Nice figure and all of that. But more importanty, she has the most beautiful personality I have ever come across. She never talks bad about people. She is willing to do anything to help anyone. She smiles all the time. I would do anything for Vanessa. I hate to admit this, but I am totally smitten by her. I can't describe itI would do not even know how to describe it. I did beat someone up for her. This dude hit her in the face with a snowball after hse asked not to be hit by one. I popped him right on the spot. But for Vanessa, I have it for her bad. I cannot stop smiling for her when she comes around. I wish I could have her. The only thing is this: she has a man. I cannot be mad though. He treats her right so he deserves her. But if she ever becomes single...

Friday, November 03, 2006

My Past Few Days

Its been a good couple days.

Wednesday was decent. I went to my classes (Lab Methods and Professional Communications) and then to work. Work was ok. I like what I am doing so I cannot be mad. Then I went to dinner and my meetings for Diversity 101. After that, I broadcasted on the college radio station with my homegirl Mari. We were geeking as usual. On air we talked about smelling good and how that is important when trying to holla at someone you are attracted to. Then I came back and went out to the club.

Something happened at the club. I met these two females (they were friends) and I think they both were feeling me. Actually, I know they were. I am not gonna go into too much detail. Lets justs say their hands tend to wonder. But they are smuts though. All that happened before they even knew my name. If you wanna give it up, at least put up some slight resistence. Dont just grope me and give me a look and think I am just gonna come running. Girls like that are smutty and I avoid them the way a broke man avoids child support.

Thursday was ok. I did not partcipate in my Lab Methods lab. I think her noticed it and tried to bring it up. But I was a lil worn out from Wednesday nite. Plus seeing her is still a lil rough for me. I had Forensic Stats @ 6pm. I fell asleep for half of it. That class has its foot in my ass and its hurting. I have a C in it so far but I have been busting my a$$ for a B. I will hopefully get it.

So far, my Friday is good. My presentation went well and all for my Communications class. I did a presentation on Xbox and why people should buy one. I think that I did pretty well. I did not have work and so I finished writing this entry. Nothing to interesting but just letting you know what si going on.

Oh yeah: Party at my place Saturday!! We will see how it goes.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Probably Wondering

I have been slacking on keeping you updated about my life. I have so much to say so it may take a while.

Me and her are not even trying to salvage things anymore. She said she just can't get over the fact that I left. She said she can't risk it. I told her love is worth taking risks for. I tried to change her mind but it did not work. At least I tried. There is not much more I can do. We keep it civil but thats it. I try not talk to her. It bothers me to.

I went to this conference this weekend. It was a great conference. I t was the Pennsylvania Black Conference on Higher Education. The speakers were motivating. The sessions were definitely useful. I am soooooo glad I went. I did a poem at the talent show and got a standing ovation!!! It was incredible. The women were just gorgeous!!! But one bad thing happened: they tried to holler and sometimes it went over my head. I am just slow when it come to catching on. I really am. I need to work on it. But seriously, hte conference was good. It felt good to be surrounded by Black people. I spent my whole weekend around Black people!! It was a vacation come true!!!

School is hectic but I aint even stressin'. I have some presentations to get workin on. One is due this weeke and the other two are on for next week. I havent started some of them. So I am gonna get moving on it! Classes are making me work for it, especially that Forensic Stats class. This class is putting its foot in my a$$!!!!.

I guess that is the update. I hope it was not too long!

Thursday, October 26, 2006

The Mind of Epsilonicus

My mind is wandering at the moment

- Talking to her just kills my spirit.
- I hate my Foensic Stats class.
- I am ready to retire already. I really am
- My dating is horrid man, it really is
- I need to work on my approach with women. I met a girl this past weekend who kept saying how men with licks were sexy. I have locks and I knew she was talking about me. All I could do was stand there. It also did not help we were at church when she said this ( I cant pimp in tha house of the Lord!!)
- This gospel song has me all choked up now. It is called "I Need You To Survie" by Hezekiah Walker. I am not the most religious person in the world but hearing that song in church ( I rarely go) had me a lil emotional. I really really feel that song.
- I am really feeling Hi-Tek right now. I heard a cut from his album and I may go buy. I may have to buy it online because Erie PA dont know ish about hip hop.
- I have not gone out in a while.
- Being an RA is like a 24 hour job. It is mad hectic
- I almost killed a girl who basically told me I dont deserve to be at this school because I am Black. Epsilonicus almost choked a bitch!!!!!!!!!
- I need to get my stripper pole back up!!
- Missy and Nikki, I have not forgotten about your dares. I havent had the time to get the pics developed about dancing on the pole. Also, I havent seen the girl I have a crush on lately.
- I have been blogging for quite a while now.
- I love my hair
- I am really not feeling the women I have been meeting. They are so dull. I mean they have no life, no personality.
- My friend Jessica showed me a good time and I appreciate it. I really do. She made sure that I had to time to party and relax. Thats a good friend right there. Plus she took me to church! We all know I need the Lord some days!!
- I gotta clean my apartment before I do my pumpkin carving program. It seriously a mess. I hate it.
- I have to face the fact that there si nothing between me and her. After our convo last nite, there really is nothing more. I have to realize it.

Monday, October 23, 2006

A Good Weekend

This weekend was good. We had Fall Break here at school. This meant that at school we had a four day weekend. I decided that Ia dod not want to be in my apartment alone so I planned on visiting my homegirl Jessica. She goes to Pitt-Titusville. So I went down and stayed the weekend with her.

The weekend was good. Jessica was a good hostess. I felt right at home at her place. But she has some crazy friends though. They were cool as hell but they were kinda wild. Also, her college is smaller than mine but has more Black people. I enjoyed being around some of my people for a change. I had fun this weekend. It was just a good weekend.

Now I gotta get notes for the class I skipped. Maybe her will give them to me.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Face The Music

Listening To:
Donell Jones - Where I Wanna Be

I said I left my baby girl a message
Sayin I wont be coming home
Id rather be alone
She doesnt fully understand me
That Id rather leave than to chill
If she gives me some time
I can be the man she needs
But theres a lot of lust inside of me
And weve been together since our teenage years
I really dont mean to hurt her, but I need some time
To be alone

But when you love someone

You just dont treat them bad
Oh, how I feel so sad
Now that I wanna leave
Shes crying her heart to me
How could you let this be?
I just need time to see
Where I wanna be
Where I wanna be...

Never did I imagine
That you would play a major part
In a decision thats so hard
Do I leave, do I stay, do I go?
I think about my life and what matters to me the most
Girl, the love that we share is real
But in time your heart will heal
Im not saying Im gone
But I have to find what life is like
Without you

I almost wrote her a letter today. I woke up thinking about how much I miss her.

I have been been thinking about her for a while. We stopped talking to each other suddenly. We claimed we were gonna try and make it work. We were gonna just try nad work on getting along again before we try being back in a relationship. It seemed like a good idea. So I tried to hang out with her and she gave me the cold shoulder. I took that as a slap to us working things out. How we gonna work things out when you won't even be around me. So we stopped talking about 2 weeks ago. She did not even call me on my birthday. My crazy ass ex-girlfriend from high school called me (the ex from high did not even have my number but she called people for it). I appreciated that but I wanted her to call me. That was the most important person who could have called me (other than family).

But I woke up thinking about her, like I do everyday. She is the first and last on my mind. I then said to myself " since she wont even look at you, write a letter and put it in her mailbox" I thought it was a good idea. I get to class and then I see her on my way. So I enter the building another way because she did not see me. As class is going on, I am writing the letter, still debating whether or not to give it to her. I do not finish it before class ends. So her and I are left alone once everyone leaves. She does not even look at me or notice that I exist.

It was then that I faced the music. There is no hope for us. I kinda ruined that. Well, its not kinda, I just did ruin it. I made a decision to leave so now I must eat that decision and face the consequences. I may not like the consequences of my actions but I have to deal with them.

I just dont like the consequence for this one: being without the person I love.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Truth or dare

Comment on this post and let me know if you want a truth or dare. i'll respond with a question or a dare, then you run over to your blog and post your response to the question or dare. make sure you reference the 'truth or dare' moto in the title of the entry so folk won't be all over your blog looking for your answer (unless you just WANT us to do it...)


1. nothing illegal
2. no nudity requests
3. nothing malicious

let's keep this fun.

Here are the ones I had to answer:

Trizzy: What is your most embarrasing moment and have I ever been attracted to a "friend" and not told them?

My most embarrasing moment had to be when I was younger. I got my leg stuck in a piece of playground equipment (it was a cement train) and had to have the fire department come and get me out. All the kids were laughing at me. I still hear about it to this day.

I am currently attracted to a friend I have not told them. It is one of my old roommate's ex. Me and her are from Maryland. So over the summer we kind of started talking. A lot. Almost every night of the week. Now, we talk a couple nights a week. I feel kind of bad that I have fallen for her. I have not told the old rooomie (he transfers and we dont even talk). She wants to visit me and all. I dont even know if I should tell her how I feel, especially since she goes to college in NC at Elon. I also have another friend Vanessa who goes here. But she has a man so I am plotting on how to get at her.

Tcas ~ What is the hardest thing about being in college.

I would have to say being black is one of the hardest thing about being in college. I go to school that is majority white; majority being an understatement. I have few Black friends up here ( I have only Black friends at home). Its hard not being around people like me. Its hard that people do not understand my point of view or where I am coming from. I do have some Black female friends but all of them are from the Caribbean. Their struggle is not a part of mine. Thats what is hard. I miss my people. I would not trade being who I am though. I am proud of who I am and I appreciate the history of struggle that my people have gone through. Nothing could make me want to be anything else.

Nikki ~ I havent forgotte about your dare. I havent seen the girl so I havent had a chance to get a pic with her.

Why I Love My Roommates!!!

My roommates are the best people in the world and here is why:

I have wanted a stripper pole in my apartment since last school year. I have always had big dreams of getting Lisa Raye in my place and re-enacting some scenes from "Playas Club" (if not Lisa Raye then Toni Braxton. These are dreams). I also had dreams of running a lil strip club outta my place. Just a lil something to make ends meet ahahha lol. Actually I wanted one because I always thought that it was cool. It also provides me a reason to ask girl to....... (I was gonna give u some HumanityCritic humor but decided against it!!). Let's just say I wanted one!!

They have made my dreams come true!

I walked into my apartment today and I see a huge ceiling height box in my living. I say "that looks like a stripper pole" My roomie Kevin says, "No, it is a rocket launcher" (sad thing is that I almost considered believing him). He gives a card and Curtis(the new roomie) smiles. It is signed by all these people who kicked out some money in order to get me a stripper pole!! 15 of them being females (Ima definitely let them slide down my pole!! Hahahahaha). 8 of them were my residents, and they were all female. It really made my day to see all the people who chipped in. I felt soooooooooooo special. That gift means a lot. Not because it is a stripper pole, but because of the amount of people who put the effort in to see that I get something that I wanted.
Thanks Kevin and Curtis!!

Sunday, October 01, 2006

My Birthday!!

I have hit 20!!

Since its my birthday, make some noise!!!!

Since its my birthday, make some noise!!!!

Since its my birthday, make some noise!!!!

Thursday, September 28, 2006

College Girls And Sex

One day I was sitting with a group of my female friends and the topic of sex came along. Some of the female friends were complaining about their boyfriend's sexual capabilities. They were ragging on their boyfriends' inability to give them orgasms. Just basically complaining that the sex is not good. Being one of the few males there (another male friend was there), I decided to ask an important question:

Have you ever told your boyfriend what you like???

All of them said no, they never told them. And this is the solution to their problem:

Tell him what you want.

Men, we are not psychic. We do not know all your little intricacies. We can only guess. So women, if your man is not doing exactly what you like, tell him.

Now I a not saying just be and rude and say, "You aint worth shi*t so do this, this, and this." You kind of have subtly tell him. Whisper it in his ear while you are having sex. Or say "I like when you do _____________" This way, he can make himself believe that he figured it out on his own. And once he does it, then kinda stroke the ego and say how much you liked it, you know that whole positive reinforcement thing. You can't complain when he does not give you want you when he does not even know what you want.

Now if you tell him and he does not do it, then thats just messed up. (unless you wanna do something thats waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off thats unsanitary and or dangerous.)

Basically it the whole communication thing. Get it right, get it tight.

Them damn young women. They dont know how to handle it. I gotta find me some older ones. Aged to perfection as I call it.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Mea Familia

This my momma and her fiancee. I decided that I am going to do some entries about my familia since they are important to me.

My mom's name is Stephanie. She is 44 years old I think. She lives in Baltimore Maryland, one of the greatest places in the world if you ask me. She likes to read a lot. We kind of trade books with each other. She is just fun to be around. She can't stay up late if her life depended on i though ahahahah!!! She does have an attitude. I f you cross her, she can wrought vengeance on that ass!!!!

Me and my mother have gone through a lot. My childhood was rough. We have been through a lot. From homeless to a lot of other shit. I love my mom so much that I stabbed someone when I was in the 3rd grade who put their hands on her (one of her ex-boyfriends). Lets say we never saw him after that. But no matter what has happened, she has been there as much as she could. She is my biggest supporter. She may not like some of my decisions but she is willing to do whatever it takes to make sure me and my younger brother made it. When there wasnt enough food, me and my bro ate and she didnt. We had clothes when necessary. Ever since my mom has gotten clean, we have been able to get past the old pains and become closer. People can't say ish about my mother because she is the bomb!!!!

Her Fiancee: His name is Lenwood. He is about 45 I think. He is also a twin. I like him alot. He does a lot with my brtoher. He can be a handful but Lenwood keeps him in line. He supports my younger brother and encourages him. Me and Lenwood are working on getting a little closer. I really do like him He is one the best examples of a man that I know.

Here is just a small part of my family.

Sunday, September 17, 2006



Wednesday, September 13, 2006

My Gift To Myself

Happy me above

My shoes are here. These are my birthday gift to myself. They came a lil early but oh well!! I ordered them online and they came all the way from China. My day is perfect now!!!! My bday is Oct 1 but Happy Early Birthday to me!!! I am going to do an actual post tomorrow. You all deserve it


Monday, September 11, 2006

Never Forget

Tonight, I ask for your prayers for all those who grieve, for the children whose worlds have beenshattered, for all whose sense of safety and security has been threatened. And I pray they will be comforted by a power greater than any of us, spoken through the ages in Psalm 23: "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me."

"Maybe the purpose of all this is to find out if America today is as strong as when we fought for our independence or when we fought for ourselves as a Union to end slavery or as strong as our fathers and grandfathers who fought to rid the world of Nazism and communism. The terrorists were counting on our cowardice. They've learned a lot about us since then. And so have we. "--
Rudolph Giuliani, at a funeral for a friend

Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America. These acts shatter steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve. America was targeted for attack because we are the brightest beacon for freedom and opportunity in the world. And no one will keep that light from shining. - President George W. Bush September 11, 2001

Everyone, take some time to reflect.

Thursday, September 07, 2006


My external harddrive went up!! Yes, you heard me correctly; MY EXTERNAL HARDDRIVE WENT UP!!! It has soooo many importnant things on it such as poetry and great and incredible pictures. I am soooooooooooooooooooo upset right now. I may still have a way to get them back. I am consulting with one of my residents.

I am loving school at this moment. I mean it is slightly diffcult but not to the point where I want to tear my hair out. This RA thing is startong to become a lot easier. Once I actually plan the programs and all out, it makes things manageable. I am also trying to get inducted into Sigma Alpha Pi, which is the National Society of Leadership and Success. This is an honor's society and all. I am excited to be doing it. So school is going great.

Her and I are rocky. We are trying to work things out but it does not look good I guess. We are not talking to each other. She says I need to figure out what I need to do in order to prove that I want to be back with her before we talk again. She says that I think just coming back is enough. I am trying to come up with a plan but I get a feeling that I am not doing well. I guess I just have to keep trying and see how it goes.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Letter To My Father

Dear Dad,

I really am having trouble writing this for you. I have never even met you before. I mean, I was a baby the last time I saw you. So what do I call you; dad, father, pops?? What is appropriate?? I have never had the chance to even use that title for any man in my life.

I guess I should say this first. I do not hate you. You may not have been here for my childhood but I do not hate you. I do not resent the fact that you were not here. I don't understand why you were gone but I do not hold it against you. I hope that that is not a reason for you not seeing me. Seriously, I would love to get the chance to meet you. I feel as if I do not even know half of me. I don't. I may have siblings and grandparents and aunts and uncles that I don't even know exist. I just want a chance to meet you. I want a chance to know my father. I want a chance to know me. I want to meet the man my mother never disrespected in front of me. I just want one opportunity to meet the man whose name I carry on. (I still use Jr).

I am in college now. I am a junior. I have made this journey successfully so far because of the hard work and effort I put into. I have had help but I have done this mostly by myself. No one graduated high school for me. No one goes to class for me. No one takes my tests or writes my papers. I do all that. I wish you were here to see the fruits of my labor.
you coulda move

I wish you were in my life. I wish you coulda seen me walk. I wish you coulda heard my first words. I wish you woulda taught me to ride a bike. I wish you coulda seen my first day of school. Or talked to me about my first kiss. I wish we could have talked about sex and girls. Or you were there for graduation. I wish you woulda dropped me off at college. Or been there when my Aunt Carolyn died. You missed a lot. You really did. But I dont hate you.

I hope to one day meet you. I need to meet you. I feel as if I am half the man I could be without you. You are my father. Even though I am 19, I still need you. I need you now more than ever.


Your son, Gary Jr.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Life of an RA

Some chick woke me up at 8am because she locked herself out. Damn!!! Bit its ok. Its all a part of the job.

My roommates are here and I am soooooooooooo happy. I mean I hated being in my apartment by myself. It was cool but I had no one to talk to. My roommates "stole" another couch from a lounge in the basement and I kinda looked the other way. I mean I hope we just dont get in trouble for it. Our apartment is nice. We have definitely made it look like a little home. Thanx to my roommate Kevin's girlfriend, it stays pretty clean. She keeps on top of us about keeping it neat.

I am just looking forward to the school year and all. It will be great.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Back on Top of My Game

Any pessimists I ain't talked to them,
Plus, I ain't have no phone in my apartment.
Let's take 'em back to the club.
Least about an hour I would stand on line,
I just wanted to dance.
I went to Jacob an hour after I got my advance.
I just wanted to shine.
Jay's favorite line: "Dog, in due time"
Now he look at me, like "Damn, dog, you where I am"
A hip hop legend.
I think I died in an accident, cause this must be heaven.

Kanye West - Touch The Sky

Hey Blogger fam!! I am baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!! I had to take week long hiatus. Life has been very hectic for me so let me update you all.

I am back at school now for RA training. I work for "The Establishment"!! Who would have thought that the guy who spent more time ducking RAs would become one? I have been up here at school since last Sunday. Training has been very busy. We have all kinds of lectures and presentations to deal with any array of things that may come up. It really keeps ne busy. But I like it though. I really think I can this RA thing well. My building theme is called "The Grammy Family" Each apartment is going to be a different winner from the most recent Grammy Awards. My building is goign to be tight. I also like the people on my RA team. They are all cool. It helps that I used to room with one, and two others were my former RA.But I like my team, almost too much. There are some fine awomen there I am constantly flirting with them all. Even the one with the boyfriend has caught a flirtatious comment or two (and she is the sexiest of them all to me with them thick thighs of hers. She is white girl kinda built like a sista. The white dudes dont know what they have ;) The Asian girl on my team let it be known that she likes dark meat BUT I dont think that it helped that I told her I knew she was Korean because Koreans own all the stores in my neighborhood. Oh well. But I am soooooooooooo happy to be back at school. I definitely needed to get out my house and be more productive.

I found my strength during RA training. I do the scenarios dealing with sexual assualt very very well. The women who pretended to be sexually assaulted said I had a way of making them want to talk to me (one of the women who said that was the sexy girl on my RA team). One girl said if I talked to her in real life, I could get her to tell me anything I wanted, even if it wasnt related to the scenario. I think she was trying to holler. But I was surprised that the sexual assualt scenarios were my strong points. You would think that being male would make a victim uncomfortable. I guess not.

I feel on top of my game. My mood is up, my spirits are buoyed. I feel marvelous. I feel as if I can handle any situation. As if I have been through the fire. I have not talk to my ex for about a week (Im gonna stop calling her
"her" and just keep it real. She is my ex). I have not got to calling her. I have had time but I have chosen to not talk to her. If she wants to talk to me, she can hit me up. I have my cell phone now. But I refuse to let her dictate how I feel. I refuse to let her beat me up with the fact that I left. I may have left and made a mistake but now I am trying to atone for that mistake. Shou should have been there supporting me instead of trying to hurt me with that. So now I have taken back my emotions. I choose how I feel. No one can make feel anything I dont want to feel. I love her and I wish we could get back together but I am just not gonna put up with it.

I am getting used to being single. Fo a while I couldnt not call her my ex. Now I can. Everyday I habdle being by myself a lil better than the day before. I just take this single thing day by day. I am doing really well.

I realize something: I dont have a mentor. I dont have a male figure that I can talk to. No one I can look up to. I dont have that guy that I go to whenever I have problems. I have older male role models but not anyone who I would feel comfortable talking to about my personal problems. They are too old for me to really relate to. I can tell my mother these things but she doesnt get them at times. I have to find me a mentor.Just a Black male in my life who can be supportive but let grown into my own. That male bond has been missing in my life.

But now, I feel on top. I am gonna touch the sky.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Life Is A Bitch

Listening To:
Lenny Williams - 'Cause I Love You

Before I start, Humanity Critiv, I am using your sense of humor. I am sorry but it fits all to well. This means I may be offensive to many people. I apologize in advance

Yesterday was the worse day ever. I can really say that because it is true. I mean it couldnt get any worse than what it was. If I had prayed to God and said, "Please give me a the shittiest day possible" I would not have gotten the day that I had. Let me tell you......

I wake up to the sound of the news reporter talking about an attempted terrorist attack on a plane. All I could think is "oh shit. Sunday is gonna be a bitch trying to return to school. Why couldnt the terrorist hold on until after I made it to school. Keep your damn turbans on!!" Only if I knew this was only the beginning of my troubles. So I scramble to figure out when I need to get ready and to make sure my flight has not changed. I also am still trying to find a ride from the airport to the school.

I get online to read the news and check email. I get an IM from her. If you dont know who her is, then read this entry.

She tells me that a girl emailed her with convos that me and this chick supposedly had. This chick had found me on myspace and somehow has my screenname. So we chatted because I am too nice. Now what she said we chatted about was made up. There was some info in these convos I dont give to people. I am nice but not gullible. So this stalker bitch (I mean this in every evil negative connotation that has ever been created by mankind) creates some shit, gets her name, address, screenname, and email address some how. So her is omega-chi-phi pissed because we are suppose to be trying to get back together (Cant a brother get a piece from someone since we aint together?? Thats a whole 'nother issue). So I am angry. I mean pissed. I feel as if my privacy has been raped. I deleted all my college friends off myspace. If you currently go to my school, then I removed them. This is because Stalker-Bitch got the info from a supposed friend of mine. Well that friend better hope I dont find out who it is. Because Ima put the hands on someone for crossing me. If its a female, then Ima call some chicks I know to ride up to Erie. And these arent the most classiest people I roll with.

And I know how it is gonna go down. Her is gonna believe what stalker-bitch said and I am gonna come out the loser. So I talk to her and she is mad because she doesn't know the chick.

I go get ready to leave because I go out with a friend to dinner. On my way, I get hemmed up by the police. See, I suffer from a disease. It is called Black-male-itis. Being a drak complected person with a penis means that I have committed past crimes that I haven't been caught for and thus I deserve to eat concrete. So I am forced on the ground to eat concrete because I fit the profile:
Black male; 3feet to 8 feet tall; 50-900 pounds; has either cornrows, locks, short hair cut, or bald or any hair style imaginable, light skin to Crayola black complexion
So after that, I am on the light rail. The bomb squad stops the train and brings a dog aboard. Well seeing that my day has already gone so beautifully, the gargoyle-breath having dog almost eats my face. So audience, what does that mean???? I get taken off the train by 4 officers and questioned. I then get taken into a nearby building and searched. Then they let me go.

Dinner went well. Wow. Yipppeee-kai-yay mutherfucker.

I return home and Stalker-Bitch IMs me. I proceed to spazz out with the authority of God!! I mean this chick caught the brunt of it. It didnt help she tried to play dumb. Then she proceeds to tell me she was doing her a favor. I really lost it. Then I called her. Long story short, we probably are not going to work things out and she refuses to talk to me. So now I have sworn off dealing with women. This does not mean that I have forever forsaken women, but I need a break. I mean I cant get shit!! I try to not chase, I catch hell. When I chase women I catch hell. Who would have thought that the time I tell a female no, she destroys everything I work so hard for.

So now I am at home listening to Lenny Williams. Wow, I cannot wait to get back to college. Can it get any worse???

Monday, August 07, 2006

Poetry For You

What is this?
This is now.
This is the ever-present now.
The past was yesterday’s now and the future is the now of tomorrow.
Every moment we live in is now.
Each now is filled with possibilities
This now determines the next now.
So now is precious.
No now can be wasted.
So use each and every now to its full potential.
Morph and mold the future into the perfect vision of what you want now to be.
So that when you wake up you can say,
“ This is it how it is, forever and now. Amen”.

This Is Now

Written by epsilonicus
Inspired by Andrew Erickson

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Welcome To My Life

Stream of thought here I come:

I hope "she" takes me back. For a week and a half I have been fighting my way back to her. It is definitely all worth it.

How come I never go to sleep before 1am??

Me and "K" havent hung out in a minute. She carried it ignorantly with me at one point and almost caught a cuss out. I pulled her up and she played stupid. She better get it together.

I have a headache from drinking so much alcohol Saturday night. Drinking Corona, wine, tequila, Southern Comfort, vodka, and beer all in one nite isnt good for anyone's health.

Why do young females try to holler at me?? Can they not tell that I am too damn old for them??

It makes me sad how out of shape that I am in. It really does.

I have a new doctor and I like him. I mean he is a cool dude. He keeps it real with me and I like that.

I miss being at school so much. I feel like a waste of a sperm and an egg sitting in Baltimore not working. School at least provides me some sort of busy work. I also miss my roommate Kevin and a bunch of other people.

I need sex.

Thanx for listening.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

this is an audio post - click to play

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

The Weekend Wrap-Up

I have a lot to tell you. I have been quite busy lately.

I really cannot remember what I did Friday! It is that serious!!

I went to Artscape. Artscape is a 3 day art & music festival here in Baltimore. The plan was to meet Cnel and we hang out. Well, I get downtown and it starts to rain. I had no umbrella so I made it to a light rail station and took cover under the hood there. Cnel told me he couldnt make it. So my female friend (who will be called K for now on) calls me up. I tell her I am stuck in the rain. She gets in touch with our friend David(whom I have know since 6th grade) and gets him to come get me. Thats what I am talking about!! A down a$$ female!!! She did not have to do that, but she took care of Daddy!! So my friend David comes and gets me. Guess what?? She was there with him.

We all go to David's house. Me, K (my female friend), Richard (David brother), and David are just chilling. We then go to Cafe Zen. This restaurant is decent. The food is good, the service was decent, and the prices are not bad. It is a small Asian cuisine spot on York Rd and Belvedere. If you come to Baltimore, I may take you there! So we had a great time. The rain cleared up and Me, K, and Richard went to Artscape to see Common perform. Common's performance was hot!!! I mean dude had me all hyped!! There were some fine women at Artscape too. But me and K just were hugged up. Common brought some chick on stage and was dancing. He even played some old skool joints! It was just great!! David scooped all of us up and drove us home.

I did what I normally did, lounge around the house. My mom had some goood food and my god brother came over. Then my homeboys Ty and Ron came over. We were tripping for a good minute. I hadnt seen Ron in almost a years so I was definitely happy to see him. We had a good ole time.

Since I am unemployed, everyday has the possibility of feeling like a weekend. Me and K went out. It was our first date. We went down to the Aquarium. I revealed my inner nerd to her. I stated all these facts about the fish and all. I even "blushed" Now I am dark as all get out. So blushing for me consists of me smiling very hard and not being able to look anyone in the eye. I got all shy. I normally dont do that. After the aquarium, we went to eat. Then we got on the paddle boats down at the harbor. We just talked and all while we were on the boats. Then we walked around the Harbor and watched these trapeze school practicing. Overall, it was nice. I definitely enjoyed K's company. We are definitely gonna hang out again.

Friday, July 21, 2006

A Desire Within

As those of you who read my blog may know, I an amateur boxer. That picture on the side, thats me at my fight.

Right now I am watching the show, The Contender. I must say that I love it. For those of you who do not know, the Contender is a boxing show. There are sixteen dudes who compete for $500,000 and some other prize that I cannot remember. It comes on ESPN.

This show has stoked a fire in me. It definitely has. I am a very competitive person. I can turn even the simplest thing into a competition. I also do not take losing well; but thats for a whole 'nother entry. This dude named Norberto Bravo on The Contender just motivated me. I am dead serious. This guy fights as if he has everything to lose. Then listening to his corner talk to him during the fight made me feel as if I rule the world.

I always said that win or lose, after my first fight I would quit boxing. I said it was only a one time thing. Well, I lost my first fight. I knew that night I had to fight again. I have to. I cannot go out without having a win. My competitive side just wont let me. I think about that first win everyday. After watching that show, I cannot sleep. Its 2 am and all I can think about is boxing. Monday (well Tuesday because I have a date on Monday), the road to becoming a champion begins!!

Tuesday, July 18, 2006


Listening to: Jagged Edge - Walked Outta Heaven

Homegirl from the last post had to cancel our outing for tomorrow. Something came up. I guess we have to try again.

DAMNIT!!!! I MISS HER!!! I really do. I miss talking to her until I almost fall asleep on the phone. I miss the softness of her voice telling me to go to sleep because she knows I am tired. I miss her laugh. I miss her tears. I miss laying next to me. I miss kissing her in the rain. I miss pinching her ass. I miss how she gave me "the look" whenever I took an "extra step" when it came to being a lil too blunt. I miss hearing her say "I love you". I miss her flirting with me. I miss her winks. I miss her laying in my bed. I miss her hair and them sexy long legs. I miss our signals when it was time. I miss cussing out her roommates when they got outta line. I miss all of that yet I am trying to hang out with some other female. I got issues.

I think I did walk outta heaven. At least I can admit it.

Monday, July 17, 2006

What A Way To Begin The Morning

I wake up to the cats pulling my doo-rag off and scratching me all over my head and playing in my locks at 6 in the morning. Is this some sort of karmic retribution for some event I do not know about???

Other than the battle with my animals in the wee hours of the morning, my day is fine. I have yet to eat breakfast (its 1pm) but it is going well so far. I feel good so I just cannot complain.

I have a date on Wednesday. I guess you can call it a date. I dont know what it is. A female friend that I know for sure is attracted to me asked me to go to the movies with her. I said yes because being unemployed offers ample opportunities to go out. I hope it goes well. The young lady has a nice personality and she definitely looks good. But is it really a date?? Or are we just hanging out?? I dont know. Uggghhhh!! Stupid ass titles always have confused me.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

On This Thursday

Last night was great. I called her last nite. We talked about the situation. I believe that she is taking it better. She has a better understanding about what I feel. We even laughed and just had a plain ole convo.

Today was fun also. I was on the radio today. An organization that I used to be a board member of asked that I do this radio interview with someone else. It is on Towson University radio station. The Clear Reception show was the show that we were on. Check out the link on Tuesday to hear me!! But it went well. It was my first time in a radio station. Gave me insight into what I should possibly do when I start my radio show. Then I came home and went practicing my driving with my uncle. Which surprised me because he is a lil too nervous when I am driving. He was cool while I was driving. He remained calm.

Today was lovely. Just how I like it.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Get My Mind Right

I have been trying to stay busy in order to not think about my situation. Friday, my best friend Danny, his cousin, and his gf went out. First, me and Danny stopped at Morgan State in order to visit my best friend Landon. Me and Landon have been cool since 5th grade. We met Danny and another cat name Jimal in high school and we have all been friends since.

Back to the story.

Me, Danny, and his cousin go to Morgan and check on Landon. It was good to see Landon. The last time I saw him we were tryna to prevent some dude from his school from gettin his ass kicked by a bouncer at Hammerjacks. So we just were all in the parking lot talking. Landon is doing well. He has a woman and he is getting a 4.0. So his grind is at full speed. We leave Morgan. While going to get Danny's woman, we have a heart to heart about my situation. He understands where I am coming from. He feels the exact same way that I do in his relationship. He just didnt leave though. But he sympathizes. We scoop his woman and drive around. We hit the harbor and me and Danny start acting goofy. We saw his gf's friends. They were checking me out but I am damaged goods so I didnt even attempt to holler. We all kicked it and then they dropped me off at my house.

Today, I went to my mother's best friend's wedding. I left the house looking sharp as shit!! I was on my grown and sexy. The ceremony was nice. It started late ( when do weddings ever start on time) but it was a good ceremony. Made me want to have a wedding!!

The reception was the bomb. I was dancing my a$$ off!!!. I had the older women tryna holler and everything. My mother was hating though. She would pop up and be like, "Let me introduce you to my son. He still in college." DONT BE HATING!!! I danced with my mother at the reception and everyone thought it was cute! I dance with some "cousins" of mine. I was just everywhere. Some older woman grabbed my butt. I must have made her day when I danced with her. It was just a good ole time with some bomb food.

I called her when I got home and she kinda laid me out. She told me that I gave up and did not try and work things out. I can see where she is coming from. I told her my problem and he said lets break up. I kinda ran from her. But I feel like I can't deal with the issue if I am with her. But I am not even sure I made the right decision either. It is hard for me. I need advice

The situation boils down to this: I found a person I would like to spend the rest of my life with, I just dont want the rest of my life to start now.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Let's Cut The Bullshit

Lately I have been fronting as if everything is going perfectly fine. Well it is not.

I just did not want to admit what was going down. I felt that if I cannot admit it to myself, how can I admit it to my blogger fam. So I went on like nothing was wrong. Plus the male stubborness kicked in too.

So me and the girlfriend ended it last night. I can say that this was my fault. I have some real commitment issues. After being with one person for a while, I start to get that feeling that I need to leave. It always starts out small and then it continues to grow until I start becoming emotionally distant. I had to end it though. I could not keep doing this to her. It was just wrong.

So now I miss her like crazy. I have bumpin Toni Braxton "Another Sad Love Song". I just feel like doo doo without my other half.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

I am 100 posts old!!! Yay!!!! Let me quit tripping.

But seriously, I cannot believe that I even have 100 posts up on this thing. It started as a way for me and some friends in college to post jokes and some other stuff. It was meant to be just a passing thing. But now my blog has grown into so much more. I have come on contact with some very colorful people (literally and figuratively). I write about some serious ish right here. Some days I have lost it, most days I just write and reflect.

I really dont know how to celebrate 100 post so I am going to wing it. What are some things that would improve my blog?? What can I do to make it better? I am taking all suggestions. Also, do you have any questions to ask Mr. Epsilonicus??? Anything you want to know that hasn't been revealed??? Ask me a question readers and I will answer it to the best of my ability. I am serious. But thats all I have.


Tuesday, June 20, 2006

They Must Be Trippin'

Financial aid is tripping right now!! I just got my award letter for the upcoming year. However, my award letter cut out 2 grants that I had last year. This left me confused so I decided to call.

Well, this is what they told me. They told me that my EFC (Expected Family Contribution) had gone up to $10,000. Thus they cut off the grants. The lady at the financial aid office told me there is nothing I can do about it.

I am soooo pissed. I dont even know how my EFC jumped that high. My mom still works the same job as she did last year making the same exact money. So how did my EFC jump from $0 to 10,000. Do they know who I am??? I will cut up. So i am going to keep at trying to recover these two grants. They definitely would not hurt my pockets to have them.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

On The Grind

I stiil am searching for a job. It is really frustrating not working. Boredom is killing me at the moment. I do have a meeting with someone today at noon. It is a friend of my mother's named Dana. I hope he can give me the hookup because being broke is taxing on my insanity.

Other news in my life:
My godbrother turned 21 yesterday!! This means we are going out. Now I know I don't have money but I got a lil something saved up for this. We have links to several clubs where we can get in free. Plus, with my ability to use the "art of persuasion", I can find some lovely female to buy my drinks. I am good like that!!!

Why is one of my neghbors tryna holler?!?!? She saw me getting into a car with my friend Dave. Homegirl was checking me out. She gave me the "I approve" look. I have seen her before but she never really gave me a look. I guess since the hair is longer now, she wanna piece of this. Naw shorty!!! Back then you didn't want me. Now Im hot, you all on me!!

Last Thursday I hit the club with Dave. Well, we first went to a spot and did some poetry. These duded we met there were pretty cool. It was small so we did not stay long. Then we went to college night at Baha. That was aight. Some dudes from high school were there. It turned out to be a decent night. I did have one bad thing though. One girl I guess thought that punching me in the balls with her ass constitutes dancing. No!!!! That is not dancing!!! That almost sidelined me for the whole night but since I am a soldier, I toughed it out and left homegirl to butt-punch someone else.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Just To Let You Know

Right now I am watching the Tyra Banks show. I am bored and it must really be that serious. But I like her show for some odd reason. I just attracts me to the tv when it comes on.

I had an interview yesterday and it went really well I guess. They asked me 80 million questions, sometimes like 5 at the same time. But they seemed as if they liked me. Plus I got an email from some other place too. So the job process is starting to look up. I need a job. I can't just sit up in the house and do nothing. Plus my pockets hurt sitting here!!! Lol!!!

The gf is back from Europe. That is a good thing. I missed not being able to talk to her and all. o we stayed up until the wee hours of the morning talking. When I get my job I cannot keep doing this!!! Lol!!

Friday, June 02, 2006

Ms Wise tagged me so I felt as if I should oblige. Here we go:

1. If you could be doing what you really want to be doing for a living, what would it be?

I would be either teaching, writing a book of poetry, doing archaeology somewhere in Europe or North Africa, retired on the island of Capri in Italy running a lil corner store.

2. If you could slap the shit out of any famous person, alive or dead, who would it be?

50 Cent, George Bush, Andy Milonakis, Bam Morris, Dick Cheney, Tom Cruise. I really cannot stand Tom Cruise. I want to punch him in the back of his head.

3. What's the dumbest decision you've made in the past 5 years?

Dating my ex-gf. We have been done for almost 2 years and she still is causing trouble.

4. Give up one for a year: (good) sex or (good) music.

This is definitely hard. I would have to say sex though. I need my music. I think I would lose my mind I had to give up music. I can live without sex.

5. Dudes, would you rather have a big dick or a great sense of humor?

I would rather have a sense of humor. That is what gets you the sex. Penis size is relative anyway. What is big for one may be small for someone else. You just can't please them all.

6. So you've been invited to an all expense paid Blogger Prom in The Bahamas. You're sitting at the bar on the beach. Which blogger do you want to join you for hours of good convo?

Female bloggers:
1. DSTcretion - I like to keep "fine" company!!! lol
2. Duck - I love having great convo with intelligent and talented people
3. So...Wise - She makes a great wing-woman. Help a brother out on his pimpin!!

Male bloggers:
1. Sherlon - He seems to be real chill
2. ShawnQT - He knows how to party
3. Ironman - He can be the DJ
4. Cnel - He has been my best friend since 5ht grade. I cant leave without him.

7. Which blogger would you most like to cuddle with on the beach? (and don't defer to your current signif other either. Infidelity won't count against you. Duh.)

DSTcretion and Honey Libra. Both seem like they could definitely cuddle.

8. You're going on a 5 hour road trip...which 5 CDs do you bring?

1. Nightmare Before Christmas Soundtrack - Say sumthin!!!!!
2. John Legend - Lets Get Lifted
3. Kanye West - College Dropout
3. My Down South mix cd
4. Jon B - Cool Relax
5. Talib Kweli - Beautiful Struggle

9. Would you rather bury your children young or have your children bury you young?

I would rather have my children bury me. They deserve a chance to live life to its greatest potential.

10. What's your biggest insecurity?

My left eye has a slight twitch. It only twitches rarely. I cussed my ex out for laughing at it.
Failure. I refuse to fail. I try so hard not to fail its ridiculous.

11.What's the first blog you read every day...or however often you read them? (And I swear to God, don't be saying mine just cuz I'm the one asking...unless of course you really mean it. lol)

Cnel's blog. He is in Italy right nowa nd he has been constantly updating. Check it out!!!!

12. When's the last time you peed your pants?

I was prolly in elementary school. I can't remember

13. Which was better, your first kiss or your first pay check?

My first paycheck, especially because I vaguely remember my first kiss!!!

14. Do you have kids? Want kids?

I dont have kids but I want them. Later!!! I want a damn tribe of kids!!!

16. Live the rest of your life without your eyebrows or your fingernails?

Without eyebrows. I can just draw them back on. My hands are too important. I do so much with them.

17. What makes you angry?
1. Fat people who wear clothes that are too small
2. Asking me the same question over and over.
3. Ignorance
4. Poverty
5. People who give up.
6. Lovers who are passive
7. People telling me I can't succeed (Nothing drives me like proving someone wrong - There goes that Kanye West type arrogance)

18. What makes you horny?
1. Gary's Baby Making Music volumes I, II, and III
2. A woman who knows what she wants and is willing to get it.
3. Kissing my neck and ear
4. My gf perfume
5. Sex in places other than my bedroom (esp. places like Vicky Secret- thats a whole 'nother story. let me know if you wanna hear)
6. Legs and breast - have a story about breasts too

19. What makes you nervous?
1. Drunk people
Dr. Adovasio exams
3. Snakes

20. What makes you smile?
1. My girlfriend
2. My lil brother telling jokes. - He is funny as hell
3. My roommates
4. Looking at my friend Stacey's booty
5. My bottle Ecco Domani Pinot Grigio
6. Hearing poetry
7. Performing poetry
8. Exploring
9. The fact that I can achieve anything. (Im dead serious!!)

I am tagging everyone. If you stop by on my blog, then that means you are tagged IT b*tches!!! Hahahahahahahah!!!!

Monday, May 29, 2006

What A Weekend!!

This weekend was the best way to kick off the summer.

My roommate Kevin from Pittsburgh came down and we went to HFStival. HFStival is a 2-day festival that happens every year at Merriweather Post Pavillion in Coumbia, MD. This year they had Cypress Hill, Matisyahu, and Kanye West perform on Saturday. You know I had to go see Kanye and Matisyahu.

So Kevin got here Saturday morning at 7 am. This meant that I had to get up at the crack of dawn to pick him up from the bus station. We come back to my house and get ready to head out at 9:30 so we can get the festival at 10am. We get there and go look around.

HFStival is not really my scene. There tends to be a lot of cats looking like this:

These types were not the majority but there were enough there. So me and Kevin just cruised throughout the festival. We took a few swinbgs at the batting cage, threw some pitches, Kevin gawked at a bunch of females. He even hollered at a sister from Howard. Kevin is your typical white guy. But he was spitting game to this Howard girl and he almost got her. We were supposed to meet her after she got off from work from the Verizon hut but we were late so I guess she pulled off. Oh well. We listened to a lot of local bands, which were good. They were mostly funk type of groups but they definitely were good.

We randomly saw a girl from our college at the festival. So me and Kevin just kicked it with her and her friends. While Kevin was spitting game to our friend Marie, I held court with the other ladies. I was just all nice and cordial. I made them laugh. I was just being nice. Cypress Hill came on. That was a very interesting performance. They had everyone gettin high by the end of their performance. I was light headed and everything. Then Kanye came on. He puts on a damn good show!!! He had everyone on their feet. I dance with the ladies during the show and 3 of them ended up kind of feeling me. Im sorry I had to disappoint, especially because one of them had a nice booty. I am just not that kind of guy. I gotta stay faithful to mines. Kevin made out with our friend from school, I played wingman. But Kanye had me throwing up my "diamond" and everything!!!!!!!!!! I was just soooooo excited to finally see one of my favorite artists in concert! Matisyahu, who is a Jewish reggae artist, put on a live performance too1 We left after his performance.

Sunday was good but not as good as Saturday. We got there at 3pm. We decided that we didnt need to get there so early. So Kevin and I just cruise around. Some random chick with a bf hollas at Kevin. Then Kevin hollers at this girl we met the day before who worked at the Starbucks stand. He slobs her down by the end of the nite. But throughout the day we just kinda chill. The performances were decent. They just werent Kanye or Matisyahu.

Overall, my weekend was great. I had a great time, with great people. Plus, I am always happy when a friend gets some play.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Urban Appreciation

I was out and about today and I made an observation.

I really love living in a city. It is such a vibrant experience. I felt like a little kid as I was riding the bus downtown. I saw an Asian guy listening to hip-hop. White people strolling down Charles Street. I watched a Native American guy talking on a cell phone. There were sidewalk shops where all kinds of insane stuff was being sold. Tons of cars everywhere. Tall buildings kissing the sky.

I love living in the city. It is full of life. All the movement makes the city itself seem alive. There is nothing you cannot find in a city. You can find anything you need in a city. Plus, there are tons of opportunities if you look in the right place. The diversity in a city just leaves me feeling amazed. I don't know. I just cannot find myself not living in a city. I need the vibrancy. I guess I am kind of rambling. You all may think I am crazy but try living in Erie PA. Its cold as hell up there. There are the same type of people there. The "city" itself is dead. It just feels as if there are no opportunities to move ahead. Just moving around made me appreciate being from a city.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Well, Jameil has been craving drunk pictures of my roommates. So I figure that I will oblige. Some are insane. Now I was never present for this. I was the one helpin the person puke. Also, i never had to clean this up, that is why I am going to miss Shawn when he leaves. He always cleaned himself up.
Kevin, Shawn, and the beer bong
Kevin gave up sex for Lent and Stacey is making it hard for him.
Kevin & the bong

Meetin the trash can

Our kitchen
Shawn lost a fight with the couch that night

Shawn and Kevin actaully fell asleep like this

Here are the roomies (the two that count)!! I dedicate this to them and all the un times we had this year. It won't be the same without Shawn. He is transferring. Ima miss my roommate.