Dear Dad,
I really am having trouble writing this for you. I have never even met you before. I mean, I was a baby the last time I saw you. So what do I call you; dad, father, pops?? What is appropriate?? I have never had the chance to even use that title for any man in my life.
I guess I should say this first. I do not hate you. You may not have been here for my childhood but I do not hate you. I do not resent the fact that you were not here. I don't understand why you were gone but I do not hold it against you. I hope that that is not a reason for you not seeing me. Seriously, I would love to get the chance to meet you. I feel as if I do not even know half of me. I don't. I may have siblings and grandparents and aunts and uncles that I don't even know exist. I just want a chance to meet you. I want a chance to know my father. I want a chance to know me. I want to meet the man my mother never disrespected in front of me. I just want one opportunity to meet the man whose name I carry on. (I still use Jr).
I am in college now. I am a junior. I have made this journey successfully so far because of the hard work and effort I put into. I have had help but I have done this mostly by myself. No one graduated high school for me. No one goes to class for me. No one takes my tests or writes my papers. I do all that. I wish you were here to see the fruits of my labor.
you coulda move
I wish you were in my life. I wish you coulda seen me walk. I wish you coulda heard my first words. I wish you woulda taught me to ride a bike. I wish you coulda seen my first day of school. Or talked to me about my first kiss. I wish we could have talked about sex and girls. Or you were there for graduation. I wish you woulda dropped me off at college. Or been there when my Aunt Carolyn died. You missed a lot. You really did. But I dont hate you.
I hope to one day meet you. I need to meet you. I feel as if I am half the man I could be without you. You are my father. Even though I am 19, I still need you. I need you now more than ever.
Sincerely,
Your son, Gary Jr.
8 comments:
This was deep.
And heartfelt. And sincere. And REAL. And touching...
I certainly hope you get the chance to meet your father,
but even if you don't- God didn't bring you this far to leave you. Unlike a natural father- Our ultimate "Daddy" (GOD) loves us so much. And is ALWAYS there. THAT'S why you'll continue to thrive and do well.
Beautiful Post.
wow. that was one of the best things you've ever written. its amazing and beautiful despite everything you don't hate him.
I feel this post. I went through something similar with my father. Its hard not to hate, but sometimes we have to be the bigger person. It sucks that it has to be that way, but I'm glad you have the strength to do it. Great Post!
POignant. I did one for my sister, I need to do one for my dad. IT kills me though because he is more of a father to my sister and brohter and has been in their life and looked at how they turned out. HE wasnt in mines and im doing better than them 2. LIke my grandmother(his mom) said I become what I am because of me and GOd not of my parents. ALl credit is due to GOd.
It takes a strong man to say out loud that he needs another man (father) or other men, in his life to help show him the way. Believe it or not, Epsi, your open letter to your father has probably helped someone else too in their lives with their absent father.
My father divorced my mom when I was four years old, then married another lady and helped her take care of her ten kids, but didn't do anything for his own. I'm glad there is such a thing called forgiveness, because if there wasn't, nobody in this world would be forgiven. I've long forgiven my dad, but I don't want to see him; don't want to speak to him. Wish like hell I didn't need him to hold me in his arms because I'm his little girl and he's supposed to hold me.
Maybe one day, in the future coming up, you can be the attentive, caring father to your offspring that he was not to you.
God bless you, Epsi.
Yea GWill that was deep.
I never really think about what I have missed not having a father except on occassion. Sadly the man who fathered me died, so I won't ever be able to meet him.
Someone once said to me, "The best thing your father ever did for you was to leave."
I think the person meant that I would not be the person I am now, had it not been for him leaving.
I don't know if it's true or not.
I do know come success or failure, hell or high water, happy time or sad time I must be the man I am, stand where I stand, and do what I do, cause I'm the only CNEL there is...
I hope you meet him one day too, so he can see what a trail you've already blazed!
You've got a good heart and he'd (anybody would) be proud to call you their son. I'm proud of you.
Open letters are the most honest and emotionally charged. Bless you for your strength and for your resentment to not breed hate. You and your life will be eternally blessed because of it.
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