The Girlfriend Visit

The girlfriend visit went really really well. She had fun, I had fun so I cannot complain. I brought her to work and she sat in on my classes. The kids were curious but they did not say much. The gf thinks that I am strict. I have to be though because I am young. I have to earn the respect of the kids. She loved the activities and the logic problems that I gave in class. Friday we went to my mom's house. Saturday, we went out with some of my co-workers. Sunday we went to Six Flags. I am glad she visited.

I did realize something: I cannot live with a female. I cannot do it. I can do a roommate but not a girlfriend. It is just too close. That is someone in my space, my personal "bubble". As much as I love the gf, when she graduates and decides where to move, I hope she does not want to move in. I would love for her to be in Baltimore, but not living in my apartment. Thats too close. I do not like to share my space.

This week made me realize it. There was not specific event or anything, I just do not think I am at that point. I may just be one of those people who does not do well sharing with others. Or, I may not be at a place where I can completely open up to someone. My maturity level is not there yet. My gf knows a vague sketch of my life but very little details. I guess having her here made me realize that I still have some character issues to work out. I have to get better with sharing. It is sad that I share with strangers better than girlfriends...

I know what it is: investment. I find it easier to share with strangers because there is no emotional investment. I have not invested any love and care when I give to tot. Yet, with gf, there is a lot of investment. I got with her at a time when I let go of a lot pussy. I invested in her when I knew I was graduating and leaving school. I asked her out 3 times and she made me wait. I am trying to make it work. And her visit has shown me that with all that investment, I am scared to be hurt. I am still vulnerable. My feelings can be hurt. I can give to her and get hurt if she does not share or feel the same way. So I guess her being here put me on the defensive (It does not help that my mother mentions her and loves and adores her). Her being here made me feel like she was encroaching on my space.

To be honest, I know it does not make sense. All I know is her being her and us kind of discussing the future scared the shit out me.

Update

Here is what has been going on:

Teaching

I am really enjoying teaching. This is great. My boys are enthusiastic about learning. They participate whenever it is possible. I am loving it. That does not mean they are perfect, but it could be worse.

Teaching math is not as bad as I thought it would be (Over the summer I teach math, during the year Latin). I really struggled with math as a student. Yet, I find it easy to teach. I teach the kids to go slowly and methodically. That way they do not make as many mistakes.

Relationship

That is going surprisingly well. The distance has not been too much of a problem. I miss my girlfriend but the normal issues that come up with long distance have not reared their ugly head. I know they may eventually come up but all is well. The big problem is that I do not like sleeping by myself. I really dont. I guess I will have to get used to it.

Plus she is coming to visit for a week on Tuesday!! I am sooooooooooooo happy!!! I miss my lady. Plus, now that I have my own place, she can see it and stay here! I may have to put a "DO NOT DISTURB" sign on my apartment door. But Artscape is happening while she is here. So we will have a good time.

Family

My younger brother is getting his act together. He moved back into the house, found a GED program, and is now looking for work. All this in one week. He left because he could not respect my mother;s house. So he had to go. He stayed with a friend and HATED it. He practically begged to come home. I guess being on his own taught him a lesson: Get your shit together. We all learn at different speeds but eventually we learn

New Job Lessons

I started teaching Monday. I have learned a whole lot in the past two days. It is quite an experience. Here are some of the things I have learned so far

• "Just remember that you know more than they do" - advice from a coworker
• Structure is important for the kids. They really want and need it.
• The mothers will flirt. Just say hi and smile
• The kids think that I am older than I am.
• They still attempt to treat me like I am a sibling
• Kids actually believe in you.

There are alot more but I cannot think. This is really going well. I am enjoying myself. I really am. Today they asked me to play basketball. I did not play an actual game. I just took a few shots and they were amazed. I like most of the kids. I actually like them all, I just don't like some of the behaviors they display. One is really sarcastic so I had to take away his recess.

"The most important lesson I learned today was that leaving your hands in your pocket when dealing with police will get you shot" - one of my students talking to his classmate during lunch about my class

On My Own

Here are pictures of my new place. I have a studio apartment in downtown Baltimore. I love it. I just love being downtown. The neighborhood is Mount Vernon. It has a hippy-ish feel to it. But I am glad I can call it home.


Here is the larger room in the studio apartment.
It is my living/bedroom. Ima hook it up.














This is going to be the mini-dining room in my apartment.














This is the kitchen.
















This is my bathroom. I keep it basic.













I really like the apartment. I do. What I like the most is that it is mine. If you want to visit, let me know. Guest are appreciated!!

The only problem I have is that the ceiling is too high. I cannot put the stripper pole up. I guess I will have to build a stage for it.

The Girlfriend Situation

I think I may have mentioned it before. I have a girlfriend, significant other, or whatever you want to call it. We have been together since Valentine's Day. She actually asked me out!

I just wanted to share something with you all. I woke up today and saw that I received a text message. It was a message from my girlfriend. She had sent it around 8am. Here is what it said:

" Good morning sweetheart. There is a heat advisory in your area. Its gonna be 100 degrees in Bmore so be careful. Love you have a great day."

That message made me smile. It was so thoughtful of her. She actually took the time too look up the weather and send me a message. I never asked her to do it or anything. She just cares that much. It may not seem like much, but it made reflect. I have a good woman on my side. I really do.

Post College Life

Since graduation, life has been great. I sit around the house and watch all the news I could ever watch. I get a chance to play some video games. I sleep until noon. Also, I clean around the house to help my mother and stepdad out. I got to attend my mothers and stepfather's wedding. My girlfriend came and visited Baltimore. We watched a drive-in movie (that is a great experience!! i recommend it!!). It has been good.

I have just been relaxing and enjoying the time before I start work. I start at the school on June 20th. They are sending me to a conference in Indianapolis I believe. I move into my apartment June 15th. I have just been taking the time I need to get my business in order. I have also been enjoying being young and a college graduate. It really does feel good to say I am a college graduate. Not to be cocky, but I walk around with my chest puffed out. I get a sense of pride when I think about what I have accomplished .

Yet now I look forward to what comes next. This is my first real job; like career type stuff. I am not even scared; just excited. Im ready for the next step.

YES WE CAN!!!

Flashing Lights

Kanye West Flashing Lights Video (Version 2) from RockBox on Vimeo.

Here is a different version of the "Flashing Lights" video by Kanye West. I like this version. I feel connected to the characters