Monday, October 16, 2006

Face The Music

Listening To:
Donell Jones - Where I Wanna Be

I said I left my baby girl a message
Sayin I wont be coming home
Id rather be alone
She doesnt fully understand me
That Id rather leave than to chill
If she gives me some time
I can be the man she needs
But theres a lot of lust inside of me
And weve been together since our teenage years
I really dont mean to hurt her, but I need some time
To be alone

But when you love someone

You just dont treat them bad
Oh, how I feel so sad
Now that I wanna leave
Shes crying her heart to me
How could you let this be?
I just need time to see
Where I wanna be
Where I wanna be...


Never did I imagine
That you would play a major part
In a decision thats so hard
Do I leave, do I stay, do I go?
I think about my life and what matters to me the most
Girl, the love that we share is real
But in time your heart will heal
Im not saying Im gone
But I have to find what life is like
Without you



I almost wrote her a letter today. I woke up thinking about how much I miss her.

I have been been thinking about her for a while. We stopped talking to each other suddenly. We claimed we were gonna try and make it work. We were gonna just try nad work on getting along again before we try being back in a relationship. It seemed like a good idea. So I tried to hang out with her and she gave me the cold shoulder. I took that as a slap to us working things out. How we gonna work things out when you won't even be around me. So we stopped talking about 2 weeks ago. She did not even call me on my birthday. My crazy ass ex-girlfriend from high school called me (the ex from high did not even have my number but she called people for it). I appreciated that but I wanted her to call me. That was the most important person who could have called me (other than family).

But I woke up thinking about her, like I do everyday. She is the first and last on my mind. I then said to myself " since she wont even look at you, write a letter and put it in her mailbox" I thought it was a good idea. I get to class and then I see her on my way. So I enter the building another way because she did not see me. As class is going on, I am writing the letter, still debating whether or not to give it to her. I do not finish it before class ends. So her and I are left alone once everyone leaves. She does not even look at me or notice that I exist.

It was then that I faced the music. There is no hope for us. I kinda ruined that. Well, its not kinda, I just did ruin it. I made a decision to leave so now I must eat that decision and face the consequences. I may not like the consequences of my actions but I have to deal with them.

I just dont like the consequence for this one: being without the person I love.

15 comments:

The Brown Blogger said...

Then maybe she was yours for just that moment.

Ms.Honey said...

Well babe sometimes you don't know what you've got till it's gone..sad that you find out later though

p_nami said...

Time heals all wounds. sounds like she's gone...but this lesson learned will make you a better man

Prophetess said...

Tissue, please. Thank you.

Ooh, love is hard, aint it? Yessir; I know it is. It's gone be alright. Maybe it's for the best?

BK said...

wow.. but it ain't easy.. that's for sure.. its a lesson learned.. use it for the next woman you allow into your love..

CNEL said...

Damn this made me sad.

I think you not having "her: is harder than me not having a "her".

It seems to me you have come to understand the most significant "consequence."

Prophetess said...

Hey Epsi! Here are my three Truths for you:

1. The day I got body slammed by the fat chick 10 years ago.

2. The day my secrets got found out by everybody in the neighborhood.

3. The day I accidently farted out loud in front of everybody in an important business meeting.

There you have it: my three most embarrasing moments ever!

Lyrically speaking said...

Beautiful words!!

Rashan Jamal said...

Yeah, bruh, it sucks, but it will get better. You need to hit up a party or something and meet you a new temporary woman.

kathi said...

Yeah, I'm always the odd man out, I suppose...but I'm going to tell you that nothing is ever final. If she had the strong feelings for you once, she still has them. Women are an odd duck, they want you to believe that they don't need you because they're convincing themselves that they don't need you. Let her work it out for herself and just give her some room without erasing yourself completely. Giving her the impression that you don't need her in your life at all isn't doing you any favors.

Jameil said...

:( doll is right. you've gotta learn from the lesson or it will have been in vain.

Discombobulated Diva said...

Man... i can almost guarantee you t his girl is not over you either... I honestly think that you should finish writing your letter and give it to her... so that you won't always be wondering what if... at least then, you'll know that you've done everything that you could possibly do to try and make it work and that it was her that decided it was over... its always worth that once last try, cause honestly what's the worst that gonna happen (she decides to continue to not talk to you!?!?!)...

Sometimes u just have to put yourself out there for somthing if you truly believe its worth it, and from everything you've said, I think its worth one last try... one last effort... maybe that letter is the one piece of evidence that you still care for her... but then again maybe not... maybe she just wants you to fight a little hard for your relationship with her...

at the end of the day though, either way it works out, you've learned a hard lesson, just make sure you don't repeat it again... ~DD

Anonymous said...

Oops, my bad, Epsi! My SECOND comment on this post was supposed to go on your last post. That was my "Truth or Dare" response to you, but I made a mistake and left it here. I didn't mean to do that.

Please forgive my oversight, okay?

Sheba Brooks Moore said...

theres a time, a place, and a season for everything...we all hate when summer is over...

Sangindiva said...

I'm with the other diva... give her the letter anyway.
It surely can't hurt.