Thursday, December 27, 2007

Just To Let You Know.

I am gone until I get back to Erie Jan 2. I just need a break from blogging. Plus I have nothing to say. So take care all. I will be back soon.

R.I.P. Bhutto. Pakistan has lost a great woman and political savior. You will be there in spirit.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Christmas Break

I am now back in Baltimore for the holiday. I am soooo glad. I need this time to relax. The last few weeks have just been kind of slow. I have also lacked a little motivation to do work. I have no clue why that is so, it just is. I have been really slacking on school work which is not a good look. Kicking it in gear is necessary. Hopefully this break will provide the rest and relaxation that will kick me in the a$$.

I also will try to get together with some people since I am home. I need to see a few friends (Cnel) who I neglected the last time I was back. Also, if anyone Baltimore bloggers would like to link up, let me know.

I need to also work on my thesis while I have the time. If I hope to graduate, it needs to get moving.

I will also get my hair done. I need maintenance done on these locks. I am looking very Rasta at the moment!!

Friday, December 14, 2007

Random Thoughts Again

- I need therapy. I had a dream with Jameil in it. We went some where with my mom. A security guard disrespected them both and I choked him out UFC style.
- I also need to sleep better. This while 2am bed time is not working.
- My roommate is leaving for the winter term. That means I am in here by myself. It going to be lonely.
- Ugly sweater parties are stupid. Its the worst idea ever. Who wants to go out in public looking a mess??
- Baseball needs to get its act together. I cannot believe Roger Clemens used steroids!!! Thats why I do not watch baseball anymore.
- Too many of my residents look fine, especially the ones with boyfriends.
- I am about to do some cleaning in my dating life. There have been several times when I have picked up the phone and wanted to call all the women in my phone and tell them to lose my number.
- I have numbers of women who I do not remember meeting.
- The Ravens better not lose to the Dolphins!
- Who would have thought the Browns would have been so good this year??
- Its ugly here in Erie. The rain has washed away all the snow and now its muddy and just nasty.

Monday, December 10, 2007

She Got Kids

She got kids
And I don't know if I'm ready to give
Them the things that they need to live
'Cause if we become more than just friends what I do for her I gotta do for them kids
She got kids
And I just wanna make sure this is
more than just some sexual trip
See all I wanna do is prevent those kids from getting hurt again

Lyfe - "She Got Kids"

I am not feeling the situation I am in. One of the women I am seeing has two children. She is an older woman (at least older than me.).I have never been in the the situation before. So I am trying to play it by ear.

The problem is that she told me about one child but did not tell me about her younger son. I guess I should have asked a few more questions and all. But I feel she should have been a little bit more open about it. Now I am curious to know what else is she hiding. She should have told me from jump. So now I am reconsidering. Me and her have only been cool for a month and a half. I have not really talked about my family. Yet I do feel that was dishonest of her not to tell me from jump. I did not discuss it because I want to wait

Now I met the kids yesterday. We decorated one of her Christmas trees. I did not feel comfortable being over there with the kids. The oldest was grilling me. The boy stepped all on my coat. I wanted to yoke his little @$$ up. He was rude. Then the boy kept bringing up the ex. I am not jealous but that was rude. When my mother was dating, I would never do anything like that. She would have put that whupping on my bottom. But teh boy was being realy rude. She tried to check him but he would not listen. I told her on the way to dropping me off that her kids are a bit much and that we need to have a one on one discussion.

I do not know if I can do this. I mean I am not trying to wife her up or anything. I leave Erie in May after graduation and I let her know that. But I may still have to deal with the kids if I continue to deal with her.
What am I getting myself into????

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Skipping Class

I decided not to go to class this evening. I just was not in the mood to here my professor rant about Hinduism. Thus I am home (in Erie).

I hate Christmas. I really do. It is my least favorite holiday in the world. There is just an inherent cheesiness to Christmas that makes me want to take a sh*t. It just seems so fake and forced. I hate the music, the decorations, all of it. I just cannot wait for this time of year to be over.

I had a dream one night this week that had me scared shitless. I was being tortured by the police. It was serious. They did the whole waterboarding thing, burned me with hit cigarettes, electrocuted me. These dudes were just wailing on me. I guess I did not crack. I have no clue but I woke up in a sweat and that just is no cool. I need to quit watching tv. Damn vivid imagination.

I still have not put my stripper pole up this school year yet. I am having a hard time and people are still asking about it. I gotta do something about it. Cannot keep the ladies unhappy.

One of the young ladies I am involved with told me something that has me concerned. She said that I drink too much. It scared me when she said that to me. She said that I went out too often to the bar on the weekend. It has just made me take account of some of my behavior. I may need to check myself. I do not want to keep making unhealthy decisions. I am glad she was honest in sharing her opinion with me.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Uncomfortably Christian

Lord they really think they fooling you by coming to church on Sunday
praying and laying hands on folks stomping and jumping around faking the holy ghost
but its a thin line between walking it and talking it
living it and giving it or just pretending it’s alright
and did they really think that they could pull the wool over your eyes lord
did they really think that by faking they were saved that they would get the same reward
this be the realest thing I ever wrote for sure
after this a lot of folks wont like me no mo’
but after this I gotta go answer to you Lord

Lyfe Jennings "Made Up My Mind"

An epiphany has struck me.

I am uncomfortably Christian. I really am. I say this for a specific reason. I do not have a problem with most of the tenets of Christianity (I feel that every religion tends to have some logical fallacy. You cannot get up in the details). I really do not. The fact that there is no God but God and that Christ is his son does not disturb me. Treat others with dignity and respect. Most other doctrine does not bother me (except some Catholic things but that not my flavor. Again the small details).

Thus it is not the doctrine, but church that bothers me. I cannot stand going to church. I get a sick feeling in my stomach. The reason is all the hypocrisy, past and present. The church has had a reputation for not serving people the way God intended. It has failed us. Thus when I walk in, I see. I see it whenever a church asks for an offering. I see it whenever a pastor/preacher/father/reverend does not understand or know the internal matters of the church. I see it whenever people look despicably at new people in their church. Or the leader of the church is "encouraging" the Holy Spirit. Whenever someone "feels" the spirit and has a conniption on the floor, I want to throw up. I have seen so much fake shit that I lose all the desire to go to church. It is an uncomfortable environment for me.

So every Sunday, I realize one thing. I am uncomfortably Christian.