Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Culture and Snow Bunnies

There is so much snow. So much!! It has been snowing up here for about 2.5 weeks! Alomst everyday. It is either just barely flurrying or its coming down!!! I feel like I am in Siberia.

I love my communications theory class but I am starting to feel a lil hated. The professor I adore. She is noce and she is kind of attractive in that older woman way. Anyways... She realizes that anthropology and communications are very closely related. Comunication is how culture is transmitted. So she always asks me for my opinion from an anthropological view. Plus, I actually participate and say stuff. It was awkward today because I kind of disagreed with a classmate and picked apart her idea. The professor said I was right (as usual) and everyone in the class looked at me. Then as we were discussing organizational culture, she asked for a definition of culture. I tried to avoid responding but she obviously asked for my definition. One girl goes "Of course he has a better one. He studies this for a living". I made a joke saying I wish I got paid to study!! I just dont want to be known as the kid who answers all the questions and is annoying. But I can't let it worry me too much because they need to buck up and be a little more well-rounded.

My poetry writing has degenerated to nil. I mean I used to write a whole lot. Now I am losing it. I try to read other poetry. I do little writing exercises. I cannot get the creative juices flowing at all. HELP!!

Oh yeah. Then there is my female situation:
1. "Mouse" - She is a freshman. She works in one of my labs. We have been spending a lot of time together lately. She came over Saturday and stayed until 4am and did the same on Monday night. She is very shy and is an introvert but she is becoming more assertive. She is highly intelligent. We talk for hours and there is never that weird pause. I just do not know if she is feeling me. She says little stuff but I do not know. For example, she says she normally does not say if she likes a guy. I then go what does that mean. She smiles and shrugs her shoulders. She is definitely relationship material.

2. "Intel Chick" - She is cool too. She has a large personality. She is also intelligent. We have hung out and we talk sometimes. I like her personality but to be honest, I like her body better. I do not think she is relationship material. I know I would get annoyed at some point. But I still want to have her stay the nite.

3. "E" - She is a resident. She has been very flirty. Not only that, she got really upset that she did not get a lap dance on her birthday but her rooommate did. I do not know about her. She likes b-ball and all but she is not putting in tthe work.

4. "Dancer" - She rooms with E. She was the one who got the lap dance. Lets just say she is feeling me. The problem is: A lot of her friends are to. Plus she rooms with E. Which means I cannot have both. Plus, she has too many gorgeous friends.

I feel like a player. Its been a while since the prospects have looked so good. Time to go shopping ;)

Monday, January 29, 2007

Monday Grind

Listening to: Nas feat. Jay-Z - Black Republican

That song has been my joint!!! The beat is vicious. I just love it. It gets me pumped for the morning.

This Monday started rough. I had a test at 11am. I could not sleep last nite. This means I went into the test and blanked out. I left the entire first page blank!! It took about 30 minutes into the test in order for me to start going. After 30 minutes, the engine started moving and I finished the first page. I think I did decently. It was for my Anthropology Theory class. I forgot the names but I knew all of the theories and how they work. I need to work on it.

Then I went to eat. Some chicks kept watching me. It was kind of weird. I felt like they were stalking me or something.

Now I am rocking out to John Legend.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Been A Long Time

"Been a long time, I shouldn't have left you without some dope beats to step to"

I have definitely been neglecting you all on the comings and goings of my life: So here it comes.

I have been borderline psychotic because of the lack of "melanin-enriched" people at my school. I just get like that sometimes. But otherwise, I am doing well. Classes are going fine. I got a 95% on my Francophone Cultures test. I am doing B+ work in my other classes. I just cannot complain.

My RA job is another issue. I have RAs who keep trying to pop me for drinking. The only problem is that I am not drinking. So why do they keep trying? If Res Life finds my blog the hear this: KEEP THE HATERS AND STALKERS OFF MY BACK. Seriously though, I have RAs constantly talking about what I am doing. There are rumors about me having sex with my residents, drinking with them and some other ish. I am not having sex with the residents (there are a few cute ones though ;). I did give one a lap dance though ;) I am not drinking. So I am trying to not feel paranoid about it. But the job is still enjoyable. I am still having fun with it.
me humping one of my residents
There are several women I guess I am the flirting stage with. I may have to create a glossary.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Black People


I am dead serious. I have felt this way before. Being in school in Erie, PA does this to me. I am isolated from Black culture for moths at a time. It always starts out small. I start just feeling a little weird. Then I start making jokes about being around Whites too much. Then I turn into a grump. The stage after that I begin to feel slightly paranoid. Finally, I just go into shutdown mode. I start not being able to look at people in their face. I get really really sarcastic. This is when I isolate myself for a day or two and try and "recreate" Black culture in my room. I will not watch tv unless Blacks are the main characters on it. I wont listen to music from White artists. I just go into it. I will speak in ebonics and refuse to switch out of it. Then I call all my friends from home because most of my Black friends live at home. After talking to them for a while (2 days), then I go back to being able to put up with it.

Someone needs to do a psychological study on the effects of being racially isolated for long periods of time.

I am at that really really sarcastic stage. People are going to really start hating me.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Birthday Memory Lane Part 2

Well, it WAS a strip joint. So we went in.

We told the bouncer we knew Doc. He gave us a crazy look. I told him we knew Doc nd flashed Doc's business card. Then he let us in.

Lets just say this place was no where near close to a family establishment. It smelled of unwashed vagina and rotten pickles. It was as tight as a virgin in there. The people we saw definitely looked shady. Take the Players' Club and multiply it by 50. It was dark and dank. The customers did not look like normal people. They were dirty old men. And I mean that literally. There was a guy with an air tank there. I can't make this shit up.
I was scared. The place overall looked like a frat house gone bad. As I look around, I saw that our cab drivers had followed us in. I guess cabbies need some stripper loving too.

So we sit around the stage. Except this stage was di
fferent. It was lower than the normal floor. It was ovular in shape but lower. Plus it was supposed to be lined with mirrors. But all the mirrors were either missing or cracked.

The first dancer comes out. She has these huge breasts that hang low. I mean like "Do Your Chain Hang Low" type boobs. So we were giving tips. My one friend Tom decides he is not tipping the dancer. So she takes her boob in her hand, cocks back, and smacks him in the face with it. She hit my man so hard that it bruised his face. So let's just say we came up off our dollars pretty quickly for concern of our safety. The next dancer comes out and she looks 16. I felt as if I was watching my best friend's little sister dance. She was good looking but I had an R. Kelly kind of feeling while she danced.

The next one comes out and everyone backs away from the stage. This stripper was ugly. I am talking scary-biker chick- I-will-eat-your-face ugly. She had gunshot wounds, knife wounds, smallpox scars. She was crazy thin, like 10-cents-a-day-children's-fund thin. She has flaming skull tattoos and other biker tattoos. Her hair was buzz cut. It was ugly. I thought fleas would hop off her if she got too close. The stripper after her was gorgeous. She could do all these tricks on the pole. She was good enough to get five dollars out of me!!

Finally the fellas get me a lap dance. We try to get the gorgeous stripper. But instead, I get the 16 year old. We walk into the back for the booth. This booth is run down. It is 2 slabs of plyboard and a curtain. It was not painted, polished, or anything. There was trash everywhere. I kicked the trash into a corner (you gotta housekeep ya know). I sat there and proceeded to be serviced. So the stripper decides to make convo. She is asking me do I go to school and all. She asks about my family and my career choices. I could not even look her in the eye. This is not a convo we can have while she is taking her clothes off. It can't happen. So I answer but I cannot even look at her. Would you? If a butt-naked woman is asking about your family what would you do?

So I come out to cheers from the whole crowd b/c the crowd has found out that it was my birthday. Then the 16 year old stripper gives me a kiss. Right on the cheek (none of that lips ish.). The guys tell me that if it turns blue tomorrow, I have syphilis. We watch a few dancers and then leave.

I am syphilis free!!!!

Friday, January 12, 2007

Birthday Memory Lane

I thought that you all would like this two part story. It is about my 18th birthday, 2 years ago:

On my 18th birthday, we decided to go to a strip club. Now, for any guys who are reading, this may seem like a good idea when you first think about it, but it's the type of idea that is doomed to failure. When I say failure, I don't mean slight failure, I don't even mean monumental failure. I'm talking about EPIC-SCALE MOVIE FAILURE. We would've had to work to achieve normal failure.


The adventure opens with us going out to find the shuttle. A simple task, yes? No. We missed the first one, because certain members of our party neglected to remember that the shuttle stops at a completely different location. So we walked. And we turned around and walked. Finally, we caught the shuttle. The night has not yet begun to kick our ass.

So the shuttle drops us off on 12th street. We needed to be on 8th street, so we started walking. Started.

We made the left onto 8th street and continued walking. It took us about 10 minutes to get to a dive bar and ask where the hell we were and how the hell we could get to Hanky Panky (yes, you heard right... the place was called Hanky Panky). The dive bar owner looked up from his haze and stared. After a moment of reactivation, he nodded at us. That's when I asked how we could get to the club. The dive bar owner seemed to be trying to decide which hand was his left. That's when I asked how we could get to the club. The dive bar owner picked up a glass, then put it back down. That's when I asked how we could get to the club...

So the bartender told us that we needed to go about 20 blocks down the road to get to Hanky Panky. Thats right, 20 blocks. Two-Zero.

So we started walking.

And walking.

And walking, etc.

As we neared the club, we came upon a gas station. This particular gas station was called Country Fair. Here in Erie (and who knows where else), there is a chain of gas stations called Country Fair. There's nothing really that you can say about these except that it's like a bug lamp for shady-looking white trash people (sorry, I dont mean to offed, but from a Black man's perspective it was scary. I do have white readers). Except that it doesn't kill them, it supplies them with cigarettes and lottery tickets, and fuel for their F-150s, so they can be on their merry white trash way. We got hot dogs and left.

More walking.

Finally, FINALLY we saw the promised land. Hanky Panky (actually it was no longer Hanky Panky, but Juliette's, having changed ownership). In our elation, we began a rousing verse of 'Swing Low, Sweet Chariot' as we neared the club. We entered, to be greeted by a man who I can only describe as frighteningly similar to the doorkeeper to Oz (yes, he even had the moustache). We slapped our I.D.s on the table and started to break out the money. It was at this point that the doorkeeper informed us that we had to be 21 to enter.

There are many natural reflexes in the human body, such as flinching at unexpected noises or the leg moving when hit on the knee. Another reflex would be when your hand is resting on a desk, behind which a man who looks like Captain Hook sits and proceeds to tell you that you just walked 20 blocks for no reason, and the hand at rest jumps 4 inches towards the Captain Hook-looking man's jaw before you can stop it.

So we went outside, where we met a large black man named Doc. We informed Doc of our plight, and he proceeded to hook us up. Or so it seemed. It turned our that Doc is a strip joint afficionado-of-sorts. He told us of a place we could go where our troubles are all the same, a place we could go where everybody knows your name. Actually, it was a place called Teezers, and it was only a short cab ride away.

Ok, it was a LONG cab ride away.

Down a dirt road.

Into a large, old house.

Well, it WAS a strip joint. So we went in.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

The Pressure Is On

I know she is probably going to read this.

Her has a new boyfriend now. I know him. He is her former best friend. He is not a bad guy. A hornabll but not a bad guy overall I guess. To each his own.

I would not have blogged about it except that people have been telling me this. People walk up to me and say, "You know she has a boyfriend now, right?" I say I haven't heard because in reality, I have not. Then I hear things such as, "What about you?" or "The pressure is on". I laugh it all off. I guess because I am suppose to rush to find a woman in response.

I guess these people do not realize who the hell I am. I am Epsilonicus. I do things on my time at my speed. Which means I am still going to date around (without anyone's input). I am still going to be very choosey about the women in my life. I keep my love life on the low. There are people in it, I just dont kiss and tell. I need no one to add to the insanity of my love life. I also will not just go pick someone up just because she has done so. I am happy she found someone. I just know that I refuse to let what someone else does dictate how I make moves. My love life will not be dictated by what someone else.

If the pressure is on, its on her. She now has to find a way to make someone else happy while still trying to figure out why she is so unhappy. Kinda glad I am not in that situation. But I do wish her luck. No ill feelings. I just hope she realizes happiness has to start from the inside to the outside, not the other way around.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Discussion of God's Existence

Public Service Announcement
I am going to say some things that may make people upset. If you do not have thick skin urn away. Also, in order to understand what I am saying, it requires objectivity. One must pull themselves away from their belief system in order to fully grasp and appreciate what I may say. As we call it in anthropology, you must learn to implement some cultural relativism.

I had a discussion about religion: in my head.

I am dead serious. It was triggered by one of my roommates saying that he does not believe in God. Then I tried in my head to formulate arguments in my head for and against. I then asked him why. I di dnot hear his answer because I ended up doing something else. But then when I tried to sleep it hit me and I had a mini-dialogue in my head:

When someone tells me that they do not believe in God and that God does not exist, I ask for one thing: why. I ask that person to tell me why they believe God does not exist. I do this just to play Devil's advocate. I am also genuinely curious. Here are some answers I commonly get

1. Religion is bad.
2. Science has proved God does not exist.
3. I do not believe in God because of my parents made me believe in God.

1. I am going to start with number one. Religion is humans' interpretation of what they think God is like. Since people are not perfect, we may have it wrong. You just never know. Also, religion in and of itself is not bad. Religion can provide the social fabric of a culture. Actually, it does. Religion keeps people in our society from doing really crazy ish. Religion become "bad' when it is used to oppress people. But you cannot say God does not exist because humans manipulate religion to do wrong to others. That just is not good logic (good in the sense that it does not work, not whether you agree or not).

2. Science has not disproved God. It has oly disproved what we thought were the mechanisms by which God has created the world. Maybe God did use evolution to brning about life (gasp!! blasphemous I know!!). Science has not provided definitive evidence about whether or not God exists. Any scientist who says that God has already been disproved or proved by means of science is a quack.

3. This last reason I find to be bullshit. I tell people that once you become of age, research what you think is your faith is. Disbelieve something because you think it is wrong, not because you want to rebel against mommy and daddy. All I can say is grow up and be mature. Your parents' belief does not dictate God's existence.

Now these are not the only arguments but these are the most common ones I have heard from my peers. I will present the other side at another time. This ish hurts my brain even though I enjoy thinking about it.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Me and My Kids

I want kids.

I am dead serious. I want some children. I have always said that I wanted kids and I want more than one. Give me a tribe of kids. I am trying to start a nation!!!!

Being a parent is beautiful. Everytime I see someone with their kid, I get a little jealous. Aint that some ish?? Its weird. I get all sentimental when I see bloggers talking about their kids (Supa Sista and BK Diva and Kathi). I just want to have a family. I would even adopt a kid if I was not married. I just feel that being a parent is the best and greatest sacrifice you could have. There is no relationship like a parent-child relationship.

But guess who would have to be the godfather? None other than Cnel. Thats my homeboy and he is very very responsible. I am trying to leave my kid in capable hands. Here is what he would have to do:

1. Remember every bday and holiday
2. Take my kids on the weekends
3. Buy clothes and stuff
4. Have "the talk"
5. Babysit when I go out on dates (he aint busy)
6. Go to graduations
7. Beat up bullies
8. Teach him/her how to ride a bike
9. Teach them how to drive (I aint going through that scray experience.

I am just tryna keep it really really simple.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

My New Fascination

Lately I have developed a new fascination: religion

I cannot really explain it. I have been reading books and watching movies that have themes about religion. I watched the Da Vinci Code. I read Dan Brown's Angels and Demons over break. I am currently reading "A History of God" by Karen Armstrong.

I really cannot say why this fascination has developed. It has been in the past few months that this fascination with religion has come baout. It is more from a scientific leaning point of view of how different religions view God/s role in the world. I dont know. It has made do some reserach and learn some new things.

I guess reading a translation of the Koran is next on the list once I am done "A History of God".

Maybe I need to do more reading for class. Lol

Friday, January 05, 2007

Out Here On The Grind

Being back at school is a good look for me right now. I am enjoying it even though it is about to get hectic. I like the classes, except one. What I am learning is interesting. This is the life. So I am out here making it do what it do baby!!!

Today was good. I went to class and just hung out for the rest of the day. I also did a lil studying for a test that I have on Monday. I was productive!! Wow!!! Hahahaha

But my day did hit a bump though. I talked to her. More like I asked her for notes here is the story:

I missed a class because I had an early flight home for break. I asked her on this past Wednesday for notes. I still did not have them so I asked again at dinner tonite. She proceeds to make this big show. She says " I need to talk to you because I do not want to embarass you in front of all your friends that I do not know". I held my tongue because I refuse to fight in public. I actually have class. So we are out in the rain for 30 minutes!! 30 FUCKING MINUTES!! I have to hear her say how I used her (bullshit) and treated her badly (bullshit). She has done worse to other guys. What happened has nothing to do with the damn notes I need. She says that giving me notes would be just her giving in. Grow up!! You are either going to give me the notes or not. Don't waste my time. I dont want my hair wet and its cold outside!

She saysshe is offended that I dont talk to her. She made it that way!!!! SOOOOOOOOOOO, she should be mad at herself. Then she asks me
" How is life without my help".
I say "I need notes".
She then asks me other than that.
I go ahead and say that since we are not friends, thta is not of her concern. I guess she wanted me to beg. She can lick the bottom of my balls if she wants me to do that (im that upset now). So after telling me she is not seeking revenge (for what i dont know), she says she wont give me the notes as payment for using her. So I spent 30 minutes in the rain just to hear a no. I am not mad at the no, I am mad at her being childish. So here is what I yell at her.

" You could have told me this earlier without the bullshit questions. YOU MAKE THINGS SO COMPLICATED BECAUSE YOU HAVE A FUCKING VAGINA"

I normally do not use a lot of profanity. She made me though and I refuse to apologize.

Other than that my day went well. How about yours??

Monday, January 01, 2007

Pursuit of Happyness

I normally do not do any free advertisement for anyone else's stuff unless it is just that good. But I am going to do that now.

I went this Saturday with my mother and her fiancee to go see "Pursuit if Happyness". Will Smith i starring in the movie. The movie is about how a guy and his son becomes homeless and there struggle to become financially stable.

There was one scene in particular that seriously moved me. Actually, it almost made me tear up. Will Smith and his son (his actual son played this part) were in a subway station after they had gotten kicked out of a motel. Smith had this machine that he sells sitting next to him. The boy says that the machine is not a time machine. Earlier, some homelss guy said it was. Will Smith tells him that the machine is a time machine. So Smith tells his son to close his eyes and push a button on a machine. Will Smith pretends that they go back to the time of the dinosaurs. So they run towards a "cave" aka restroom. They fall asleep on the floor. Will Smith stays awake and cries because he is so helpless in the situation.

That struck home to me. I remember being homeless an sleeping in a Greyhound bus station. I never felt so hopeless in my life. I felt that there was nothing I could do to change the situation. I felt embarrassed being in that situation. I felt sorry for my mom and younger brother. I just wanted it all to change.

But this movie is definitely worth seeing. If you have a chance, go see it/