THIS IS NOT WORK FRIENDLY!!!!

I love this video. I found it at Rocka.Candy. It is a video done to Robin Thicke's "Lost Without You" The video is definitely good (not because of all the bodies but it was shot artistically). I hope that you all enjoy it.

Break Time

Now I should be at class right now. My class is at 11. Its is 11:10 and I walked outside, felt how cold it is and decided against going. I just do not feel like going to class. I am exhausted. I cannot sleep for some reason. Plus I just did not feel like walking to class. Can someone get me a Hover-Round?

It is cold here in Erie, PA. How cold you may ask? It is 10 degrees with winds at 21mph. That means you feel it in your bones. I walked from my apartment to the cafeteria, a 3 minute walk, and my joints started stiffening as if I had arthritis. I went to class on Monday and it was -5 degrees. It is colder here than in Alaska.

Now with all that said, my fellow bloggers should make donations. Send me soup, ramen, or anything that I can fix inside my place. Blankets, heaters, gloves, hats (make sure the hats are large. I have locs) are also appreciated. Cash can also be sent!!! Email me for my address!! Hahaha!!

Let me go shower and do some work since I decided to play hooky

A World Of Girls

I've kissed the most exotic face
From London to Honolu
Made love in the most romantic places
What more can one man do

Livin' in a world of girls
It's like swimmin' in a sea of pearls
Taste like caviar
Watching shooting stars
Like silk to the touch
Diamonds in a rush

Joe - World of Girls

Anyone who knows me knows that I love women. I love them. I love the way they walk. I love the way they talk. I love their little mannerisms, their temper tantrums. I love how they take care of themselves. I enjoy their company. It was only recently in my life that I had more male best friends than female best friends. I just love the company of women.

My love for women transcends color. Yes, I, a Black man dates outside the race. I have no problem admitting it. I do not have a preference based on color. There are too many gorgeous women of various hues for me to discriminate.

Do I have a preference? No. I do not have a preference. Actually, I think I do. Let me explain:

I say I do not have a preference but I do see a pattern now that I look. I have had romantic encounters with Asian, White, and Black females. I grew up in a mixed neighborhood so it happens. I have been to mixed chools (elementary), all Black (middle school), mostly white (high school and college). So I have been exposed. But I do have an unconscious preference: Black women. I say that because those are the type of females I have had the most romantic encounters with. Its that simple. I do not know if it is exactly a preference or is it just a pattern.

I do keep my options open though. My longest relationship was with a White female. So I do not discriminate. I do not choose one female over the other because of color. I look for their physical attractiveness and their personalities. I just do not factor color in whether I am attractied. I do look at color when it comes to how their families will feel. Color just does not matter when it comes to attractiveness. Thats my opinion. For me, I cannot say that I love all people if I cannot allow myself to fall in love with all people. You catch my drift??

I know some Black women will have a problem with this. Some may not even date me. I know this is true. But if a woman is going to exclude me because I interracially date, then she is not right for me. I just do not see a problem with interracially dating. It does not make me any less "Black" because of it. I miss out on some beautiful people (physically and personality-wise). I have learned a lot about myself because of it. I have learned a lot dating Black females but I have also learned a lot dating outside my race. All in all, I will never stop dating outside my race. I will not start preferring one type of woman over another because of skin color. That's just not me. Plus, I am living in a world of girls.

Culture and Snow Bunnies

There is so much snow. So much!! It has been snowing up here for about 2.5 weeks! Alomst everyday. It is either just barely flurrying or its coming down!!! I feel like I am in Siberia.

I love my communications theory class but I am starting to feel a lil hated. The professor I adore. She is noce and she is kind of attractive in that older woman way. Anyways... She realizes that anthropology and communications are very closely related. Comunication is how culture is transmitted. So she always asks me for my opinion from an anthropological view. Plus, I actually participate and say stuff. It was awkward today because I kind of disagreed with a classmate and picked apart her idea. The professor said I was right (as usual) and everyone in the class looked at me. Then as we were discussing organizational culture, she asked for a definition of culture. I tried to avoid responding but she obviously asked for my definition. One girl goes "Of course he has a better one. He studies this for a living". I made a joke saying I wish I got paid to study!! I just dont want to be known as the kid who answers all the questions and is annoying. But I can't let it worry me too much because they need to buck up and be a little more well-rounded.

My poetry writing has degenerated to nil. I mean I used to write a whole lot. Now I am losing it. I try to read other poetry. I do little writing exercises. I cannot get the creative juices flowing at all. HELP!!

Oh yeah. Then there is my female situation:
1. "Mouse" - She is a freshman. She works in one of my labs. We have been spending a lot of time together lately. She came over Saturday and stayed until 4am and did the same on Monday night. She is very shy and is an introvert but she is becoming more assertive. She is highly intelligent. We talk for hours and there is never that weird pause. I just do not know if she is feeling me. She says little stuff but I do not know. For example, she says she normally does not say if she likes a guy. I then go what does that mean. She smiles and shrugs her shoulders. She is definitely relationship material.

2. "Intel Chick" - She is cool too. She has a large personality. She is also intelligent. We have hung out and we talk sometimes. I like her personality but to be honest, I like her body better. I do not think she is relationship material. I know I would get annoyed at some point. But I still want to have her stay the nite.

3. "E" - She is a resident. She has been very flirty. Not only that, she got really upset that she did not get a lap dance on her birthday but her rooommate did. I do not know about her. She likes b-ball and all but she is not putting in tthe work.

4. "Dancer" - She rooms with E. She was the one who got the lap dance. Lets just say she is feeling me. The problem is: A lot of her friends are to. Plus she rooms with E. Which means I cannot have both. Plus, she has too many gorgeous friends.

I feel like a player. Its been a while since the prospects have looked so good. Time to go shopping ;)

Monday Grind

Listening to: Nas feat. Jay-Z - Black Republican

That song has been my joint!!! The beat is vicious. I just love it. It gets me pumped for the morning.

This Monday started rough. I had a test at 11am. I could not sleep last nite. This means I went into the test and blanked out. I left the entire first page blank!! It took about 30 minutes into the test in order for me to start going. After 30 minutes, the engine started moving and I finished the first page. I think I did decently. It was for my Anthropology Theory class. I forgot the names but I knew all of the theories and how they work. I need to work on it.

Then I went to eat. Some chicks kept watching me. It was kind of weird. I felt like they were stalking me or something.

Now I am rocking out to John Legend.

Been A Long Time

"Been a long time, I shouldn't have left you without some dope beats to step to"

I have definitely been neglecting you all on the comings and goings of my life: So here it comes.

I have been borderline psychotic because of the lack of "melanin-enriched" people at my school. I just get like that sometimes. But otherwise, I am doing well. Classes are going fine. I got a 95% on my Francophone Cultures test. I am doing B+ work in my other classes. I just cannot complain.

My RA job is another issue. I have RAs who keep trying to pop me for drinking. The only problem is that I am not drinking. So why do they keep trying? If Res Life finds my blog the hear this: KEEP THE HATERS AND STALKERS OFF MY BACK. Seriously though, I have RAs constantly talking about what I am doing. There are rumors about me having sex with my residents, drinking with them and some other ish. I am not having sex with the residents (there are a few cute ones though ;). I did give one a lap dance though ;) I am not drinking. So I am trying to not feel paranoid about it. But the job is still enjoyable. I am still having fun with it.
me humping one of my residents
There are several women I guess I am the flirting stage with. I may have to create a glossary.

Black People

I NEED BLACK PEOPLE!!!!!!!!

I am dead serious. I have felt this way before. Being in school in Erie, PA does this to me. I am isolated from Black culture for moths at a time. It always starts out small. I start just feeling a little weird. Then I start making jokes about being around Whites too much. Then I turn into a grump. The stage after that I begin to feel slightly paranoid. Finally, I just go into shutdown mode. I start not being able to look at people in their face. I get really really sarcastic. This is when I isolate myself for a day or two and try and "recreate" Black culture in my room. I will not watch tv unless Blacks are the main characters on it. I wont listen to music from White artists. I just go into it. I will speak in ebonics and refuse to switch out of it. Then I call all my friends from home because most of my Black friends live at home. After talking to them for a while (2 days), then I go back to being able to put up with it.

Someone needs to do a psychological study on the effects of being racially isolated for long periods of time.

I am at that really really sarcastic stage. People are going to really start hating me.

Birthday Memory Lane Part 2

Well, it WAS a strip joint. So we went in.

We told the bouncer we knew Doc. He gave us a crazy look. I told him we knew Doc nd flashed Doc's business card. Then he let us in.

Lets just say this place was no where near close to a family establishment. It smelled of unwashed vagina and rotten pickles. It was as tight as a virgin in there. The people we saw definitely looked shady. Take the Players' Club and multiply it by 50. It was dark and dank. The customers did not look like normal people. They were dirty old men. And I mean that literally. There was a guy with an air tank there. I can't make this shit up.
I was scared. The place overall looked like a frat house gone bad. As I look around, I saw that our cab drivers had followed us in. I guess cabbies need some stripper loving too.

So we sit around the stage. Except this stage was different. It was lower than the normal floor. It was ovular in shape but lower. Plus it was supposed to be lined with mirrors. But all the mirrors were either missing or cracked.

The first dancer comes out. She has these huge breasts that hang low. I mean like "Do Your Chain Hang Low" type boobs. So we were giving tips. My one friend Tom decides he is not tipping the dancer. So she takes her boob in her hand, cocks back, and smacks him in the face with it. She hit my man so hard that it bruised his face. So let's just say we came up off our dollars pretty quickly for concern of our safety. The next dancer comes out and she looks 16. I felt as if I was watching my best friend's little sister dance. She was good looking but I had an R. Kelly kind of feeling while she danced.

The next one comes out and everyone backs away from the stage. This stripper was ugly. I am talking scary-biker chick- I-will-eat-your-face ugly. She had gunshot wounds, knife wounds, smallpox scars. She was crazy thin, like 10-cents-a-day-children's-fund thin. She has flaming skull tattoos and other biker tattoos. Her hair was buzz cut. It was ugly. I thought fleas would hop off her if she got too close. The stripper after her was gorgeous. She could do all these tricks on the pole. She was good enough to get five dollars out of me!!

Finally the fellas get me a lap dance. We try to get the gorgeous stripper. But instead, I get the 16 year old. We walk into the back for the booth. This booth is run down. It is 2 slabs of plyboard and a curtain. It was not painted, polished, or anything. There was trash everywhere. I kicked the trash into a corner (you gotta housekeep ya know). I sat there and proceeded to be serviced. So the stripper decides to make convo. She is asking me do I go to school and all. She asks about my family and my career choices. I could not even look her in the eye. This is not a convo we can have while she is taking her clothes off. It can't happen. So I answer but I cannot even look at her. Would you? If a butt-naked woman is asking about your family what would you do?

So I come out to cheers from the whole crowd b/c the crowd has found out that it was my birthday. Then the 16 year old stripper gives me a kiss. Right on the cheek (none of that lips ish.). The guys tell me that if it turns blue tomorrow, I have syphilis. We watch a few dancers and then leave.

I am syphilis free!!!!

Birthday Memory Lane

I thought that you all would like this two part story. It is about my 18th birthday, 2 years ago:

On my 18th birthday, we decided to go to a strip club. Now, for any guys who are reading, this may seem like a good idea when you first think about it, but it's the type of idea that is doomed to failure. When I say failure, I don't mean slight failure, I don't even mean monumental failure. I'm talking about EPIC-SCALE MOVIE FAILURE. We would've had to work to achieve normal failure.

Anyway.

The adventure opens with us going out to find the shuttle. A simple task, yes? No. We missed the first one, because certain members of our party neglected to remember that the shuttle stops at a completely different location. So we walked. And we turned around and walked. Finally, we caught the shuttle. The night has not yet begun to kick our ass.

So the shuttle drops us off on 12th street. We needed to be on 8th street, so we started walking. Started.

We made the left onto 8th street and continued walking. It took us about 10 minutes to get to a dive bar and ask where the hell we were and how the hell we could get to Hanky Panky (yes, you heard right... the place was called Hanky Panky). The dive bar owner looked up from his haze and stared. After a moment of reactivation, he nodded at us. That's when I asked how we could get to the club. The dive bar owner seemed to be trying to decide which hand was his left. That's when I asked how we could get to the club. The dive bar owner picked up a glass, then put it back down. That's when I asked how we could get to the club...

So the bartender told us that we needed to go about 20 blocks down the road to get to Hanky Panky. Thats right, 20 blocks. Two-Zero.

So we started walking.

And walking.

And walking, etc.

As we neared the club, we came upon a gas station. This particular gas station was called Country Fair. Here in Erie (and who knows where else), there is a chain of gas stations called Country Fair. There's nothing really that you can say about these except that it's like a bug lamp for shady-looking white trash people (sorry, I dont mean to offed, but from a Black man's perspective it was scary. I do have white readers). Except that it doesn't kill them, it supplies them with cigarettes and lottery tickets, and fuel for their F-150s, so they can be on their merry white trash way. We got hot dogs and left.

More walking.

Finally, FINALLY we saw the promised land. Hanky Panky (actually it was no longer Hanky Panky, but Juliette's, having changed ownership). In our elation, we began a rousing verse of 'Swing Low, Sweet Chariot' as we neared the club. We entered, to be greeted by a man who I can only describe as frighteningly similar to the doorkeeper to Oz (yes, he even had the moustache). We slapped our I.D.s on the table and started to break out the money. It was at this point that the doorkeeper informed us that we had to be 21 to enter.

There are many natural reflexes in the human body, such as flinching at unexpected noises or the leg moving when hit on the knee. Another reflex would be when your hand is resting on a desk, behind which a man who looks like Captain Hook sits and proceeds to tell you that you just walked 20 blocks for no reason, and the hand at rest jumps 4 inches towards the Captain Hook-looking man's jaw before you can stop it.

So we went outside, where we met a large black man named Doc. We informed Doc of our plight, and he proceeded to hook us up. Or so it seemed. It turned our that Doc is a strip joint afficionado-of-sorts. He told us of a place we could go where our troubles are all the same, a place we could go where everybody knows your name. Actually, it was a place called Teezers, and it was only a short cab ride away.

Ok, it was a LONG cab ride away.

Down a dirt road.

Into a large, old house.

Well, it WAS a strip joint. So we went in.

The Pressure Is On

I know she is probably going to read this.

Her has a new boyfriend now. I know him. He is her former best friend. He is not a bad guy. A hornabll but not a bad guy overall I guess. To each his own.

I would not have blogged about it except that people have been telling me this. People walk up to me and say, "You know she has a boyfriend now, right?" I say I haven't heard because in reality, I have not. Then I hear things such as, "What about you?" or "The pressure is on". I laugh it all off. I guess because I am suppose to rush to find a woman in response.

I guess these people do not realize who the hell I am. I am Epsilonicus. I do things on my time at my speed. Which means I am still going to date around (without anyone's input). I am still going to be very choosey about the women in my life. I keep my love life on the low. There are people in it, I just dont kiss and tell. I need no one to add to the insanity of my love life. I also will not just go pick someone up just because she has done so. I am happy she found someone. I just know that I refuse to let what someone else does dictate how I make moves. My love life will not be dictated by what someone else.

If the pressure is on, its on her. She now has to find a way to make someone else happy while still trying to figure out why she is so unhappy. Kinda glad I am not in that situation. But I do wish her luck. No ill feelings. I just hope she realizes happiness has to start from the inside to the outside, not the other way around.

Discussion of God's Existence

Public Service Announcement
I am going to say some things that may make people upset. If you do not have thick skin urn away. Also, in order to understand what I am saying, it requires objectivity. One must pull themselves away from their belief system in order to fully grasp and appreciate what I may say. As we call it in anthropology, you must learn to implement some cultural relativism.

I had a discussion about religion: in my head.

I am dead serious. It was triggered by one of my roommates saying that he does not believe in God. Then I tried in my head to formulate arguments in my head for and against. I then asked him why. I di dnot hear his answer because I ended up doing something else. But then when I tried to sleep it hit me and I had a mini-dialogue in my head:

When someone tells me that they do not believe in God and that God does not exist, I ask for one thing: why. I ask that person to tell me why they believe God does not exist. I do this just to play Devil's advocate. I am also genuinely curious. Here are some answers I commonly get

1. Religion is bad.
2. Science has proved God does not exist.
3. I do not believe in God because of my parents made me believe in God.

1. I am going to start with number one. Religion is humans' interpretation of what they think God is like. Since people are not perfect, we may have it wrong. You just never know. Also, religion in and of itself is not bad. Religion can provide the social fabric of a culture. Actually, it does. Religion keeps people in our society from doing really crazy ish. Religion become "bad' when it is used to oppress people. But you cannot say God does not exist because humans manipulate religion to do wrong to others. That just is not good logic (good in the sense that it does not work, not whether you agree or not).

2. Science has not disproved God. It has oly disproved what we thought were the mechanisms by which God has created the world. Maybe God did use evolution to brning about life (gasp!! blasphemous I know!!). Science has not provided definitive evidence about whether or not God exists. Any scientist who says that God has already been disproved or proved by means of science is a quack.

3. This last reason I find to be bullshit. I tell people that once you become of age, research what you think is your faith is. Disbelieve something because you think it is wrong, not because you want to rebel against mommy and daddy. All I can say is grow up and be mature. Your parents' belief does not dictate God's existence.

Now these are not the only arguments but these are the most common ones I have heard from my peers. I will present the other side at another time. This ish hurts my brain even though I enjoy thinking about it.

Me and My Kids

I want kids.

I am dead serious. I want some children. I have always said that I wanted kids and I want more than one. Give me a tribe of kids. I am trying to start a nation!!!!

Being a parent is beautiful. Everytime I see someone with their kid, I get a little jealous. Aint that some ish?? Its weird. I get all sentimental when I see bloggers talking about their kids (Supa Sista and BK Diva and Kathi). I just want to have a family. I would even adopt a kid if I was not married. I just feel that being a parent is the best and greatest sacrifice you could have. There is no relationship like a parent-child relationship.

But guess who would have to be the godfather? None other than Cnel. Thats my homeboy and he is very very responsible. I am trying to leave my kid in capable hands. Here is what he would have to do:

1. Remember every bday and holiday
2. Take my kids on the weekends
3. Buy clothes and stuff
4. Have "the talk"
5. Babysit when I go out on dates (he aint busy)
6. Go to graduations
7. Beat up bullies
8. Teach him/her how to ride a bike
9. Teach them how to drive (I aint going through that scray experience.

I am just tryna keep it really really simple.

My New Fascination

Lately I have developed a new fascination: religion

I cannot really explain it. I have been reading books and watching movies that have themes about religion. I watched the Da Vinci Code. I read Dan Brown's Angels and Demons over break. I am currently reading "A History of God" by Karen Armstrong.

I really cannot say why this fascination has developed. It has been in the past few months that this fascination with religion has come baout. It is more from a scientific leaning point of view of how different religions view God/s role in the world. I dont know. It has made do some reserach and learn some new things.

I guess reading a translation of the Koran is next on the list once I am done "A History of God".

Maybe I need to do more reading for class. Lol

Out Here On The Grind

Being back at school is a good look for me right now. I am enjoying it even though it is about to get hectic. I like the classes, except one. What I am learning is interesting. This is the life. So I am out here making it do what it do baby!!!

Today was good. I went to class and just hung out for the rest of the day. I also did a lil studying for a test that I have on Monday. I was productive!! Wow!!! Hahahaha

But my day did hit a bump though. I talked to her. More like I asked her for notes here is the story:

I missed a class because I had an early flight home for break. I asked her on this past Wednesday for notes. I still did not have them so I asked again at dinner tonite. She proceeds to make this big show. She says " I need to talk to you because I do not want to embarass you in front of all your friends that I do not know". I held my tongue because I refuse to fight in public. I actually have class. So we are out in the rain for 30 minutes!! 30 FUCKING MINUTES!! I have to hear her say how I used her (bullshit) and treated her badly (bullshit). She has done worse to other guys. What happened has nothing to do with the damn notes I need. She says that giving me notes would be just her giving in. Grow up!! You are either going to give me the notes or not. Don't waste my time. I dont want my hair wet and its cold outside!

She saysshe is offended that I dont talk to her. She made it that way!!!! SOOOOOOOOOOO, she should be mad at herself. Then she asks me
" How is life without my help".
I say "I need notes".
She then asks me other than that.
I go ahead and say that since we are not friends, thta is not of her concern. I guess she wanted me to beg. She can lick the bottom of my balls if she wants me to do that (im that upset now). So after telling me she is not seeking revenge (for what i dont know), she says she wont give me the notes as payment for using her. So I spent 30 minutes in the rain just to hear a no. I am not mad at the no, I am mad at her being childish. So here is what I yell at her.

" You could have told me this earlier without the bullshit questions. YOU MAKE THINGS SO COMPLICATED BECAUSE YOU HAVE A FUCKING VAGINA"

I normally do not use a lot of profanity. She made me though and I refuse to apologize.

Other than that my day went well. How about yours??

Pursuit of Happyness

I normally do not do any free advertisement for anyone else's stuff unless it is just that good. But I am going to do that now.

I went this Saturday with my mother and her fiancee to go see "Pursuit if Happyness". Will Smith i starring in the movie. The movie is about how a guy and his son becomes homeless and there struggle to become financially stable.

There was one scene in particular that seriously moved me. Actually, it almost made me tear up. Will Smith and his son (his actual son played this part) were in a subway station after they had gotten kicked out of a motel. Smith had this machine that he sells sitting next to him. The boy says that the machine is not a time machine. Earlier, some homelss guy said it was. Will Smith tells him that the machine is a time machine. So Smith tells his son to close his eyes and push a button on a machine. Will Smith pretends that they go back to the time of the dinosaurs. So they run towards a "cave" aka restroom. They fall asleep on the floor. Will Smith stays awake and cries because he is so helpless in the situation.

That struck home to me. I remember being homeless an sleeping in a Greyhound bus station. I never felt so hopeless in my life. I felt that there was nothing I could do to change the situation. I felt embarrassed being in that situation. I felt sorry for my mom and younger brother. I just wanted it all to change.

But this movie is definitely worth seeing. If you have a chance, go see it/

God vs. Science

A battle is being fought in our society. We see scenes of this battle all in the media. Its battle grounds have even reached our homes. We see this battle inherent in the question of "evolution or creation". People ask us this question and many others. No matter how you put it, they all boil down to one thing: God vs Science. This ideological battle is more important than any battle we have seen so far in the 21st century; including our battles for oil.

This battle seems to have torn our country apart. Not in a physical way. There are no destroyed buildings because of this battle. People are not starving (at least that I know of). Governments have not been overthrown. Mass amounts of people have not been killed (at least in the 21st century!! Copernicus probably knows a thing or two about persecution). Yet ideologically, we have been torn asunder. You either place your hope in science or your faith in God. You must choose. There is no in betwee; no compromise. A side must be chosen.

I believe that there does not have to be a conflict between God and science. I believe these two can peacefully coexist. I see God in science. That may sound weird but it is true. When I look at the cell and how it works, I see God. The comet streaking through the sky, I see God. The intricate forces that hold an atom together, I see God in that also.

People believe that science disproves the existence of God. Many believe that science disproves the existence of God. I believe that Nature's Laws are God's Laws. God's Laws do not end at the 10 Commndments. They include the laws of gravity, thermodynamics, and elasticity. People may say God works in mysterious ways. I believe science may be God's way.

I am not preaching an "Intelligent Design" theory. I am just putting out the idea that maybe God works within scientific laws. Yet maybe we have not pushed science far enough to explain/not explain God's existence. Who knows.

I just know that for me I see God whenever I hear about quantum physics. I hear God's music in the movement of the Earth. In essence, science and God are two different ways of telling the same story. I saw a quote that was funny yet poignant:

"Science and religion are not at odds.
Science is simply too young to understand."

Im So Lazy

I have been home for Christams Break almost a week now. I have had nothing but free time but I have not updated. I just have not felt like it. But don't fear, Epsi is here!!!!

I got in last Friday and hit the track running like a nosebleed. I went bowling with my Blue Monster Crew (will explain sometime later). K was there (look back). She was awkward around me especially after she found out that I knew she was kinda seeing some dude. I told he rthat she is not my woman so no need to worry. I am not jealous over something that does not belong to me. So the Blue Monster Crew went bowling and just enjoyed ourselves.

I spent a few days resting at home and then I went to dinner Tuesday nite with Cnel and So Wise. So Wise is the first blogger that I have met in person. I do not count Cnel because I knew him before we started blogging. We went to this spot near Loyola College called Loco Hombre. I heard of it before but I never ate there. The restaurant was good though. They make good mojitos ;) (thanx Wise). So me, Cnel and Wise just chilled. All I am gonna say is Wise is gorgeous and funny. She dished out some of that life experience to some young dudes and it is priceless. It was a good time. We will be doing it again.

So now I have to force myself into the Christmas spirit. I hate Christmas music and if it was up to me, I would not celebrate Christmas. I just have never been a fan f it. I canno explain why. But anyways, let me go watch Star Trek Voyager and figure out what gifts I have left to buy. Peace.

The Practice of Happiness

The Practice of Happiness

1. Give yourself permission to be human. When we accept emotions -- such as fear, sadness, or anxiety -- as natural, we are more likely to overcome them. Rejecting our emotions, positive or negative, leads to frustration and unhappiness.

2. Happiness lies at the intersection between pleasure and meaning. Whether at work or at home, the goal is to engage in activities that are both personally significant and enjoyable. When this is not feasible, make sure you have happiness boosters, moments throughout the week that provide you with both pleasure and meaning.

3. Keep in mind that happiness is mostly dependent on our state of mind, not on our status or the state of our bank account. Barring extreme circumstances, our level of well being is determined by what we choose to focus on (the full or the empty part of the glass) and by our interpretation of external events. For example, do we view failure as catastrophic, or do we see it as a learning opportunity?

4. Simplify! We are, generally, too busy, trying to squeeze in more and more activities into less and less time. Quantity influences quality, and we compromise on our happiness by trying to do too much.

5. Remember the mind-body connection. What we do -- or don't do -- with our bodies influences our mind. Regular exercise, adequate sleep, and healthy eating habits lead to both physical and mental health.

6. Express gratitude, whenever possible. We too often take our lives for granted. Learn to appreciate and savor the wonderful things in life, from people to food, from nature to a smile.

- Tal Ben-Shahar

The Response

I wrote a poem about a week ago called "God, Can You Hear Me". You can scroll down and find it. It seems to have garnered quite a response. I also read it somewhere too. I have received an interesting response. Here is a treatise on the poem.

The fact that God has died is not me commenting on religion. Well, I am commenting on it but in a certain way. In no way am I condemning God. What I am saying is that is God is not playing as large of a role in our society as he used to. His "death" signifies this. I am not commenting on whether or not religion or God is important. I am just saying something that I have noticed in my experience. A lot of people I have come across are starting to feel that God is irrelevant. Whether or not that is a God hing, I leave that to your personal opinions.

Also, I do not believe that it is sacreligious to write about God in such a way. I do not believe that the poem degrades any religious point of view. It is just a metaphor. A very safe and creative one.

Yes, the "God" I am referring to is the Christian one. I have raised a Christian and Christianity is the religion I am most familiar with. I did not feel it would be appropriate to write a poem from the point of view of a religion I do not quite understand fully. Plus, I consider myself a Christian. I may not be the most frequent churchgoer or the most faithful but that is the religion that I adhere to. So thats what I chose

Oh, I forgot to add. That poem was a Epilonicus exclusive. Its on my next mixtape!!! Hahahahahaha!!!!

The Weekend Buzz

Let me tell you about the weekend:

Friday
My night started pretty benign. I did a shift at the radio station. Me, Mari, and Nick do Caribbean nite on Fridays. So we were just chillaxin at the station. Then I run to a Student Activities event in the Rec Center. I win a photo album in a raffle. Then me and the girl named Christina go the archaeology party.

I normally do not go to the archaeology parties. I dont socialize with many people in my major so that is why I normally do not go. But I went Friday. I learned a veru important lesson: MAKE YOUR OWN DRINKS!!! This girl name KB made my drinks too strong and got me tore up!! Now when I drink, I start giving lap dances and taking my clothes off. I also laugh at everything. So lets just say I got a lil friendly. Then KB was flirting with me talking about I have to work in order to "horizontally dance" with her. I told her I never work, I always play. Then when she came back and told me she had a man, I said to her "Your boyfriend is a speed bump under my tire". Lets just say that I talk mad junk when I am drunk and you tell me I cant do something.

KB then got upset because I wanted to leave. She wanted me to stay. I told he I am either going to stumble home or she can walk me home. Well lets just say two friends of mine walked me home because I refused to stay. I do not feel comfortable staying at other people's place when I am drunk.

Saturday
I just chilled that night. Me and Christina (from above) watched "The Da Vince Code". I loved that movie!!! It makes a brother think. After the movie, me and Christina sat up and talked until 5:30am. The movie went off around 1:30. It was just great to sit up and talk to someone. Now do not get ahead of yourself people!! She has a boyfriend and them two seem happy. Looks aint everything but if she wanted it, Saturday provided ample opportunity for her to put on a move. But we discussed religion, politics, homosexuality and the church, relationships, friendship, everything.

Sunday
I went to the Diversity 101 (which is a club here on campus that I am the treasurer of) office and cleaned it up. My friend Eric used to date Christina. So he brought it up and made an interesting face.

I called him out on it. If he had a problem with me and Christina hanging out, he should have manned up and said something. He said he was fine but I know he has a problem. I hate when dudes have a problem and wont say anything. I met Christina before me and Eric were cool. Eric aint my best friend. We are just cool. Our friendship has just started. So has me and Christina's. So I am not honor bound to pick sides and I wont. I believe I can be friends with both. Either one has a problem with it, they can build a bridge and get over it.

I listened to Cnel's last radio show and called in. It was good until his hot made a blanket statement saying that all Muslims hate Jews. I told her that she was wrong. I also said as an intelligent person, you should not say things like that. I believe the statement was very biased and prejudiced. She disagreed and took it personally. Cnel let us argue and he kinda referree-ed the situation. But I believe I was coreect in saying that the statement was prejudiced. If a White person made such a statement, we would rip them a new asshole. So I do not think anyone, Black, White, Brown, or Purple should be allowed to make prejudiced statements.

And that was my weekend. Let me go do some laundry now. I am almost out of clean socks.

It Gets No Better Than This

A friendship that ceases was never real - St. Jerome

Her does not exist in my world anymore. She made the decision for it to be like that. You will not hear anymore about her. I will not waste another word, another drop of ink, tap of the keyboard, or another breath on the essence of her existence. I am done. I do not even want to talk about it anymore.

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

A friendship that ceases was never real - St. Jerome.

God, Can You Hear Me

God, Can You Hear Me???

I found God stretched out on the sidewalk.
He laid face down on the concrete
Hair muddled in a pool of blood,
Breath barely present,
An inkling of life still in his eyes.

There was God, dying on the sidewalk
With countless people walking by.
No one dared to touch him, or even look his way.
So I sprinted to God’s side and I asked him
“God! God! Can you hear me?”
He murmured, “ Indeed. I hear you.”
I rolled God onto his back and asked,
“Who did this to you?”
”The people,” he said. “The people did this to me.”

Now I was confused and confound
Because I was used to God being the most powerful around.
So sitting on the sidewalk,
I held God in my arms.
He whispered in my ear, telling me stories
Of how he walked with Adam in the garden
And flooded the earth with his liquid fury,
His conversation with Moses on the mount.
He shared with me his memoirs of Babylon and her gardens
And how he cried when his son died.
Then he talked to me for a few more moments.
While he whispered to me the secrets of the universe
He died
Right there in my arms he died.
No one noticed
The entity that created the world, destroyed it, and renewed it again
Died
Right there in my arms.
And no one noticed.

What Does Your Birthdate Mean??

I took this survey that Bklyn Diva had on her blog. I kinda took it and ran with it.


You are a natural born leader, even if those leadership talents haven't been developed yet.
You have the power and self confidence to succeed in life, and your power grows daily.
Besides power, you also have a great deal of creativity that enables you to innovate instead of fail.
You are a visionary, seeing the big picture instead of all of the trivial little details.

Your strength: Your supreme genius
People have been telling me this for all my life. It has definitely been a burden. People expect too much someimes. Like they expect you to know everything at all times.

Your weakness: Your inappropriate sensitivity
I have been working on this and I have definitely improved.

Your power color: Gold
This is actually one of my favorite colors.

Your power symbol: Star

Your power month: January
Couldn't I have gotten a warmer one?!?!?

A Pimp With Morals

I should win an award for being the most honorable dude in the world. My homeboy Mason should give me a prize. Here is why:

First, me and Mason are friends. I was the guy he stayed with when he visited to decide to come to my school. Then when he got here, we hung out and I showed him the ropes. He is like my little brother. I try and help him out as much as possible.

Tonight, I went to my hunting ground aka Peccadilos (it was college nite and I was bored.). His ex grlfriend was there. We talk and chat for a minute. We start dancing. It was not out of the ordinary. All of a sudden, it got a lil hot. She was pushing up on me, I was pushing a lil on her. Our faces got kinda close, and I knew it had to stop. I cannot make out with my friend's ex. That is wrong. I may be single, but I got morals. I knew I could not do it. My roommate Kevin would prolly disagree. My future stepfather said two things dont live long: dogs that chase cars and men who mess with taken women. I am trying to live forever.

It was not easy to tell her no. I mean she had the puppies on her chest were calling me, booty was all up on me, and she has a cute face. I havent had the attention of a female in a while so I was feeling like Mos Def in "Miss Phat Booty": I GOTTA HAVE IT. At this moment I am going through "withdrawal" and I need a fix. I have a monkey on my back but I knew it would be wrong to allow her to get it off (pun intended). I just could not do it. Mason is a lucky dude, because I would be tearing that up from left to right. And she could have definitely found out tonite why they call me Chocolate Thunder!

The Random Thoughts of Sir Epsilonicus

- T.Cas, that is definitely a hard loss to take. My heart and prayers go out to you and her family. All I ask is that you do not quit blogging.
- Today is a good day
- Why am I still in love with her? Why do I still love her?? Why are my feelings for her still strong?
- "Miss B" needs to quit playing games and realize that I am a winner!
- I am actually enjoying my classes so far. My Anthropology Theory class is definitely stimulating my mind. I am loving it!!!
- My bathroom reading book is interesting too.
- I gotta pee
- My roommate Kevin said something hilarious: Women are like Pokemon, you gotta catch them all!
- I am still addicted to Facebook
- My poetry group DPS has been resurrected!!!!! Watch out for the return!!!
- There are too many cute girls in my Communications Theory class. How many can I holler at before they all find out??
- I am having an oatmeal craving right now.

Bye! Time for class!

When The Levees Broke

"When The Levees Broke", my heart broke

That is how I really felt after watching the special, "When The Levees Broke". I watched it and it seriously almost had me in tears. I have never felt that emotional over anything that I saw on television.

It hurts to see my people suffering like that. I am not from New Orleans but those are my people. We all live in this country together. It just hurst to see them still to this day struggling. There does not seem to be any plausible and working plan to help them. Just watching and seeing how much of New Orleans is just practically wiped out hurt my heart. I cant stand to see how our government has failed them. It just had me choked up.

This moved me to want to do more. I have made donations in oney, clothes, and food. But what else can I do?? Is there anything more? Can I make it better? I feel as if there something I have to do. I have to do. But I do not know what. I wish I could just make it all better for the, I wish I could just wave my hand and their lives be better. I really do.

The Life And Times of Epsilonicus...

U know I love u when u loving me
Sometimes it's better when it's publicly
I'm not ashamed I don't care who sees
Just hugging & kissing our love exhibition all

We rendezvous out on the fire escape
I like to set up an alarm today
The love emergency don't make me wait
Just follow I'll lead u
I urgently need you

Let's go to the park
I wanna kiss u underneath the stars
Maybe we'll go too far
We just don't care
We just don't care
We just don't
John Legend - PDA (We Just Don't Care)


I am in a great mood. So I had to put the song that I am feeling right now. That new John Legend is the hotness. Go cop that disc (pun intended)!!!

You know I did pretty well on my finals. One class I got a C in but the rest I got Bs in. I did well considering the stress and turmoil in my life. That damn Field Methods class is holding me back!!!!

So after my finals, I got to club on Wednesday last week. I see her boyfriend there. This dude is eyeballing me. I guess i was looking especially good or something!! Lol. But seriously, he kept watching me all night. I was creeped out. But I know he did not want anything. I refuse to fight over women, especially if I am not with them. But there was this young lady I was going to holla at. But it kind of slipped my mind. I said I would get back to her but I forgot. Oh well, it happens

I got home Thursday night and I have been chilling with family ever sonce. I got to see the new James Bond movie. It is a good one. Its definitely different from all the other Bond movies but I liked it.

Today I actually chilled with my friend Ty. We reminisced and all. We talked about all the things we did in the spring of our youth. We used to DJ early in high school and all. It was good just to see him. We always end up having a good time shooting the breeze and all. We really do.


I am gonna leave you all with this: Happy Thanksgiving!

Prayer For Finals

I have finals now and here is a prayer Cnel sent me.

A PRAYER FOR FINALS!!!



The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not flunk;

He keepeth me from lying down when I should be studying.

He leadeth me beside the water cooler for a study break.

He restoreth my faith in study guides.

He leads me to better study habits

For my grade's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of borderline grades,

I will not have a nervous breakdown For Thou art with me.

My prayers and my friends, they comfort me.

Thou givest me answers in moments of blankness;

Thou anointest my head with understanding.

My test paper runneth over with questions I recognize.

Surely passing grades and flying colors shall follow me.

All the days of my examination,

And I shall not have to dwell in this university forever,

AMEN!!!!!

I have only one more final to go!

Something I Want To Say

There is something I want to blog about. It is about her. But I feel as if I cant because I mention her too much. There is always something about us going on. I wish it would stop.

I wish she did not play in my mind all the fucking time!! She is still the first thing I thnk about when I wake up and the last before I go to sleep. I am always hoping that she is doing well. I am curious about how she is doing. There are times that I still want to call her just to say hello. I cannot stop staring at her whne we are in class. I purposely came late so that I could miss her presentation today. I just cant deal with it. Why can't I just erase her from my memory. It would be sooooooo much easier.

My heart strings are being pulled on. I found something out that made me angry. When I got the info, I immediately put the punching gloves in my bag. I went ot class and went staright to the gym from there. I decided against the heavy bag and lifted weights like it was no ones business. I just felt the hurt flow into the weights as I moved them. I just exhauseted myself until I could not think about her. Now that I am alone with my thoughts, she just sits and marinates in my mind. I just need to get rid of her; remove her from my head. But I cannot seem to. The memory of her now haunts me.

She is in a relationship with someone else...

Good Weekend, Good Times

This weekend was a good one.

Friday was good. I went to class and that was ok. I did not have to go to work but I still get paid so I am all smiles for that!! We had snow up here so I had a huge snowball fight with some people right outside of my building. I did that for a few hours and then went to this even that the school hosted. It was like a pampering night so I went. I first did yoga. I am officially a yoga fan. I felt relaxed, at ease, and all Zen and ish. If you ever get a chance, do a yoga class. That ish is good for you. Then I went and got a massage. The massage was surprisingly good. It was done by sports therapy students. At first I was a lil worried but it was all good. Then I went and got a manicure. My nails definitely needed to get clipped and I figured that since I can go here and get a cute girl to clip them for free, why not.

Saturday was even better. I played some tackle football in the snow and got my exercise on. I looked like Marshall Faulk in his prime out there.!! Hahahaha j/k. I was kinda lazy for the rest of the day. I went to dinner at Olive Garden with some friends because it was someone's bday. After that I threw a party at my place.

This party was off the hook. Having a stripper pole in my living room tends to bring the freak outta everyone. I had some girls over who definitely loved the pole. And then there were some who just loved me!!! I am just gonna leave it like this: I definitely did not miss the signals this weekend!! Hahahaha! Buts eriously, people were at my place until 5am. I had to force people to leave!! I need to have parties a lil more often if I am gonna get that kind of response!!

I did finish one dare: I have a picture of a girl I have a crush on (if that is what you wanna call it).

Here name is Vanessa. I met her my freshman year. She was in 2 of my classes that year. I have had a thing for her ever since I first saw her. She is Honduran. She is gorgeous. Nice figure and all of that. But more importanty, she has the most beautiful personality I have ever come across. She never talks bad about people. She is willing to do anything to help anyone. She smiles all the time. I would do anything for Vanessa. I hate to admit this, but I am totally smitten by her. I can't describe itI would do not even know how to describe it. I did beat someone up for her. This dude hit her in the face with a snowball after hse asked not to be hit by one. I popped him right on the spot. But for Vanessa, I have it for her bad. I cannot stop smiling for her when she comes around. I wish I could have her. The only thing is this: she has a man. I cannot be mad though. He treats her right so he deserves her. But if she ever becomes single...

My Past Few Days

Its been a good couple days.

Wednesday was decent. I went to my classes (Lab Methods and Professional Communications) and then to work. Work was ok. I like what I am doing so I cannot be mad. Then I went to dinner and my meetings for Diversity 101. After that, I broadcasted on the college radio station with my homegirl Mari. We were geeking as usual. On air we talked about smelling good and how that is important when trying to holla at someone you are attracted to. Then I came back and went out to the club.

Something happened at the club. I met these two females (they were friends) and I think they both were feeling me. Actually, I know they were. I am not gonna go into too much detail. Lets justs say their hands tend to wonder. But they are smuts though. All that happened before they even knew my name. If you wanna give it up, at least put up some slight resistence. Dont just grope me and give me a look and think I am just gonna come running. Girls like that are smutty and I avoid them the way a broke man avoids child support.

Thursday was ok. I did not partcipate in my Lab Methods lab. I think her noticed it and tried to bring it up. But I was a lil worn out from Wednesday nite. Plus seeing her is still a lil rough for me. I had Forensic Stats @ 6pm. I fell asleep for half of it. That class has its foot in my ass and its hurting. I have a C in it so far but I have been busting my a$$ for a B. I will hopefully get it.

So far, my Friday is good. My presentation went well and all for my Communications class. I did a presentation on Xbox and why people should buy one. I think that I did pretty well. I did not have work and so I finished writing this entry. Nothing to interesting but just letting you know what si going on.

Oh yeah: Party at my place Saturday!! We will see how it goes.

Probably Wondering

I have been slacking on keeping you updated about my life. I have so much to say so it may take a while.

Me and her are not even trying to salvage things anymore. She said she just can't get over the fact that I left. She said she can't risk it. I told her love is worth taking risks for. I tried to change her mind but it did not work. At least I tried. There is not much more I can do. We keep it civil but thats it. I try not talk to her. It bothers me to.

I went to this conference this weekend. It was a great conference. I t was the Pennsylvania Black Conference on Higher Education. The speakers were motivating. The sessions were definitely useful. I am soooooo glad I went. I did a poem at the talent show and got a standing ovation!!! It was incredible. The women were just gorgeous!!! But one bad thing happened: they tried to holler and sometimes it went over my head. I am just slow when it come to catching on. I really am. I need to work on it. But seriously, hte conference was good. It felt good to be surrounded by Black people. I spent my whole weekend around Black people!! It was a vacation come true!!!

School is hectic but I aint even stressin'. I have some presentations to get workin on. One is due this weeke and the other two are on for next week. I havent started some of them. So I am gonna get moving on it! Classes are making me work for it, especially that Forensic Stats class. This class is putting its foot in my a$$!!!!.

I guess that is the update. I hope it was not too long!

The Mind of Epsilonicus

My mind is wandering at the moment

- Talking to her just kills my spirit.
- I hate my Foensic Stats class.
- I am ready to retire already. I really am
- My dating is horrid man, it really is
- I need to work on my approach with women. I met a girl this past weekend who kept saying how men with licks were sexy. I have locks and I knew she was talking about me. All I could do was stand there. It also did not help we were at church when she said this ( I cant pimp in tha house of the Lord!!)
- This gospel song has me all choked up now. It is called "I Need You To Survie" by Hezekiah Walker. I am not the most religious person in the world but hearing that song in church ( I rarely go) had me a lil emotional. I really really feel that song.
- I am really feeling Hi-Tek right now. I heard a cut from his album and I may go buy. I may have to buy it online because Erie PA dont know ish about hip hop.
- I have not gone out in a while.
- Being an RA is like a 24 hour job. It is mad hectic
- I almost killed a girl who basically told me I dont deserve to be at this school because I am Black. Epsilonicus almost choked a bitch!!!!!!!!!
- I need to get my stripper pole back up!!
- Missy and Nikki, I have not forgotten about your dares. I havent had the time to get the pics developed about dancing on the pole. Also, I havent seen the girl I have a crush on lately.
- I have been blogging for quite a while now.
- I love my hair
- I am really not feeling the women I have been meeting. They are so dull. I mean they have no life, no personality.
- My friend Jessica showed me a good time and I appreciate it. I really do. She made sure that I had to time to party and relax. Thats a good friend right there. Plus she took me to church! We all know I need the Lord some days!!
- I gotta clean my apartment before I do my pumpkin carving program. It seriously a mess. I hate it.
- I have to face the fact that there si nothing between me and her. After our convo last nite, there really is nothing more. I have to realize it.

A Good Weekend

This weekend was good. We had Fall Break here at school. This meant that at school we had a four day weekend. I decided that Ia dod not want to be in my apartment alone so I planned on visiting my homegirl Jessica. She goes to Pitt-Titusville. So I went down and stayed the weekend with her.

The weekend was good. Jessica was a good hostess. I felt right at home at her place. But she has some crazy friends though. They were cool as hell but they were kinda wild. Also, her college is smaller than mine but has more Black people. I enjoyed being around some of my people for a change. I had fun this weekend. It was just a good weekend.

Now I gotta get notes for the class I skipped. Maybe her will give them to me.

Face The Music

Listening To:
Donell Jones - Where I Wanna Be

I said I left my baby girl a message
Sayin I wont be coming home
Id rather be alone
She doesnt fully understand me
That Id rather leave than to chill
If she gives me some time
I can be the man she needs
But theres a lot of lust inside of me
And weve been together since our teenage years
I really dont mean to hurt her, but I need some time
To be alone

But when you love someone
You just dont treat them bad
Oh, how I feel so sad
Now that I wanna leave
Shes crying her heart to me
How could you let this be?
I just need time to see
Where I wanna be
Where I wanna be...

Never did I imagine
That you would play a major part
In a decision thats so hard
Do I leave, do I stay, do I go?
I think about my life and what matters to me the most
Girl, the love that we share is real
But in time your heart will heal
Im not saying Im gone
But I have to find what life is like
Without you


I almost wrote her a letter today. I woke up thinking about how much I miss her.

I have been been thinking about her for a while. We stopped talking to each other suddenly. We claimed we were gonna try and make it work. We were gonna just try nad work on getting along again before we try being back in a relationship. It seemed like a good idea. So I tried to hang out with her and she gave me the cold shoulder. I took that as a slap to us working things out. How we gonna work things out when you won't even be around me. So we stopped talking about 2 weeks ago. She did not even call me on my birthday. My crazy ass ex-girlfriend from high school called me (the ex from high did not even have my number but she called people for it). I appreciated that but I wanted her to call me. That was the most important person who could have called me (other than family).

But I woke up thinking about her, like I do everyday. She is the first and last on my mind. I then said to myself " since she wont even look at you, write a letter and put it in her mailbox" I thought it was a good idea. I get to class and then I see her on my way. So I enter the building another way because she did not see me. As class is going on, I am writing the letter, still debating whether or not to give it to her. I do not finish it before class ends. So her and I are left alone once everyone leaves. She does not even look at me or notice that I exist.

It was then that I faced the music. There is no hope for us. I kinda ruined that. Well, its not kinda, I just did ruin it. I made a decision to leave so now I must eat that decision and face the consequences. I may not like the consequences of my actions but I have to deal with them.

I just dont like the consequence for this one: being without the person I love.

Truth or dare

Comment on this post and let me know if you want a truth or dare. i'll respond with a question or a dare, then you run over to your blog and post your response to the question or dare. make sure you reference the 'truth or dare' moto in the title of the entry so folk won't be all over your blog looking for your answer (unless you just WANT us to do it...)

guidelines:

1. nothing illegal
2. no nudity requests
3. nothing malicious

let's keep this fun.

Here are the ones I had to answer:

Trizzy: What is your most embarrasing moment and have I ever been attracted to a "friend" and not told them?

My most embarrasing moment had to be when I was younger. I got my leg stuck in a piece of playground equipment (it was a cement train) and had to have the fire department come and get me out. All the kids were laughing at me. I still hear about it to this day.

I am currently attracted to a friend I have not told them. It is one of my old roommate's ex. Me and her are from Maryland. So over the summer we kind of started talking. A lot. Almost every night of the week. Now, we talk a couple nights a week. I feel kind of bad that I have fallen for her. I have not told the old rooomie (he transfers and we dont even talk). She wants to visit me and all. I dont even know if I should tell her how I feel, especially since she goes to college in NC at Elon. I also have another friend Vanessa who goes here. But she has a man so I am plotting on how to get at her.

Tcas ~ What is the hardest thing about being in college.

I would have to say being black is one of the hardest thing about being in college. I go to school that is majority white; majority being an understatement. I have few Black friends up here ( I have only Black friends at home). Its hard not being around people like me. Its hard that people do not understand my point of view or where I am coming from. I do have some Black female friends but all of them are from the Caribbean. Their struggle is not a part of mine. Thats what is hard. I miss my people. I would not trade being who I am though. I am proud of who I am and I appreciate the history of struggle that my people have gone through. Nothing could make me want to be anything else.

Nikki ~ I havent forgotte about your dare. I havent seen the girl so I havent had a chance to get a pic with her.

Why I Love My Roommates!!!

My roommates are the best people in the world and here is why:

I have wanted a stripper pole in my apartment since last school year. I have always had big dreams of getting Lisa Raye in my place and re-enacting some scenes from "Playas Club" (if not Lisa Raye then Toni Braxton. These are dreams). I also had dreams of running a lil strip club outta my place. Just a lil something to make ends meet ahahha lol. Actually I wanted one because I always thought that it was cool. It also provides me a reason to ask girl to....... (I was gonna give u some HumanityCritic humor but decided against it!!). Let's just say I wanted one!!

They have made my dreams come true!

I walked into my apartment today and I see a huge ceiling height box in my living. I say "that looks like a stripper pole" My roomie Kevin says, "No, it is a rocket launcher" (sad thing is that I almost considered believing him). He gives a card and Curtis(the new roomie) smiles. It is signed by all these people who kicked out some money in order to get me a stripper pole!! 15 of them being females (Ima definitely let them slide down my pole!! Hahahahaha). 8 of them were my residents, and they were all female. It really made my day to see all the people who chipped in. I felt soooooooooooo special. That gift means a lot. Not because it is a stripper pole, but because of the amount of people who put the effort in to see that I get something that I wanted.
Thanks Kevin and Curtis!!

My Birthday!!

IT IS MY BIRTHDAY PEOPLE!!
I have hit 20!!

Since its my birthday, make some noise!!!!

Since its my birthday, make some noise!!!!

Since its my birthday, make some noise!!!!

College Girls And Sex

One day I was sitting with a group of my female friends and the topic of sex came along. Some of the female friends were complaining about their boyfriend's sexual capabilities. They were ragging on their boyfriends' inability to give them orgasms. Just basically complaining that the sex is not good. Being one of the few males there (another male friend was there), I decided to ask an important question:

Have you ever told your boyfriend what you like???

All of them said no, they never told them. And this is the solution to their problem:

Tell him what you want.

Men, we are not psychic. We do not know all your little intricacies. We can only guess. So women, if your man is not doing exactly what you like, tell him.

Now I a not saying just be and rude and say, "You aint worth shi*t so do this, this, and this." You kind of have subtly tell him. Whisper it in his ear while you are having sex. Or say "I like when you do _____________" This way, he can make himself believe that he figured it out on his own. And once he does it, then kinda stroke the ego and say how much you liked it, you know that whole positive reinforcement thing. You can't complain when he does not give you want you when he does not even know what you want.

Now if you tell him and he does not do it, then thats just messed up. (unless you wanna do something thats waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off thats unsanitary and or dangerous.)

Basically it the whole communication thing. Get it right, get it tight.

Them damn young women. They dont know how to handle it. I gotta find me some older ones. Aged to perfection as I call it.

Mea Familia

This my momma and her fiancee. I decided that I am going to do some entries about my familia since they are important to me.

My mom's name is Stephanie. She is 44 years old I think. She lives in Baltimore Maryland, one of the greatest places in the world if you ask me. She likes to read a lot. We kind of trade books with each other. She is just fun to be around. She can't stay up late if her life depended on i though ahahahah!!! She does have an attitude. I f you cross her, she can wrought vengeance on that ass!!!!

Me and my mother have gone through a lot. My childhood was rough. We have been through a lot. From homeless to a lot of other shit. I love my mom so much that I stabbed someone when I was in the 3rd grade who put their hands on her (one of her ex-boyfriends). Lets say we never saw him after that. But no matter what has happened, she has been there as much as she could. She is my biggest supporter. She may not like some of my decisions but she is willing to do whatever it takes to make sure me and my younger brother made it. When there wasnt enough food, me and my bro ate and she didnt. We had clothes when necessary. Ever since my mom has gotten clean, we have been able to get past the old pains and become closer. People can't say ish about my mother because she is the bomb!!!!

Her Fiancee: His name is Lenwood. He is about 45 I think. He is also a twin. I like him alot. He does a lot with my brtoher. He can be a handful but Lenwood keeps him in line. He supports my younger brother and encourages him. Me and Lenwood are working on getting a little closer. I really do like him He is one the best examples of a man that I know.

Here is just a small part of my family.

MY MUSIC!!

I GOT MY MUSIC BACK!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

My Gift To Myself

Happy me above

My shoes are here. These are my birthday gift to myself. They came a lil early but oh well!! I ordered them online and they came all the way from China. My day is perfect now!!!! My bday is Oct 1 but Happy Early Birthday to me!!! I am going to do an actual post tomorrow. You all deserve it

INVISIBLE AIR FORCE ONES YAY!!!

Never Forget

Tonight, I ask for your prayers for all those who grieve, for the children whose worlds have beenshattered, for all whose sense of safety and security has been threatened. And I pray they will be comforted by a power greater than any of us, spoken through the ages in Psalm 23: "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me."

"Maybe the purpose of all this is to find out if America today is as strong as when we fought for our independence or when we fought for ourselves as a Union to end slavery or as strong as our fathers and grandfathers who fought to rid the world of Nazism and communism. The terrorists were counting on our cowardice. They've learned a lot about us since then. And so have we. "--
Rudolph Giuliani, at a funeral for a friend

Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America. These acts shatter steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve. America was targeted for attack because we are the brightest beacon for freedom and opportunity in the world. And no one will keep that light from shining. - President George W. Bush September 11, 2001

Everyone, take some time to reflect.

Goddamn!

My external harddrive went up!! Yes, you heard me correctly; MY EXTERNAL HARDDRIVE WENT UP!!! It has soooo many importnant things on it such as poetry and great and incredible pictures. I am soooooooooooooooooooo upset right now. I may still have a way to get them back. I am consulting with one of my residents.

I am loving school at this moment. I mean it is slightly diffcult but not to the point where I want to tear my hair out. This RA thing is startong to become a lot easier. Once I actually plan the programs and all out, it makes things manageable. I am also trying to get inducted into Sigma Alpha Pi, which is the National Society of Leadership and Success. This is an honor's society and all. I am excited to be doing it. So school is going great.

Her and I are rocky. We are trying to work things out but it does not look good I guess. We are not talking to each other. She says I need to figure out what I need to do in order to prove that I want to be back with her before we talk again. She says that I think just coming back is enough. I am trying to come up with a plan but I get a feeling that I am not doing well. I guess I just have to keep trying and see how it goes.

Letter To My Father

Dear Dad,

I really am having trouble writing this for you. I have never even met you before. I mean, I was a baby the last time I saw you. So what do I call you; dad, father, pops?? What is appropriate?? I have never had the chance to even use that title for any man in my life.

I guess I should say this first. I do not hate you. You may not have been here for my childhood but I do not hate you. I do not resent the fact that you were not here. I don't understand why you were gone but I do not hold it against you. I hope that that is not a reason for you not seeing me. Seriously, I would love to get the chance to meet you. I feel as if I do not even know half of me. I don't. I may have siblings and grandparents and aunts and uncles that I don't even know exist. I just want a chance to meet you. I want a chance to know my father. I want a chance to know me. I want to meet the man my mother never disrespected in front of me. I just want one opportunity to meet the man whose name I carry on. (I still use Jr).

I am in college now. I am a junior. I have made this journey successfully so far because of the hard work and effort I put into. I have had help but I have done this mostly by myself. No one graduated high school for me. No one goes to class for me. No one takes my tests or writes my papers. I do all that. I wish you were here to see the fruits of my labor.
you coulda move

I wish you were in my life. I wish you coulda seen me walk. I wish you coulda heard my first words. I wish you woulda taught me to ride a bike. I wish you coulda seen my first day of school. Or talked to me about my first kiss. I wish we could have talked about sex and girls. Or you were there for graduation. I wish you woulda dropped me off at college. Or been there when my Aunt Carolyn died. You missed a lot. You really did. But I dont hate you.

I hope to one day meet you. I need to meet you. I feel as if I am half the man I could be without you. You are my father. Even though I am 19, I still need you. I need you now more than ever.

Sincerely,

Your son, Gary Jr.

Life of an RA

Some chick woke me up at 8am because she locked herself out. Damn!!! Bit its ok. Its all a part of the job.

My roommates are here and I am soooooooooooo happy. I mean I hated being in my apartment by myself. It was cool but I had no one to talk to. My roommates "stole" another couch from a lounge in the basement and I kinda looked the other way. I mean I hope we just dont get in trouble for it. Our apartment is nice. We have definitely made it look like a little home. Thanx to my roommate Kevin's girlfriend, it stays pretty clean. She keeps on top of us about keeping it neat.

I am just looking forward to the school year and all. It will be great.

Back on Top of My Game

Any pessimists I ain't talked to them,
Plus, I ain't have no phone in my apartment.
Let's take 'em back to the club.
Least about an hour I would stand on line,
I just wanted to dance.
I went to Jacob an hour after I got my advance.
I just wanted to shine.
Jay's favorite line: "Dog, in due time"
Now he look at me, like "Damn, dog, you where I am"
A hip hop legend.
I think I died in an accident, cause this must be heaven.

Kanye West - Touch The Sky


Hey Blogger fam!! I am baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!! I had to take week long hiatus. Life has been very hectic for me so let me update you all.

I am back at school now for RA training. I work for "The Establishment"!! Who would have thought that the guy who spent more time ducking RAs would become one? I have been up here at school since last Sunday. Training has been very busy. We have all kinds of lectures and presentations to deal with any array of things that may come up. It really keeps ne busy. But I like it though. I really think I can this RA thing well. My building theme is called "The Grammy Family" Each apartment is going to be a different winner from the most recent Grammy Awards. My building is goign to be tight. I also like the people on my RA team. They are all cool. It helps that I used to room with one, and two others were my former RA.But I like my team, almost too much. There are some fine awomen there I am constantly flirting with them all. Even the one with the boyfriend has caught a flirtatious comment or two (and she is the sexiest of them all to me with them thick thighs of hers. She is white girl kinda built like a sista. The white dudes dont know what they have ;) The Asian girl on my team let it be known that she likes dark meat BUT I dont think that it helped that I told her I knew she was Korean because Koreans own all the stores in my neighborhood. Oh well. But I am soooooooooooo happy to be back at school. I definitely needed to get out my house and be more productive.

I found my strength during RA training. I do the scenarios dealing with sexual assualt very very well. The women who pretended to be sexually assaulted said I had a way of making them want to talk to me (one of the women who said that was the sexy girl on my RA team). One girl said if I talked to her in real life, I could get her to tell me anything I wanted, even if it wasnt related to the scenario. I think she was trying to holler. But I was surprised that the sexual assualt scenarios were my strong points. You would think that being male would make a victim uncomfortable. I guess not.

I feel on top of my game. My mood is up, my spirits are buoyed. I feel marvelous. I feel as if I can handle any situation. As if I have been through the fire. I have not talk to my ex for about a week (Im gonna stop calling her "her" and just keep it real. She is my ex). I have not got to calling her. I have had time but I have chosen to not talk to her. If she wants to talk to me, she can hit me up. I have my cell phone now. But I refuse to let her dictate how I feel. I refuse to let her beat me up with the fact that I left. I may have left and made a mistake but now I am trying to atone for that mistake. Shou should have been there supporting me instead of trying to hurt me with that. So now I have taken back my emotions. I choose how I feel. No one can make feel anything I dont want to feel. I love her and I wish we could get back together but I am just not gonna put up with it.

I am getting used to being single. Fo a while I couldnt not call her my ex. Now I can. Everyday I habdle being by myself a lil better than the day before. I just take this single thing day by day. I am doing really well.

I realize something: I dont have a mentor. I dont have a male figure that I can talk to. No one I can look up to. I dont have that guy that I go to whenever I have problems. I have older male role models but not anyone who I would feel comfortable talking to about my personal problems. They are too old for me to really relate to. I can tell my mother these things but she doesnt get them at times. I have to find me a mentor.Just a Black male in my life who can be supportive but let grown into my own. That male bond has been missing in my life.

But now, I feel on top. I am gonna touch the sky.

Life Is A Bitch

Listening To:
Lenny Williams - 'Cause I Love You


Before I start, Humanity Critiv, I am using your sense of humor. I am sorry but it fits all to well. This means I may be offensive to many people. I apologize in advance

Yesterday was the worse day ever. I can really say that because it is true. I mean it couldnt get any worse than what it was. If I had prayed to God and said, "Please give me a the shittiest day possible" I would not have gotten the day that I had. Let me tell you......

I wake up to the sound of the news reporter talking about an attempted terrorist attack on a plane. All I could think is "oh shit. Sunday is gonna be a bitch trying to return to school. Why couldnt the terrorist hold on until after I made it to school. Keep your damn turbans on!!" Only if I knew this was only the beginning of my troubles. So I scramble to figure out when I need to get ready and to make sure my flight has not changed. I also am still trying to find a ride from the airport to the school.

I get online to read the news and check email. I get an IM from her. If you dont know who her is, then read this entry.

She tells me that a girl emailed her with convos that me and this chick supposedly had. This chick had found me on myspace and somehow has my screenname. So we chatted because I am too nice. Now what she said we chatted about was made up. There was some info in these convos I dont give to people. I am nice but not gullible. So this stalker bitch (I mean this in every evil negative connotation that has ever been created by mankind) creates some shit, gets her name, address, screenname, and email address some how. So her is omega-chi-phi pissed because we are suppose to be trying to get back together (Cant a brother get a piece from someone since we aint together?? Thats a whole 'nother issue). So I am angry. I mean pissed. I feel as if my privacy has been raped. I deleted all my college friends off myspace. If you currently go to my school, then I removed them. This is because Stalker-Bitch got the info from a supposed friend of mine. Well that friend better hope I dont find out who it is. Because Ima put the hands on someone for crossing me. If its a female, then Ima call some chicks I know to ride up to Erie. And these arent the most classiest people I roll with.

And I know how it is gonna go down. Her is gonna believe what stalker-bitch said and I am gonna come out the loser. So I talk to her and she is mad because she doesn't know the chick.

I go get ready to leave because I go out with a friend to dinner. On my way, I get hemmed up by the police. See, I suffer from a disease. It is called Black-male-itis. Being a drak complected person with a penis means that I have committed past crimes that I haven't been caught for and thus I deserve to eat concrete. So I am forced on the ground to eat concrete because I fit the profile:
Black male; 3feet to 8 feet tall; 50-900 pounds; has either cornrows, locks, short hair cut, or bald or any hair style imaginable, light skin to Crayola black complexion
So after that, I am on the light rail. The bomb squad stops the train and brings a dog aboard. Well seeing that my day has already gone so beautifully, the gargoyle-breath having dog almost eats my face. So audience, what does that mean???? I get taken off the train by 4 officers and questioned. I then get taken into a nearby building and searched. Then they let me go.

Dinner went well. Wow. Yipppeee-kai-yay mutherfucker.

I return home and Stalker-Bitch IMs me. I proceed to spazz out with the authority of God!! I mean this chick caught the brunt of it. It didnt help she tried to play dumb. Then she proceeds to tell me she was doing her a favor. I really lost it. Then I called her. Long story short, we probably are not going to work things out and she refuses to talk to me. So now I have sworn off dealing with women. This does not mean that I have forever forsaken women, but I need a break. I mean I cant get shit!! I try to not chase, I catch hell. When I chase women I catch hell. Who would have thought that the time I tell a female no, she destroys everything I work so hard for.

So now I am at home listening to Lenny Williams. Wow, I cannot wait to get back to college. Can it get any worse???

Poetry For You

What is this?
This is now.
This is the ever-present now.
The past was yesterday’s now and the future is the now of tomorrow.
Every moment we live in is now.
Each now is filled with possibilities
This now determines the next now.
So now is precious.
No now can be wasted.
So use each and every now to its full potential.
Morph and mold the future into the perfect vision of what you want now to be.
So that when you wake up you can say,
“ This is it how it is, forever and now. Amen”.

This Is Now

Written by epsilonicus
Inspired by Andrew Erickson

Welcome To My Life

Stream of thought here I come:

I hope "she" takes me back. For a week and a half I have been fighting my way back to her. It is definitely all worth it.

How come I never go to sleep before 1am??

Me and "K" havent hung out in a minute. She carried it ignorantly with me at one point and almost caught a cuss out. I pulled her up and she played stupid. She better get it together.

I have a headache from drinking so much alcohol Saturday night. Drinking Corona, wine, tequila, Southern Comfort, vodka, and beer all in one nite isnt good for anyone's health.

Why do young females try to holler at me?? Can they not tell that I am too damn old for them??

It makes me sad how out of shape that I am in. It really does.

I have a new doctor and I like him. I mean he is a cool dude. He keeps it real with me and I like that.

I miss being at school so much. I feel like a waste of a sperm and an egg sitting in Baltimore not working. School at least provides me some sort of busy work. I also miss my roommate Kevin and a bunch of other people.

I need sex.









Thanx for listening.