Caribbean

Hanging out with my friend Nick who is from the British Virgin Islands is really turning me Carribbean. I am serious. All I have listened to this weekend is soca amd reggae. I have been Hot Wuk-ing my ass all across campus. I have downloaded tons of songs. Soon I am about to be speaking in dialect.

Gal whine let me come behind yuh
Eh me make she feel alright
Coulda dance all night if yuh want ohh
till a mornin light
love how you feel infront a me so gal
let me hold you tight

Collie Buddz - Mamcita

I wish Erie had a Carribbean spot. I would definitely be up in that camp slow winding with a fine young lady. Oh yeah!!! I may be going to Carnival in the summer. I am going to the celebration in Toronto with my homegirl Mari!! If everything goes right I am going. I cannot wait. Ya boy is going to go and find him a wifey!!! Hahahahahaha!! But after field school I may go. Cross your fingers and pray!!!!

Girl I wanna wrap you wanna lock you in my arms an
Brown skin
Woman I love the vibes I love the spice I love the passion you bring
Brown skin jus a wanna wrap you wanna lock you in my arms and
Aye brown skin
Woman I love the vibes I love the spice I love the passion you bring

Richie Spice - Brown Skin

Outta My System

If you love something, let it go,
and if it comes back then that's how you know.
I got to the stop light then I made four rights.
Now I'm back where I started,
and you're back in my life.
The further I go, the closer I get back to you.
I say I moved on,
Til' I'm reminded of you.
Can somebody help me?
Help me get out of this circle
Marques Houston - Circle

Im too attached
My heart won't let me fall back
I got it bad
Thats what you can call that (ah)
And when I see you on the streets
Thats the worst for me
Use to love the little things you did
Thats what works for me
Its too major
Dont see you in my pager
Know What you doing?
Where you at?
Or Can I see you later?
The fellas telling me
Just let her go Bow
Believe me Im trying man
I just dont know how
Bow Wow - Outta My System

I miss her!!! I really do. This week has been rough on that account. I woke up craving her next to me. I want her to kiss me. I crave her touch. I desire her conversation. Like Usher said, I got it bad. All I have been doing is listening to love songs. Its weird. I am hanging out with with other girls and I still think about her. I mean, I like the two girls and I ma interested in seeing where it goes but I still think about her. I just cannot help it. I find myself wanting to call her. I want to know if she feels the way I do. I miss her. Like Raheem DeVaughn said:

I need you like I need you. And IIIIIIII wanna love you like I want to. Baby I love you, I love you, i love you baaaaaaby!!

A Story

Me:(As my hand strikes her face) THIS IS A MAN'S WORLD!!!

Ok. I just want to hit someone and scream that. I just think it would be funny. I considered doing that to the cashier at CVS here at school. I had the urge to do it. Dont know why, I just wanted to.

Anyways... back to why I wanted to blog. I was at dinner with Cnel this past Friday. We got into a convo about one of my exes. I had this one ex who I had dated from junior year of high school until the first month of college. I was explaining to him that she likes to date guys with a "story".

What I mean by a story is that their life has to have some sort craziness to it. They had to have a rough childhood. Or they want to a gangster. She grew up in the suburbs and lead a normal life. There were not ghettos, no drugs, no abuse. She had everything she ever wanted. Now she dates guys who I guess fit some sort of fantasy. I do not know what it is.

She used to ask tons of questions. She also would try and copycat whatever I would do. Because I did not have a lot of parental supervision, I could stay out all night. I was fiercely independent. So she would try to pull that with her parents. It just would not fly.

I do not get it. Why would kids from suburbs want to grow up how I grew up? I mean it was rough. There were times I went hungry. We were broke. I lived without electricity. I slept in bus stations and lived with random people. I never had any of the things I wanted and barely got what I needed. I wish I grew up cookie cutter. I wish I lived in the suburbs and had all my need sufficiently taken care. I wish I grew up with a mom and dad. I wish I had grown up with a stable parent. These kids don't realize that those of us from the ghettoes and poor neighborhoods dreamed of having half of what they got.

These kids just do not get it. The life we lived is not cool. There is nothing "hard" to it. There are no awards for growing up poor. Growing up poor is not cool. It really is not. Ladies, it is not interesting. Ity is not fascinating to grow up poor or anything. That hard scrabble life aint cool at all. It really isn't. That shit is for the birds.

Break Time

I have been home on Spring Break since Friday. It feels good to be back.

I just needed to get away from it all. For about the past two months at school, I have not been feeling like myself. My mood has been different. I have felt very grumpy and moody. I have been more reclusive. My patience is thinning with people. I find that I am isolating myself from others. All I want to do is sleep. I just do not feel like myself. I know something is wrong. This is not normal. No one can tell me otherwise. I will do some investigating when I return to school. I just know.

I really dont have much to say. I have been taking it easy. Anyway. When I have something to say, I will let you all know.

Things You Do Not Know About Me

I was tagged by Brooklyn Diva to do this. Here we go

1. I am very selfish and arrogant
The main reason I attend the college I am at is because I will be the first Black male to have graduate from my department. Once I heard that, I knew I would end up here. I knew I would get in a history book so I had to do it. Its the opportunity of a lifetime.

I wake up in the morning thinking I am sexy. I will tell you I am one of the best humans to ever live. I think I have it like that. I believe there is nothing I cannot do. I have a Knaye West complex

2. I have addictive tendencies

I pick up bad habits easily. Just small ones. I quit biting my nails now to always cleaning them. Once I drop one little habit, I pick up another one.

3. I struggle to express my emotions

Past girlfriends have complained about this a lot. Especially the one I broke up with right after I got to college. They have said that I do not express my emotions alot. They want me to be more expressive. I can agree with that. I kind of do not express my emotions. I feel sad but I do not express it. I feel angry and I don't express it. I guess I need to express my emotions more. They say it is detrimental to not be expressive. I do not know.

4. I am an introvert

Some of you may laugh, (esp Cnel) but I am an introvert. I am very selective of my friends. I do not reveal much about myself to people. I still get nervous in crowds. But I love my alone time. I really do. I get annoyed with people (especially women) very easily. It just works like that. Sometimes I hate people. I mean that seriously.

5. I hold grudges

I never forget when you do me wrong. I may forgive but I never forget. I will always remember, even if forced to live as long as God himself

6. I have a special definition of the difference between confidence and arrogance

Confidence - I am the best
Arrogant - I am better than you
You see the difference???

I am going to tag: Hassan, Missy, So Wise,

Da Weekend Flava!!

I cannot keep living like this!! My weekend was live!!!

Friday:
My really good friend had her recital that night. She is the first African-American to gaduate from our music department here. So her recital was called " I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings". It was beautiful. She invited me to do a poem by Paul Lawrence Dumbar. Here are some pics
Savanity and her lil brother



























Yours truly













After the recital, me and Mouse went to my place with another friend and watched a movie. Mouse ended up staying until 4am again (she is making a habit of it). I still have not outright asked her if she is feeling me. I need to do that very soon.

Saturday
I did speed dating that night. It was fun. I met a few young ladies. Some were really feeling me. I have to check my mailbox to see if they sent me their info. I did get a phone call that night. She called me about an hour after speed dating. Shorty somehow got my cell number. They have not even mailed out the info yet but she got my cell number. I looked her up on facebook.com and she is cute. I will definitely keep in touch.

Sarah (this Asian chick I just met Wednesday who has been blowing me up) called me and wanted me to come over. I went over to her place and chilled at her party. The party then moved to my place. Some of my residents came over and we danced the night away. I ended up kissing this chick named Brandy. I worked with her last year. She is cute but I never thought there would be something between us. I did not go to sleep until 6am

Sunday
I did a whole bunch of homework and watched the Grammys. I was disappointed with the John Legend/John Mayer/ Corinne Bailey Rae performance. That was a dud performance. Sarah then called me and asked if she could come over. We ended up watching Blow with Johnny Depp. I love that movie. She left at 2am. That girl must be feeling me. She makes sure I hear from her.

I hav a feeling that all these women are going to get me in trouble. I need to slow my life down. I am glad break is coming up soon.

THIS IS NOT WORK FRIENDLY!!!!

I love this video. I found it at Rocka.Candy. It is a video done to Robin Thicke's "Lost Without You" The video is definitely good (not because of all the bodies but it was shot artistically). I hope that you all enjoy it.

Break Time

Now I should be at class right now. My class is at 11. Its is 11:10 and I walked outside, felt how cold it is and decided against going. I just do not feel like going to class. I am exhausted. I cannot sleep for some reason. Plus I just did not feel like walking to class. Can someone get me a Hover-Round?

It is cold here in Erie, PA. How cold you may ask? It is 10 degrees with winds at 21mph. That means you feel it in your bones. I walked from my apartment to the cafeteria, a 3 minute walk, and my joints started stiffening as if I had arthritis. I went to class on Monday and it was -5 degrees. It is colder here than in Alaska.

Now with all that said, my fellow bloggers should make donations. Send me soup, ramen, or anything that I can fix inside my place. Blankets, heaters, gloves, hats (make sure the hats are large. I have locs) are also appreciated. Cash can also be sent!!! Email me for my address!! Hahaha!!

Let me go shower and do some work since I decided to play hooky

A World Of Girls

I've kissed the most exotic face
From London to Honolu
Made love in the most romantic places
What more can one man do

Livin' in a world of girls
It's like swimmin' in a sea of pearls
Taste like caviar
Watching shooting stars
Like silk to the touch
Diamonds in a rush

Joe - World of Girls

Anyone who knows me knows that I love women. I love them. I love the way they walk. I love the way they talk. I love their little mannerisms, their temper tantrums. I love how they take care of themselves. I enjoy their company. It was only recently in my life that I had more male best friends than female best friends. I just love the company of women.

My love for women transcends color. Yes, I, a Black man dates outside the race. I have no problem admitting it. I do not have a preference based on color. There are too many gorgeous women of various hues for me to discriminate.

Do I have a preference? No. I do not have a preference. Actually, I think I do. Let me explain:

I say I do not have a preference but I do see a pattern now that I look. I have had romantic encounters with Asian, White, and Black females. I grew up in a mixed neighborhood so it happens. I have been to mixed chools (elementary), all Black (middle school), mostly white (high school and college). So I have been exposed. But I do have an unconscious preference: Black women. I say that because those are the type of females I have had the most romantic encounters with. Its that simple. I do not know if it is exactly a preference or is it just a pattern.

I do keep my options open though. My longest relationship was with a White female. So I do not discriminate. I do not choose one female over the other because of color. I look for their physical attractiveness and their personalities. I just do not factor color in whether I am attractied. I do look at color when it comes to how their families will feel. Color just does not matter when it comes to attractiveness. Thats my opinion. For me, I cannot say that I love all people if I cannot allow myself to fall in love with all people. You catch my drift??

I know some Black women will have a problem with this. Some may not even date me. I know this is true. But if a woman is going to exclude me because I interracially date, then she is not right for me. I just do not see a problem with interracially dating. It does not make me any less "Black" because of it. I miss out on some beautiful people (physically and personality-wise). I have learned a lot about myself because of it. I have learned a lot dating Black females but I have also learned a lot dating outside my race. All in all, I will never stop dating outside my race. I will not start preferring one type of woman over another because of skin color. That's just not me. Plus, I am living in a world of girls.

Culture and Snow Bunnies

There is so much snow. So much!! It has been snowing up here for about 2.5 weeks! Alomst everyday. It is either just barely flurrying or its coming down!!! I feel like I am in Siberia.

I love my communications theory class but I am starting to feel a lil hated. The professor I adore. She is noce and she is kind of attractive in that older woman way. Anyways... She realizes that anthropology and communications are very closely related. Comunication is how culture is transmitted. So she always asks me for my opinion from an anthropological view. Plus, I actually participate and say stuff. It was awkward today because I kind of disagreed with a classmate and picked apart her idea. The professor said I was right (as usual) and everyone in the class looked at me. Then as we were discussing organizational culture, she asked for a definition of culture. I tried to avoid responding but she obviously asked for my definition. One girl goes "Of course he has a better one. He studies this for a living". I made a joke saying I wish I got paid to study!! I just dont want to be known as the kid who answers all the questions and is annoying. But I can't let it worry me too much because they need to buck up and be a little more well-rounded.

My poetry writing has degenerated to nil. I mean I used to write a whole lot. Now I am losing it. I try to read other poetry. I do little writing exercises. I cannot get the creative juices flowing at all. HELP!!

Oh yeah. Then there is my female situation:
1. "Mouse" - She is a freshman. She works in one of my labs. We have been spending a lot of time together lately. She came over Saturday and stayed until 4am and did the same on Monday night. She is very shy and is an introvert but she is becoming more assertive. She is highly intelligent. We talk for hours and there is never that weird pause. I just do not know if she is feeling me. She says little stuff but I do not know. For example, she says she normally does not say if she likes a guy. I then go what does that mean. She smiles and shrugs her shoulders. She is definitely relationship material.

2. "Intel Chick" - She is cool too. She has a large personality. She is also intelligent. We have hung out and we talk sometimes. I like her personality but to be honest, I like her body better. I do not think she is relationship material. I know I would get annoyed at some point. But I still want to have her stay the nite.

3. "E" - She is a resident. She has been very flirty. Not only that, she got really upset that she did not get a lap dance on her birthday but her rooommate did. I do not know about her. She likes b-ball and all but she is not putting in tthe work.

4. "Dancer" - She rooms with E. She was the one who got the lap dance. Lets just say she is feeling me. The problem is: A lot of her friends are to. Plus she rooms with E. Which means I cannot have both. Plus, she has too many gorgeous friends.

I feel like a player. Its been a while since the prospects have looked so good. Time to go shopping ;)

Monday Grind

Listening to: Nas feat. Jay-Z - Black Republican

That song has been my joint!!! The beat is vicious. I just love it. It gets me pumped for the morning.

This Monday started rough. I had a test at 11am. I could not sleep last nite. This means I went into the test and blanked out. I left the entire first page blank!! It took about 30 minutes into the test in order for me to start going. After 30 minutes, the engine started moving and I finished the first page. I think I did decently. It was for my Anthropology Theory class. I forgot the names but I knew all of the theories and how they work. I need to work on it.

Then I went to eat. Some chicks kept watching me. It was kind of weird. I felt like they were stalking me or something.

Now I am rocking out to John Legend.

Been A Long Time

"Been a long time, I shouldn't have left you without some dope beats to step to"

I have definitely been neglecting you all on the comings and goings of my life: So here it comes.

I have been borderline psychotic because of the lack of "melanin-enriched" people at my school. I just get like that sometimes. But otherwise, I am doing well. Classes are going fine. I got a 95% on my Francophone Cultures test. I am doing B+ work in my other classes. I just cannot complain.

My RA job is another issue. I have RAs who keep trying to pop me for drinking. The only problem is that I am not drinking. So why do they keep trying? If Res Life finds my blog the hear this: KEEP THE HATERS AND STALKERS OFF MY BACK. Seriously though, I have RAs constantly talking about what I am doing. There are rumors about me having sex with my residents, drinking with them and some other ish. I am not having sex with the residents (there are a few cute ones though ;). I did give one a lap dance though ;) I am not drinking. So I am trying to not feel paranoid about it. But the job is still enjoyable. I am still having fun with it.
me humping one of my residents
There are several women I guess I am the flirting stage with. I may have to create a glossary.

Black People

I NEED BLACK PEOPLE!!!!!!!!

I am dead serious. I have felt this way before. Being in school in Erie, PA does this to me. I am isolated from Black culture for moths at a time. It always starts out small. I start just feeling a little weird. Then I start making jokes about being around Whites too much. Then I turn into a grump. The stage after that I begin to feel slightly paranoid. Finally, I just go into shutdown mode. I start not being able to look at people in their face. I get really really sarcastic. This is when I isolate myself for a day or two and try and "recreate" Black culture in my room. I will not watch tv unless Blacks are the main characters on it. I wont listen to music from White artists. I just go into it. I will speak in ebonics and refuse to switch out of it. Then I call all my friends from home because most of my Black friends live at home. After talking to them for a while (2 days), then I go back to being able to put up with it.

Someone needs to do a psychological study on the effects of being racially isolated for long periods of time.

I am at that really really sarcastic stage. People are going to really start hating me.

Birthday Memory Lane Part 2

Well, it WAS a strip joint. So we went in.

We told the bouncer we knew Doc. He gave us a crazy look. I told him we knew Doc nd flashed Doc's business card. Then he let us in.

Lets just say this place was no where near close to a family establishment. It smelled of unwashed vagina and rotten pickles. It was as tight as a virgin in there. The people we saw definitely looked shady. Take the Players' Club and multiply it by 50. It was dark and dank. The customers did not look like normal people. They were dirty old men. And I mean that literally. There was a guy with an air tank there. I can't make this shit up.
I was scared. The place overall looked like a frat house gone bad. As I look around, I saw that our cab drivers had followed us in. I guess cabbies need some stripper loving too.

So we sit around the stage. Except this stage was different. It was lower than the normal floor. It was ovular in shape but lower. Plus it was supposed to be lined with mirrors. But all the mirrors were either missing or cracked.

The first dancer comes out. She has these huge breasts that hang low. I mean like "Do Your Chain Hang Low" type boobs. So we were giving tips. My one friend Tom decides he is not tipping the dancer. So she takes her boob in her hand, cocks back, and smacks him in the face with it. She hit my man so hard that it bruised his face. So let's just say we came up off our dollars pretty quickly for concern of our safety. The next dancer comes out and she looks 16. I felt as if I was watching my best friend's little sister dance. She was good looking but I had an R. Kelly kind of feeling while she danced.

The next one comes out and everyone backs away from the stage. This stripper was ugly. I am talking scary-biker chick- I-will-eat-your-face ugly. She had gunshot wounds, knife wounds, smallpox scars. She was crazy thin, like 10-cents-a-day-children's-fund thin. She has flaming skull tattoos and other biker tattoos. Her hair was buzz cut. It was ugly. I thought fleas would hop off her if she got too close. The stripper after her was gorgeous. She could do all these tricks on the pole. She was good enough to get five dollars out of me!!

Finally the fellas get me a lap dance. We try to get the gorgeous stripper. But instead, I get the 16 year old. We walk into the back for the booth. This booth is run down. It is 2 slabs of plyboard and a curtain. It was not painted, polished, or anything. There was trash everywhere. I kicked the trash into a corner (you gotta housekeep ya know). I sat there and proceeded to be serviced. So the stripper decides to make convo. She is asking me do I go to school and all. She asks about my family and my career choices. I could not even look her in the eye. This is not a convo we can have while she is taking her clothes off. It can't happen. So I answer but I cannot even look at her. Would you? If a butt-naked woman is asking about your family what would you do?

So I come out to cheers from the whole crowd b/c the crowd has found out that it was my birthday. Then the 16 year old stripper gives me a kiss. Right on the cheek (none of that lips ish.). The guys tell me that if it turns blue tomorrow, I have syphilis. We watch a few dancers and then leave.

I am syphilis free!!!!

Birthday Memory Lane

I thought that you all would like this two part story. It is about my 18th birthday, 2 years ago:

On my 18th birthday, we decided to go to a strip club. Now, for any guys who are reading, this may seem like a good idea when you first think about it, but it's the type of idea that is doomed to failure. When I say failure, I don't mean slight failure, I don't even mean monumental failure. I'm talking about EPIC-SCALE MOVIE FAILURE. We would've had to work to achieve normal failure.

Anyway.

The adventure opens with us going out to find the shuttle. A simple task, yes? No. We missed the first one, because certain members of our party neglected to remember that the shuttle stops at a completely different location. So we walked. And we turned around and walked. Finally, we caught the shuttle. The night has not yet begun to kick our ass.

So the shuttle drops us off on 12th street. We needed to be on 8th street, so we started walking. Started.

We made the left onto 8th street and continued walking. It took us about 10 minutes to get to a dive bar and ask where the hell we were and how the hell we could get to Hanky Panky (yes, you heard right... the place was called Hanky Panky). The dive bar owner looked up from his haze and stared. After a moment of reactivation, he nodded at us. That's when I asked how we could get to the club. The dive bar owner seemed to be trying to decide which hand was his left. That's when I asked how we could get to the club. The dive bar owner picked up a glass, then put it back down. That's when I asked how we could get to the club...

So the bartender told us that we needed to go about 20 blocks down the road to get to Hanky Panky. Thats right, 20 blocks. Two-Zero.

So we started walking.

And walking.

And walking, etc.

As we neared the club, we came upon a gas station. This particular gas station was called Country Fair. Here in Erie (and who knows where else), there is a chain of gas stations called Country Fair. There's nothing really that you can say about these except that it's like a bug lamp for shady-looking white trash people (sorry, I dont mean to offed, but from a Black man's perspective it was scary. I do have white readers). Except that it doesn't kill them, it supplies them with cigarettes and lottery tickets, and fuel for their F-150s, so they can be on their merry white trash way. We got hot dogs and left.

More walking.

Finally, FINALLY we saw the promised land. Hanky Panky (actually it was no longer Hanky Panky, but Juliette's, having changed ownership). In our elation, we began a rousing verse of 'Swing Low, Sweet Chariot' as we neared the club. We entered, to be greeted by a man who I can only describe as frighteningly similar to the doorkeeper to Oz (yes, he even had the moustache). We slapped our I.D.s on the table and started to break out the money. It was at this point that the doorkeeper informed us that we had to be 21 to enter.

There are many natural reflexes in the human body, such as flinching at unexpected noises or the leg moving when hit on the knee. Another reflex would be when your hand is resting on a desk, behind which a man who looks like Captain Hook sits and proceeds to tell you that you just walked 20 blocks for no reason, and the hand at rest jumps 4 inches towards the Captain Hook-looking man's jaw before you can stop it.

So we went outside, where we met a large black man named Doc. We informed Doc of our plight, and he proceeded to hook us up. Or so it seemed. It turned our that Doc is a strip joint afficionado-of-sorts. He told us of a place we could go where our troubles are all the same, a place we could go where everybody knows your name. Actually, it was a place called Teezers, and it was only a short cab ride away.

Ok, it was a LONG cab ride away.

Down a dirt road.

Into a large, old house.

Well, it WAS a strip joint. So we went in.

The Pressure Is On

I know she is probably going to read this.

Her has a new boyfriend now. I know him. He is her former best friend. He is not a bad guy. A hornabll but not a bad guy overall I guess. To each his own.

I would not have blogged about it except that people have been telling me this. People walk up to me and say, "You know she has a boyfriend now, right?" I say I haven't heard because in reality, I have not. Then I hear things such as, "What about you?" or "The pressure is on". I laugh it all off. I guess because I am suppose to rush to find a woman in response.

I guess these people do not realize who the hell I am. I am Epsilonicus. I do things on my time at my speed. Which means I am still going to date around (without anyone's input). I am still going to be very choosey about the women in my life. I keep my love life on the low. There are people in it, I just dont kiss and tell. I need no one to add to the insanity of my love life. I also will not just go pick someone up just because she has done so. I am happy she found someone. I just know that I refuse to let what someone else does dictate how I make moves. My love life will not be dictated by what someone else.

If the pressure is on, its on her. She now has to find a way to make someone else happy while still trying to figure out why she is so unhappy. Kinda glad I am not in that situation. But I do wish her luck. No ill feelings. I just hope she realizes happiness has to start from the inside to the outside, not the other way around.

Discussion of God's Existence

Public Service Announcement
I am going to say some things that may make people upset. If you do not have thick skin urn away. Also, in order to understand what I am saying, it requires objectivity. One must pull themselves away from their belief system in order to fully grasp and appreciate what I may say. As we call it in anthropology, you must learn to implement some cultural relativism.

I had a discussion about religion: in my head.

I am dead serious. It was triggered by one of my roommates saying that he does not believe in God. Then I tried in my head to formulate arguments in my head for and against. I then asked him why. I di dnot hear his answer because I ended up doing something else. But then when I tried to sleep it hit me and I had a mini-dialogue in my head:

When someone tells me that they do not believe in God and that God does not exist, I ask for one thing: why. I ask that person to tell me why they believe God does not exist. I do this just to play Devil's advocate. I am also genuinely curious. Here are some answers I commonly get

1. Religion is bad.
2. Science has proved God does not exist.
3. I do not believe in God because of my parents made me believe in God.

1. I am going to start with number one. Religion is humans' interpretation of what they think God is like. Since people are not perfect, we may have it wrong. You just never know. Also, religion in and of itself is not bad. Religion can provide the social fabric of a culture. Actually, it does. Religion keeps people in our society from doing really crazy ish. Religion become "bad' when it is used to oppress people. But you cannot say God does not exist because humans manipulate religion to do wrong to others. That just is not good logic (good in the sense that it does not work, not whether you agree or not).

2. Science has not disproved God. It has oly disproved what we thought were the mechanisms by which God has created the world. Maybe God did use evolution to brning about life (gasp!! blasphemous I know!!). Science has not provided definitive evidence about whether or not God exists. Any scientist who says that God has already been disproved or proved by means of science is a quack.

3. This last reason I find to be bullshit. I tell people that once you become of age, research what you think is your faith is. Disbelieve something because you think it is wrong, not because you want to rebel against mommy and daddy. All I can say is grow up and be mature. Your parents' belief does not dictate God's existence.

Now these are not the only arguments but these are the most common ones I have heard from my peers. I will present the other side at another time. This ish hurts my brain even though I enjoy thinking about it.

Me and My Kids

I want kids.

I am dead serious. I want some children. I have always said that I wanted kids and I want more than one. Give me a tribe of kids. I am trying to start a nation!!!!

Being a parent is beautiful. Everytime I see someone with their kid, I get a little jealous. Aint that some ish?? Its weird. I get all sentimental when I see bloggers talking about their kids (Supa Sista and BK Diva and Kathi). I just want to have a family. I would even adopt a kid if I was not married. I just feel that being a parent is the best and greatest sacrifice you could have. There is no relationship like a parent-child relationship.

But guess who would have to be the godfather? None other than Cnel. Thats my homeboy and he is very very responsible. I am trying to leave my kid in capable hands. Here is what he would have to do:

1. Remember every bday and holiday
2. Take my kids on the weekends
3. Buy clothes and stuff
4. Have "the talk"
5. Babysit when I go out on dates (he aint busy)
6. Go to graduations
7. Beat up bullies
8. Teach him/her how to ride a bike
9. Teach them how to drive (I aint going through that scray experience.

I am just tryna keep it really really simple.

My New Fascination

Lately I have developed a new fascination: religion

I cannot really explain it. I have been reading books and watching movies that have themes about religion. I watched the Da Vinci Code. I read Dan Brown's Angels and Demons over break. I am currently reading "A History of God" by Karen Armstrong.

I really cannot say why this fascination has developed. It has been in the past few months that this fascination with religion has come baout. It is more from a scientific leaning point of view of how different religions view God/s role in the world. I dont know. It has made do some reserach and learn some new things.

I guess reading a translation of the Koran is next on the list once I am done "A History of God".

Maybe I need to do more reading for class. Lol

Out Here On The Grind

Being back at school is a good look for me right now. I am enjoying it even though it is about to get hectic. I like the classes, except one. What I am learning is interesting. This is the life. So I am out here making it do what it do baby!!!

Today was good. I went to class and just hung out for the rest of the day. I also did a lil studying for a test that I have on Monday. I was productive!! Wow!!! Hahahaha

But my day did hit a bump though. I talked to her. More like I asked her for notes here is the story:

I missed a class because I had an early flight home for break. I asked her on this past Wednesday for notes. I still did not have them so I asked again at dinner tonite. She proceeds to make this big show. She says " I need to talk to you because I do not want to embarass you in front of all your friends that I do not know". I held my tongue because I refuse to fight in public. I actually have class. So we are out in the rain for 30 minutes!! 30 FUCKING MINUTES!! I have to hear her say how I used her (bullshit) and treated her badly (bullshit). She has done worse to other guys. What happened has nothing to do with the damn notes I need. She says that giving me notes would be just her giving in. Grow up!! You are either going to give me the notes or not. Don't waste my time. I dont want my hair wet and its cold outside!

She saysshe is offended that I dont talk to her. She made it that way!!!! SOOOOOOOOOOO, she should be mad at herself. Then she asks me
" How is life without my help".
I say "I need notes".
She then asks me other than that.
I go ahead and say that since we are not friends, thta is not of her concern. I guess she wanted me to beg. She can lick the bottom of my balls if she wants me to do that (im that upset now). So after telling me she is not seeking revenge (for what i dont know), she says she wont give me the notes as payment for using her. So I spent 30 minutes in the rain just to hear a no. I am not mad at the no, I am mad at her being childish. So here is what I yell at her.

" You could have told me this earlier without the bullshit questions. YOU MAKE THINGS SO COMPLICATED BECAUSE YOU HAVE A FUCKING VAGINA"

I normally do not use a lot of profanity. She made me though and I refuse to apologize.

Other than that my day went well. How about yours??