Music of My Life Part 1

Some friends were posting on Facbook various videos that brought back memories for them. That made me think this morning about all the music and music artists that had a big importance in my life. This collection will seem weird but it all makes sense. Well, at least to me it does.

Jon B. - Cool Relax

This was the first R&B album I ever bought. I was in middle school and I thought dude was so smooth. I never knew white dudes could be smooth like that. Even my mother liked this cd. I used to use his lines to try and mack on the girl down the street. I used to try and be slick and whisper them in her ear. It might sound wack but at the time it seemed right. I would strol down the street and sit real close while on her steps. Then I would whisper in her ear:

"Girl it's alright baby

'Cause it's there in your eyes yeah

I can see that you want meBy the way that you smile

Are you still down for me"

Sadly, it was never too successful.

Donell Jones - Where I Wanna Be

This is another R&B album that affected my middle school mind. I used to be able to sing when I was in middle school. Adolescence had not twisted and warped my voice. I had a decent singing voice and I used to sing this album around the house. I just thought it was so tight. I would play it over and over. I w

ould sing the lead single "Where I Wanna Be" in the shower, in school, walking down

the street. I would sing it anywhere. Little did I know that "Where I Wanna Be" would be a song that would play when I broke up with "her". Ehhh... it happens. Also recently, I was bumping the song "Shorty" while driving:

"Its a quarter past 3

Girl whats it gonna be

Shorty got her eyes on me"

Spice Girls

These chicks had my middle school hormones jumping. My childhood Polish friend David and

I used to argue about which one we would marry. No matter what anyone would say, Scary and Baby Spice were my favorites, Scary being the sexiest. I cant explain it.

Weird Al

This dude is the truth! All my friends thought I was weird when I started listening to him in 6th grade. I found him hilarious and witty. I just loved the music. And if you really listen, he can actually rap. I takes skill to do a "Ridin' Dirty" remix. I used to bump his music wherever I went. I had Weird Al cds and tapes!

Michael Jackson

This is by a guy named J Smooth. He is a vlogger on youtube. I subscribe to his videos and watch them whenever he updates. He did something about Michael Jackson that I found touching. It is the most thoughtful summation of Michael Jackson's life I have heard.

Rambling Man

- I should probably start blogging a bit more often. I know I say it every time I blog but I feel that way. I just get lazy and some days dont feel like turning my computer on.

- I got accepted into an Americorps program called Public Allies. I will be working with a community oragnization called WPNPC. I would be doing community development dealing with issues such as ex-offender employment, bringing businesses into the community, and housing rehab. It should be quite interesting.

- Living with the gf has been an interesting experience. I have learned that every battle is not worth fighting. Before saying something I always think "Is this something that I will think about in the morning?" If the answer is no, I just hold my tongue. Sometimes it is just not that serious.

- Sometimes my mother gets on my nerves. I love her to death but I feel thats he sometimes complains because she knows it irks me. Thus, i often just ignore her.

- Friday night I went to a high school classmate's birthday party. The guy was a kid that many people kind of ignored. I always loved him. I found him funny and intelligent. His little bday bbq started off slow but as the night wore on (i.e. he consumed more alcohol) it became more enjoyable. I am glad I went. It was a good time.

- I miss some bloggers like Wise. She never blogs anymore. Her blog entries were nice! I need to call her anyway. I have not talked to her in a while.

- Those town hall health care mobs are a set up by the right wing. Instead of debating it intelligently, they use some disrespectful means to make people scared. This is why citizens need to do their homework. This includes all of you reading. Do some research! If you disagree witht he administration, do so with some intelligence and class. Dont go mobbing politicians. That is not hot in the streets these days.

- Football season cannot start soon enough. GO RAVENS! The bad thing is that my gf is a Browns fan. I promise that I will not start any fights. Maybe I can bring her to the light....

Hustlemania

I have been busting my chops this week. I had 2 interviews Monday, another one yesterday. I have one today and another on Thursday. It is all a part of the grind.

I have also been looking for a little part time job to do on the side. Any extra money would help. Even though the Americorps Program I got accepted in provides a forbearance on my loans, I would like to get started paying on them. Also, I am starting to try and plan for my next move in the future. Part of my mistake I made with my first job out of college (teaching) was that I thought it was secure. I know now that no matter what, no position I am in is guaranteed; even if I do my best. So I have been making moves to try and secure my future.

No matter what happens, I am gonna make it do what it do

Everyday

Every night I say a prayer. In that prayer I ask God to allow me to wake up with all my faculties. Not so that I see the fruits of my labor, but so that my girlfriend will see the fruits of my labor. I ask God to allow me to do the things I need to do in order to provide a better way for us. This I pray for every night.

And so far, I have woken up with my head on straight. And everyday I work my plan in order to provide for my woman. I work hard and do what I am suppose to do.

I guess I say all of this because tomorrow I go off to meet my gf so we can move her stuff to Baltimore. I am not nervous or anxious. I am at peace. This is because I know I have tried my best to pave a way so that her adjustment is smooth. And that is what she expects from me: to try

PS: Im still Baltimore. I dont think I am fleeing to Puerto Rico. The girlfriend talked me out of it

Crisis

I am at a point where I may just pack my shit and flee to Puerto Rico with one of my best friends. I am dead serious. I have lost my job, moved back home. The student loan people are hounding me. Job prospects looking blah. I am just not happy.

A few days ago my best friend Mari hit me up and told me she is moving to Puerto Rico. She is in a similar position I am in. Her job prospects are slim. Life just seems at a standall. She is moving down July 21 and she sent me an invite. Not only has she looked at apartments but she sent me a listing of jobs available down there.

I normally dont make decisions like this. My decisions tend to be well thought out. However, this is alluring. I have no kids, family, or home. No obligations are keeping me here in Baltimore.

Dont be surprised that the next time you hear from me it is from Puerto Rico.

Maxwell is Back!!!!

I am so happy to see that Maxwell has returned! I really like this song. I have been playing it a lot the past few days. Maxwell has cut his hair but he seems to not have lost a step with the music. I have all of his albums and for a second I thought he was on permanent hiatus. The rumor is that he will be releasing 3 albums over the next 3 years. If he does that, I will not complain at all. First you have Robin Thicke's album now Maxwell is back. Maybe good R&B is not dead....

Best I Ever Had

Drake - Best I Ever Had

I love this song. It has been on constant rotation on my playlist. I hear it and it makes me miss my girlfriend. I do wish it could have been a little more romantic. However, that may just be me getting old lol! I hope you enjoy it.

5 Year Reunion

I had my 5 year high school reunion this weekend. I went to a private Quaker school here in Baltimore. There were several surprises:

1. I actually like my classmates

Seriously, I thought when I graduated, there would only be a few people I would like. I thought my classmates were immature (Im sure they felt the same about me). However sitting with them Saturday, I had a realization: they have turned out to be really good people. I really believe my classmates to be good folk. I would actually call them up for a drink just for fun. They turned out into some genuine, nice, caring people. I was surprised and just felt glad I went to my reunion.

2. Several of my female classmates look good

My female classmates are attractive. I was surprised. I knew we had some lookers but it seems like they have just gotten better with age. I am very surprised. Me and some of the fellas were definitely caught staring. There was one classmate who went to Howard. I was dancing with her and it caught me by surprise. I whispered in her ear, "You must have learned some new tricks at Howard.". She smiles and said 'I taught some tricks at Howard". I left well enough alone. I am going to keep it simple: My female classmates are lucky I have a girlfriend.

3. Many of them stayed local

I figured most of my classmates would have been spread across the country. In high school, they seemed to be the wandering type. The broke struggling artist who roams city to city. Not at all. Most are right here in Baltimore. I am surpised by that

Overall, I really like how my class has turned out. I am soooooo glad I went to the reunion. 

PS: Check out the blog C-Nel and I share, Two Brothers 

Monotony

My life has gotten quite boring lately. At work, my routine is exactly the same. Plan, teach, eat lunch, teach, go home. After I leave work, I go to the gym. I come back from the gym, cook dinner, watch CNN. I will talk to the gf for a while then go to sleep.

Is this what being an adult is all about? This blows. I need some excitement, some adventure. Where is an earthquake when you need one?!?! I need something to happen to break this monotony! It is killing me! Aaaaaaaaaaaagh!!!

The Wonder Years

The past few weeks are starting to stress me. I am trying to find a job and it is requiring more patience than a little bit.

But I recently downloaded a series called "The Wonder Years". I am sure some of you are familiar with it. It is about a middle school-aged boy in suburbia during the late '60s. The main character's name is Kevin Arnold. He talks about everything from girls, to his family, to his fear of growing up.

I have realized that the show is legitimately the shiznit! I love it. During my lunch breaks I watch an episode or two. The show really captures the feeling of suburbia. How isolated it was from the rest of the nation. But the show also captures the awkwardness of being a middle school boy. It made me realize I was really an awkward kid. I had low self-esteem and I was timid. I had no control over my body. I would randomly trip and fall. I was definitely not athletic and girls definitely did not like me.

But I would like to think I turned out pretty well.

PS: I just saw Lorenz Tate on an epsiode!!! He was soooooooooooooo young!! No one told me he was on the Wonder Years!!!

In My Life

Things have been coming along ok. I am still looking for a job. I have a few promising leads. However, it is hard to be patient when I do not know what is coming next. It is very difficult. Thus, there are days that I feel frustrated and upset because I have not gotten a phone call or email. I know I have to be patient but is sure is not easy.

Teaching has become frustrating. It is rewarding in many ways but it is definitely frustrating. There are days I come home and just want to sleep. I don't want to eat, I don't want to watch tv; just sleep. I wonder if I am even reaching the kids. There are plenty of days I question whether I even want to continue. Switching to the non-profit industry is something I am considering. I believe that my skills and abilities may fit that industry better. Who knows...

Also, I am now a contrubuting writer for another blog called Brother's Man Law. Check it out and leave some comments. My first entry is there so leave some love.

Exercise!!

Today I went on my first run in a super super long time (first since high school football). I ran 2.5 miles today! I feel like Rocky. I can take on the world!!!

Me and the gf have set up a challenge for ourselves. We are going to try and run 100 miles by the end of her semester. We will log our miles and by the end of the semester we should have 100 miles. I know I can do it. I will keep you up to date!

Lesson Learned

Story:

I am currently back at my old college. It's spring break so I decide to travel back to Erie. Last night, me and a few friends decide to hit up the old campus bar. The special was 50 cent well drinks. That was something no one would ever turn down.

It was a rough night.

I had fun but I had one too many. I knew I had one too many when I fell down the steps. I normally dont drink cheap liquor (Bankers' Club vodka was the well vodka). But I fell down the steps and felt embarrassed!! I have never done that before. Once I fell, I took my behind home. I knew it was time to go.

Lesson Learned:

Need to improve my balance. Cheap alcohol does not mean I need to drink as much as possible

Moving Forward: The Job Search

In late January/ early February, I found out that my contract at the school I am at is not being renewed. Thus, I have been looking for a new job. I am looking in the non-profit and education sector.

Someone recommended me to apply for an Executive Director position for a non-profit organization here in Baltimore. I received an email stating they are interested. It is an organization that I am familiar with. I love the work that they do. I believe in their mission with my whole heart. The pay is nice. It puts in a field that I have always wanted to be in. I love doing non-profit work.

It is with great humility that I am going to decline the offer to apply. I looked at the qualifications and the responsibilities. I have been doing some work for years in the non-profit field. However, I do not have enough professional experience to think that I could be Executive Director.

Now, it is hard to admit that there is something I cannot do. I really truly believe that I can do anything I set my mind to. However, I do not have the experience necessary to be able to do that organization a great service. I would be in way over my head. If I would be an Executive Director, I need to work my way up. I do not want to use the connections I have to get in. I believe I would fail at this position. So I am declining it. I need the job, but I realize that I do not want to ruin a beautiful organization.

Life As it Is

I am well. I really have not too many complaints. My job is not stressing me. My love life is good. Friends and family are cool. I have nothing to complain about. But here are just some random things:

• I am excited for the new Terminator movie coming out in May! I saw the trailer and felt siked!

• I am also excited for the new Transformers movie too!

• If they are going on this whole relics from my childhood, why not make a Thunder Cats movie. Thunder Cats Hoooooo!!!

• I went 24 hours without watching the news last week. I felt so lost when I finally got around to watching some news. I cannot do that again. I might just die

• I was not a youtube junkie until recently. I have subscribed to J-Smooth, who is a hip-hop video blogger. His videos are deep. His name on youtube is illdoc1. I think I have actually seen all the video he has posted, mostly while at work lol.
  

• The Mafia Wars application on Facebook has me hooked! I get to be a gangster and not worry about getting shot! It is a dream come true!

• On my way to work one day, this crazy evangelical woman approached me. She asked me if I kill babies. I was confused. I guess she was talking about abortion so I told her it is not possible, I am male. She proceeded to tell me that the Lord was going to strike me down if I dont believe or go to church (I know, had nothing to do with her earlier question. I dont ask questions about crazy people). I told her thats not possible. I told her that God gets a rash everytime I come into his house. She left me alone.
  

Chuuuuuuch!!

I am not much of a churchgoing fellow. I go about 3-4 times a year (never on Christmas or Easter). Also, I am not the biggest gospel music fan. I hate to say it, but I just do not be feeling it.

However, there is one gospel song that hits me hard. Whenever I hear it, I feel choked up. The song called "I Need You To Survive". I remember the first time I heard it...

I was visiting my friend Jessica once during my junior year. I did not want to spend the weekend in Erie so I went to visit her at Pitt-Johnstown. Plus, she asked me to come see her sing at her church. I told her I am allergic to Jesus. She laughed and said that comment was even more reason to come.

After spending the weekend drinking and attempting to fornicate with her friends, I go to church with her. Jessica, being a white girl, went to the most Black church I have EVER been in. It felt like I was in Atlanta, not northern PA.

So the chorus gets up and starts to sing. And they start singing the song. I feel slightly emotional as I hear the words. As the chorus continues to sing, I get even more emotional as I sit and listen. I feel myself start to shed a tear. I quietly, in this church, start to weep slightly. I bowed my head and felt myself connect to God. On the inside I guess I felt myself open up. I was receptive to the message of the song. It really seemed to fit how I view my relationships with other people and God

I never "caught" the Spirit before. I always thought it was fake. But I guess for me, maybe that was a moment I caught it. Maybe for me, the Spirit is not dancing and shouting. The Spirit is a quiet opening of my heart to the message being shared. It is a introspective, reflective moment in which I feel that God has spoken to me. I do not feel extreme joy. I don't speak in tongues and break dance in church. I feel open and receptive. I feel as if God had spoken to me.

Big Ups

I just wanted to let you all know that recently I was a winner of a poetry contest! It was called the "Lyrical Bullets" contest held by a writer and artist whose blog I read (check it out here). I am definitely excited! It is a bright spot in my rough life here is the poem that was selected as a winner

The Most Terrible Voice

The most terrible voice there is...
Silence.
Silence is an act of violence vilified by the fact that it keep me from writing.
With silence ever present, probing, and penetrating my mind,
Motion of clear thoughts cease.
Creativity is chased from my head,
Haunted by the most terrible voice there is...
Silence.

Welcome To Real Life

" I hate to have these kind of meetings. I do not want you to take this personally. I really do like you. You are a great person. I have to let you know that the school is not renewing your contract for next year."

I just stared at him and kept my professional smile up all the while feeling like I was just hit in the chest with a hammer. I nodded my head in understanding, but not really understanding.

" We will talk later about specific reasons. I think you need time to adjust."

I again just nodded my head in assent. Why not tell me now and get the closure now? Why wait?

Rising out of the chair, I shook his hand and walked out the office. I felt like a weight was lifted off my chest. There was a sense of relief. While I love teaching and all that it entails, this school year has been rough. There is no other way to put it. I have had several issues to deal with. I personally felt that my learning curve was not that great. I put in tons of effort but I did not get the results. This was partially due to me but there were some things I cannot control.

So walking to lunch I kept my head held high. I have no clue what I am doing next. I am ok with that...

Fighting Fair

"Growing up is not a straight line, but a series of advances and retreats" - Kevin Arnold of The Wonder Years.

The gf and I got into an argument recently. I was upset by something she said and we started arguing. However, the argument went from me being mad to us arguing about how I argue.

My gf stated that I am condescending when we fight. She says that the way I talk to her is as if I talk to her like one of my students. It is as if she cannot possibly understand my point of view. She says it sounds as if it is either my way or no way.

Now, I try not to be that way. I try to stay calm while fighting. I try not to accuse. I try to fight fair. Yet I see I still have to improve. With other relationships, I would openly express how I felt without consideration of my words. I guess in my effort to remain calm, it has turned to sounding condescending.

I do not want her to think I do not value her opinion. I really do. I often ask for her advice (which is something I have always struggled with). Her advice has become precious to me. I love when she expresses her opinion and I value it. I told her that. I now know that I need to work on fighting fair. Making sure that I express my opinion without downgrading hers.