Fighting Fair

"Growing up is not a straight line, but a series of advances and retreats" - Kevin Arnold of The Wonder Years.

The gf and I got into an argument recently. I was upset by something she said and we started arguing. However, the argument went from me being mad to us arguing about how I argue.

My gf stated that I am condescending when we fight. She says that the way I talk to her is as if I talk to her like one of my students. It is as if she cannot possibly understand my point of view. She says it sounds as if it is either my way or no way.

Now, I try not to be that way. I try to stay calm while fighting. I try not to accuse. I try to fight fair. Yet I see I still have to improve. With other relationships, I would openly express how I felt without consideration of my words. I guess in my effort to remain calm, it has turned to sounding condescending.

I do not want her to think I do not value her opinion. I really do. I often ask for her advice (which is something I have always struggled with). Her advice has become precious to me. I love when she expresses her opinion and I value it. I told her that. I now know that I need to work on fighting fair. Making sure that I express my opinion without downgrading hers.