Just One Of Those Days

I am having a bad day today. I do not know why. I have just noticed that my mood was a gloomy. People called me today and they even noticed. Nothing has gone wrong or anything. I just feel grumpy. Hopefully, it will pass.

Christmas Break

This break has been very interesting. It is been busy yet relaxing so far. This is because I have been able to move at my own pace. I did my shopping and all without stressing out. This break has been great!!!

Yet some interesting developments have happened. My ex-girlfriend up and brought me a Christmas gift. We are on decent terms but I was not gonna get her a gift. So being the decent person that I am, I went out today and got her one. I got a stuffed animal. Something simple and neutral. She better be thankful because I did not have to get her a gift. This gift thing between me and her was sprung on me. The second development is that my uncle and mother are arguing. My uncle embarrase my 18 year old cousin (his daughter) in front of my mother in my mother's house. My mother wasn't having the disrespect in her house. She pulled my uncle up. He got all upset and now he wont let my cousin see us. He is being his typical asshole self. Oh well. I will let my mother deal with it. My feelings aint hurt. I just miss seeing CeCe though,

You all out there are lucky. I am in a lovely mood!! I just want to sing and dance and all that goodness. I feel so goood that I posted twice.

Poetry

You can see the story of my life in my daughter’s eyes
And in order to know about me, you gotta learn through her
If I die, then I might even return through her
She’s like The Giver, the memories of me are stored in her.

Everyday that I wake up, I feel so blessed
My daughter has been with me through every trial and test
On them days that I wake up with a pain in my chest
My baby always quick to get my drugs outta the medicine chest
She goes to the blender and makes me a fruit cocktail
She knows I need something in order to take this cocktail.
Because I don’t get it, then my health will fail
And we both don’t want the AIDS disease to prevail.

On them days when I feel as if I am gonna die
And I lay on the floor, break down, and cry
She comes, lays next to me, and kiss my cheek
And she tells me I should never let things get this bleak
Then I look at her and say something oh so true:
“If it wasn’t for having you, I wouldn’t even be here.
Because after getting this disease I woulda burned in my despair and fear
And it is you who keeps me smiling ear to ear
And it is you who keeps me from believing the lies
And it is you who tells me to be thankful to be one who has survived
And it is you who essentially keeps me alive.
And it is you who is gonna store the story of my life in your eyes.

An Important Lesson

There is something that my friend James told me yesterday that struck me as poignant. Here it goes:

" When someone shows you the type of person that they are, accept it."

When he said this, a light bulb went off.

Lately

Lately, I have been busy. I am keeping up with my classes and all. One class is a repeat because I got only a D+ instead of the C I need. So I have been busting my ass for it. The other ones have been coming along pretty well actually. Paleoanthropology is going to be a pain only because Doc has taught the first part of the class. This means I need to know every detail in the world abot what he taught. Oh well. That is the nature of the beast.

In the other arenas of my life: I got into an argument with Medora. It was because I told her I get frustrated with what she says soemtimes. I hate when she says she isn't beautiful. She is. Inside and out. Very few people can be like that; have beautiful personalities and look beautiful. So I told her I was frustrated, she got upset because she thought I was yelling and angry at her., I was more upset at how she felt than at her. We had a deep convo about it and all is well. I am gonna continue to support her and tell her she is beautiful, no matter what she says.

I spoke at AIDS Awareness Day this past Thursday. I read a poem and gave a presentation on what the treatment options are and how much they cost. It went really well. A woman with AIDS came in and spoke. She was deep. She talked about her experience and all. She even hit something that I did not expect. She talked about how it affected the Native American population. I never heard AIDS talked about from that perspective. It was respective.

My poetry group, the DPS, met last nite. It was good. Not a large crowd but enough people came and it was nice. I read one new poem, the one I read at AIDS Awareness nite. I gotta start writing again. I have just been sooo busy that I have not had the time. I am gonna start making time.

That is I have to say. Peace out and have a great day.

Me and My Beautiful Woman

Me and my beautiful woman on our way to Spring Formal.

I normally do not do this but I am feeling it right now. My girlfriend and I had a deep conversation Thursday night. It was one of those conversations that demonstrated one of the millions of reasons why I love her. I came to her and she helped me understand that I should never have to feel like I need to"perform". What I mean is that there is nothing special that I need to do in order to be good to her. All I have to do is be myself. That is what makes me great. It is not something that I have to do. It is what I am doing right now. That convo was one of those that made me feel all warm and mushy inside (CNel, yeah I said!!). I don't know if she is going to read this blog entry but I dedicate it to her. I am the luckiest man. Indeed I am.























PS: Aint that the finest sistah and brotha you done ever seen!!! LOL Hahahahahaha just kidding. But seriously, the suit is sharp!

My People

I am home now for Thanksgiving Break. I have been home since Thursday afternoon. There have been two epsiodes since I have been home that makes me shake my head at Black people at times. I may be criticized but oh well. I have to call it how I see it.

The first episode was on Thursday nite when I went out to a nite club called Hammerjacks here in Baltimore. The night was going well. There were fine women dancing, the music was great, and there was a nice sized crowd. As the evening progresses, a fight breaks out. People are throwing shit and all. The DJ encourages this shit to keep happening. The fight is handled and the nite goes on. Then another fight breaks out. This time it is a bunch of females involved. We all know how this can go. There is hair pulling, shoe throwing, and all that good ish. This ends up closing the club. Mayhem erupts outside. Bouncers are fighting patrons and all that. Police are involved and all. It was ugly.

Whu cant Black people go out and have a good time without fighting?? WHY WE GOTTA ACT A FOOL ON PUBLIC!!.= I cannot believe it. Im just sick and tired of it. The fight made me feel like I just did not fit in with this crowd. It is sad when I feel like I dont fit in with my own people.

The second episode was when I led a forum on Friday morning. It was at a private high school conference on diversity held ata church. The young people there were rude. They were cussing in the church itself. The boys almost started a fight. There was loud talking when other people were talking. And the Black kids were making racist comments!! How are you going to be making racist comments at a diversity conference?!?!?!?!? It was insane. Then the ideas the people came up with to help make things better at their schools were bullshit. All these kids said were that they would promote diversity. Wow. These are private and high school kids. I know they are smarter than that. I was soooooooo disappointed at the lack of initiative and the lack of innovative ideas. These kids have to do better. I felt as if there is no hope for the private schools in Bsltimore. When I left, my graduating class had made sooooo many improvements. Not only in my school but at other schools. Now I feel as if all the work we put in went down the drain. When I was in high school, not tooooo long ago, we all valued the time we had at the conference. We took advantage of it. That time was used to come up with pragmatic ideas. Now, these kids just use it as an excuse to get out of school. All I have to say is that the quality of Black students in the private school system is going down. I do not know why.

Kaleidoscope

I saw someone else do this. It is an opportunity for me to see what is going on in my life.

Pain
Not feeling that too much. Someone is giving me a headache though.

Exhaustion
I am having a mental burnout due to studying for all these finals. Also I am tired of fighting with my girlfriend.

Relief
I actually feel as if I may be ready for these finals. Also, my pregnant cousin has made it to Baltimore safely. Yay!!

Anxious
I cannot wait for finals to be done. I need to get away from Mercyhurst. I would be fine if it was not for her drama and attitude.

Swamped
I feel way over my head at times because I have just soaked up so much information. Also, I have work study hours to make up. Plus I have to find that overdue library book before Break.

Excited
My cousin made it to Baltimore!! She is like my little country sister. She is from Kansas and she has moved to Baltimore. I cannot wait to see her when I go home. Plus, Harry Potter movie is coming out. Also, I get to be back home in Baltimore. I will see all my peeps. Plus, Baltimore is better than Erie. Who could disagree??

Horny
Since me and my significant other are fighting again, our date was cancelled. You know what that means......... =(

Creative
I have not written a decent poem in a loooooooooooong time. I do not feel motivated at all to write. My poetry group is falling apart. At this point, I am starting to not care.

Restless
I feel caged in for some reason. I do not know why. I just feel as if I am being restrained. Any suggestions as to what the reason could be??

Joy
I have my bed to myself since "the girl" is not here with me tonite.

Pissed
She makes me want to "shake the shit out of her" as Kanye West would say. The way she says things just pisses me off. I love her but that does not stop her from making me mad.

My future

I have been thinking a lot about my future. I am a Black college student who is still trying to decide about what I will do. I know I want to be an archaeologist. I just am afraid I will hate it. I have been thinking this but it was really brought home one day while at work. Here is the situation:

I am in the lab working and I say, "I hate this job. It is insulting to my intelligence. Once I get my degree, I am never doing this dumb shit." (We were cleaning "lithics aka debitage from stone tools. I call it scrubbing rocks
Someone comes along and says, " Well, all that archaeologists do is this."

I heard this and I got a little worried. You mean to tell me that essentially $100,000 is being spent (it may not be my money but it is still a waste.) so i can do the same menial, intelligence-insulting work I am doing now. I have decided that if I become disillusioned with my field, I will teach. Here comes another situation:

" I am going to teach", I say.
"That is a waste of your degree", my "friend" Melissa says.

I dont understand this logic. Is it such waste to become a teacher? No!! What is a waste is to get a degree to do the same bullshit I am doing now. That is a waste!!! I am not settling to do lab work. I actually refuse to do it. My experience with it has sucked. Nothing I do in that lab is actually important and you dont need a college education to do what any of us are doing. I am going to focus on the field, actually being at the sites. I feel I can make my career whatever I want. People can settle for less but I wont. I refuse to settle for it. I dont settle for less.

New Poem

Why I’m The Greatest Poet

Now you kno what happens when I write rhymes.
These lines move you through space and time
These are the word that make people listen
To the sounds that twinkle and glisten
I recite poems with an urgency because I’m on a mission.
They appear in my mind like a prophet with a vision
I put pen to pad
And write so furious like a rapper gone mad
People like the rhymes so much that if I don’t recite they become sad.
When people do hear though, they say “It is absurd.
The way son flips them adjectives, nouns, and verbs.”
I know the words are way smoother than Medora’s curves
Moving to the rhythm of a jazz verve.
Deep words that strike an exposed nerve
Or puerile lines that expose the inner perv.
I’m a lyrical assassin that shot down wack poets
Because they lack passion
Or a sense of verbal fashion
They cannot dress words in semantics.
Or compose decent poems that make sense.
Hearing poems by wack poets drive dense
You better acknowledge; truth is word
I am the greatest poet you have ever heard.

I am experimenting with a more spoken-word format. I figure I would challenge myself. What do you think???

Roommates

Is it wrong to have such an instinctual urge to slap the shit out of my roommates?? I do not think it is wrong. Someone better pray for him because the next time he eats my food and complains when someone asks him to share, I will beat his ass like he owes me money.

Fall Break

It is Fall Break and it is lovely. I have the aprtment to myself. This means it is peaceful and quiet. I love my roommmates and all but there are times when you want to be alone. It is hard to get that time when there are 4 people sharing an apartment. I hope this 4-day break goes well. I say this because you never know how these things may go. Something could happen and it can ruin your whole break; i.e the girlfriend being upset. So far, it is going good so I cannot complain.I am about to go. I promise next time to add some poetry. I just have not had the inspiration to write. Now, I fell like I may have it. Until next time, peace and hair grease.

Aunt Jackie

Today three years ago my Aunt Jackie died. The affect that her death has on me is enormous. I think about her everyday no matter what. Life is just not the same since she died.

I always think about how she used to tell me she could not wait for me to reach certain milestones in my life. For example, she always said how she wanted to come to some of my football games. She could not wait for high school graduation, move-in day at college, my wedding in the future. Now I think about all that she is going to miss. It really eats me up inside because I should be thankful for all that she has seen. I feel angry at the fact that she is not going to see the birth of my children, my wedding, my college graduation. She did not get to see me play football. She died before I could graduate from high school. I feel angry and bitter. I feel cheated because she could not share this with me.

I do know one thing: She would definitely be proud of me.

A New Poem

I know feel as if I have closure since I have written this poem.

(Chorus) It's been 3 months since we last talked.
It's been 3 months since I decided to walk
And to you I thought I had nothing to say
But that don't stop me from thinking about you day to day.

There was one point in our lives; we were together.
You had dreams of the idea of us being forever.
We were so close, two birds of the same feather.
You called me your papi, your best friend, your confidante.
I was even called nephew by one of your aunts.
Yet you threw it all away while I was at college
Hard at work trying to gain this knowledge.
You had called me right before my birthday
And right before our two-year anniversary.
You said you loved me but you had to leave.
This was something that I just couldn't believe.
I thought, " Bitch!! How can you leave me?
Remember? Last night you told me you loved me."
But then I remembered you were cheating on me emotionally.
With your best friend's brother
But I guess it didn't matter, he wasn't that close to me.

(Chorus)

Still, you inserted the knife even further.
When you fucked my man, who was almost like a brotha.
I know it was murky. It could be taken as date rape.
But that don't stop me from feeling hate.
Girl, didn't I tell you to leave that alcohol alone
Yet you still decided to drink it in your home.
Where your two girlfriends gave each other dome.
Right in Baldwin Hall I cried
I was so angry that both of you could have died.
That nite I wanted to have my homeboy shot
But Dan kept me from calling my brother, who was posted up on the black.
Why didn't you just stab me in my sleep.
Because compared to words, the knife could only go but so deep.

(Chorus)

Bittersweet

Here is a poem. Not by me but by Kanye West called Bittersweet. I have been listening to it lately and it has sort of fitted my mood.

Bittersweet



Bittersweet, you're gonna be the death of me
I dont want you, but I need you,
I love you and I hate you at the very same time

See what I want so much, should never hurt this bad
Never did this before, thats what the virgin said
We've been generally warned, thats what the surgeon says
God talk to me now this is an emergency

And she claim she only with me for the currency,
You cut me deep bitch cut me like surgery
And I was too proud to admit that it was hurtin me
I'd never do that to you at least purposely

We breakin up again we makin up again
but we dont love no more
I guess we fuckin then

Have you ever felt like you wanted to kill her
and you mixed them emotions with tequilla
and you mixed that with a little bad advice
on one of them bad nights
you have a bad fight

and you talkin bout her family her aunts and shit
and she sayin muhfucka yo mama's a bitch
you know domestic drama and shit
All the attitude
I'll never hit a girl but ill shake the shit out of you
ut im a be the bigger man
big pimpin like jigga man
oh i figure its

Bittersweet, you're gonna be the death of me
I dont want you, but I need you,
I love you and I hate you at the very same time

See what I want so much, should never hurt this bad
Never did this before, thats what the virgin said
We've been generally warned, thats what the surgeon says
God talk to me now this is an emergency

And my nigga says I shouldn't let her worry me
I need to focus on the girls we gettin currently
But I've been thinking and it got me back to sinking it
This relationship, it even got me back to drinking now
This Hennessey, is gon be the death of me
And I always thought that you havin my child was our destiny
But I can't even vibe wit you sexually
Cause every time that I try you will question me
Say "you fuckin them girls, disrespecting me?
You don't see how your lies are affecting me?
You don't see how our life was supposed to be?
And I never let a nigga get that close to me!
And you ain't cracked up to what you was supposed to be!
You always gone! You always be where them hoes would be!"
And it's the first time she ever spilled her soul to me!
I fucked up and I know it G
I guess it's bittersweet poetry

Katrina

I really do not know what to say about it. All I can do is pray for everyone. I may not be the most religious person but that will not stop me from praying for them. Those affected need all the help they can get. I just hope my prayer is helpful.

Oh My Goodness.

During one of my adventures into downtown Baltimoren one afternoon, I saw something utterly disgusting. I saw someone taking a shit right next to a building. This spot that was designated as a good shitting spot was very open. Much pf the publice could see it.

Now the person who did this was homeless. I understand that. But there was a McDonalds up the street where he could have used the bathroom. Even thoug he is homeless, there is a sense of dignity and appropriateness you must have. This subject may seem a little gross but I just couldn't believe that it happened.

Just Curious

I wonder if people read my blog. I have been surfing through other people's blog and I was just wondering. Rarely are there responses for any of my entries. Is there someone who reads this blog regularly? Is there anyone who reads it period?? Just curious.

Doubts Part 2

I have been thinking again. I recently had a conversation with an old friend. My friend attends church on a regular basis. I do not. Somehow we got on the subject of religion. She was talking about how strong her faith is and all. I told her I am questioning not just my faith, but faith in general.

Now I am not saying that I am going to become an atheist and all. I just have questions and these keep coming up. How can atheist be so sure that there is no God or gods? How can Christians, Buddhists and so on be so sure that what they are studying is the true path?? How can evolution account for us having feelings and emotions, religion?? Could it be possible that evolution only accounts for a small part of how the world came to be? Can evolution be God's tool?? I fear that I will spend my whole life dedicated to a religion just find out it was wrong. I am afraid to do that. My friend told me that I think too much. I try to make everything fit into a logical box and that life and faith does not fit into the logic box. To me, I cannot blindly accept something without proof. I need proof about whether God does or does not exist.

I have also been thinking about my path in life. I know what I want to do. I want to be an archaeologist who is remembered until the field of archaeology doesn't exist. I have to be the best because since I am Black, being good or great just does not cut it in this world. What I am talking about is my personal life. Will get married and have a family?? How do I reconcile that with my desire to travel and see the world? I know that there are very few women who will put up with a husband that travels all the time. I hope to leave a legacy in this world thorugh having children but I do not now how strong that desire is if I had to choose between a family or a career. These ae just some of the thoughts that are running through my head.

Tip of The Day

Here is a tip of the day:

Do not drive or ride in a car while Black. It is a traffic hazard.

I Have A Lot Free Time

I have been thinking about a lot lately. Especially after this Muslim guy approached me and Ronald Friday. What really happens after we die? Do we go to heaven or to Hell? Is there even an afterlife? What happens if we die and nothing happens? Does that mean that our lives are just in vain; we live just to die? I ask these questions because I am afraid to live in vain. I want ot be remembered after my death for something. I do not want to fade. Somehow I hope to live forever. I was just thinking. That is all.

Work

Now I work on a ship. A Civil War ship to be exact. Yes I dress as a Civil War sailor and I look damn sexy. Yet there are times when I hate the visitors. They ask stupid questions. I get pissed. Here are some basic answers to basic questions.

No. This is not a pirate ship.
No, it is not a slave ship.
No. I am not dressed as a pirate.
Yes. Wool pants and a canvas shirt is hot in this weather.
No. Your audio guide is not broken. Push play like I just told you dumbass.
No. We are not a babysitting service so dont just dumb your scrangy ass children on us.
No. You cant shoot the cannon. Actually, go ahead. Let it backfire on you.
Yes. You can go on the ship. Thats why you bought a damn ticket.
And I don't want to be called a cute sailor. You are 76 years old. Find someone your own age/

Importance of Silence

Very few people understand that silence is beautiful. Many believe that when two people sit in a room silent, it is awkward. That is not the case. I like to sit in a room silently. No sounds or anything. I will ride in the car with my mother, turn the radio off, and not say a word to her at all. It is just relaxing to sit there and say nothing.

Another reason silence is important is because people will talk just because they have the ability to. If you have nothing important to say, then dont say nothing. I am being serious. Don't talk just because you have the ability to. Talk because you have something intelligent to say. If you have nothing important to say, then do humanity a favor and don't say nothing

A Great Debate

My 13 year old brother Quintin and his best friend Chris were having an argument. They were debating about vegetarianism. Here are some excerpts from their argument.

Chris: " I don't eat meat because I do not want to hurt the animals' feelings."
Quintin: " Forget their feelings. I feel hungry. That is more important."

The funniest part of the conversation I believe
Chris: The chicken and the cows are going extinct. We shouldnt eat meat"
Quintin: " The zoo has meat in it"
What are they teaching these kids in school these days?

Scammed

I recently submitted a poem to this poetry contest. I found out it was a scam. Im glad they did not ask me for any money. Its not like I had any in the first place.

Bloggers

I learned something new today. The blogging community is really strong. I did not know there were so many blogs out there. I have been rummaging throughout the Net and have seen so many blogs. There seems to be sooooooooooo many people writing blogs. Many of them are interesting. They are like little glimpses in to the lives of people throughout the world. All I have to say is to those who are blogging, keep on.

I need

I need to write. I need to write. I need to write.

Teen Angst

I was recently reading a friend'sLiveJournal last nite and I made an interesting observation. Her LiveJournal is filled with a lot of teenage angst. She was struggling with her self identity, fitting in, boys, and all the other shit that teenagers go through. While reading this, I realized that I did not got through all these problems. I did not want to fit in with the rich kids at my school so I never even tried. With my small group of fellows, I never had to worry about who I was. I knew I would never understand females so I did not get frustrated with them. I never hated my mother. The fact that the world would end if something small and banal did not happen was never even a thought in my mind. I did not hate my mother. Things may have been rough but that is how life goes sometimes. When other people would talk about this, I would give them weird looks. I guess because I had real problems, like how I was going to eat or will this bill or that bill get paid, so I had to grow up a little quicker. Maybe I just did not have time to have such problems. I dont know, I just dont know.

Writing

I wonder why I write. That may sound strange to some people, especially those who know that I write pretty often. Writing poetry is often a painful experience. Let me explain.

When I am writing, it takes a lot for me to be coherent. It is mentally strenuous. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. When I am done writing, I am happy yet I feel a lot of strain. I want my thoughts to be not only beautiful but make sense. Writing is an excercise that only that mentally strong should partake.

Secondly, when I write, I feel more in touch with my insane side. I feel that boundary between the sane and insane get a little smaller. I cannot explain it. Maybe it is the crazy artist syndrome.

Working Part 2

I decided against taking the job. I dont want to knock on other people's door.

Working

I have found a job that cannot be monotonous. Knocking on people's door cannot be boring. No I am not a Jehovah's Witness. I am a political activist person. Laugh at me. Its ok.

The consequences of unprotected sex

My penis itches
I may have gonorrhea
Yellow stuff oozes

My Freshman Year

My freshman year is almost over and now I am taking the time to reflect on it.

This year has been filled with a whirlwind of change. I left a large, diverse, cosmoplitan area to live in a colorless town (I mean that in many ways). I left an old relationship that was like the monkey on a heroin addict's back for one that has a newness and brings a freshness to my life. I now have a slew of new friends that I did not have when I first got up here. I lived without adult supervision for the first time (I mean in a technical sense). My habits are completely different. My look is different. My mentally has changed. Nothing is the same. Even when I come home. I now live in a different neighborhood. This year has changed so much for me.

I do not regret coming to Mercyhurst. There are things that I dislike but overall, I have really enjoyed my stay here. I hope to continue to enjoy it here. I do not want to leave. I really dont. I love my dorm. I will miss my 3rd floor McAuley fellows. You all mean a lot to me. I love you all, like brothers. We have survived our first year of college. Many people don't.

Homework

Sadly, I have become homework's little bitch. I spend most of my time doing homework. Why? Because I have to do well. Plus I have an insane amount of ahomework to do anyway. I hate i. I really do. I will pray for the demise of homework.

Medora

There are very few times when a man is actually happy. Now I feel content. I really do.

Why We Are All Sick

For the past 3 weeks, every person on my floor has been sick. I mean everyone. Jared has a swollen neck, I had a fever and lost my voice, Irish Chris was in the hospital, and the list goes on. There has been an epidemic on the 3rd floor and I was scared.

But I know why we have all been sick. Women. Lately, there have been more women up here on the floor than normal. Everyone has been subjected to being aroud females more than normally and we have paid for it. When we were little, girls had cooties and we avoided them. By believeing this, our health was protected. We did not get sick as much. Now that we have been exposed to women more, we get sick more. Especially here at Mercyhurst because sickness has been widespread among them (females). Mono was being passed and all that shit. Now that our building, our safehaven, has been exposed to these foul craven, we now are paying the cost. We must purify McAuley Hall of this pestilence. Kill the heretic!!!

Sickness (Dedicated to the 3rd Floor McAuley)

I am writing this blog for all the sick homies on my floor. I am so sad to see you all succumb to the various diseases that are out there. Especially since warm weather is arriving. I love you all and I hope you all get better. Do not give in. Let your will and health be indomitable.

Pockets

One day I this past week I was doing laundry. A sudden realization occured while cleaning out my pockets: pockets are the greatest thing in the world. They really are. Especially my pockets. They are little time capsules that provide vignettes of my day. I can recall a whole week by whatever is in my pockets. Pens, numbers, notes, and other random objects are always in my pockets. Each of these objects have a story behind it. Its like a miniature archaeological excavation every time I do laundry. I love pockets. Indeed I do

St. Patrick's Day

This is a day where everyone is Irish. I mean, all these white people I know claim to have some Irish in them. I have never come across that many "Irish" people in my life. Oh well. I guess people will drink themselves to death.

Gladiator

There was a dream that was Rome. You could only whisper it. Anything more than a whisper and it would vanish, it was so fragile - Marcus Aurelius

School

I am doing well in my classes. I am doing homework before midnite. My goalis to get a 3.3. I am gonna get it.

The Second Coming

I had lost all my motivation once I got to college. I don't know why. I had this drive in high school. This I-won't-quit-until-my-last-breath drive. In high school, nothing could ever stop me from accomplishing anything. Nothing. Through all the drama, the ups and downs, the bullshit, the craziness, I survived. Now that my life is relatively easy, I have lost my motivation.

I am going back to school. I will do a lot better. I will attend clas more. My grades will get better. I will become a better person. I will change. That drive is coming back. This is my second coming. A change is gonna come.

I Let Her Go

I finally let the ex go. I really did. I told her that there will be no more communication between us. It has to be that way since she has a new person. It would only be fair. She does not like my decision but she will have to live with it. I believe I am doing what is right. Only time can tell. No more penis induced decisions!!! Viva la Revolucion!!!!

Dentist Trip

I went to the dentist twice yesterday. Not because I think he is coool but because I had to. I went for my normal cleaning and he found a cavity. Then he also took out my top left wisdom tooth because it was bothering my gum on the bottom. I came back later and he fixed me up. There was no pain at all. I was drowsy. I felt like I was high as a kite. Everything just kinda floated for a while. Then there is a funny part. I tried to gargle while my mouth was still numb. The water fell right out. It was straight from a retard movie.

Today I did nothing. Yet I am so happy.

Genius Idea

I have a genius idea. I am going to create a Player's Bible. It makes sense. There is a Women's Bible that focuses on issues that women have. There is a Men's Bible. Damnit, King James even got his own Bible. I feel that players are represented in the Bible. King David was a player. He took people's wives. Solomon was a player with a bunch of wives. Jesus even had some women on the side. So why can't players get a BiBLE?? I am gonna make one. It is gonna be a massive undertaking but I can do it

My poem to Vanessa

Why??? (Dedicated to Amelia Diaz)

Why do I feel for you
when you are numb to me??
Why do I want to hear your voice
when I know it is not calling for me??
Why do I want your kiss
When you give the small ones on my cheek,
So bland
They are only given out of friendship, not desire
Why do I crave to see you
When my comings and goings mean nothing to you??
Amelia, Amelia
Don’t you understand?
I need to want to need you!!
Amelia
Why do you make me ask these questions?
Why do I ask these questionsWhen I don’t want to know the answer?

Going home

I finally get to go home. Now I love the 3rd floor. I really do. I just am really glad to be going back. I am going back to a place where the eggs are plastic. I am going back to where I see Black people!!! I really miss seeing Black people. I really do. I am going back to a place where I can actually win at video games. Home is a place where homework does not exist and there are no test and quizzes. I am going home.........

Final

It is almost over. I have 2 finals tomorrow than I am done. That's it. But I am almost brain dead. Pray for me.

Old Girlfriends

I hate to write this blog. It is so very classic. I am going to write about me ex. Wow. There are millions of blogs just like this. Who gives a fuck.

My relationship with my ex is sort of like a female bird's relationship with her nest. A female bird lays eggs in their nest. They sometimes leave the nest for a while to get foood for the baby birds. Well, humans come and touch the birds and leave their scent all over the nest. Do you know what happens?? Since the humans left their smell, the mother bird will not come back to the nest.

Thats how I feel about my ex. Someone has spoiled my nest and I don't know if I want to come back. I cannot treat her the same way. I cannot look at her the same way. I just can't. Oh well. Who gives a fuck.

Seamus

(A short unfinished dissertation on the life and times of Seamus O’ Baker O’ Callahan) by Frank The Maintenance Man

"A lone stallion galloped across the pale sky of a moonless night. The horse was strong, beautiful, and majestic; for if ever there was an image of Gods grace it lay inside the poetic movements of this finely tuned muscular machine. “CRASH,” lightning lit the scene with a sudden rushed flash that gave only a fleeting glimpse of what one saw, save one set. For upon, a mesa of considerable grandeur stood one lone man. Now be forewarned the description that is henceforth written has been known to kill grown men and make babes weep at its very mention. Without much further ado I present to you a man, yet not just a man. This is some strange concoction only fit for a madman too crazed to realize the simple truth of cause and effect. This “thing” was too much of a beast to be fit for the world of man yet too much of a man to be called a beast. He stood ten feet tall and could hurl boulders far beyond the reaches of the horizon. It has been said that the Lord himself reached his mighty hand to the earth and formed this “man” from the rocks, earth, and the life of nature that held the world in existence. In fact this man taught Thomas Jefferson to read and George Washington not to lie. I could speak myself insane with this man’s accomplishments, yet that wouldn’t even approach his true magnificence. The glory of this man lay upon his head. His locks…the color of the most intense ruby red to exist. They fell around his masculine frame like one illuminated Angel. That being exactly what he was; an Angel, an Angel of Doom, Love, Compassion, Creation, and Destruction. For he and he alone could conquer that poet of a beast that still rushed forth into the night sky…….

Regretfully cut short due to pressing ecumenical matters."

By, Franklin Wayne Gehres

Frank The Maintenence Man is the greatest; he really is

Stripper In Class

Today I had a stripper as a guest lecturer in my Human Sexuality class. When I say stripper, I mean stripper. A woman who takes her clothes off for money. She was a guest lecturer in my class.

What I was thinking at first:

1. How much money does it take in order for her to take her clothes off?
2. Does she sleep with people for money??
3. How educated is she???
4. Is her hair color real??
5. What can I do to become a stripper??

I had a bunch of other questions. I grilled her. She could not handle the questions. She claimed she had so many degrees but she wouldnt tell us what they were. I asked her what she was going to do after she retired since she claimed to have a plan. She never answered the question. I asked her why she spends so much energy hiding her profession. I mean, she claims to be content with her profession; she claims that she is proud of the independence it provides; why hide it? She never answered my question. I disagreed with many points that she made, such as girls have more pressure than guys or that girls don't date assholes. I put her on the hot seat and made her talk and explain herself.

She failed miserably.

Oh well. I guess she has to continue to take her clothes off for money.

Valentine's Day

Today is Valentine's Day and I am single. Now one would believe that I should be angry because I have no Valentine. That is not the case. I look at it like this: I have options. I no longer have an obligation to just one lady. I now can choose my own Valentine. The problem is that I now have no one to choose. Oh well. Today is just like every other day.

Love; noun, a legal form of insanity.

Motivated

I feel motivated to not let shit bother me. I will be better toworrow than I am today. I am reborn.

Weird Quotes

Crazy things that I say:

"I can't believe it. It almost too good to be true. I have never seen a white girl do that."

" Buddha: I don't understand why people smoke...
Me: Yeah, especially girls. It's just not attractive.
Jared: I know. I mean, it's ok for girls to smell like flowers. It's ok for girls to smell like fruit, or...
Me:(quietly) ...sex..."

" That's some real fucked up repugnant shit."

" It must be her ass because it ain't her face."

" Girl, who put that hump in your back?"

" I don't play those types of reindeer games."

" I gotta pay the cost to be the boss."

Is there anything else that I say which is weird??

Women

My commentary on women:

You all do some really fucked up, repugnant shit. I don't think I will ever understand and fully comprehend the behavior of women. Women: the most observed yet least understood creatures of all the universe