Fall Formal

Now that I have some time, I have finally gotten around to posting pics about the Fall Formal, which was Friday. I started kind of rough. I was in a bad mood and feeling kind of homesick (weird for a college senior). But I was able to suck it up. I had a whole lot of fun. I hope you all see that in the pics. Plus I look fly. Go ahead and admit it. I was rocking the suit with some red stripes, a pink shirt with a red tie. Sounds crazy bit looked good!!!

Me and Ty

Me and my date

The fellas
Me and the date again

With some of my residents

Getting down on the dance floor. Its hot so some clothes come off
Some of the people from my RA staff. North Briggs Staff!!


You see that?? I won the award for best dressed male!!!!! *Outkast music kicks in* "Aint nobody dope as me. Im just so fresh and so "FRESH AND SO CLEAN CLEAN!!!"

Petey Pablo's "Raise Up" came on and the shirt came off. At leat my deodorant is clear! Im not doing the LL!!

At the end of the night.She is rocking the glasses. I know she loves my style!

Good Space

I am in a good space and here is why:

Classes
I am doing reasonably well. I like most of my classes. My history professor is a character. I have to work hard in his class but he is an interesting lecturer. You can actually see that he loves his subject matter. My Prehistory class is going well too. I missed a class but I am not far behind. My video production class is fun. I am doing a cologne commercial for one of my projects. It is coming along pretty well.

Fitness
I have been hitting the gym every other day. This body of mine is getting right!! I gotta get these muscles for the ladies!!! But seriously, I am feeling more fit everyday. I like this. My only complaint is that my flag football team sucks. They put in no effort at all. I got so pissed yesterday that I almost quit. They just stand around and complain.

Other Stuff
I am going to the Fall Formal this Friday! I promise to take a lot of pictures. I am taking my lady friend. I actually asked her. She said yes. So I guess we are going. But I know we will have fun, I am going to guarantee it.

Living wit my roommates is cool. We hang out a decent amount. We may not be best of friends but we get along. Our apartment stays clean. I never have to complain about anything. Its all good here.

Letter To Osama

Osama bin Ladin,

You have failed to stop my way of life. Yes, you have made me think and re-evaluate all that I hold dear. Yet, you have not stopped me. You can't stop me. You can blow buildings. You can poison food. You can continue to send tapes that threatening to destroy my way of life.

But you have failed to realize that you cannot stop me. Can't stop, won't stop. So no matter what you do, I will continue to go to class. I will tell my mom I love her. I will go to work. I will travel. I will live. Because the hate you feel can never hurt me enough to make me change. You do not hold power over me. You never have and you never will

Life Lesson

I have made a realization recently. It kind of just hit me.

I normally chase women who talk shit. What I mean by that is that the women I chase tend to have to outwardly display their supposed confidence. They have a sassy attitude. They always have a sarcastic retort to something I say. They always have to challenge me, question me. There always has to be some kind of tug-of-war. Most women I chase seem to always need to put their confidence on display.

But what I have realized is that those women have to stunt for everyone are not confident. They have the worst self-image issues ever. What I thought was confidence was really a cry for attention. The need to be sarcastic and witty is not confidence. It shows that you must always put someone or something down in order to feel good. Sarcasm is not confidence. If you feel good about yourself, there is never a need to rub it in. It just shows in your actions.

I guess i realized this because right now I am seeing a young woman who is not loud with her "confidence". She has a quiet self-assurance that I appreciate. She is never abrasive. She does not have to always be sarcastic or witty. She just carries herself with a dignity that is calm, quiet yet present. I like this. I am not going back.

Maybe next time I blog I will tell you a little bit about the young lady, epsecially since she has me cooking. We all know I dont do no cooking ;)

School Time Grind

Classes have started here at the good ole 'Hurst. I like 2 of them: Video Production and Prehistory of Eastern North America. Those are going to be my favorite. I do not like my European History before the Renaissance class so far. We had a quiz and I failed it. He asked these uber-detailed questions. Oh well. I have plenty of other chances to make it up.

This RA thing should go well this year. I have some cool residents. I do have one that may be some problems. She likes to party a little too loud. I love my peace and quiet and I will not tolerate it being disturbed. So I am going to have to check that. It is weird being one of the elders on my staff. All the new people ask me for advice. My AD expects me to step up and be a leader. Being one of the elder statesman is cool.

Now here comes the love life situation. There is a girl I am seeing. We have been friends for a while but things changed in Texas. We started spending a lot of time together, watching the stars and flirting. I guess people noticed it. So now we are involved. She broke up with her man at the beginning of summer so we are taking it slow. She stays the night over here. We just stay up watching movies and talking. I am suppose to cook dinner for her and she is my date for formal. The only reason I am going is because of her. I am going to be careful. I dont want her to make a rush decision or anything. I gotta protect myself.

But anyways, I am leaving you folks to your own devices. I need some food and blogging does not put any food in my refrigerator. Yet.

Compassion

There has been an incident that has moved me. I has left me in deep reflection

A young student athlete was pregnant. She had hid the pregnancy from everyone. The day that I arrived here on campus she gave birth to the child. The child only lived 10 minutes. There is a full investigation. The baby died of asphyxiation and the death was labeled a homicide. The DA has yet to press charges.

When I heard the story all I could do was feel for the young woman. While everyone else was looking at what the girl could have done to prevent this, I felt for her. People condemned while I just empathized.

Now if the girl killed the child. I am not excusing the behavior. That is wrong if that is what happened. But I can see why she killed the child. She had a kid in her apartment by herself. She hid this pregnancy from people and did not want anyone to know. She was probably scared. She felt that she had no one in her corner. Panic probably ensued once the baby dropped.

I just feel for her. Now her life will never be the same. She probably will never return to Mercyhurst. If she did kill the child, it will be on her conscious forever. All I can do is feel compassion. I cannot judge; I refuse to. I would hope that in her position I would do the right thing but I may never know. I may never be in her position. All I do is pray for her. Because she does not need another person to judge her; her fear of that is what created the situation in he first place.

Back At School

I am back in Erie and ready to do this college thing again. I have been up here since Sunday and I realized something. I actually missed this place. I really don't like Erie. It is ugly and boring. Yet I have inexplicably grown attached to it. It sometimes pulls at my heart. It feels comfortable and familiar. Somehow, I have grown and adjusted to this place. Its cold as shit here yet I wait for those winters. Its weird.

RA training is going well. I like my staff this year. Well, at least most of the people. Some are trying to create dissension. As an elder statesman on my staff, I will definitely try and make it better. I will do my bets to prevent all the cliques and everything. I have some other stuff to report but I may speak on it later. It is of a sensitive nature. Everyone take care. You will hear from me soon.

Sounds In My Mind

* America Ferrera is damn attractive.


* Sean Kingston sounds horrible live
* I am ready to quit doing this damn thesis proposal. Just give me my damn General Science degree
* Its hot in Baltimore. I am ready to go back to Erie.
* I love having dinner with Wise
* I would love to buy Common's album legally. I just am broke. So I am actually gonna wait and support a brother instead of downloading it.
* Plies song "Shawty" is the shit. I cannot explain it. The verses are not the greatest but that chorus jumps. The bea is catchy and I cant get it out of my head.
* Why my younger brother did not want me to go to the carnival with him? He is a punk.
* My friend Cassie visited Monday night and we had a blast.
* I am a borderline crudball kind of guy. Maybe one day I will explain.
* I have no clue what I want to do when I graduate college and I am perfectly fine with that.

Interracial Crisis

I am having a crisis of the heart.

I told Cnel about this while in Texas. That trip really really pulled on my soul. Thats why I wont blog or post pics (plus I lost the cord to connect my camera to my comp lol). It really left my soul hurting. Here is why.

I am reconsidering my stance on interracial dating, specifically between Blacks and Whites. I am not saying am stopping but I am cosider that I should stop dating interracially. I had discovered a lot in Texas. Not discovered, but more came to terms. I realized that our society still has a lot of ignorance. That as much as we have integrated, Whites still know very little about Black people.

Now I do not expect that Whites understand everything. I guess I thought that we were further along. I felt that maybe it was not as bad among people in my age group. I thought that anthropologists-in-training were more aware, especially since we study culture. I was wrong

While in Texas, some of the people (all female since they were the vast majority while there) just made some retarded comments. The sad thing is that they were not even malicious. They were born out of the fact that these people have limited knowledge of interacting with people of color. I ended up having to defend my people and what we do. I know that Black people have issues. We really do. Some of us do some ridiculous shit. But (this may sound old school) I just could not let them criticize us. I just couldn't.

The experience made me think. Do I want to have to explain things to a woman who is White?? I just am tired of having to explain my Blackness. I feel like its on trial. I guess I am tired. I just want someone who understands where I am coming from and can accept it.

Then there is a part of me that says I can't stop dating interracially. There is a young lady who is White. I have known her for a long time. We are friends. We spent a lot of time together in Texas. Now, we both are kind of feeling each other. We even have a date for when we get back. So now I feel like I cannot exclude her because of her skin color. She is a good person. I cannot justify reconsidering my dating stance with the fact that I find her attractive. I have always been raised to not judge people by their skin color but I feel like I am doing it now. Who knows. I am just confused.

My Response

My friend Cnel wrote a 7 part blog series about a girl named "Harvard Girl". Many asked what my response would be and here it goes.

I think that the girl was bad news. I felt that she was irresponsible and immature. I do not even think she valued his friendship that much. Here is why. The way she let him was crazy rude. She asked "Are you serious?? I hope you are." That is not appropriate and very rude. Thus I do not like the chick. She is an F in my book. It took her more than a year to apologize. Plus she was not that cute too. She had a funny shaped head.

I think that there are no ideals. From my experience, we all have too many personality faults to consider anyone an ideal. There are just too many personality quirks. They make us beautiful These make us interesting. They are very annoying. However, they do not make us ideal.

Plus what happens is that you do as they say on "40 Year Old Virgin" (and excuse my language): You put the pussy on a pedestal. You never want to do that. When this happens, one's judgment becomes clouded. You tend to ignore the important facts. It just makes things muddled. One wants to stay sharp and having an ideal (putting the pussy on a pedestal) makes you a little less sharp. Also, you miss out on this person's faults. Sometimes the ugly is beautiful.

Guess Who Is Back??

Guess who's bizack?
Back on the block with the old Face Mob
Mack Mittens and Hov'
Don't make me relapse
Back to the block with the fo'
Cuz this street shit is all I know

Scarface feat. Jay Z & Beanie Sigel - Guess Who's Back

I am baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!! Well, almost. I am at school right now. I will be in Baltimore later on this fine evening. after 127 insect bites and some in uncomfortable places, calloused hands, sore muscles, shredded sanity, and a tan (I am so dark I look like Akon. I like this complexion on me) that I am alive and well.

If you have been blind or not paying attention, I have been in Florence Texas. I was at Field School working on my archaeology skills. There were two sites that my school was working on, Gault and Whitehead 1. Gault was a Paleo-Indian site and Whitehead 1 is a ranch from the 1870s. I worked at Whitehead 1.

Lets just say Texas was an adventure.

Florence was in the middle of no where. I really mean it. The town had a population of 1054 people. The town was like 4 blocks. There were no street lights. Anything that could possibly remind you of a city was gone. Plus there were very few Black faces and I was scared outta my mind.

There should be a law against the conditions we were in. Physically they were ok. I mean we used Port-A-Potties and solar showers. We had air conditioned trailers. It could have been worse. But mentally, that trip was cruel and unusual punishment. I ended up spending practically 24 hours a day with these people. That's hell. 24 hours!!!!! What were they thinking!!! Add to the fire that you could not leave as you please and you were asking for insanity to occur. I went flipmode on a few people. I started feeling slightly paranoid. I had no rpivacy. I could not even use the toilet in peace without people bothering me. I only had privacy in my dreams. And when your dreams start being invaded by these people, a doctor is in high demand.

I loved the work. Being in the field was fun. The work is laborious but fufilling. I like it. But the people are a piece of work. I would have enjoyed field school if I could come and go as I pleased. No one could use the vehicles but the TA's. Plus we were so far out that we could not walk anywhere. Plus the TA's did not want to drive us anywhere. So we all got cabin fever and wanted to kill people. I never needed a drink so bad in my life.

Here is what I learned in field school:
1. Women are not always right but they always win the argument.
2. If you hold your nose you cannot smell the sulphur in the water.
3. I can lay down and still excavate.
4. If you want a van full of women to leave you alone, scratch your "junk" in front of them.
5. Tying your wet cellphoe to the AC vent will not dry it out.
5. Dont drink the water if your farts smell better than it.
6. How to take 3 minute showers
7. Black is scary yet beautiful

I will say that my trip was a character building experience. Being one of 4 males in a group of 19 females will do that to you. But there were good times too. Like our dance contest or.... I cant remember anymore lol. I mean the times I enjoyed were just the one on one sessions I had talking to certain people. There were not many fun times I had as a group. Oh well. Sometimes it works like that. But I am glad to be back in civilization. I really am.

Dont Wanna Leave

'Cause I don't want to leave (Ooo girl)
But I gotta go right now
I'll be back to hold you down (I don't wanna)
I don't want to leave no
But girl I gotta go right now
But I'll be back before you know it
Trey Songz - Gotta Go

This is going to be my last post for 2 months. I am headed to Florence Texas for archaeological field school. What this means is that I do not have internet access. What I may do is have Cnel update my blog for me. We shall see. I am going to miss you all but check back for me on July 28th. I will definitely be blogging by then. Until then, take care

Our First Date

So yesterday evening, I had a date with a young lady. Here is how I met her.

Her name is "Grown". She is 22 and she has a job and her own place. She also has a daughter who is 4 I believe. I have known her for years. We used to be a part of a grantmaking organization here in Baltimore. I met her my freshman year of high scholl and I instantly had a crush. I really did. But I never really approached her. We were cool. Like we spoke and would talk before, during, and after meetings. We knew each other but we never became very close. We were cordial, friendly.

Fast forward.

She gave me her number I believe when I came home Spring Break. So even when I returned to school, she would text me every now and then. I basically heard from her more than I heard from K.

Fast forward

This is going to sound very retarded and childish. She posted some goofy MySpace bulletin and I filled it out and sent it to her. One of the questions asked "Have you ever had a crush on me?". I figured I might as well try to milk it for what it was worth. I said yeah and she messaged me back. So I called her and we talked about it. She said she was curious about me but she did not want to step to me. Why? Because of K.

But I still stepped up to her. We had been talking on the phone all week every night. I then suggested that we go out to dinner. I took her out to a place called Burke's. It is a small restaurant downtown. The food was great. Our convo was incredible. I was very nervous though. I went from dreaming of going out on a date with this girl to actually doing it. So I got all shy and everything. But we actually enjoyed ourselves.

Again our only problem is our friends. I have a friend who used to kind of see her. But he never took her out or anything. I know he had some feelings but basically bounced between Grown and some other women.

And Grown knows K. They are not friends but they know each other. And K has supposedly expressed some feelings. But she wont express them to me. K rarely calls me at school. She makes no effort to see me at home. I will hear from her the night before I leave for school saying she wish we could have hung out. She did not call me on mybirthday. K is not my girlfriend and she is not obligated or anything. But if you have feelings for people you do certain things. Those include calling at least more than once every 2 months, calling on holidays, spending time with the said person. I also do not know much about K. She is very secretive and closed off. So I find it hard to really trust her. Also, I dont want things to go further wit K. And when I am happy with the status quo, I dont move. So K is about to be replaced.

Grown is like the first established woman I have dated. I mean she has a child. She has her own place. She works a decent job. It is weird. Sometimes I worry about that. Like I am no way near as established as she is. I am still in college and everything. Everyone has their own path to follow.

Finally hitting it off with Grown has a down side. I am leaving for Florence Texas on Thursday. I should have done this earlier. Oh well. Sometimes it works like that

Since I Have Been Home

I have been home since Monday and I have loved it.

BALTIMORE!!!

I have been home since the 21st and I am loving it. I have been relaxing and taking it easy. A friend of mine graduated from Morgan State and threw a party. This young man showed up and had a ball. I loved it. I also been doing a lil bit to make some cash. Just some speaking things that line my pockets. But I have been taking it easy.

I have been holding out on you all. I met this girl that shall be called henceforth "D". I met her a week before I left for school. We met at a really good friend of mine's party. I came with a young lady and all. That lady friend and I went on a few dates and all but then we kind of did not talk. Nothing bad but school got hectic. Plus she told me she was kind of seeing someone. So she finally decides to make hanging out with me a priority. So I take her to the this party.

We get to the party and I am introduced to D. We instantly start flirting, She kind of checked out my lady friend, tryna make sure that she wasnt my girl and all. After that though she had my attention. She flirts and have to flirt back. So I get the number before I leave (*singing to myself* You know what it feels like, the game so pimp tight). I figure that I will prolly not see D again. It is a week before I leave.

Well D is putting in some work!! She made sure she saw me 3 out of the 5 days before I left. Not only that, she took care of a kid. She works as a cook at Olive Garden. And I was moving out. So I did not have much food in the refrigerator, So she brought me food. Since I been home, we have talked every night. We texted each other throughout the day. I am feeling her. She is a cool chick. I am taking it slow. I mean my summer is hectic as all hell. I am going to be gone from June 7th to July 28th. So I aint rushing a damn thing.

I have field school from June 7th to July 28th. I have to do this in order to graduate. Field school is where we actually work on an archaeological site. It is a class. I really am nervous. The site is in Florence, Texas. It is a small town. I have never spent so much time in the South. So I am not even going to pretend I am not nervous. Plus, her is going to be there. That should be an experience. Everyone has bets that we will sleep together. I am definitely going to try and avoid that. No drama is wanted over here. It is going to be hard because she is going to be the best looking thing there. Just say no... Just say no...

Update:
You how when you have a convicted sex offender move into your area they pass out flyers letting you know they are in your neighborhood?? My little brother grabbed the flyer and went looking for the guy. He walked the street for like an hour looking for the guy just because the flyer said if you find the guy with a kid 12 and under call the police. Now my lil bro is 15 and he is stocky, but he need to quit.

Oh yeah. I have On Demand at my house. I love it!!! You can watch music videos whenever you want!! They need to get this at college

I've Been Tagged

The Rules.... You are to write six revealing, strange/quirky things about yourself. Then tag 6 other people. This should be fun.

1. I eat the food on plate weird. I first taste everything. Then eat one thing at a time.

2. I constantly clean my fingernails. Not cut them, but clean them. I just can't help it.

3. Whenever I enter my mom's house or my apartment, I open the refrigerator. I even do it randomly. I am not hungry, I just do it.

4. I am right-handed but I hold my ink pen like a lefty

5. Every few months I rotate where I sleep in my bed. For example, I slept with my head towards the window first few months of school. Then I moved to my head facing the door.

6. I have to check the news at least 5 times a day. I am addicted.

I tag Cnel, 'Nefty, Wise (I know u hate being tagged), Jameil, Bk Diva, Rashan

Junior Year of College in Review

Here is my junior year of college in review:

-single
-the big blow up with her
-RA training
-my invisible Air Force Ones!!
-I got a stripper pole on my birthday!!
-I enjoyed my time at the Pennsylvania Black Conference on Higher Education in October
-Going to Pitt Titusville with my girl Jess. Big ups to her!!
-Trips home chilling with my Blue Monster Crew!!
-My epiphany with "When The Levees Broke"
-Me tryna holler at the 24 year old RA on my staff and failing miserably hahahaha
- Going to a party thrown by someone in major and that girl getting me drunk and tryna keep me at her place
-Going through Black people withdrawal
-Giving my residents lap dances as birthday gifts
-My ever revolving female situation.
-The big blowup in the rain with her
-Savannity's recital
- The bitter, bitter, Erie cold
-Trying to get the radio station up
-Caribbean Nite at my place
- The parties at my place nearly every weekend
-My wild and crazy Easter break
-My little brother came and visited
-Virginia Tech (bow head in remembrance)
-MY PITTSBURGH WEEKEND!!!
-Her and I talking again
-Me being hurt by her
-Moving out my apartment
-A new young lady (I have not blogged about her yet)

Anything I left out???

Letter To Myself

Dear Eps,

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU DUDE?!?!?!?!? You are off the hook. Seriously, you have been on the wild side for the past trimester. You party every weekend. Every. You may not necessarily drink but you always throwing a party. You stay up late all the time. Sleep is not something you do often. You are deranged.

You have had "relations" with some of your residents. You made out with one. The one which has a boyfriend. I know you do not care. I know it is not your problem. But you know she is going through some emotions about it. I mean she stays in your face all the time but still. Just say no. Just say no. The other lost her virginity to you. And you just had to oblige her. Again, she may have started but you could not say no. These actions can destroy friendships. You are being so selfish. You aint really thinking about no one else. Get it together! Get it together!

You have also isolated one of your roommates. You know has some issues that he will not discuss. You know he is not at that point in his life where he can just man up and bring issues up to you. Your ass should have just walked up and said something. Instead, you just ignore him. You may say hi and all but you just dont worry about his needs. Selfish man, selfish.

You would not be so wild if you listened to me. I mean I tell what is good for you, not what feels good. There is a reason you should avoid doing stuff with your residents. You should not isolate your roommate. Dude, you are changing, you really are. Just think, do you like those changes?? Do those you love like those changes??

Now to her. You know her has some hang ups. She was on some straight jealous when she heard that you and a resident hooked up. I really do not know why you even talk to her. She tries to play games and but you still talk to her. I know you love her. It is hard not to love her. But leave her be. Her has hurt you. She really did. But you keep her around. This chick is a like a drug. That high feels good but you know that coming off it is gonna be a bitch. Just be careful. As much of a player you think you are, you are still capable of being hurt.

At least your grades have not suffered. You did well. So there are no complaints. But take a look at your life. We dont need to go down certain roads. We really dont

Cordially,

Your Conscience

Dance Appreciation

Here is part of my Dance Appreciation Final. I choose and choreographed this part. I thought it went well. The song was Gnarls Barkley's "Transformers". I hope you like it. It is my first ever dance class and definitley the first time I choreographed anything.

My section for dance appreciation

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Best Friend of Mine

As some of you may well know CNel, a fellow blogger, is my best friend. We have known each other since 5ht grade. That means that we have been friends for 10 years. I love him like a brother. He is a brother. Whenever something goes down, I talk to him. I need advice, I talk to him. Need money, I talk to him. I need someone to just listen, I talk to him. Plain and simple, he is one of the greatest people I know. I really admire him. He is a man for others.

This is going to be our first summer apart and that bothers me. I am serious. This guy has always been around and I guess I take it for granted. He is going to Illinois for the summer and he leaves next Saturday. I have some feelings about that. I am happy that he has this internship. It will provide him an opportunity to do some things he has never done. But at the same time, I want him close. Especially because I am going to Texas for part of the summer. I was hoping to see him before I leave. But now I will not have the opportunity to see him. I will not see him until Thanksgiving. I am going to miss my best friend; my brother.

I also feel like that I should not feel this way because I am an adult. I should be used to this. College seperated me from a lot of people. But with him I was always able to stay in touch. I was able to catch him Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring break, and the summer. I got used to that pattern and now it is being broken. I definitely aint feeling that.


(us our freshman year of college)

Bounce Back

Have you ever woken up (is that a word??) and thought that you were invincible?? Like there is nothing that can stop you?

I had that today. My first thought today was " I am IT!! No one can tell me otherwise". My chest was just a little extra puffed out and everything. I literally woke up with that thought and it dictated my day. Nothing could hold me back. The rain could not stop me. My behind schedule senior thesis proposal couldn't. Nothing could. It felt good to wake up like that. It also helped that I had a positive encounter with a young lady yesterday. I might tell about that one. I will see.

Today is a good day to be Epsilonicus. It sure is.