Dont Wanna Leave

'Cause I don't want to leave (Ooo girl)
But I gotta go right now
I'll be back to hold you down (I don't wanna)
I don't want to leave no
But girl I gotta go right now
But I'll be back before you know it
Trey Songz - Gotta Go

This is going to be my last post for 2 months. I am headed to Florence Texas for archaeological field school. What this means is that I do not have internet access. What I may do is have Cnel update my blog for me. We shall see. I am going to miss you all but check back for me on July 28th. I will definitely be blogging by then. Until then, take care

Our First Date

So yesterday evening, I had a date with a young lady. Here is how I met her.

Her name is "Grown". She is 22 and she has a job and her own place. She also has a daughter who is 4 I believe. I have known her for years. We used to be a part of a grantmaking organization here in Baltimore. I met her my freshman year of high scholl and I instantly had a crush. I really did. But I never really approached her. We were cool. Like we spoke and would talk before, during, and after meetings. We knew each other but we never became very close. We were cordial, friendly.

Fast forward.

She gave me her number I believe when I came home Spring Break. So even when I returned to school, she would text me every now and then. I basically heard from her more than I heard from K.

Fast forward

This is going to sound very retarded and childish. She posted some goofy MySpace bulletin and I filled it out and sent it to her. One of the questions asked "Have you ever had a crush on me?". I figured I might as well try to milk it for what it was worth. I said yeah and she messaged me back. So I called her and we talked about it. She said she was curious about me but she did not want to step to me. Why? Because of K.

But I still stepped up to her. We had been talking on the phone all week every night. I then suggested that we go out to dinner. I took her out to a place called Burke's. It is a small restaurant downtown. The food was great. Our convo was incredible. I was very nervous though. I went from dreaming of going out on a date with this girl to actually doing it. So I got all shy and everything. But we actually enjoyed ourselves.

Again our only problem is our friends. I have a friend who used to kind of see her. But he never took her out or anything. I know he had some feelings but basically bounced between Grown and some other women.

And Grown knows K. They are not friends but they know each other. And K has supposedly expressed some feelings. But she wont express them to me. K rarely calls me at school. She makes no effort to see me at home. I will hear from her the night before I leave for school saying she wish we could have hung out. She did not call me on mybirthday. K is not my girlfriend and she is not obligated or anything. But if you have feelings for people you do certain things. Those include calling at least more than once every 2 months, calling on holidays, spending time with the said person. I also do not know much about K. She is very secretive and closed off. So I find it hard to really trust her. Also, I dont want things to go further wit K. And when I am happy with the status quo, I dont move. So K is about to be replaced.

Grown is like the first established woman I have dated. I mean she has a child. She has her own place. She works a decent job. It is weird. Sometimes I worry about that. Like I am no way near as established as she is. I am still in college and everything. Everyone has their own path to follow.

Finally hitting it off with Grown has a down side. I am leaving for Florence Texas on Thursday. I should have done this earlier. Oh well. Sometimes it works like that

Since I Have Been Home

I have been home since Monday and I have loved it.

BALTIMORE!!!

I have been home since the 21st and I am loving it. I have been relaxing and taking it easy. A friend of mine graduated from Morgan State and threw a party. This young man showed up and had a ball. I loved it. I also been doing a lil bit to make some cash. Just some speaking things that line my pockets. But I have been taking it easy.

I have been holding out on you all. I met this girl that shall be called henceforth "D". I met her a week before I left for school. We met at a really good friend of mine's party. I came with a young lady and all. That lady friend and I went on a few dates and all but then we kind of did not talk. Nothing bad but school got hectic. Plus she told me she was kind of seeing someone. So she finally decides to make hanging out with me a priority. So I take her to the this party.

We get to the party and I am introduced to D. We instantly start flirting, She kind of checked out my lady friend, tryna make sure that she wasnt my girl and all. After that though she had my attention. She flirts and have to flirt back. So I get the number before I leave (*singing to myself* You know what it feels like, the game so pimp tight). I figure that I will prolly not see D again. It is a week before I leave.

Well D is putting in some work!! She made sure she saw me 3 out of the 5 days before I left. Not only that, she took care of a kid. She works as a cook at Olive Garden. And I was moving out. So I did not have much food in the refrigerator, So she brought me food. Since I been home, we have talked every night. We texted each other throughout the day. I am feeling her. She is a cool chick. I am taking it slow. I mean my summer is hectic as all hell. I am going to be gone from June 7th to July 28th. So I aint rushing a damn thing.

I have field school from June 7th to July 28th. I have to do this in order to graduate. Field school is where we actually work on an archaeological site. It is a class. I really am nervous. The site is in Florence, Texas. It is a small town. I have never spent so much time in the South. So I am not even going to pretend I am not nervous. Plus, her is going to be there. That should be an experience. Everyone has bets that we will sleep together. I am definitely going to try and avoid that. No drama is wanted over here. It is going to be hard because she is going to be the best looking thing there. Just say no... Just say no...

Update:
You how when you have a convicted sex offender move into your area they pass out flyers letting you know they are in your neighborhood?? My little brother grabbed the flyer and went looking for the guy. He walked the street for like an hour looking for the guy just because the flyer said if you find the guy with a kid 12 and under call the police. Now my lil bro is 15 and he is stocky, but he need to quit.

Oh yeah. I have On Demand at my house. I love it!!! You can watch music videos whenever you want!! They need to get this at college

I've Been Tagged

The Rules.... You are to write six revealing, strange/quirky things about yourself. Then tag 6 other people. This should be fun.

1. I eat the food on plate weird. I first taste everything. Then eat one thing at a time.

2. I constantly clean my fingernails. Not cut them, but clean them. I just can't help it.

3. Whenever I enter my mom's house or my apartment, I open the refrigerator. I even do it randomly. I am not hungry, I just do it.

4. I am right-handed but I hold my ink pen like a lefty

5. Every few months I rotate where I sleep in my bed. For example, I slept with my head towards the window first few months of school. Then I moved to my head facing the door.

6. I have to check the news at least 5 times a day. I am addicted.

I tag Cnel, 'Nefty, Wise (I know u hate being tagged), Jameil, Bk Diva, Rashan

Junior Year of College in Review

Here is my junior year of college in review:

-single
-the big blow up with her
-RA training
-my invisible Air Force Ones!!
-I got a stripper pole on my birthday!!
-I enjoyed my time at the Pennsylvania Black Conference on Higher Education in October
-Going to Pitt Titusville with my girl Jess. Big ups to her!!
-Trips home chilling with my Blue Monster Crew!!
-My epiphany with "When The Levees Broke"
-Me tryna holler at the 24 year old RA on my staff and failing miserably hahahaha
- Going to a party thrown by someone in major and that girl getting me drunk and tryna keep me at her place
-Going through Black people withdrawal
-Giving my residents lap dances as birthday gifts
-My ever revolving female situation.
-The big blowup in the rain with her
-Savannity's recital
- The bitter, bitter, Erie cold
-Trying to get the radio station up
-Caribbean Nite at my place
- The parties at my place nearly every weekend
-My wild and crazy Easter break
-My little brother came and visited
-Virginia Tech (bow head in remembrance)
-MY PITTSBURGH WEEKEND!!!
-Her and I talking again
-Me being hurt by her
-Moving out my apartment
-A new young lady (I have not blogged about her yet)

Anything I left out???

Letter To Myself

Dear Eps,

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU DUDE?!?!?!?!? You are off the hook. Seriously, you have been on the wild side for the past trimester. You party every weekend. Every. You may not necessarily drink but you always throwing a party. You stay up late all the time. Sleep is not something you do often. You are deranged.

You have had "relations" with some of your residents. You made out with one. The one which has a boyfriend. I know you do not care. I know it is not your problem. But you know she is going through some emotions about it. I mean she stays in your face all the time but still. Just say no. Just say no. The other lost her virginity to you. And you just had to oblige her. Again, she may have started but you could not say no. These actions can destroy friendships. You are being so selfish. You aint really thinking about no one else. Get it together! Get it together!

You have also isolated one of your roommates. You know has some issues that he will not discuss. You know he is not at that point in his life where he can just man up and bring issues up to you. Your ass should have just walked up and said something. Instead, you just ignore him. You may say hi and all but you just dont worry about his needs. Selfish man, selfish.

You would not be so wild if you listened to me. I mean I tell what is good for you, not what feels good. There is a reason you should avoid doing stuff with your residents. You should not isolate your roommate. Dude, you are changing, you really are. Just think, do you like those changes?? Do those you love like those changes??

Now to her. You know her has some hang ups. She was on some straight jealous when she heard that you and a resident hooked up. I really do not know why you even talk to her. She tries to play games and but you still talk to her. I know you love her. It is hard not to love her. But leave her be. Her has hurt you. She really did. But you keep her around. This chick is a like a drug. That high feels good but you know that coming off it is gonna be a bitch. Just be careful. As much of a player you think you are, you are still capable of being hurt.

At least your grades have not suffered. You did well. So there are no complaints. But take a look at your life. We dont need to go down certain roads. We really dont

Cordially,

Your Conscience

Dance Appreciation

Here is part of my Dance Appreciation Final. I choose and choreographed this part. I thought it went well. The song was Gnarls Barkley's "Transformers". I hope you like it. It is my first ever dance class and definitley the first time I choreographed anything.

My section for dance appreciation

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Best Friend of Mine

As some of you may well know CNel, a fellow blogger, is my best friend. We have known each other since 5ht grade. That means that we have been friends for 10 years. I love him like a brother. He is a brother. Whenever something goes down, I talk to him. I need advice, I talk to him. Need money, I talk to him. I need someone to just listen, I talk to him. Plain and simple, he is one of the greatest people I know. I really admire him. He is a man for others.

This is going to be our first summer apart and that bothers me. I am serious. This guy has always been around and I guess I take it for granted. He is going to Illinois for the summer and he leaves next Saturday. I have some feelings about that. I am happy that he has this internship. It will provide him an opportunity to do some things he has never done. But at the same time, I want him close. Especially because I am going to Texas for part of the summer. I was hoping to see him before I leave. But now I will not have the opportunity to see him. I will not see him until Thanksgiving. I am going to miss my best friend; my brother.

I also feel like that I should not feel this way because I am an adult. I should be used to this. College seperated me from a lot of people. But with him I was always able to stay in touch. I was able to catch him Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring break, and the summer. I got used to that pattern and now it is being broken. I definitely aint feeling that.


(us our freshman year of college)

Bounce Back

Have you ever woken up (is that a word??) and thought that you were invincible?? Like there is nothing that can stop you?

I had that today. My first thought today was " I am IT!! No one can tell me otherwise". My chest was just a little extra puffed out and everything. I literally woke up with that thought and it dictated my day. Nothing could hold me back. The rain could not stop me. My behind schedule senior thesis proposal couldn't. Nothing could. It felt good to wake up like that. It also helped that I had a positive encounter with a young lady yesterday. I might tell about that one. I will see.

Today is a good day to be Epsilonicus. It sure is.

I knew walking into that situation I was setting myself up for heartbreak. I knew it. I had that gut feeling on the inside. That one where you say to yourself, "I am about to do something very very stupid.". But I guess I had trusted her. I trusted her with my emotions. I thought that because of our past history, thats he would be careful. She knew my emotions were a little fragile. I may not let on but she knew. I told her. Maybe that is where I failed. I let her back in. I thought things would be like they were. I felt myself fall. I got caught up in the hope. I always am willing to take risks. I figure that if you never try then you always fail. This time, I failed miserably.

I am trying to not be bitter. I am trying to not take it out on anyone. I do not want to build walls. That is what she did. She decided to play it safe. But what she fails to realize is that she will make the same mistakes that I made in the past, the ones that she cannot get over. Those walls end up isolating us, not protecting. They hurt. And now I hurt. Never again. Never in the history.

Perspective and Abortion

This I guess is my treatise on abortion. This is not an argument about the right or wrong about abortion. It is just a question that no one has ever discussed.

Should the father of the child be notified/made aware of the fact that woman is going to abort his child? I say he should. Not only she he be made aware, he should also have a say. Now some women may get pissed but look at it like this:

If you keep the child, you expect for him to contribute his half to all the necessities, emotional, financial, and otherwise. You want it to be an equal partnership in raising the child. You expect him to be there for the 21 years it takes to raise a child (very few college students are fully independent). Also, the child is half mine. The DNA in my cells contirbuted to half of the child's. If you expect me to do all of this, how dare you exclude me from participating in the decision to terminiate the pregnancy? I feel that if the child is equally ours (which it is genetically and also we have to share half the responisibilities) then I need to be included in that decision.

Women should never think that they should not let the father know about aborting a child. Ethically, that is wrong. It really is. Since it takes to to make a baby, it should take two to make that kind of decision. I know if a woman aborted my child without telling me and I somehow found out, I would leave her. That may bother people but I would. Even if she does not care about my opinion, tell me what you are going to do. Ladies, tell your men, tell them.

An Open Letter To Oprah Winfrey

An Open Letter To Oprah Winfrey

by Saul Williams

Dear Ms. Winfrey,

It is with the greatest respect and adoration of your loving spirit that I write you. As a young child, I would sit beside my mother everyday and watch your program. As a young adult, with children of my own, I spend much less time in front of the television, but I am ever thankful for the positive effect that you continue to have on our nation, history and culture. The example that you have set as someone unafraid to answer their calling, even when the reality of that calling insists that one self-actualize beyond the point of any given example, is humbling, and serves as the cornerstone of the greatest faith. You, love, are a pioneer.

I am a poet.

Growing up in Newburgh, NY, with a father as a minister and a mother as a school teacher, at a time when we fought for our heroes to be nationally recognized, I certainly was exposed to the great names and voices of our past. I took great pride in competing in my churches Black History Quiz Bowl and the countless events my mother organized in hopes of fostering a generation of youth well versed in the greatness as well as the horrors of our history. Yet, even in a household where I had the privilege of personally interacting with some of the most outspoken and courageous luminaries of our times, I must admit that the voices that resonated the most within me and made me want to speak up were those of my peers, and these peers were emcees. Rappers.
.
Yes, Ms. Winfrey, I am what my generation would call "a Hip Hop head." Hip Hop has served as one of the greatest aspects of my self-definition. Lucky for me, I grew up in the 80's when groups like Public Enemy, Rakim, The jungle Brothers, Queen Latifah, and many more realized the power of their voices within the artform and chose to create music aimed at the upliftment of our generation.

As a student at Morehouse College where I studied Philosophy and Drama I was forced to venture across the street to Spelman College for all of my Drama classes, since Morehouse had no theater department of its own. I had few complaints. The performing arts scholarship awarded me by Michael Jackson had promised me a practically free ride to my dream school, which now had opened the doors to another campus that could make even the most focused of young boys dreamy, Spelman. One of my first theater professors, Pearle Cleage, shook me from my adolescent dream state. It was the year that Dr. Dre's "The Chronic" was released and our introduction to Snoop Dogg as he sang catchy hooks like "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks..." Although, it was a playwriting class, what seemed to take precedence was Ms. Cleages political ideology, which had recently been pressed and bound in her 1st book, Mad at Miles. As, you know, in this book she spoke of how she could not listen to the music of Miles Davis and his muted trumpet without hearing the muted screams of the women that he was outspoken about "man-handling". It was my first exposure to the idea of an artist being held accountable for their actions outside of their art. It was the first time I had ever heard the word, "misogyny". And as Ms. Cleage would walk into the classroom fuming over the women she would pass on campus, blasting those Snoop lyrics from their cars and jeeps, we, her students, would be privy to many freestyle rants and raves on the dangers of nodding our heads to a music that could serve as our own demise.

Her words, coupled with the words of the young women I found myself interacting with forever changed how I listened to Hip Hop and quite frankly ruined what would have been a number of good songs for me. I had now been burdened with a level of awareness that made it impossible for me to enjoy what the growing masses were ushering into the mainstream. I was now becoming what many Hip Hop heads would call "a Backpacker", a person who chooses to associate themselves with the more "conscious" or politically astute artists of the Hip Hop community. What we termed as "conscious" Hip Hop became our preference for dance and booming systems. Groups like X-Clan, A Tribe Called Quest, Brand Nubian, Arrested Development, Gangstarr and others became the prevailing music of our circle. We also enjoyed the more playful Hip Hop of De La Soul, Heiroglyphics, Das FX, Organized Konfusion. Digable Planets, The Fugees, and more. We had more than enough positivity to fixate on. Hip Hop was diverse.

I had not yet begun writing poetry. Most of my friends hardly knew that I had been an emcee in high school. I no longer cared to identify myself as an emcee and my love of oratory seemed misplaced at Morehouse where most orators were actually preachers in training, speaking with the Southern drawl of Dr. King although they were 19 and from the North. I spent my time doing countless plays and school performances. I was in line to become what I thought would be the next Robeson, Sidney, Ossie, Denzel, Snipes... It wasn't until I was in graduate school for acting at NYU that I was invited to a poetry reading in Manhattan where I heard Asha Bandele, Sapphire, Carl Hancock Rux, Reggie Gaines, Jessica Care Moore, and many others read poems that sometimes felt like monologues that my newly acquired journal started taking the form of a young poets'. Yet, I still noticed that I was a bit different from these poets who listed names like: Audrey Lourde, June Jordan, Sekou Sundiata etc, when asked why they began to write poetry. I knew that I had been inspired to write because of emcees like Rakim, Chuck D, LL, Run DMC... Hip Hop had informed my love of poetry as much or even more than my theater background which had exposed me to Shakespeare, Baraka, Fugard, Genet, Hansberry and countless others. In those days, just a mere decade ago, I started writing to fill the void between what I was hearing and what I wished I was hearing. It was not enough for me to critique the voices I heard blasting through the walls of my Brooklyn brownstone. I needed to create examples of where Hip Hop, particularly its lyricism, could go. I ventured to poetry readings with my friends and neighbors, Dante Smith (now Mos Def), Talib Kwele, Erycka Badu, Jessica Care Moore, Mums the Schemer, Beau Sia, Suheir Hammad...all poets that frequented the open mics and poetry slams that we commonly saw as "the other direction" when Hip hop reached that fork in the road as you discussed on your show this past week. On your show you asked the question, "Are all rappers poets?" Nice. I wanted to take the opportunity to answer this question for you.

The genius, as far as the marketability, of Hip Hop is in its competitiveness. Its roots are as much in the dignified aspects of our oral tradition as it is in the tradition of "the dozens" or "signifying". In Hip Hop, every emcee is automatically pitted against every other emcee, sort of like characters with super powers in comic books. No one wants to listen to a rapper unless they claim to be the best or the greatest. This sort of braggadocio leads to all sorts of tirades, showdowns, battles, and sometimes even deaths. In all cases, confidence is the ruling card. Because of the competitive stance that all emcees are prone to take, they, like soldiers begin to believe that they can show no sign of vulnerability. Thus, the most popular emcees of our age are often those that claim to be heartless or show no feelings or signs of emotion. The poet, on the other hand, is the one who realizes that their vulnerability is their power. Like you, unafraid to shed tears on countless shows, the poet finds strength in exposing their humanity, their vulnerability, thus making it possible for us to find connection and strength through their work. Many emcees have been poets. But, no, Ms. Winfrey, not all emcees are poets. Many choose gangsterism and business over the emotional terrain through which true artistry will lead. But they are not to blame. I would now like to address your question of leadership.

You may recall that in immediate response to the attacks of September 11th, our president took the national stage to say to the American public and the world that we would "...show no sign of vulnerability". Here is the same word that distinguishes poets from rappers, but in its history, more accurately, women from men. To make such a statement is to align oneself with the ideology that instills in us a sense of vulnerability meaning "weakness". And these meanings all take their place under the heading of what we consciously or subconsciously characterize as traits of the feminine. The weapon of mass destruction is the one that asserts that a holy trinity would be a father, a male child, and a ghost when common sense tells us that the holiest of trinities would be a mother, a father, and a child: Family. The vulnerability that we see as weakness is the saving grace of the drunken driver who because of their drunken/vulnerable state survives the fatal accident that kills the passengers in the approaching vehicle who tighten their grip and show no physical vulnerability in the face of their fear. Vulnerability is also the saving grace of the skate boarder who attempts a trick and remembers to stay loose and not tense during their fall. Likewise, vulnerability has been the saving grace of the African American struggle as we have been whipped, jailed, spat upon, called names, and killed, yet continue to strive forward mostly non-violently towards our highest goals. But today we are at a crossroads, because the institutions that have sold us the crosses we wear around our necks are the most overt in the denigration of women and thus humanity. That is why I write you today, Ms. Winfrey. We cannot address the root of what plagues Hip Hop without addressing the root of what plagues today's society and the world.

You see, Ms. Winfrey, at it's worse; Hip Hop is simply a reflection of the society that birthed it. Our love affair with gangsterism and the denigration of women is not rooted in Hip Hop; rather it is rooted in the very core of our personal faith and religions. The gangsters that rule Hip Hop are the same gangsters that rule our nation. 50 Cent and George Bush have the same birthday (July 6th). For a Hip Hop artist to say "I do what I wanna do/Don't care if I get caught/The DA could play this mothaf@kin tape in court/I'll kill you/ I ain't playin'" epitomizes the confidence and braggadocio we expect an admire from a rapper who claims to represent the lowest denominator. When a world leader with the spirit of a cowboy (the true original gangster of the West: raping, stealing land, and pillaging, as we clapped and cheered.) takes the position of doing what he wants to do, regardless of whether the UN or American public would take him to court, then we have witnessed true gangsterism and violent negligence. Yet, there is nothing more negligent than attempting to address a problem one finds on a branch by censoring the leaves.

Name calling, racist generalizations, sexist perceptions, are all rooted in something much deeper than an uncensored music. Like the rest of the world, I watched footage on AOL of you dancing mindlessly to 50 Cent on your fiftieth birthday as he proclaimed, "I got the ex/if you're into taking drugs/ I'm into having sex/ I ain't into making love" and you looked like you were having a great time. No judgment. I like that song too. Just as I do, James Brown's Sex Machine or Grand Master Flashes "White Lines". Sex, drugs, and rock and roll is how the story goes. Censorship will never solve our problems. It will only foster the sub-cultures of the underground, which inevitably inhabit the mainstream. There is nothing more mainstream than the denigration of women as projected through religious doctrine. Please understand, I am by no means opposing the teachings of Jesus, by example (he wasn't Christian), but rather the men that have used his teachings to control and manipulate the masses. Hip Hop, like Rock and Roll, like the media, and the government, all reflect an idea of power that labels vulnerability as weakness. I can only imagine the non-emotive hardness that you have had to show in order to secure your empire from the grips of those that once stood in your way: the old guard. You reflect our changing times. As time progresses we sometimes outgrow what may have served us along the way. This time, what we have outgrown, is not hip hop, rather it is the festering remnants of a God depicted as an angry and jealous male, by men who were angry and jealous over the minute role that they played in the everyday story of creation. I am sure that you have covered ideas such as these on your show, but we must make a connection before our disconnect proves fatal.

We are a nation at war. What we fail to see is that we are fighting ourselves. There is no true hatred of women in Hip Hop. At the root of our nature we inherently worship the feminine. Our overall attention to the nurturing guidance of our mothers and grandmothers as well as our ideas of what is sexy and beautiful all support this. But when the idea of the feminine is taken out of the idea of what is divine or sacred then that worship becomes objectification. When our governed morality asserts that a woman is either a virgin or a whore, then our understanding of sexuality becomes warped. Note the dangling platinum crosses over the bare asses being smacked in the videos. The emcees of my generation are the ministers of my father's generation. They too had a warped perspective of the feminine. Censoring songs, sermons, or the tirades of radio personalities will change nothing except the format of our discussion. If we are to sincerely address the change we are praying for then we must first address to whom we are praying.

Thank you, Ms. Winfrey, for your forum, your heart, and your vision. May you find the strength and support to bring about the changes you wish to see in ways that do more than perpetuate the myth of enmity.

In loving kindness,

Saul Williams

On This day...

I am on cloud 9 right now. The weather is gorgeous!!! I am loving this warm weather. Classes are going well. My weekend in Pittsburgh was great! The women are out in little shorts and skirts. I see sexy college girls everywhere! What more can I ask for?

I have noticed something. All the good looking college women hibernate. I see them at the beginning of the school year when it is warm and then I do not see them until the spring! Just an observation.

I went down to Pittsburgh to visit my friend Jared. He used to go to college until he failed out basically. I like to visit every now and then just to see how he is doing. We went to Pitt Saturday night and went to a decent party. We kinda got it jumping though. They played some Wayne Wonder and me and Jared set it off. Grabbed the first cute girls we saw and started dancing. Then some dudes started hating but you all know it it is! The Boy Wonder (me) just danced the night away. Sunday I ended up with my roommate with his family. His mom had a birthday dinner and all. It was just a chill and relaxed day.

But I gotta go. I am behind on my senior thesis. I have to have my bibliography and all by tomorrow. I may hit the library, I may go enjoy the weather. Too many choices, not enough time...

Today I am a Hokie

Update on Her

So much love to share
Pure blackness, oneness so rare
So much love to give
Let them know they're missin' out
Mama Africa
Has so much love to share
Sweet blackness, oneness
Meet me there
So much love to give
Let them know they missin' out
Sing again

Akon - Mama Africa

Me and her had our first conversation since January. Well, what happened was that I wrote her a letter saying that our situation was kind of unnecessary and that I hope we can be friends. I just wanted to break the ice and felt the letter was a good way to do it. So Thursday night I see her in the library and we talk. 4 hours. We talked about everything that has happened. She came over, said hello to my younger brother and we had a long talk. I guess we are going to try and be friends. I hope we can actually do that.

My brother was with me all week since Good Friday. He left yesterday. I hope he enjoyed his visit. It was rough at the beginning. He really does not take well to strangers. So he had a Baltimore mug on for the first few days. But he warmed up and had fun. I hope he comes back again. I also hope it is warm when he does. Hahahaha!!

I love that Akon song, "Mama Africa". That is my joint!! Listen to it. It really makes you want to go to Africa. I hear it, close my eyes, and I imagine myself there.

Poetry Videos

Here is some videos of me doing poetry

This me doing a piece called "I Apologize" It came from Def Poetry Jam
Me Performing "I Apologize"

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This is me doing my piece called "What Used To Be". This about a former lover
What Used To Be

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This last one is called "Simply Beautiful". I wrote this one.
Simply Beautiful

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My Date and Easter Weekend

I know you all are curious as to how my "night" went. It was interesting.


So the girl came over. Her name is "Dobbie"She used to go here but she graduated. So she came over and we drove to the grocery store. We picked up all the ingredients. She paid for all the groceries!! I was surprised. I was willing to split it but she insisted on paying for it. I am broke so I am not too mad at all. When then went home and prepped dinner

This part was interesting. While cooking dinner and all, we danced and drank wine. She kept on feeding me glasses of wine and I got drunk before we even ate. I had not eaten all day and she kept giving me drinks. I told her I am a lightweight and she said she did not care. Yeah, so I was embarrassed. I did not do anything too stupid. I just felt stupid for getting drunk. My manhood told me I should be able to hold my liquor. I can't.

So we ate dinner and then we relaxed. We just talked. She said she is not looking for a relationship. It kinda put me on cold because I know she is the kind of girl I could end up getting attached to. There are girls I can just kick it with and be cool but I can't do that with her. So we talked while watching South Park. It was just really relaxed. I am going to be careful with my feelings around her. But it went well. She left and I had a very "I-dont-give-a-fuck" attitude. I am serious. She left and I said I dont care what happens between us. I enjoyed being around her but it felt strange to have that reaction.

It is Easter Break now. We had Friday and this upcoming Monday off. I have drank a lot this weekend. I was drunk Thursday and Saturday and I drank Friday, This is not my normal behavior. Now the 2 times I was drunk, I went to sleep sober. I guess its ok because I drink rarely so it does not matter. I have been partying it up and I have been careful but I enjoyed myself. Its all good.

Reasons To Be Happy

I am cheesing right now!!

1. My little brother is visiting me this Friday. My younger brother is coming up Good Friday and is staying for a week with me. I am sooooooo excited!! I miss his punk ass. I know he cant wait. He is 15 so I guess he looks up to me. He calls em talking about I need to find him a college girl. He does not want to sleep by himself, he needs a cuddle buddy! Hahahahaha!! He thinks he is me!!! But I cannot wait for him to get here. He is not doing well in school but I hope him being here motivates him to do better.

2. I have a date Thursday!! This has me really excited also. It is with this girl whom I have had a crush on since my sophmore year here at college. She is beautiful. Her personality is nice. She is one of the sweetest people I have met at college. We were in Latin class together last year and I used to tutor her. I cannot stop smiling when I am around her.

She called me out of the blue yesterday. We talked and she said she wanted to hang out. Now normally people say that but there is no follow up. But she really pushed it. She asked about my schedule and all. So Thursday she is coming over and we are cooking dinner together. I cannot wait!! I was so excited after she called that I did a little dance and everything.I am on cloud 9!!

3. The weather here is improving!! It is warm today and I am loving it. Plus I look good, smell good. Basically, I am the man and you all know it!!!!

I love being happy

Children See, Children Do

Here We Go

This weekend was a whole lot of fun

Friday:
I had a Caribbean Party at my place. It was a whole lot of fun. I had the soca, reggae, dancehall blasting. My Jamaican friends came over. Nick from the BVI came through. Sherette from Trini even came over. Even the Hondurans showed up. Here are some pics































































I cannot wait to do it again!!!!

Saturday:
I went to the dollar theater and saw Stomp The Yard. I liked it. The dance sequences were tight. The plot was kind of cliche but it was definitely the hotness. Then I hung out all night. I got into a lil situation with a female but other than that it was a good night.

Sunday:
HOMEWORK HOMEWORK HOMEWORK. College just needs to realize I have a social life.