I am having a crisis of the heart.
I told Cnel about this while in Texas. That trip really really pulled on my soul. Thats why I wont blog or post pics (plus I lost the cord to connect my camera to my comp lol). It really left my soul hurting. Here is why.
I am reconsidering my stance on interracial dating, specifically between Blacks and Whites. I am not saying am stopping but I am cosider that I should stop dating interracially. I had discovered a lot in Texas. Not discovered, but more came to terms. I realized that our society still has a lot of ignorance. That as much as we have integrated, Whites still know very little about Black people.
Now I do not expect that Whites understand everything. I guess I thought that we were further along. I felt that maybe it was not as bad among people in my age group. I thought that anthropologists-in-training were more aware, especially since we study culture. I was wrong
While in Texas, some of the people (all female since they were the vast majority while there) just made some retarded comments. The sad thing is that they were not even malicious. They were born out of the fact that these people have limited knowledge of interacting with people of color. I ended up having to defend my people and what we do. I know that Black people have issues. We really do. Some of us do some ridiculous shit. But (this may sound old school) I just could not let them criticize us. I just couldn't.
The experience made me think. Do I want to have to explain things to a woman who is White?? I just am tired of having to explain my Blackness. I feel like its on trial. I guess I am tired. I just want someone who understands where I am coming from and can accept it.
Then there is a part of me that says I can't stop dating interracially. There is a young lady who is White. I have known her for a long time. We are friends. We spent a lot of time together in Texas. Now, we both are kind of feeling each other. We even have a date for when we get back. So now I feel like I cannot exclude her because of her skin color. She is a good person. I cannot justify reconsidering my dating stance with the fact that I find her attractive. I have always been raised to not judge people by their skin color but I feel like I am doing it now. Who knows. I am just confused.
10 comments:
Wow...that's a deep post. The question you bring up is one that I've struggled with over time and probably the reason I haven't dated white women...YET. However, after my luck with Black women...I might lift that embargo and include my latinas too.
i think it really depends on where you grow up...
Have you ever had this issue with any of the other white chicks you've dated?
Just like you feel the need to "defend" black folks, always remember that it's absurd to try to categorize an entire group of people.
So like this current girl, you know that there are many individuals out there who WILL understand u and not be ignorant.
But pls dont do like SPChrist and use failure with black women as the "catalyst" for you going outside to find what you deserve. ;)
I don't know why you have to defend your 'blackness' instead of just being who you are. There are people who are ignorant all over the world, and there are people who aren't. Choose which group to put yourself in the midst of.
They aren't all the same, just as we aren't all the same.
I think its always going to boil down to the individuals.
Interracial relationships are sometimes difficult says my friends who've been in them. But love sometimes makes it worth the fight.
I say still look at who the girl is, yeah it's hard to ignore society, but society's more screwed up than the individual. How do you think people get to be the way they are?
Holla at cha later.
spchrist - You make me laugh.
Rev- Where I grew up, it was the hood but we had Blacks, Asian, Hispanics, and Whites. So people mixed.
Wise - I enjoyed are dinner. I never issues with any of the other chicks. I have only been in 1 interracial relationship. Her parents gave me trouble but the chick was cool (other than her typical crazy women issues lol).
Wise, you know me better than that
Kathi - Its something that happens. You gotta defend it.
Cnel - Wow, wisdom young grasshopper
youre not the only one thats pondered this exact issue ... i still do on a daily basis ... but just like you dont want for all of black folks to be judge on the errors of a few ... think of it in the vice versa for white folks ... so this girl you like give her a chance to prove herself ... cause you wouldnt want her to judge you based a few bad apples ... but you will always have to be aware ... and there will always be times when you feel you need to defend your race ..bc at times you are tired ... and well then that is when enough is enough ...
i think that's normal. i grew up surrounded by white people so i never had anything against dating white dudes. then they started getting on my nerves w/the ignorance in h.s. and i went to a black college and i just only wanted to date black guys. now i'm more open but the preference is still strongly black.
I dunno. When I lived in Atlanta, in New Orleans and in Miami, I was living with a black guy in black areas. I was spoken badly to, too many times to count, but I always figured once they got to know me, they'd think differently or they wouldn't. Wasn't going to be my words that defended me but my actions and who I was that defined me.
I told you, TX will do that for you. Unfortunately, racism and ignorance are still alive and kicking in our country. However, there are some people, while maybe few, who truly don't see skin color and see the person inside. Whatever "ignorance" they possess is purely a lack of knowledge, and they actively seek to understand you, not as an entity, as a black person, but how being black has affected the person you are. I was fortunate enough when I got here to make a friend that made me see that. A relationship is different of course. But if she's willing to look at you for you, not the issues that dating you could bring up,then it would be ignorant of you to dismiss her. Especially if you like her. Underneath the skin, if she's a person you feel on a spiritual level, well, the rest is bullshit.
It can work either way. I had a black guy tell me I wasn't black ENOUGH to bring home to his family because of my mixed heritage. So ignorance really knows no color. It only festers in the places in our lives where we allow it
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