Hurt

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

Johnny Cash - Hurt

Her cheating hurts me. I am working to deal with it emotionally. Here is how

• I try to limit myself to thinking about it for 10 minutes a day. I let myself get upset and pissed for 10 minutes and then try to move on. Is it easy? No. Do I go over my alotted minutes Yes. But I try not to let her dishonesty be what I focus on when I deal with our relationship.

• When I am feeling bad, I do not call her. There are moments when talking to her reminds of what happens. It does not occur every time we talk. However, when it does occur, I will get off the phone. Then I give myself some time to think, meditate, and relax. There are just moments when I do not need to hear from her.

• Whenever we talk about what happen, I only talk about it when I am in a good mood. I will not whenever I have a dark moment. This helps me be logical and reasonable. Talking about this when I am pissed will make me fittin' to kill some body.

There is one thing I should do but for some reason I cannot: get rid of the AIM log files. That is how I verified that she cheated. I looked on her AIM log files. I need to stop reading them but I can't. I feel an urge to know how deep this went. She told me the gist but I needed the details. I needed to know everything. And every time I look at the conversations, I relive all the pain. It is so self-inflicted. I know I should not look but I cannot help it. I need to know. I just need to know...