Me and My Beautiful Woman

Me and my beautiful woman on our way to Spring Formal.

I normally do not do this but I am feeling it right now. My girlfriend and I had a deep conversation Thursday night. It was one of those conversations that demonstrated one of the millions of reasons why I love her. I came to her and she helped me understand that I should never have to feel like I need to"perform". What I mean is that there is nothing special that I need to do in order to be good to her. All I have to do is be myself. That is what makes me great. It is not something that I have to do. It is what I am doing right now. That convo was one of those that made me feel all warm and mushy inside (CNel, yeah I said!!). I don't know if she is going to read this blog entry but I dedicate it to her. I am the luckiest man. Indeed I am.























PS: Aint that the finest sistah and brotha you done ever seen!!! LOL Hahahahahaha just kidding. But seriously, the suit is sharp!

My People

I am home now for Thanksgiving Break. I have been home since Thursday afternoon. There have been two epsiodes since I have been home that makes me shake my head at Black people at times. I may be criticized but oh well. I have to call it how I see it.

The first episode was on Thursday nite when I went out to a nite club called Hammerjacks here in Baltimore. The night was going well. There were fine women dancing, the music was great, and there was a nice sized crowd. As the evening progresses, a fight breaks out. People are throwing shit and all. The DJ encourages this shit to keep happening. The fight is handled and the nite goes on. Then another fight breaks out. This time it is a bunch of females involved. We all know how this can go. There is hair pulling, shoe throwing, and all that good ish. This ends up closing the club. Mayhem erupts outside. Bouncers are fighting patrons and all that. Police are involved and all. It was ugly.

Whu cant Black people go out and have a good time without fighting?? WHY WE GOTTA ACT A FOOL ON PUBLIC!!.= I cannot believe it. Im just sick and tired of it. The fight made me feel like I just did not fit in with this crowd. It is sad when I feel like I dont fit in with my own people.

The second episode was when I led a forum on Friday morning. It was at a private high school conference on diversity held ata church. The young people there were rude. They were cussing in the church itself. The boys almost started a fight. There was loud talking when other people were talking. And the Black kids were making racist comments!! How are you going to be making racist comments at a diversity conference?!?!?!?!? It was insane. Then the ideas the people came up with to help make things better at their schools were bullshit. All these kids said were that they would promote diversity. Wow. These are private and high school kids. I know they are smarter than that. I was soooooooo disappointed at the lack of initiative and the lack of innovative ideas. These kids have to do better. I felt as if there is no hope for the private schools in Bsltimore. When I left, my graduating class had made sooooo many improvements. Not only in my school but at other schools. Now I feel as if all the work we put in went down the drain. When I was in high school, not tooooo long ago, we all valued the time we had at the conference. We took advantage of it. That time was used to come up with pragmatic ideas. Now, these kids just use it as an excuse to get out of school. All I have to say is that the quality of Black students in the private school system is going down. I do not know why.

Kaleidoscope

I saw someone else do this. It is an opportunity for me to see what is going on in my life.

Pain
Not feeling that too much. Someone is giving me a headache though.

Exhaustion
I am having a mental burnout due to studying for all these finals. Also I am tired of fighting with my girlfriend.

Relief
I actually feel as if I may be ready for these finals. Also, my pregnant cousin has made it to Baltimore safely. Yay!!

Anxious
I cannot wait for finals to be done. I need to get away from Mercyhurst. I would be fine if it was not for her drama and attitude.

Swamped
I feel way over my head at times because I have just soaked up so much information. Also, I have work study hours to make up. Plus I have to find that overdue library book before Break.

Excited
My cousin made it to Baltimore!! She is like my little country sister. She is from Kansas and she has moved to Baltimore. I cannot wait to see her when I go home. Plus, Harry Potter movie is coming out. Also, I get to be back home in Baltimore. I will see all my peeps. Plus, Baltimore is better than Erie. Who could disagree??

Horny
Since me and my significant other are fighting again, our date was cancelled. You know what that means......... =(

Creative
I have not written a decent poem in a loooooooooooong time. I do not feel motivated at all to write. My poetry group is falling apart. At this point, I am starting to not care.

Restless
I feel caged in for some reason. I do not know why. I just feel as if I am being restrained. Any suggestions as to what the reason could be??

Joy
I have my bed to myself since "the girl" is not here with me tonite.

Pissed
She makes me want to "shake the shit out of her" as Kanye West would say. The way she says things just pisses me off. I love her but that does not stop her from making me mad.

My future

I have been thinking a lot about my future. I am a Black college student who is still trying to decide about what I will do. I know I want to be an archaeologist. I just am afraid I will hate it. I have been thinking this but it was really brought home one day while at work. Here is the situation:

I am in the lab working and I say, "I hate this job. It is insulting to my intelligence. Once I get my degree, I am never doing this dumb shit." (We were cleaning "lithics aka debitage from stone tools. I call it scrubbing rocks
Someone comes along and says, " Well, all that archaeologists do is this."

I heard this and I got a little worried. You mean to tell me that essentially $100,000 is being spent (it may not be my money but it is still a waste.) so i can do the same menial, intelligence-insulting work I am doing now. I have decided that if I become disillusioned with my field, I will teach. Here comes another situation:

" I am going to teach", I say.
"That is a waste of your degree", my "friend" Melissa says.

I dont understand this logic. Is it such waste to become a teacher? No!! What is a waste is to get a degree to do the same bullshit I am doing now. That is a waste!!! I am not settling to do lab work. I actually refuse to do it. My experience with it has sucked. Nothing I do in that lab is actually important and you dont need a college education to do what any of us are doing. I am going to focus on the field, actually being at the sites. I feel I can make my career whatever I want. People can settle for less but I wont. I refuse to settle for it. I dont settle for less.