Aunt Jackie

Today three years ago my Aunt Jackie died. The affect that her death has on me is enormous. I think about her everyday no matter what. Life is just not the same since she died.

I always think about how she used to tell me she could not wait for me to reach certain milestones in my life. For example, she always said how she wanted to come to some of my football games. She could not wait for high school graduation, move-in day at college, my wedding in the future. Now I think about all that she is going to miss. It really eats me up inside because I should be thankful for all that she has seen. I feel angry at the fact that she is not going to see the birth of my children, my wedding, my college graduation. She did not get to see me play football. She died before I could graduate from high school. I feel angry and bitter. I feel cheated because she could not share this with me.

I do know one thing: She would definitely be proud of me.

A New Poem

I know feel as if I have closure since I have written this poem.

(Chorus) It's been 3 months since we last talked.
It's been 3 months since I decided to walk
And to you I thought I had nothing to say
But that don't stop me from thinking about you day to day.

There was one point in our lives; we were together.
You had dreams of the idea of us being forever.
We were so close, two birds of the same feather.
You called me your papi, your best friend, your confidante.
I was even called nephew by one of your aunts.
Yet you threw it all away while I was at college
Hard at work trying to gain this knowledge.
You had called me right before my birthday
And right before our two-year anniversary.
You said you loved me but you had to leave.
This was something that I just couldn't believe.
I thought, " Bitch!! How can you leave me?
Remember? Last night you told me you loved me."
But then I remembered you were cheating on me emotionally.
With your best friend's brother
But I guess it didn't matter, he wasn't that close to me.

(Chorus)

Still, you inserted the knife even further.
When you fucked my man, who was almost like a brotha.
I know it was murky. It could be taken as date rape.
But that don't stop me from feeling hate.
Girl, didn't I tell you to leave that alcohol alone
Yet you still decided to drink it in your home.
Where your two girlfriends gave each other dome.
Right in Baldwin Hall I cried
I was so angry that both of you could have died.
That nite I wanted to have my homeboy shot
But Dan kept me from calling my brother, who was posted up on the black.
Why didn't you just stab me in my sleep.
Because compared to words, the knife could only go but so deep.

(Chorus)

Bittersweet

Here is a poem. Not by me but by Kanye West called Bittersweet. I have been listening to it lately and it has sort of fitted my mood.

Bittersweet



Bittersweet, you're gonna be the death of me
I dont want you, but I need you,
I love you and I hate you at the very same time

See what I want so much, should never hurt this bad
Never did this before, thats what the virgin said
We've been generally warned, thats what the surgeon says
God talk to me now this is an emergency

And she claim she only with me for the currency,
You cut me deep bitch cut me like surgery
And I was too proud to admit that it was hurtin me
I'd never do that to you at least purposely

We breakin up again we makin up again
but we dont love no more
I guess we fuckin then

Have you ever felt like you wanted to kill her
and you mixed them emotions with tequilla
and you mixed that with a little bad advice
on one of them bad nights
you have a bad fight

and you talkin bout her family her aunts and shit
and she sayin muhfucka yo mama's a bitch
you know domestic drama and shit
All the attitude
I'll never hit a girl but ill shake the shit out of you
ut im a be the bigger man
big pimpin like jigga man
oh i figure its

Bittersweet, you're gonna be the death of me
I dont want you, but I need you,
I love you and I hate you at the very same time

See what I want so much, should never hurt this bad
Never did this before, thats what the virgin said
We've been generally warned, thats what the surgeon says
God talk to me now this is an emergency

And my nigga says I shouldn't let her worry me
I need to focus on the girls we gettin currently
But I've been thinking and it got me back to sinking it
This relationship, it even got me back to drinking now
This Hennessey, is gon be the death of me
And I always thought that you havin my child was our destiny
But I can't even vibe wit you sexually
Cause every time that I try you will question me
Say "you fuckin them girls, disrespecting me?
You don't see how your lies are affecting me?
You don't see how our life was supposed to be?
And I never let a nigga get that close to me!
And you ain't cracked up to what you was supposed to be!
You always gone! You always be where them hoes would be!"
And it's the first time she ever spilled her soul to me!
I fucked up and I know it G
I guess it's bittersweet poetry

Katrina

I really do not know what to say about it. All I can do is pray for everyone. I may not be the most religious person but that will not stop me from praying for them. Those affected need all the help they can get. I just hope my prayer is helpful.