Birthday Memory Lane Part 2

Well, it WAS a strip joint. So we went in.

We told the bouncer we knew Doc. He gave us a crazy look. I told him we knew Doc nd flashed Doc's business card. Then he let us in.

Lets just say this place was no where near close to a family establishment. It smelled of unwashed vagina and rotten pickles. It was as tight as a virgin in there. The people we saw definitely looked shady. Take the Players' Club and multiply it by 50. It was dark and dank. The customers did not look like normal people. They were dirty old men. And I mean that literally. There was a guy with an air tank there. I can't make this shit up.
I was scared. The place overall looked like a frat house gone bad. As I look around, I saw that our cab drivers had followed us in. I guess cabbies need some stripper loving too.

So we sit around the stage. Except this stage was different. It was lower than the normal floor. It was ovular in shape but lower. Plus it was supposed to be lined with mirrors. But all the mirrors were either missing or cracked.

The first dancer comes out. She has these huge breasts that hang low. I mean like "Do Your Chain Hang Low" type boobs. So we were giving tips. My one friend Tom decides he is not tipping the dancer. So she takes her boob in her hand, cocks back, and smacks him in the face with it. She hit my man so hard that it bruised his face. So let's just say we came up off our dollars pretty quickly for concern of our safety. The next dancer comes out and she looks 16. I felt as if I was watching my best friend's little sister dance. She was good looking but I had an R. Kelly kind of feeling while she danced.

The next one comes out and everyone backs away from the stage. This stripper was ugly. I am talking scary-biker chick- I-will-eat-your-face ugly. She had gunshot wounds, knife wounds, smallpox scars. She was crazy thin, like 10-cents-a-day-children's-fund thin. She has flaming skull tattoos and other biker tattoos. Her hair was buzz cut. It was ugly. I thought fleas would hop off her if she got too close. The stripper after her was gorgeous. She could do all these tricks on the pole. She was good enough to get five dollars out of me!!

Finally the fellas get me a lap dance. We try to get the gorgeous stripper. But instead, I get the 16 year old. We walk into the back for the booth. This booth is run down. It is 2 slabs of plyboard and a curtain. It was not painted, polished, or anything. There was trash everywhere. I kicked the trash into a corner (you gotta housekeep ya know). I sat there and proceeded to be serviced. So the stripper decides to make convo. She is asking me do I go to school and all. She asks about my family and my career choices. I could not even look her in the eye. This is not a convo we can have while she is taking her clothes off. It can't happen. So I answer but I cannot even look at her. Would you? If a butt-naked woman is asking about your family what would you do?

So I come out to cheers from the whole crowd b/c the crowd has found out that it was my birthday. Then the 16 year old stripper gives me a kiss. Right on the cheek (none of that lips ish.). The guys tell me that if it turns blue tomorrow, I have syphilis. We watch a few dancers and then leave.

I am syphilis free!!!!