Just A Little Ticked...

I believe that my coworkers and me have finished our honeymoon period. Here is the situation.

First, my job has a special situation. It provides housing for the vast majority of the faculty. Thus, not only do we work together we also live in the same apartment building. This means that we share professional lives and private lives.

Recently, a line has been crossed. I had a female friend stay with me for a few days. I introduced her to my coworkers and and all of us went to dinner.

The problem came later.

After my friend left, my coworkers start asking questions about if I had slept with her. Now my friend is attractive. I didn't sleep with her so thats what I told them. They started giving me the side eye. I could care less. I know the truth so I did not even stunt what they were saying.

Fast forward to Tuesday night.

We are all out at a bar. We were there for about several hours. Everyone was starting to feel good. I know I was a little buzzed. We were talking about what sexual chemistry. Now, one coworker said that he has to feel something. I said sexual chemistry has nothing to do with love. It has to do with how comfortable people are with themselves and thus their willingness to explore. I said I know this from experience. The wife of a coworker was surprised and told me I shouldn't say that. I told her "their opinion of me is not important. I do not do things and feel ashamed. I do not hide. Their judgment does not matter". People gave me a look.

It is true. I have only known these people for 6 months. I have friends who support and love me. My coworkers are not the only people I spend time with.

Later, one of my coworkers started to talk trash a little bit. He is from Long Island and he always gets a little rough when he drinks. So he starts to bring up my friend. Now that I had a little drink in my system, I was peeved. So I told him this: "I answer only to God, my mom, and my girlfriend. Fuck the rest of you".

I was pissed because they keep bringing this up. I still am a little pissed. First of all, quit accusing me, especially if you are only assuming. I am innocent. Secondly, man-law states that you do not put yourself in the relationship of another man. One of my best friends cheated and we did not talk about it until he felt willing to vent. You just do not involve yourself in someone else's relationship. This makes me want to keep a little distance with them. if I need someone to judge me, I will ask

Brooklyn Girl/ Day n Night

Here are two songs that I have been bumping recently from some artists who are not quite famous yet.



This dude is Charles Hamilton. I "created" a remix to it called "Cleveland Girls". I dedicated it to the gf who is from Cleveland and to all my friends who are from Cleveland. I have several of Charles Hamilton's mixtapes. They are definitely hot.



This is Kid Cudi. His song does not have an official video but there are several remixes already. I prefer the original. This joint would have me in club dancing, eben though the lyrics are depressing.

What I Have Been Up To

I have not blogged in a while. Let me update you on my life:

Love Life:
I spent the week of New Years with the gf. We had a blast! It was a great time. We went into Cleveland and did it up for New Years. I enjoyed this trip.

We made a decision and it is solid. She is moving in with me this summer. Once she graduates, she is moving to Baltimore. I am sooooooooo excited. We are in the process of finding a job for her. She wants to do something in education. Thus, at the end of February, she is attending an independent schools job fair in Baltimore. So we are making moves to make this thing happen.

Work:
My students are insane but I love them dearly. I treat them as if they are my own sons. My classroom has been getting better. There is a steady improvement that has been showing up. I am definitely happy.

Things I Hate About Christmas

I am not a Christmas person. I dislike Christmas, truly dislike it. Here's why:

1. I hate Christmas music

Christmas music makes me want to hide my head in the sand. I cannot stand it. It is so corny. Christmas music is too mushy and happy-go-lucky I just cannot do it. It seems, however, that my friends do not take my dislike of Christmas music seriously. Every year someone sends me a music if Christmas music. I do not throw gifts away so all it does is sits in my desk and collects dust.

2. The Christmas Tree

Who the hell wants a fire hazard sitting in their living room. Throw in the messy needles and I am not a fan of this at all.

3. Gift Giving

This is the mot stressful part of the whole thing. First, there is the stress of buying or making something that someone will actually appreciate. You have to make sure the gift is something they like. Then, you have the actual going to the stores to get the gift. Long lines, cranky people, dreadful weather; its not for me. I hate doing it. Yet, every year I drag my ass out to get gifts because of the societal pressure by friends/family/girlfriend to participate.

4. The Snow

Another reason I hate Christmas: it never snows on Christmas in Baltimore. Just once in my life I would like to wake up and there be white stuff on the ground. I never got one of those traditional snowy Christmas. I have been deprived of the best childhood pleasure. Damn Baltimore!!

The Way Life Goes

Let me update you all:

Holiday Party
The gym I (rarely) attend hosted a holiday party (No, Sheila Dixon was not there. Read the last post to understand). It was crazy fun! Here are two reasons: free alcohol, free food. Any place that has those two things, I AM THERE!! So this woman hits on me the moment I walk in the building. She goes, "You are looking sexy tonight. Purple is definitely your color". I just smile, say thank you, and keep it moving.

All night I was on the dance floor. My coworkers are not much for dancing but I was getting my groove in. I found me several attractive women to dance with. I do not know how many times I electric slided my partially drunk behind across the floor. My (white) coworkers just watched from the side until they became drunk enough to feel comfortable. I danced my night away. It was really fun.

I have no photos. My camera batteries died and I forgot to charge them.

Weekend
Friday night was quiet. I spent it talking to the gf on the phone. We talked for like 4 hours. It was because we do not do that often. I get up too early during the week to stay on the phone forever. I really enjoyed that time with her.

Saturday my friend D, several coworkers hit the town. We hung out at a bar near Hopkins. I sang some karaoke. Then we went to a place called the 13th Floor. It is a club on 13th floor of a hotel called the Belvedere. On Saturdays they have a live salsa band. It was nice. I also salsed my way across the floor. The next time the gf is here, I am going to take her there. It is really nice. There is a great view of the city, The drinks are a little expensive, so before I take the gf, we will just pregame elsewhere.

Sunday, I went and played basketball. I had to get some exercise in. I do need to lose a little weight. The doctor told me to start exercising a little more. To be honest, I have been slacking. It is really hard to incorporate exercise in my daily routine. I come home from work exhausted and not feeling like doing anything. That gives me a hige excuse. But starting today, i am going to try and hit the gym at least 2 times a week. I am going to start off small. I may also do push-ups and sit-ups at home in the morning. I will update you on that one

A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood

I snuck back to my place from work so I can blog. I am having a good day. I woke up feeling like a champ. A million dollar baby right here!!! Nothing can take me down! Nothing. Nada. Nihil (that's Latin for ya lol). Kids want to get rowdy in my class? BOOM!! Drop kick to the face! Coworker wants to give me the stink eye? THROAT CHOP*!!!! Ok, maybe I cannot do all that. But as U2 says, ITS A BEAUTIFUL DAY!!!

Tonight is the holiday party at my gym. I have a membership at the Merritt Downtown Athletic Club provided to me for free by my school. Its a very chic gym. Our fine mayor, Sheila Dixon works out there. If given the opportunity, I would kick her in the vag. This woman would sell Tuesday in order to get a fur coat.... anyways. They have a holiday party every year and it is open bar and free for all members. I am going to go and sneak into the VIP section.













Why you may ask.













I AM GETTING ARAB MONEY!!!



























*Throat chop brought to you in part by Humanity Critic*

Hurt

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

Johnny Cash - Hurt

Her cheating hurts me. I am working to deal with it emotionally. Here is how

• I try to limit myself to thinking about it for 10 minutes a day. I let myself get upset and pissed for 10 minutes and then try to move on. Is it easy? No. Do I go over my alotted minutes Yes. But I try not to let her dishonesty be what I focus on when I deal with our relationship.

• When I am feeling bad, I do not call her. There are moments when talking to her reminds of what happens. It does not occur every time we talk. However, when it does occur, I will get off the phone. Then I give myself some time to think, meditate, and relax. There are just moments when I do not need to hear from her.

• Whenever we talk about what happen, I only talk about it when I am in a good mood. I will not whenever I have a dark moment. This helps me be logical and reasonable. Talking about this when I am pissed will make me fittin' to kill some body.

There is one thing I should do but for some reason I cannot: get rid of the AIM log files. That is how I verified that she cheated. I looked on her AIM log files. I need to stop reading them but I can't. I feel an urge to know how deep this went. She told me the gist but I needed the details. I needed to know everything. And every time I look at the conversations, I relive all the pain. It is so self-inflicted. I know I should not look but I cannot help it. I need to know. I just need to know...

Sunday Morning

Sunday morning rain is falling
Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would lead me back to you
That someday it would lead me back to you

Maroon 5 - Sunday Morning

This morning is a good one. I have my oatmeal and yogurt for breakfast. It is warm in my apartment. I have no errands to run. Today is my sit down day. I am loving it.

Enjoy your Sunday everyone!

A Letter of Love and Courage

To The Woman I Love:

You cheated on me. You committed the most heinous act that one could commit in a relationship: you had an affair with another man. And at this moment, I feel a pain inside that I never thought you would cause. I feel hurt because I would do my damnedest to never do such a thing to you. I feel betrayed. You straight up lied to me. When asked if being around him would be a problem, you told me nothing was wrong. You told me never to worry about this person. But it was all a lie. How could you do that to me? We had plans of you moving in my place with me. We were going to create a life together. Maybe not married, but our relationship was suppose to grow deeper and move onto a path where we could consider that type of future. Yet, you put that all in danger. Just for a few moments for reasons you never made clear, you threw it away

I have done my part. I stayed faithful through many drunk nights at the bar. I stayed faithful through having an ex throw herself at me. I have stayed faithful living alone and knowing that I could cheat and you would never find out. Because when I became your man, I made a vow. I promised you I would never go out of my way to hurt you. I have held true. My faith in you and love for you have never wavered.

And through all of this, I want to be with you. When you told me what you did, all I could think about is how to make it better. There has to be a way to make our relationship stronger I thought. I truly believe, even in my moment of pain, that I love you and want to be you.

In order for this to work, you must teach me to trust you again. Make me believe in you. Make me believe that you believe in us. I need to be able to trust you. Right now, you have planted doubt in me. When I hear you say "I love you", a voice in my head questions it. Whenever you send me a text message saying you are thinking of me, I wonder if its true.

I am moving to forgive you. Love is forgiving; it does not hold grudges. In time, I will heal. But you must get me to trust you again. You must.

What It All Means.....

This man, Barack Obama, has been chosen by the American people to be our president. At this moment, I am still having trouble fathoming what that all means to me. I am still in shock. I still have a high, euphoric feeling. But I took some time today to reflect on what it means.

We have no excuse.

We now have no excuse. We have no excuse for not reaching our potential. Now, Barack Obama's election does not mean that racism and prejudice has ceased to exist. But what it does mean is that DESPITE racism and prejudice we can achieve anything we set our minds to. Black people have demonstrated, through Barack Obama, that there is no power on this planet that can keep us down. Racism and prejudice only has the power to suppress us if we allow it.

We have no excuse

Now it is time for us to step up. We must not only continue to attack and fight injustice. We must look within ourselves and see if we are doing our best everyday. Barack has demonstrated that we have overcame a lot. Just 43 years ago, Blacks could not vote. Blacks had to eat separately from whites. We had to sit in the back. Look at a white person the wrong way, that could be the last look you make. Just 43 years ago.

We have no excuse

Last night we have demonstrated that in 43 years, we can go from having no rights to being the leader of the free world. We are a resilient people. We are strong in heart and spirit. Now, we must fulfill our potential. We must inhabit the greatness that has been demonstrated last night.

We have no excuse

My Faith

Someone was surprised when they heard that I am a spiritual person. And I am not surprised this person felt this way.

My faith is a very personal experience. It is not something that I express openly. I often do not go to church (I am very disillusioned because of the experiences I have had). However when I do go on the rare occasion, I often spend the service with my head bowed, praying on my own and ignoring the sermon. I do not feel the Holy Spirit in some of the ways that others do. I do not shout or spazz. When I do feel it, it is more of a calm call that God has put in my heart. It is often a call that moves me to improve my relationship with my fellow man. There is a drive or impetus that moves me to do something. The Holy Spirit is a call to action

I also do not talk about what I pray for when I pray. That is a private conversation that I have. Even when I pray it is a private occasion. I do not recite any words. I say whatever I have to say in my heart. It is never something that I write or share.

With others, I talk about faith. However, it is in different terms. It is always related to how I view religion's purpose in modern times. I always discuss how I view the relationship between religion, spirituality, and science. No one asks me the deeper questions about my faith. But I feel I do not need to make a public declaration. I guess because that relationship between God and me is always evolving. So explaining it would be hard.

But surprise surprise, I am a spiritual person.

Hook Me Up

"Magister*, my mother is 28."

I stare at the student who told me this. In my mind, I am hoping he is not thinking what I think he is thinking.

"My mom is also single. You should ask her out on a date. You are a nice guy and my mom likes nice guys"

I do not respond at all. I do not even know how to respond. I am flattered that the kids think that I am a good person. I know many of them look up to me. Often, they imitate me. Many of them have picked up my morning ritual of drinking tea in the morning.

However, me boning their mother will not get them an A. Not at all. I also like my job enough that I do not want to get fired for boning a parent. Many of the parents are sexy and some have even made a few passes. All I do when the parents do that is just smile.

" Magister is going to break that back! Hahahahaha! Magister is going to be your step daddy! He is going to be walking around your house naked drinking tea and eatiing pop tarts!" one 7th grade student yells. The entire 7th grade erupts. Many of the students make thrusting motions. Pandemonium ensues. It takes a few minutes for me to get them quiet.

"Thank you for the offer but I am going to have to say no. I think that would be in appropriate." It is all I can think of to say.

"I am going to tell my mom to come see you."







*magister is Latin for teacher

I Hate To Admit...

Here are 5 things that I hate to admit about myself but I know are true. This should be an interesting list.

1. I am always right
This I hear from my best friend Cnel. He says that I know everything and that I believe I am always right. We had a debate about some issues recently (He is more conservative than I am. He is Bill Cosby to my Huey Newton) and he brought that point up. I disagreed but in my heart of heart I know its true. However, I do believe it has gotten better the more mature I have gotten.

2. I am stubborn
This goes right along with the first one. If someone tries to force me to do something, I will do the total opposite, just to be an ass. It is not one of my nicer qualities at all. I have frustrated many a girlfriend with that. One specific ex still talks about it. This is something that has vastly improved with the current girlfriend. She said so the last time I talked to her :-)

Tangent
Women, praise your men. When they do something or improve on a bad habit, praise them. We really like feeling as if our efforts are appreciated. It makes us continue to improve when we see that you notice those changes.

3. I have trust issues with women
I have no clue why this is so. I cannot recall a woman who has done something terribly dishonest to me. I have not been cheated on (as far as I know). Yet, there are times when I find myself doubting the fidelity of the person I am with. My girlfriend nor any girlfriend I have had has ever done anything suspicious. But in the back of my mind, a thought will pop up. A little seed of doubt. It may only show for a second yet I feel bad when it comes up. I do not start checking email accounts or anything.

4. I am not athletically-gifted at all
I have played sports since middle school. I love sports and enjoyed playing them. Yet never has anyone called me athletically-gifted. As much as I try to talk a good game about my physical prowess on any playing field or in a ring, I am not gifted at all. I get by on effort and hustle when it comes to athletics. The only sport I have done where I could even remotely be honest and call myself gifted is boxing. I had good footwork, quick hands and could take a punch. Other than that, I have been fronting my whole life.

5. I may never grow a full face of hair
I truly what to have a beard. I really do. But as of now, I cannot grow one. There are kids in high school who grow more facial hair than me! So sad. No one wonder the parents of my students confuse me with other students.

Today is....

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!!! I am 22 and I love life. It gets no better!!

Shout out to all my family and friends. You are the best. I always remember that there is hope in the unseen.

Welcome To The Good Life

Today I realized something:

I am happy.

I am happy with my life at this point. This is for several reasons. First, I am in good health. I have no major health issues. My mind is working properly. Secondly, I have great friends and family. Those people always support me. They check me when I am wrong, celebrate when I am right. I support them to the best of my ability and they do the same for me. Third, I love my job. It is great. I come home tired many days but I am happy. The students I teach are passionate about what they are learning. The guys keep me on my toes. My faculty is very supportive of me being new. They give me tips all of the time.

Things are great and I cannot complain. Being 21 and happy is rare. I am going to enjoy it.

September 11

And can we please have a moment of truth?
For soldiers and troops away with helmets and boots
And families back home who pray they make it home safe
Hopin' that they don't get hit with a stray or missiles
This is just a moment to let you all know that we miss you
Mommy I'm still here, wishin' I was there with you
Let's take a moment

As day comes and night falls
For the rest of our life we'll miss y'all
And even though life must go on, we'll still mourn
While wishin' y'all were home

Nas - Just A Moment

I reflect about the lesson that September 11th taught me. This is the lesson:

We must stay vigilant

We must stay vigilant. On Sept. 11th, we were caught sleeping. Your average citizen never even had a premonition about a tragedy as close as devastating as this. No one in government expected this to happen. There were no preparations made in case of a situation like this. That is unacceptable.

But as citizens, we must be vigilant. What does this entail? This means that we must watch over our government. We must hold them accountable for their actions, or lack thereof. As citizens, our right to vote can be used as the greatest checks and balance in our government. In the end, we can force, cajole, and convince government officials to change their governing behavior.

But this requires a lot on our part. It requires that we educate ourselves on how our government works. We need to know how it functions in order to participate effectively. We also need to educate ourselves on what our congressmen, state congressman, mayors, governors, etc believe in. The easiest way to do this: look at how the govern, not what they say. Look at how your city council votes. Know that your US Senator voted for or against an updated GI Bill. Know if he only voted present or actually placed a real yes or no vote. The public has done itself a disservice by not being educated. How can we hold people accountable if we dont even know what they doing??

Secondly, we must vote! We must vote! WE MUST VOTE! This is how we let the government know we are vigilant. The only way they keep doing what the people ask is when they know the people are watching. You must actively participate in order to see the change you want. And the easiest way to do this is to vote.

Sept 11th has shown us the need to be vigilant. Our government must be able to provide our security without removing our freedoms (that's even if we have those). And our citizenry must stay awake, must be watching in order to guarantee that this happen. I am vigilant, watching my government. I will hold it accountable for the mistakes it makes by using my way of balancing the power:voting. Never again will it find me asleep. I hope that goes the same for you.

Teacher Man Tired

The first 2 weeks of teaching have been great. I like it a lot.

But to be honest, I suck at it. Lets keep it real. I am good at keeping the kids excited and interested. They love my class. They like me. They run around speaking in Latin all day. Yet I need to work on my organization. I have not had this 3rd week planned out as well so I have been winging it and will continue to do so for this week. This weekend I am grinding and planning my next 2 weeks. This way I can get it together. Its really my fault and I was not up on it. Now my principal will be in my class Thursday. Thus, I am going to have to be at my best. He expects there to be some mistakes but I dont want to look like a screw up.

My sleep has been shitty For the past 3 days. Monday I slept for only 3 hours. I cannot explain it. This cannot keep happening. My job requires that I sleep well. I need to be able to keep up with the kids. I am going to go to bed earlier than I normally do and see if that helps.

Now that I reread this, this entry is quite negative. Maybe I will have better news later this week.

Buy You A Drank

This is Jesse McCartney doing a cover of one of my favorite drinking songs, "Buy U A Drank". He e looks like a midget Robin Thicke in this video. Is he even old enough to drink??

Its Been A Long Time...

I have been away from this blog for a minute and much has happened. Let me catch you up:

Love Life:

Things are good with the gf. I visited her for a week in her hometown. The visit overall went well. I had an issue with the mother. She was rude to me. But her mother shaped up and things worked themselves out. I miss the girlfriend I cannot wait to see her again.

Professional Life:

My first day of school was today!! It went well. I over planned for it all but all went well. The kids like me. I did not have a heart attack. I cannot wait to do it again tomorrow. Life is good.

However, I need to work on making it to meetings on time. I still struggle with that.

One of the moms hollered at me on the low at orientation. She snuck and got my number. She asked me to tutor her son. But she played it as she wanted me to but did not want to disturb or take up my time. I was polite and said it would not take up any time at all. Then she whipped out her pen and took down my number. The woman gave me a hug and switched really hard as she walked away. It was at that moment I realized she got me. I hope she loses my number and does not call.

Other random bits:
- The apartment is starting to look nice. I will have to put some pictures up.
- I cannot get this T-Pain song out of my head, "Can't Believe It" I hum it even in class.
- I need to get my damn license. The school asked about it and I need to get that ish together.
- My external hard drive broke and I am about to have a heart attack. I need my pictures!!

Gnarls Barkley - Its Not You

I wanted to share this video with you. I like the song and the visual works for it. Enjoy!!