Hook Me Up

"Magister*, my mother is 28."

I stare at the student who told me this. In my mind, I am hoping he is not thinking what I think he is thinking.

"My mom is also single. You should ask her out on a date. You are a nice guy and my mom likes nice guys"

I do not respond at all. I do not even know how to respond. I am flattered that the kids think that I am a good person. I know many of them look up to me. Often, they imitate me. Many of them have picked up my morning ritual of drinking tea in the morning.

However, me boning their mother will not get them an A. Not at all. I also like my job enough that I do not want to get fired for boning a parent. Many of the parents are sexy and some have even made a few passes. All I do when the parents do that is just smile.

" Magister is going to break that back! Hahahahaha! Magister is going to be your step daddy! He is going to be walking around your house naked drinking tea and eatiing pop tarts!" one 7th grade student yells. The entire 7th grade erupts. Many of the students make thrusting motions. Pandemonium ensues. It takes a few minutes for me to get them quiet.

"Thank you for the offer but I am going to have to say no. I think that would be in appropriate." It is all I can think of to say.

"I am going to tell my mom to come see you."







*magister is Latin for teacher