Face The Music

Listening To:
Donell Jones - Where I Wanna Be

I said I left my baby girl a message
Sayin I wont be coming home
Id rather be alone
She doesnt fully understand me
That Id rather leave than to chill
If she gives me some time
I can be the man she needs
But theres a lot of lust inside of me
And weve been together since our teenage years
I really dont mean to hurt her, but I need some time
To be alone

But when you love someone
You just dont treat them bad
Oh, how I feel so sad
Now that I wanna leave
Shes crying her heart to me
How could you let this be?
I just need time to see
Where I wanna be
Where I wanna be...

Never did I imagine
That you would play a major part
In a decision thats so hard
Do I leave, do I stay, do I go?
I think about my life and what matters to me the most
Girl, the love that we share is real
But in time your heart will heal
Im not saying Im gone
But I have to find what life is like
Without you


I almost wrote her a letter today. I woke up thinking about how much I miss her.

I have been been thinking about her for a while. We stopped talking to each other suddenly. We claimed we were gonna try and make it work. We were gonna just try nad work on getting along again before we try being back in a relationship. It seemed like a good idea. So I tried to hang out with her and she gave me the cold shoulder. I took that as a slap to us working things out. How we gonna work things out when you won't even be around me. So we stopped talking about 2 weeks ago. She did not even call me on my birthday. My crazy ass ex-girlfriend from high school called me (the ex from high did not even have my number but she called people for it). I appreciated that but I wanted her to call me. That was the most important person who could have called me (other than family).

But I woke up thinking about her, like I do everyday. She is the first and last on my mind. I then said to myself " since she wont even look at you, write a letter and put it in her mailbox" I thought it was a good idea. I get to class and then I see her on my way. So I enter the building another way because she did not see me. As class is going on, I am writing the letter, still debating whether or not to give it to her. I do not finish it before class ends. So her and I are left alone once everyone leaves. She does not even look at me or notice that I exist.

It was then that I faced the music. There is no hope for us. I kinda ruined that. Well, its not kinda, I just did ruin it. I made a decision to leave so now I must eat that decision and face the consequences. I may not like the consequences of my actions but I have to deal with them.

I just dont like the consequence for this one: being without the person I love.

Truth or dare

Comment on this post and let me know if you want a truth or dare. i'll respond with a question or a dare, then you run over to your blog and post your response to the question or dare. make sure you reference the 'truth or dare' moto in the title of the entry so folk won't be all over your blog looking for your answer (unless you just WANT us to do it...)

guidelines:

1. nothing illegal
2. no nudity requests
3. nothing malicious

let's keep this fun.

Here are the ones I had to answer:

Trizzy: What is your most embarrasing moment and have I ever been attracted to a "friend" and not told them?

My most embarrasing moment had to be when I was younger. I got my leg stuck in a piece of playground equipment (it was a cement train) and had to have the fire department come and get me out. All the kids were laughing at me. I still hear about it to this day.

I am currently attracted to a friend I have not told them. It is one of my old roommate's ex. Me and her are from Maryland. So over the summer we kind of started talking. A lot. Almost every night of the week. Now, we talk a couple nights a week. I feel kind of bad that I have fallen for her. I have not told the old rooomie (he transfers and we dont even talk). She wants to visit me and all. I dont even know if I should tell her how I feel, especially since she goes to college in NC at Elon. I also have another friend Vanessa who goes here. But she has a man so I am plotting on how to get at her.

Tcas ~ What is the hardest thing about being in college.

I would have to say being black is one of the hardest thing about being in college. I go to school that is majority white; majority being an understatement. I have few Black friends up here ( I have only Black friends at home). Its hard not being around people like me. Its hard that people do not understand my point of view or where I am coming from. I do have some Black female friends but all of them are from the Caribbean. Their struggle is not a part of mine. Thats what is hard. I miss my people. I would not trade being who I am though. I am proud of who I am and I appreciate the history of struggle that my people have gone through. Nothing could make me want to be anything else.

Nikki ~ I havent forgotte about your dare. I havent seen the girl so I havent had a chance to get a pic with her.

Why I Love My Roommates!!!

My roommates are the best people in the world and here is why:

I have wanted a stripper pole in my apartment since last school year. I have always had big dreams of getting Lisa Raye in my place and re-enacting some scenes from "Playas Club" (if not Lisa Raye then Toni Braxton. These are dreams). I also had dreams of running a lil strip club outta my place. Just a lil something to make ends meet ahahha lol. Actually I wanted one because I always thought that it was cool. It also provides me a reason to ask girl to....... (I was gonna give u some HumanityCritic humor but decided against it!!). Let's just say I wanted one!!

They have made my dreams come true!

I walked into my apartment today and I see a huge ceiling height box in my living. I say "that looks like a stripper pole" My roomie Kevin says, "No, it is a rocket launcher" (sad thing is that I almost considered believing him). He gives a card and Curtis(the new roomie) smiles. It is signed by all these people who kicked out some money in order to get me a stripper pole!! 15 of them being females (Ima definitely let them slide down my pole!! Hahahahaha). 8 of them were my residents, and they were all female. It really made my day to see all the people who chipped in. I felt soooooooooooo special. That gift means a lot. Not because it is a stripper pole, but because of the amount of people who put the effort in to see that I get something that I wanted.
Thanks Kevin and Curtis!!

My Birthday!!

IT IS MY BIRTHDAY PEOPLE!!
I have hit 20!!

Since its my birthday, make some noise!!!!

Since its my birthday, make some noise!!!!

Since its my birthday, make some noise!!!!

College Girls And Sex

One day I was sitting with a group of my female friends and the topic of sex came along. Some of the female friends were complaining about their boyfriend's sexual capabilities. They were ragging on their boyfriends' inability to give them orgasms. Just basically complaining that the sex is not good. Being one of the few males there (another male friend was there), I decided to ask an important question:

Have you ever told your boyfriend what you like???

All of them said no, they never told them. And this is the solution to their problem:

Tell him what you want.

Men, we are not psychic. We do not know all your little intricacies. We can only guess. So women, if your man is not doing exactly what you like, tell him.

Now I a not saying just be and rude and say, "You aint worth shi*t so do this, this, and this." You kind of have subtly tell him. Whisper it in his ear while you are having sex. Or say "I like when you do _____________" This way, he can make himself believe that he figured it out on his own. And once he does it, then kinda stroke the ego and say how much you liked it, you know that whole positive reinforcement thing. You can't complain when he does not give you want you when he does not even know what you want.

Now if you tell him and he does not do it, then thats just messed up. (unless you wanna do something thats waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off thats unsanitary and or dangerous.)

Basically it the whole communication thing. Get it right, get it tight.

Them damn young women. They dont know how to handle it. I gotta find me some older ones. Aged to perfection as I call it.

Mea Familia

This my momma and her fiancee. I decided that I am going to do some entries about my familia since they are important to me.

My mom's name is Stephanie. She is 44 years old I think. She lives in Baltimore Maryland, one of the greatest places in the world if you ask me. She likes to read a lot. We kind of trade books with each other. She is just fun to be around. She can't stay up late if her life depended on i though ahahahah!!! She does have an attitude. I f you cross her, she can wrought vengeance on that ass!!!!

Me and my mother have gone through a lot. My childhood was rough. We have been through a lot. From homeless to a lot of other shit. I love my mom so much that I stabbed someone when I was in the 3rd grade who put their hands on her (one of her ex-boyfriends). Lets say we never saw him after that. But no matter what has happened, she has been there as much as she could. She is my biggest supporter. She may not like some of my decisions but she is willing to do whatever it takes to make sure me and my younger brother made it. When there wasnt enough food, me and my bro ate and she didnt. We had clothes when necessary. Ever since my mom has gotten clean, we have been able to get past the old pains and become closer. People can't say ish about my mother because she is the bomb!!!!

Her Fiancee: His name is Lenwood. He is about 45 I think. He is also a twin. I like him alot. He does a lot with my brtoher. He can be a handful but Lenwood keeps him in line. He supports my younger brother and encourages him. Me and Lenwood are working on getting a little closer. I really do like him He is one the best examples of a man that I know.

Here is just a small part of my family.

MY MUSIC!!

I GOT MY MUSIC BACK!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

My Gift To Myself

Happy me above

My shoes are here. These are my birthday gift to myself. They came a lil early but oh well!! I ordered them online and they came all the way from China. My day is perfect now!!!! My bday is Oct 1 but Happy Early Birthday to me!!! I am going to do an actual post tomorrow. You all deserve it

INVISIBLE AIR FORCE ONES YAY!!!

Never Forget

Tonight, I ask for your prayers for all those who grieve, for the children whose worlds have beenshattered, for all whose sense of safety and security has been threatened. And I pray they will be comforted by a power greater than any of us, spoken through the ages in Psalm 23: "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me."

"Maybe the purpose of all this is to find out if America today is as strong as when we fought for our independence or when we fought for ourselves as a Union to end slavery or as strong as our fathers and grandfathers who fought to rid the world of Nazism and communism. The terrorists were counting on our cowardice. They've learned a lot about us since then. And so have we. "--
Rudolph Giuliani, at a funeral for a friend

Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America. These acts shatter steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve. America was targeted for attack because we are the brightest beacon for freedom and opportunity in the world. And no one will keep that light from shining. - President George W. Bush September 11, 2001

Everyone, take some time to reflect.

Goddamn!

My external harddrive went up!! Yes, you heard me correctly; MY EXTERNAL HARDDRIVE WENT UP!!! It has soooo many importnant things on it such as poetry and great and incredible pictures. I am soooooooooooooooooooo upset right now. I may still have a way to get them back. I am consulting with one of my residents.

I am loving school at this moment. I mean it is slightly diffcult but not to the point where I want to tear my hair out. This RA thing is startong to become a lot easier. Once I actually plan the programs and all out, it makes things manageable. I am also trying to get inducted into Sigma Alpha Pi, which is the National Society of Leadership and Success. This is an honor's society and all. I am excited to be doing it. So school is going great.

Her and I are rocky. We are trying to work things out but it does not look good I guess. We are not talking to each other. She says I need to figure out what I need to do in order to prove that I want to be back with her before we talk again. She says that I think just coming back is enough. I am trying to come up with a plan but I get a feeling that I am not doing well. I guess I just have to keep trying and see how it goes.

Letter To My Father

Dear Dad,

I really am having trouble writing this for you. I have never even met you before. I mean, I was a baby the last time I saw you. So what do I call you; dad, father, pops?? What is appropriate?? I have never had the chance to even use that title for any man in my life.

I guess I should say this first. I do not hate you. You may not have been here for my childhood but I do not hate you. I do not resent the fact that you were not here. I don't understand why you were gone but I do not hold it against you. I hope that that is not a reason for you not seeing me. Seriously, I would love to get the chance to meet you. I feel as if I do not even know half of me. I don't. I may have siblings and grandparents and aunts and uncles that I don't even know exist. I just want a chance to meet you. I want a chance to know my father. I want a chance to know me. I want to meet the man my mother never disrespected in front of me. I just want one opportunity to meet the man whose name I carry on. (I still use Jr).

I am in college now. I am a junior. I have made this journey successfully so far because of the hard work and effort I put into. I have had help but I have done this mostly by myself. No one graduated high school for me. No one goes to class for me. No one takes my tests or writes my papers. I do all that. I wish you were here to see the fruits of my labor.
you coulda move

I wish you were in my life. I wish you coulda seen me walk. I wish you coulda heard my first words. I wish you woulda taught me to ride a bike. I wish you coulda seen my first day of school. Or talked to me about my first kiss. I wish we could have talked about sex and girls. Or you were there for graduation. I wish you woulda dropped me off at college. Or been there when my Aunt Carolyn died. You missed a lot. You really did. But I dont hate you.

I hope to one day meet you. I need to meet you. I feel as if I am half the man I could be without you. You are my father. Even though I am 19, I still need you. I need you now more than ever.

Sincerely,

Your son, Gary Jr.

Life of an RA

Some chick woke me up at 8am because she locked herself out. Damn!!! Bit its ok. Its all a part of the job.

My roommates are here and I am soooooooooooo happy. I mean I hated being in my apartment by myself. It was cool but I had no one to talk to. My roommates "stole" another couch from a lounge in the basement and I kinda looked the other way. I mean I hope we just dont get in trouble for it. Our apartment is nice. We have definitely made it look like a little home. Thanx to my roommate Kevin's girlfriend, it stays pretty clean. She keeps on top of us about keeping it neat.

I am just looking forward to the school year and all. It will be great.

Back on Top of My Game

Any pessimists I ain't talked to them,
Plus, I ain't have no phone in my apartment.
Let's take 'em back to the club.
Least about an hour I would stand on line,
I just wanted to dance.
I went to Jacob an hour after I got my advance.
I just wanted to shine.
Jay's favorite line: "Dog, in due time"
Now he look at me, like "Damn, dog, you where I am"
A hip hop legend.
I think I died in an accident, cause this must be heaven.

Kanye West - Touch The Sky


Hey Blogger fam!! I am baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!! I had to take week long hiatus. Life has been very hectic for me so let me update you all.

I am back at school now for RA training. I work for "The Establishment"!! Who would have thought that the guy who spent more time ducking RAs would become one? I have been up here at school since last Sunday. Training has been very busy. We have all kinds of lectures and presentations to deal with any array of things that may come up. It really keeps ne busy. But I like it though. I really think I can this RA thing well. My building theme is called "The Grammy Family" Each apartment is going to be a different winner from the most recent Grammy Awards. My building is goign to be tight. I also like the people on my RA team. They are all cool. It helps that I used to room with one, and two others were my former RA.But I like my team, almost too much. There are some fine awomen there I am constantly flirting with them all. Even the one with the boyfriend has caught a flirtatious comment or two (and she is the sexiest of them all to me with them thick thighs of hers. She is white girl kinda built like a sista. The white dudes dont know what they have ;) The Asian girl on my team let it be known that she likes dark meat BUT I dont think that it helped that I told her I knew she was Korean because Koreans own all the stores in my neighborhood. Oh well. But I am soooooooooooo happy to be back at school. I definitely needed to get out my house and be more productive.

I found my strength during RA training. I do the scenarios dealing with sexual assualt very very well. The women who pretended to be sexually assaulted said I had a way of making them want to talk to me (one of the women who said that was the sexy girl on my RA team). One girl said if I talked to her in real life, I could get her to tell me anything I wanted, even if it wasnt related to the scenario. I think she was trying to holler. But I was surprised that the sexual assualt scenarios were my strong points. You would think that being male would make a victim uncomfortable. I guess not.

I feel on top of my game. My mood is up, my spirits are buoyed. I feel marvelous. I feel as if I can handle any situation. As if I have been through the fire. I have not talk to my ex for about a week (Im gonna stop calling her "her" and just keep it real. She is my ex). I have not got to calling her. I have had time but I have chosen to not talk to her. If she wants to talk to me, she can hit me up. I have my cell phone now. But I refuse to let her dictate how I feel. I refuse to let her beat me up with the fact that I left. I may have left and made a mistake but now I am trying to atone for that mistake. Shou should have been there supporting me instead of trying to hurt me with that. So now I have taken back my emotions. I choose how I feel. No one can make feel anything I dont want to feel. I love her and I wish we could get back together but I am just not gonna put up with it.

I am getting used to being single. Fo a while I couldnt not call her my ex. Now I can. Everyday I habdle being by myself a lil better than the day before. I just take this single thing day by day. I am doing really well.

I realize something: I dont have a mentor. I dont have a male figure that I can talk to. No one I can look up to. I dont have that guy that I go to whenever I have problems. I have older male role models but not anyone who I would feel comfortable talking to about my personal problems. They are too old for me to really relate to. I can tell my mother these things but she doesnt get them at times. I have to find me a mentor.Just a Black male in my life who can be supportive but let grown into my own. That male bond has been missing in my life.

But now, I feel on top. I am gonna touch the sky.

Life Is A Bitch

Listening To:
Lenny Williams - 'Cause I Love You


Before I start, Humanity Critiv, I am using your sense of humor. I am sorry but it fits all to well. This means I may be offensive to many people. I apologize in advance

Yesterday was the worse day ever. I can really say that because it is true. I mean it couldnt get any worse than what it was. If I had prayed to God and said, "Please give me a the shittiest day possible" I would not have gotten the day that I had. Let me tell you......

I wake up to the sound of the news reporter talking about an attempted terrorist attack on a plane. All I could think is "oh shit. Sunday is gonna be a bitch trying to return to school. Why couldnt the terrorist hold on until after I made it to school. Keep your damn turbans on!!" Only if I knew this was only the beginning of my troubles. So I scramble to figure out when I need to get ready and to make sure my flight has not changed. I also am still trying to find a ride from the airport to the school.

I get online to read the news and check email. I get an IM from her. If you dont know who her is, then read this entry.

She tells me that a girl emailed her with convos that me and this chick supposedly had. This chick had found me on myspace and somehow has my screenname. So we chatted because I am too nice. Now what she said we chatted about was made up. There was some info in these convos I dont give to people. I am nice but not gullible. So this stalker bitch (I mean this in every evil negative connotation that has ever been created by mankind) creates some shit, gets her name, address, screenname, and email address some how. So her is omega-chi-phi pissed because we are suppose to be trying to get back together (Cant a brother get a piece from someone since we aint together?? Thats a whole 'nother issue). So I am angry. I mean pissed. I feel as if my privacy has been raped. I deleted all my college friends off myspace. If you currently go to my school, then I removed them. This is because Stalker-Bitch got the info from a supposed friend of mine. Well that friend better hope I dont find out who it is. Because Ima put the hands on someone for crossing me. If its a female, then Ima call some chicks I know to ride up to Erie. And these arent the most classiest people I roll with.

And I know how it is gonna go down. Her is gonna believe what stalker-bitch said and I am gonna come out the loser. So I talk to her and she is mad because she doesn't know the chick.

I go get ready to leave because I go out with a friend to dinner. On my way, I get hemmed up by the police. See, I suffer from a disease. It is called Black-male-itis. Being a drak complected person with a penis means that I have committed past crimes that I haven't been caught for and thus I deserve to eat concrete. So I am forced on the ground to eat concrete because I fit the profile:
Black male; 3feet to 8 feet tall; 50-900 pounds; has either cornrows, locks, short hair cut, or bald or any hair style imaginable, light skin to Crayola black complexion
So after that, I am on the light rail. The bomb squad stops the train and brings a dog aboard. Well seeing that my day has already gone so beautifully, the gargoyle-breath having dog almost eats my face. So audience, what does that mean???? I get taken off the train by 4 officers and questioned. I then get taken into a nearby building and searched. Then they let me go.

Dinner went well. Wow. Yipppeee-kai-yay mutherfucker.

I return home and Stalker-Bitch IMs me. I proceed to spazz out with the authority of God!! I mean this chick caught the brunt of it. It didnt help she tried to play dumb. Then she proceeds to tell me she was doing her a favor. I really lost it. Then I called her. Long story short, we probably are not going to work things out and she refuses to talk to me. So now I have sworn off dealing with women. This does not mean that I have forever forsaken women, but I need a break. I mean I cant get shit!! I try to not chase, I catch hell. When I chase women I catch hell. Who would have thought that the time I tell a female no, she destroys everything I work so hard for.

So now I am at home listening to Lenny Williams. Wow, I cannot wait to get back to college. Can it get any worse???

Poetry For You

What is this?
This is now.
This is the ever-present now.
The past was yesterday’s now and the future is the now of tomorrow.
Every moment we live in is now.
Each now is filled with possibilities
This now determines the next now.
So now is precious.
No now can be wasted.
So use each and every now to its full potential.
Morph and mold the future into the perfect vision of what you want now to be.
So that when you wake up you can say,
“ This is it how it is, forever and now. Amen”.

This Is Now

Written by epsilonicus
Inspired by Andrew Erickson

Welcome To My Life

Stream of thought here I come:

I hope "she" takes me back. For a week and a half I have been fighting my way back to her. It is definitely all worth it.

How come I never go to sleep before 1am??

Me and "K" havent hung out in a minute. She carried it ignorantly with me at one point and almost caught a cuss out. I pulled her up and she played stupid. She better get it together.

I have a headache from drinking so much alcohol Saturday night. Drinking Corona, wine, tequila, Southern Comfort, vodka, and beer all in one nite isnt good for anyone's health.

Why do young females try to holler at me?? Can they not tell that I am too damn old for them??

It makes me sad how out of shape that I am in. It really does.

I have a new doctor and I like him. I mean he is a cool dude. He keeps it real with me and I like that.

I miss being at school so much. I feel like a waste of a sperm and an egg sitting in Baltimore not working. School at least provides me some sort of busy work. I also miss my roommate Kevin and a bunch of other people.

I need sex.









Thanx for listening.

The Weekend Wrap-Up

I have a lot to tell you. I have been quite busy lately.

Friday:
I really cannot remember what I did Friday! It is that serious!!

Saturday:
I went to Artscape. Artscape is a 3 day art & music festival here in Baltimore. The plan was to meet Cnel and we hang out. Well, I get downtown and it starts to rain. I had no umbrella so I made it to a light rail station and took cover under the hood there. Cnel told me he couldnt make it. So my female friend (who will be called K for now on) calls me up. I tell her I am stuck in the rain. She gets in touch with our friend David(whom I have know since 6th grade) and gets him to come get me. Thats what I am talking about!! A down a$$ female!!! She did not have to do that, but she took care of Daddy!! So my friend David comes and gets me. Guess what?? She was there with him.

We all go to David's house. Me, K (my female friend), Richard (David brother), and David are just chilling. We then go to Cafe Zen. This restaurant is decent. The food is good, the service was decent, and the prices are not bad. It is a small Asian cuisine spot on York Rd and Belvedere. If you come to Baltimore, I may take you there! So we had a great time. The rain cleared up and Me, K, and Richard went to Artscape to see Common perform. Common's performance was hot!!! I mean dude had me all hyped!! There were some fine women at Artscape too. But me and K just were hugged up. Common brought some chick on stage and was dancing. He even played some old skool joints! It was just great!! David scooped all of us up and drove us home.

Sunday
I did what I normally did, lounge around the house. My mom had some goood food and my god brother came over. Then my homeboys Ty and Ron came over. We were tripping for a good minute. I hadnt seen Ron in almost a years so I was definitely happy to see him. We had a good ole time.

Monday
Since I am unemployed, everyday has the possibility of feeling like a weekend. Me and K went out. It was our first date. We went down to the Aquarium. I revealed my inner nerd to her. I stated all these facts about the fish and all. I even "blushed" Now I am dark as all get out. So blushing for me consists of me smiling very hard and not being able to look anyone in the eye. I got all shy. I normally dont do that. After the aquarium, we went to eat. Then we got on the paddle boats down at the harbor. We just talked and all while we were on the boats. Then we walked around the Harbor and watched these trapeze school practicing. Overall, it was nice. I definitely enjoyed K's company. We are definitely gonna hang out again.

A Desire Within

As those of you who read my blog may know, I an amateur boxer. That picture on the side, thats me at my fight.

Right now I am watching the show, The Contender. I must say that I love it. For those of you who do not know, the Contender is a boxing show. There are sixteen dudes who compete for $500,000 and some other prize that I cannot remember. It comes on ESPN.

This show has stoked a fire in me. It definitely has. I am a very competitive person. I can turn even the simplest thing into a competition. I also do not take losing well; but thats for a whole 'nother entry. This dude named Norberto Bravo on The Contender just motivated me. I am dead serious. This guy fights as if he has everything to lose. Then listening to his corner talk to him during the fight made me feel as if I rule the world.

I always said that win or lose, after my first fight I would quit boxing. I said it was only a one time thing. Well, I lost my first fight. I knew that night I had to fight again. I have to. I cannot go out without having a win. My competitive side just wont let me. I think about that first win everyday. After watching that show, I cannot sleep. Its 2 am and all I can think about is boxing. Monday (well Tuesday because I have a date on Monday), the road to becoming a champion begins!!

Damn!!!

Listening to: Jagged Edge - Walked Outta Heaven


Homegirl from the last post had to cancel our outing for tomorrow. Something came up. I guess we have to try again.

DAMNIT!!!! I MISS HER!!! I really do. I miss talking to her until I almost fall asleep on the phone. I miss the softness of her voice telling me to go to sleep because she knows I am tired. I miss her laugh. I miss her tears. I miss laying next to me. I miss kissing her in the rain. I miss pinching her ass. I miss how she gave me "the look" whenever I took an "extra step" when it came to being a lil too blunt. I miss hearing her say "I love you". I miss her flirting with me. I miss her winks. I miss her laying in my bed. I miss her hair and them sexy long legs. I miss our signals when it was time. I miss cussing out her roommates when they got outta line. I miss all of that yet I am trying to hang out with some other female. I got issues.

I think I did walk outta heaven. At least I can admit it.

What A Way To Begin The Morning

I wake up to the cats pulling my doo-rag off and scratching me all over my head and playing in my locks at 6 in the morning. Is this some sort of karmic retribution for some event I do not know about???

Other than the battle with my animals in the wee hours of the morning, my day is fine. I have yet to eat breakfast (its 1pm) but it is going well so far. I feel good so I just cannot complain.

I have a date on Wednesday. I guess you can call it a date. I dont know what it is. A female friend that I know for sure is attracted to me asked me to go to the movies with her. I said yes because being unemployed offers ample opportunities to go out. I hope it goes well. The young lady has a nice personality and she definitely looks good. But is it really a date?? Or are we just hanging out?? I dont know. Uggghhhh!! Stupid ass titles always have confused me.

On This Thursday

Last night was great. I called her last nite. We talked about the situation. I believe that she is taking it better. She has a better understanding about what I feel. We even laughed and just had a plain ole convo.

Today was fun also. I was on the radio today. An organization that I used to be a board member of asked that I do this radio interview with someone else. It is on Towson University radio station. The Clear Reception show was the show that we were on. Check out the link on Tuesday to hear me!! But it went well. It was my first time in a radio station. Gave me insight into what I should possibly do when I start my radio show. Then I came home and went practicing my driving with my uncle. Which surprised me because he is a lil too nervous when I am driving. He was cool while I was driving. He remained calm.

Today was lovely. Just how I like it.

Get My Mind Right

I have been trying to stay busy in order to not think about my situation. Friday, my best friend Danny, his cousin, and his gf went out. First, me and Danny stopped at Morgan State in order to visit my best friend Landon. Me and Landon have been cool since 5th grade. We met Danny and another cat name Jimal in high school and we have all been friends since.

Back to the story.

Me, Danny, and his cousin go to Morgan and check on Landon. It was good to see Landon. The last time I saw him we were tryna to prevent some dude from his school from gettin his ass kicked by a bouncer at Hammerjacks. So we just were all in the parking lot talking. Landon is doing well. He has a woman and he is getting a 4.0. So his grind is at full speed. We leave Morgan. While going to get Danny's woman, we have a heart to heart about my situation. He understands where I am coming from. He feels the exact same way that I do in his relationship. He just didnt leave though. But he sympathizes. We scoop his woman and drive around. We hit the harbor and me and Danny start acting goofy. We saw his gf's friends. They were checking me out but I am damaged goods so I didnt even attempt to holler. We all kicked it and then they dropped me off at my house.

Today, I went to my mother's best friend's wedding. I left the house looking sharp as shit!! I was on my grown and sexy. The ceremony was nice. It started late ( when do weddings ever start on time) but it was a good ceremony. Made me want to have a wedding!!

The reception was the bomb. I was dancing my a$$ off!!!. I had the older women tryna holler and everything. My mother was hating though. She would pop up and be like, "Let me introduce you to my son. He still in college." DONT BE HATING!!! I danced with my mother at the reception and everyone thought it was cute! I dance with some "cousins" of mine. I was just everywhere. Some older woman grabbed my butt. I must have made her day when I danced with her. It was just a good ole time with some bomb food.

I called her when I got home and she kinda laid me out. She told me that I gave up and did not try and work things out. I can see where she is coming from. I told her my problem and he said lets break up. I kinda ran from her. But I feel like I can't deal with the issue if I am with her. But I am not even sure I made the right decision either. It is hard for me. I need advice

The situation boils down to this: I found a person I would like to spend the rest of my life with, I just dont want the rest of my life to start now.

Let's Cut The Bullshit

Lately I have been fronting as if everything is going perfectly fine. Well it is not.

I just did not want to admit what was going down. I felt that if I cannot admit it to myself, how can I admit it to my blogger fam. So I went on like nothing was wrong. Plus the male stubborness kicked in too.

So me and the girlfriend ended it last night. I can say that this was my fault. I have some real commitment issues. After being with one person for a while, I start to get that feeling that I need to leave. It always starts out small and then it continues to grow until I start becoming emotionally distant. I had to end it though. I could not keep doing this to her. It was just wrong.

So now I miss her like crazy. I have bumpin Toni Braxton "Another Sad Love Song". I just feel like doo doo without my other half.

Poetry For Your Ears

I am 100 posts old!!! Yay!!!! Let me quit tripping.

But seriously, I cannot believe that I even have 100 posts up on this thing. It started as a way for me and some friends in college to post jokes and some other stuff. It was meant to be just a passing thing. But now my blog has grown into so much more. I have come on contact with some very colorful people (literally and figuratively). I write about some serious ish right here. Some days I have lost it, most days I just write and reflect.


I really dont know how to celebrate 100 post so I am going to wing it. What are some things that would improve my blog?? What can I do to make it better? I am taking all suggestions. Also, do you have any questions to ask Mr. Epsilonicus??? Anything you want to know that hasn't been revealed??? Ask me a question readers and I will answer it to the best of my ability. I am serious. But thats all I have.



100 Posts BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAATTTTTTCHHH

They Must Be Trippin'

Financial aid is tripping right now!! I just got my award letter for the upcoming year. However, my award letter cut out 2 grants that I had last year. This left me confused so I decided to call.

Well, this is what they told me. They told me that my EFC (Expected Family Contribution) had gone up to $10,000. Thus they cut off the grants. The lady at the financial aid office told me there is nothing I can do about it.

I am soooo pissed. I dont even know how my EFC jumped that high. My mom still works the same job as she did last year making the same exact money. So how did my EFC jump from $0 to 10,000. Do they know who I am??? I will cut up. So i am going to keep at trying to recover these two grants. They definitely would not hurt my pockets to have them.

On The Grind

I stiil am searching for a job. It is really frustrating not working. Boredom is killing me at the moment. I do have a meeting with someone today at noon. It is a friend of my mother's named Dana. I hope he can give me the hookup because being broke is taxing on my insanity.

Other news in my life:
My godbrother turned 21 yesterday!! This means we are going out. Now I know I don't have money but I got a lil something saved up for this. We have links to several clubs where we can get in free. Plus, with my ability to use the "art of persuasion", I can find some lovely female to buy my drinks. I am good like that!!!

Why is one of my neghbors tryna holler?!?!? She saw me getting into a car with my friend Dave. Homegirl was checking me out. She gave me the "I approve" look. I have seen her before but she never really gave me a look. I guess since the hair is longer now, she wanna piece of this. Naw shorty!!! Back then you didn't want me. Now Im hot, you all on me!!

Last Thursday I hit the club with Dave. Well, we first went to a spot and did some poetry. These duded we met there were pretty cool. It was small so we did not stay long. Then we went to college night at Baha. That was aight. Some dudes from high school were there. It turned out to be a decent night. I did have one bad thing though. One girl I guess thought that punching me in the balls with her ass constitutes dancing. No!!!! That is not dancing!!! That almost sidelined me for the whole night but since I am a soldier, I toughed it out and left homegirl to butt-punch someone else.

Just To Let You Know

Right now I am watching the Tyra Banks show. I am bored and it must really be that serious. But I like her show for some odd reason. I just attracts me to the tv when it comes on.

I had an interview yesterday and it went really well I guess. They asked me 80 million questions, sometimes like 5 at the same time. But they seemed as if they liked me. Plus I got an email from some other place too. So the job process is starting to look up. I need a job. I can't just sit up in the house and do nothing. Plus my pockets hurt sitting here!!! Lol!!!

The gf is back from Europe. That is a good thing. I missed not being able to talk to her and all. o we stayed up until the wee hours of the morning talking. When I get my job I cannot keep doing this!!! Lol!!

Ms Wise tagged me so I felt as if I should oblige. Here we go:

1. If you could be doing what you really want to be doing for a living, what would it be?

I would be either teaching, writing a book of poetry, doing archaeology somewhere in Europe or North Africa, retired on the island of Capri in Italy running a lil corner store.

2. If you could slap the shit out of any famous person, alive or dead, who would it be?

50 Cent, George Bush, Andy Milonakis, Bam Morris, Dick Cheney, Tom Cruise. I really cannot stand Tom Cruise. I want to punch him in the back of his head.


3. What's the dumbest decision you've made in the past 5 years?

Dating my ex-gf. We have been done for almost 2 years and she still is causing trouble.


4. Give up one for a year: (good) sex or (good) music.

This is definitely hard. I would have to say sex though. I need my music. I think I would lose my mind I had to give up music. I can live without sex.


5. Dudes, would you rather have a big dick or a great sense of humor?

I would rather have a sense of humor. That is what gets you the sex. Penis size is relative anyway. What is big for one may be small for someone else. You just can't please them all.

6. So you've been invited to an all expense paid Blogger Prom in The Bahamas. You're sitting at the bar on the beach. Which blogger do you want to join you for hours of good convo?

Female bloggers:
1. DSTcretion - I like to keep "fine" company!!! lol
2. Duck - I love having great convo with intelligent and talented people
3. So...Wise - She makes a great wing-woman. Help a brother out on his pimpin!!

Male bloggers:
1. Sherlon - He seems to be real chill
2. ShawnQT - He knows how to party
3. Ironman - He can be the DJ
4. Cnel - He has been my best friend since 5ht grade. I cant leave without him.

7. Which blogger would you most like to cuddle with on the beach? (and don't defer to your current signif other either. Infidelity won't count against you. Duh.)

DSTcretion and Honey Libra. Both seem like they could definitely cuddle.


8. You're going on a 5 hour road trip...which 5 CDs do you bring?

1. Nightmare Before Christmas Soundtrack - Say sumthin!!!!!
2. John Legend - Lets Get Lifted
3. Kanye West - College Dropout
3. My Down South mix cd
4. Jon B - Cool Relax
5. Talib Kweli - Beautiful Struggle

9. Would you rather bury your children young or have your children bury you young?

I would rather have my children bury me. They deserve a chance to live life to its greatest potential.

10. What's your biggest insecurity?

My left eye has a slight twitch. It only twitches rarely. I cussed my ex out for laughing at it.
Failure. I refuse to fail. I try so hard not to fail its ridiculous.

11.What's the first blog you read every day...or however often you read them? (And I swear to God, don't be saying mine just cuz I'm the one asking...unless of course you really mean it. lol)

Cnel's blog. He is in Italy right nowa nd he has been constantly updating. Check it out!!!!

12. When's the last time you peed your pants?

I was prolly in elementary school. I can't remember

13. Which was better, your first kiss or your first pay check?

My first paycheck, especially because I vaguely remember my first kiss!!!

14. Do you have kids? Want kids?

I dont have kids but I want them. Later!!! I want a damn tribe of kids!!!

16. Live the rest of your life without your eyebrows or your fingernails?

Without eyebrows. I can just draw them back on. My hands are too important. I do so much with them.

17. What makes you angry?
1. Fat people who wear clothes that are too small
2. Asking me the same question over and over.
3. Ignorance
4. Poverty
5. People who give up.
6. Lovers who are passive
7. People telling me I can't succeed (Nothing drives me like proving someone wrong - There goes that Kanye West type arrogance)

18. What makes you horny?
1. Gary's Baby Making Music volumes I, II, and III
2. A woman who knows what she wants and is willing to get it.
3. Kissing my neck and ear
4. My gf perfume
5. Sex in places other than my bedroom (esp. places like Vicky Secret- thats a whole 'nother story. let me know if you wanna hear)
6. Legs and breast - have a story about breasts too

19. What makes you nervous?
1. Drunk people
2. Dr. Adovasio exams
3. Snakes

20. What makes you smile?
1. My girlfriend
2. My lil brother telling jokes. - He is funny as hell
3. My roommates
4. Looking at my friend Stacey's booty
5. My bottle Ecco Domani Pinot Grigio
6. Hearing poetry
7. Performing poetry
8. Exploring
9. The fact that I can achieve anything. (Im dead serious!!)

I am tagging everyone. If you stop by on my blog, then that means you are tagged IT b*tches!!! Hahahahahahahah!!!!

What A Weekend!!

This weekend was the best way to kick off the summer.

My roommate Kevin from Pittsburgh came down and we went to HFStival. HFStival is a 2-day festival that happens every year at Merriweather Post Pavillion in Coumbia, MD. This year they had Cypress Hill, Matisyahu, and Kanye West perform on Saturday. You know I had to go see Kanye and Matisyahu.

So Kevin got here Saturday morning at 7 am. This meant that I had to get up at the crack of dawn to pick him up from the bus station. We come back to my house and get ready to head out at 9:30 so we can get the festival at 10am. We get there and go look around.

HFStival is not really my scene. There tends to be a lot of cats looking like this:

These types were not the majority but there were enough there. So me and Kevin just cruised throughout the festival. We took a few swinbgs at the batting cage, threw some pitches, Kevin gawked at a bunch of females. He even hollered at a sister from Howard. Kevin is your typical white guy. But he was spitting game to this Howard girl and he almost got her. We were supposed to meet her after she got off from work from the Verizon hut but we were late so I guess she pulled off. Oh well. We listened to a lot of local bands, which were good. They were mostly funk type of groups but they definitely were good.

We randomly saw a girl from our college at the festival. So me and Kevin just kicked it with her and her friends. While Kevin was spitting game to our friend Marie, I held court with the other ladies. I was just all nice and cordial. I made them laugh. I was just being nice. Cypress Hill came on. That was a very interesting performance. They had everyone gettin high by the end of their performance. I was light headed and everything. Then Kanye came on. He puts on a damn good show!!! He had everyone on their feet. I dance with the ladies during the show and 3 of them ended up kind of feeling me. Im sorry I had to disappoint, especially because one of them had a nice booty. I am just not that kind of guy. I gotta stay faithful to mines. Kevin made out with our friend from school, I played wingman. But Kanye had me throwing up my "diamond" and everything!!!!!!!!!! I was just soooooo excited to finally see one of my favorite artists in concert! Matisyahu, who is a Jewish reggae artist, put on a live performance too1 We left after his performance.

Sunday was good but not as good as Saturday. We got there at 3pm. We decided that we didnt need to get there so early. So Kevin and I just cruise around. Some random chick with a bf hollas at Kevin. Then Kevin hollers at this girl we met the day before who worked at the Starbucks stand. He slobs her down by the end of the nite. But throughout the day we just kinda chill. The performances were decent. They just werent Kanye or Matisyahu.

Overall, my weekend was great. I had a great time, with great people. Plus, I am always happy when a friend gets some play.

Urban Appreciation

I was out and about today and I made an observation.

I really love living in a city. It is such a vibrant experience. I felt like a little kid as I was riding the bus downtown. I saw an Asian guy listening to hip-hop. White people strolling down Charles Street. I watched a Native American guy talking on a cell phone. There were sidewalk shops where all kinds of insane stuff was being sold. Tons of cars everywhere. Tall buildings kissing the sky.

I love living in the city. It is full of life. All the movement makes the city itself seem alive. There is nothing you cannot find in a city. You can find anything you need in a city. Plus, there are tons of opportunities if you look in the right place. The diversity in a city just leaves me feeling amazed. I don't know. I just cannot find myself not living in a city. I need the vibrancy. I guess I am kind of rambling. You all may think I am crazy but try living in Erie PA. Its cold as hell up there. There are the same type of people there. The "city" itself is dead. It just feels as if there are no opportunities to move ahead. Just moving around made me appreciate being from a city.

Reflection of Sophmore Year

Well, Jameil has been craving drunk pictures of my roommates. So I figure that I will oblige. Some are insane. Now I was never present for this. I was the one helpin the person puke. Also, i never had to clean this up, that is why I am going to miss Shawn when he leaves. He always cleaned himself up.

Kevin, Shawn, and the beer bong

Kevin gave up sex for Lent and Stacey is making it hard for him.
Kevin & the bong

Meetin the trash can

Our kitchen
Shawn lost a fight with the couch that night


Shawn and Kevin actaully fell asleep like this

Here are the roomies (the two that count)!! I dedicate this to them and all the un times we had this year. It won't be the same without Shawn. He is transferring. Ima miss my roommate.

My Health

Last two weeks, my health has been not good. I have been to the emergency room twice this week. I am having problems with my breathing. I went the first time and they told me it may be my allrgies since I have developed them recently. Last night, I was awaken out of my sleep not being able to breathe. I was coughing and trying to catch my breath. My girlfriend woke up and had one of my roommates drive me to the emergency room. This second time they told me I may have developed asthma. My chest X-Ray showed that the distal part of my lungs are partially closed. That is scary to hear. They are not sure though so I have to visit my doctor when I go home. So I have a prescription for Prednisone and Albuterol. So i puff on that Albuterol inhaler like crazy. And both are steroids!! The Prednisone makes me slightly jumpy. When they gave it to me before I went home, it had me jumpy. I could not sleep.

This past two weeks have been difficult. Walking up the steps makes me short of breath. I cannot box. Running is not an option. Sometimes even talking makes me short of breath. I had a respiratory attack in the middle of class today and it scared the shit of me. It was embarrasing. my professor understands what happened. I cannot wait to go home and see my doctor. I cant deal with this anymore.

Girls vs Grown Women

'Girls' leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.
'Grown women' make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits in.

'Girls' want to control the man in their life.
'Grown women' know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling.

'Girls' check' you for not calling them.
'Grown women' are too busy to realize you hadn't.

'Girls' try to put a man 'on lock' by using sex.
'Grown women' know that it's the sex of the mental kind that makes a man want to 'lock' you down.

'Girls' fake-moan, lay there and take the stabbing.
'Grown women' say, "Just stop", get up, get dressed and walk it out.

'Girls' are afraid to be alone.
'Grown women' revel in it--using it as a time for personal growth.

'Girls' ignore the good guys.
'Grown women' ignore the bad guys.

'Girls' make you come.
'Grown women' make you come home.

'Girls' worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
'Grown women' know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.

'Girls' try to monopolize all their man's time (i.e. don't want him hanging with his friends).
'Grown women' realize that a lil' bit of space makes the 'together time' even more special and goes to kick it with her own friends!

'Girls' think a guy crying is weak.
'Grown women' offer their shoulder and a tissue.

'Girls' want to be spoiled and 'tell' their man so.
'Grown women' show him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate w/o fear of losing his manhood.

'Girls' get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
'Grown women' know that that was just one man.

'Girls' fall in love, chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all signs.
'Grown women' know that sometimes the one you love, don't always love you back and move on without bitterness.


I saw this somewhere. I find it to very poignant. Take heed to it ladies.

Been A Minute

It has been a minute since I last wrote. I apologize. With my aunt's funeral and everything I have been without time. Let me update you all.

The Funeral
My aunt's service was one of the best services I have been to. The minister was good. The weather was gorgeous. It really did my aunt justice. After the service, doves were released to symbolize her leaving this life. The service was a great way to celebrate my aunt's life.

This Week
I had gotten back to school from home on Wednesday. Ever since then I have had to play catch up. I had missed a quiz and a bunch of notes. Thank God the girlfriend shares two classes with me. I just got the notes from her. My third class I had a guy give me his notes to photocopy. But I feel lost in my Field Methods class because it is mostly application and I missed the class on actually how to physically excavate. So I am watching others do it and winging it.

This Weekend
All I can say is wow!!! I threw an Old School Party Friday and it went well. We dance the night away with music spanning the 1950s all the way to 1995. I was jamming!!! I was doing the cabbage patch, the elctric slide, and all them old dances. It was a great time.

Saturday was Springfest. It is a huge festival here at my school that happens every May. The weather was a bit too c0ol to do the slip - n - slide but I did everything else. I sumo wrestled with a friend of mine. Me and my roommate Kevin did the inflatable boxing, the gladiator, the obstacle course, and the mechanical bull. I ate some good a$$ burgers. The day went well.

Then Saturday night came.

My roommate Shawn had been drinking since 1130 that morning. So he was drunk. it was about 1150 that my homegirl Stacey calls to tell me that Shawn passed out in front of her bulding and has been there for an hour. So me and Kev go get him. He is all passed out in his puke. When try to move him, he fights us. After a few minutes we get him in the building. He says he has to throw up so we let him out. Well, he falls onto a bush. So we get him back into the first floor of the building. He starts screaming at the top of his lungs. This makes the RA come out.

The RA was nice. She allowed us to try and move him. Shawn was being an ass though. She gave us 20 seconds to move him which turned into 20 mins. We got him to the landing before the third floor. Then he started cussing. She goes and calls the police since he is being difficult. Shawn then rolls down to the 1st floor (literally) and runs outside. He runs down a busy street and almost falls into it. My roomie Kevin and the RA goes after him. The police then chase him down. I satyed to make sure they did not do Shawn grimey since he had a broken hand. They put him in the car and took him to the drunk tank.He came back Sunday morning looking like $h!t!!!!!!

I will post pictures from Springfest soon.

Be Grateful

I have noticed that the people around me are not grateful. And this is one reason why I will be glad to see my family when I go home for my aunt's funeral.

I see the people I spend a lot of time with constantly complaining. "I don't have a lot of money" or " I wish I looked like this" or "School is sooooo difficult". I hate to hear these things. It seems as if no one looks at all that they have and considers themselves blessed. The have all of their needs taken care of. They are not wanting for food, water, clothes, shelter. They are going to a decent school and getting a good education. Their health is great. They have friends and family that truly loves them. Family life is going well. Why complain???

This came up last nite when someone was complaining about school . This person tends to do really well. They always study hard and get good grades. This person was complaining about why school is so hard. This would have been normal except that I have heard this same song over and over again. In my head I wanted to say, " I am going through the exact same thing as you are!! Shut up!" I did not say it because I was too sleepy to. How can you comlain when your GPA is great??

Here is my advice: look at your life and try to see the positive. Be greatful for all that you have in your life. It is definitely worth it.

Overcome With Sadness

Its Our Anniversary

Me and my boo.







Friday was me and the gf's anniversary!! Congrats to us!!! My roommate Kevin was the ultimate gentleman and decided to play chauffer for us. I will be forever greatful. We decided that we would do something fun. First we went to Applebees. Our waitress looked like the female version of my roomie Blair. Not a good thing at all. The food was great.

Then we went to laser tag. Instead of trying to be all romantic, we decided to do something very very fun. It turned out great. We were running around with a bunch of smaller kids shooting people!! What a stress relief!! I worked up a sweat. I had the highest score in 2 games. I looked like Rambro out there shooting people and doing all types of ducks, rolls, and dodges. I would make Wesley Snipes look bad!!! Lol!!! Our team won all four games. The we went back and just chilled and did the romantic part of the evening. Just me, the gf, candles, and some music.



Listening to
Tony Toni Tone!
Anniversary

Last Nite At The Club

I have two friends who graduated from my college back here visiting. I figured that we should go out and enjoy ourselves so go out and hit this spot up called Peccadilos.

The night was interesting.

I danced with only four females the whole night. The first of which was a little cutie who tried to holler. She did it with some class so I felt a little flattered. It is nice to know I am still sexy lol!!!!! Then I danced with this other chick. She was a bit on the thicker side. I am not hating on the size but her skills on the floor. She just did not have it. Then I danced with this Hispanic girl. She was a disappointment because she had a whooooooooole lot of junk but was not working it *shakes head in shame*. I danced with another girl who could actually dance.

Now back to the big girl.

She was on some ho-type shit. She was tryna kiss me after she let some other dude grope her. I told her no, I have a woman who looks waaaaaaaaay better than you. She still kept trying. So I go to back up off her then this other dude who was feeling her up came over. He was mad because he thought I was scaming on his squirrel. It was not even like that. He pissed with her and questioning her and ish. He calls 6 of his boys over. They eye me up as I walk away. They looking for me. So I bounce. I refuse to fight over a female I don't even want. I have never even been in a figh over a female in my life. I am not even going to start now. So then I see this chick as I am leaving. She all embarassed. I don't care. I am not single and she ugly anyway. Let her get felt up by an ugly dude. Sounds like a personal problem.

Cravings

I want some chicken and dumplings.

I do not know how many of you have had chicken and dumplings. I am craving some. I had eaten some at Cracker Barrel yesterday and I was surprised that they were actually good!! I was craving them and decided to get them. Now I am still craving them. I need them. It is 11pm and I want some chicken and dumplings. Mommy get me some!!!!!

Dumbing It Down

Listening To:
Chamillionaire - Ridin' Dirty

I know it is sad that I am writing an entry 1 am Sunday when I should be out partying it up.

All my life I have always had to dumb it down for people. 1st grade I was not allowed to write in cursive. The rest of elementary school I had to use smaller words so the other kids can understand. Middle school was the only time I could bask in my intelligence. High school my intelligence flew under the radar until the awards ceremony when my gpa was announced. My mother always nutured it. I had a subscription to National Geographic at 8 years old. She always gave me books to read. I still nurture it. I know a shitload of random facts. I do well in school. I have read the Bible in its entirety twice. I am currently reading a translation of the Koran. I do research for fun. All in all, I am a nerd. Yet outside of my family and close circle of friends, my intelligence has always provoked some sort of fear or jealousy (as if I am trying to use it to rule the world).

It has done this again.

Me and the gf have gotten into an argument about it. She feels that I am always flexing my "brainpower". It started when we were watching 10 Commandments. She told me she did not know the entire story of Moses. I said I was surprised. She spazzed. She talks about how I always make her feel like she is stupid. She gave a couple of examples. One was when I told her parents what happened to me in elementary school. She feels I show off my intelligence too much. To me it seems as if she gets upset whenever I celebrate how well I do. Even when I do not put others down it still seems to piss her off.

I really do not know what to do. Should I dumb it down for her?? Should I ignore it?? I think this arguement came up because she had a bad day. I don't think we would have had this arguement if she was in a decent mood. But now I feel as if I cannot say anything about what I know. What should I do???

All By Myself

My roommates have gone home for the Easter Break. This means I have the apartment all to my self!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah baby!!! Wild parties and all that good ish!! Sike lol! This means that it will be peaceful and quiet. I cannot wait!! It may seem lonely and all but I like the silence. It is relaxing and it provides me the time and place to meditate and think.

Me and the gf are arguing. She is mad that I was a little cranky while being sick. I was very sick earlier this week. It is not necessary to tell all the symptoms but I felt like I was going to die. I even missed that midterm (which I took today). I had asked her about the midterm. She got all upset asking me why am I trying to cheat. I did not want to know questions, just tell what was and was not covered. So I got upset at her accusing me of cheating. I just said I wont ask about it, figuring that the convo is over. Obviously not because now she is saying she does not like the attitude I carry. She claims that I carry the "i dont give a fuck" attitude. I disagree. Oh well, you cant always agree on everything.

But I am glad I got this apartment *now I start to sing* "All to myself!!!!!"

My Lovely Wekend

My weekend was great. Here is the recap:

Friday
I got the RA position!! I am very excited. This means that I can cut back on the loans and even start paying some of them off. I called my mother and she was happy. Now all my friends want to be in my building!! Hahahahaha!! I do not find out my assignment until May though. But I am happy to have the job.

I also had a prospective student stay the night on Friday. His name is Sean and he was from Syracuse NY. He was a quiet lil guy. My roomies took him to this Battle of the Bands thing at Penn State Behrend. Then I took him to a 90s hip hop party. He had a good time there. I got some girls to dance with him. These girls gave hime the most seductive dance ever. He had this big ass grin on his face!! It was funny. Then this girl approached me. Here is the convo:

Girl: (while we are dancing) Hi! My name is Christina. What is yours??
Me: (confused) My name is Gary. How are you??
Christina: I am good.
Me: Are you a perspective student?
Christina: Yes
Me: Where are you from??
Christina: I am from Rochester. What are you doing tonite?
Me: I am going back to my place. I do have a girlfriend.
Christina: You won't next fall.

So I was shocked as shit!! She had some nerve!! This is what she had going against her:
1. She was young. 3. She had the body of a 13 year old boy
2. I have a girlfriend 4. She stepped to me on some Ho-type shit
So I shrugged it of and took my live in back to my place. He met some females b/c my roommate (the one from the previous post) had some friends over. I convinced one of them to give the prospective student a lap dance (I might not be single but I still got it ;). He left me note saying he had the time of his life. I am glad that I provided him a good time.

Saturday
This was quiet. I went grocery shopping with my girlfriend. We just watched movies with my roomies.

Sunday
This was my gf's roommate birthday. So we took her Jamaican a$$ out with all her Jamaican friends. These girls are a trip!!! They were asking about are they eating cat rat or dog. I tried not to laugh but it was hard. It was a great time. I t was this little hole in the wall restaurant that had decent food. I cannot tell about the rest of the day. That's a lil personal ;)!!

Monday
It decent. I missed one class because I overslept. I have a midterm in it Wednesday but I am doing well enough. I went to work to make up an hour. I spent that hour eating lunch!!! I ate dinner and then went to boxing. I am out of shape!!! My coach made fun of my pouch. I have a lil belly that developed after my fight. I have not really kept myself up. I figure my gf think im sexy so it does not really matter. But when I saw my gut, I felt a little embarrased. So I have created a little regiment to help myself. Also, i plan on getting under 16o pounds for my next fight. I want to fight in the 152 weight class. I got a nice little ways to go.

This Life

Sunday I found out my aunt has cancer.

My mother had told me that I am the last to know. She did not know all the info so she waited to tell me. Plus, I am my aunt's favorite relative and they did not know how to tell me. When I heard it at first, I was fine. It hit me hard but I kept it together.

Then the nite came.

I cried when I had time to think about it. My aunt's prognosis is that the cancer is advanced. It has spread throughout her body. She is paralyzed right now because she has it on her spine and her brain. They do not know how long she has.

I cried because I just don't want to go through this again. I lost another aunt in 2003 to cancer. I am close to all of my aunts and uncle but these two I am closest to. I lost one that I was really close to but I dont want to lose another. I am also upset because it makes me realize that I am about to lose a lot fo family members that I am so used to having around. I have uncles, aunts, and cousins in thier 40s and 50s. They could get sick and I could lose them. The frailty of mortality has hit me hard. It is really eating at me.

At first I was not going to write about it. I was going to pretend that everything is going perfectly. Then I realized that I can't just lie. I cannot hide how I am feeling. Im not built to lie.

So I am going to call my aunt every week. Every single week I will call. I am going to cherish the time she has left. Maybe a miracle can happen. Remember, there is hope in the unseen.

Sex and The Roommate

I normally do not like to put people on blast, but this is important.

Last nite my roommate was having sex right above me. I am on the bottom bunk and he is on the top bunk. I normally sleep hard as a rock. Nothing can wake me up. But since I hurt my back Thursday while boxing, my sleep has been a little restless. So I wake up in the middle of the nite to this sound:

Roommate: You like that
Female nite visitor: *little moan*

So my roommate is "whispering sweet nothings" in her ear. He is tell her all the things he believes a woman wants to hear. Here is the kicker.

She bet that he could not last more than 15 minutes. So they got to having sex. I am on the bottom praying his bed does not break and fall on me. Maintenance has not been here to replace on of the broken planks that holds his bed up. So I decided to move it into the middle. I hear that plank cracking a little more.... then a little more. Meanwhile, I hear my roomie doin all this moaning. He is moanin like a male cat in heat. The female night visitor is not making a sound. You hear some wet slepping and rhythmic movement. This all lasts for about 10 minutes.

So now my roomie is trying to convince the female night visitor to stay overnight. She wants to leave and I do not blame her. So my roommate tries and spit all this game to her. Meanwhile I am squirming around to let them know, "Hey, I am awake down here!!!" Idk how much movement I gotta do to realize this. So my roomie is being arrogant talking about how he can do this and that and make homegirl feel this. She calls him out on his 15 minutes and I laugh. They shook it off becasue Shawn believes that I talk in my sleep. I think she already had enough (or didnt have enough). So he is doing all he can to get her to stay. She ends up leaving.

I learned something today. My roomie may have game but his mattress ability is not on par.

Thank God I moved the beam. Imagine them falling on me.

My Interview

I just got in from my RA interview. I believe it went well. They asked some very difficult questions. I hope that I answered them well. One question I am worried about: Tell me about a time that you have lied.

I was nervous. I told them about the time I lied to a professor about doing my community service when I did not. The professor had asked me about it and I said that I was finished. I went to go and write up the paperwork for it and i just could not do it. I really had a decent relationship with this professor and I could not ruin it. So I admitted to the professor that I lied. This professor was disappointed but she understood. I even had her write my recommendation for the RA position.

I felt that I had to be open because I thought maybe that professor put that in my recommendation. Plus I had to tell them about a serious lie, not just a lil white lie. They were looking for something thats hwos my character. I hope that my answer demonstrates my growth.

Hectic

These past few days have been crazy. I worked on my Field Methods prject for about 10 hours this weekend. Then I performed at this Battle of the Bands thing between sets. I did spoken word poetry. Plus I studied for a test and a quiz I have this week. So my weekend was booked.

Then this week so far has been insae. My group had to do a mad rush in order to finish my Field Methods project. Now I have a test and quiz to study for. I have another big assisgnment due Friday for Field Methods. Plus, my RA interview is this Thursday (they moved it from last Thursday. Oops I forgot to tell you all). Also, I need to start working out again because I may have a boxing match coming up in May. So much to do, so little time to do it.

A Mohawked Kid Saved Me

The title may seemed crazy but it is true.

I was asked earlier this week to do some spoken word poetry at this concert here at school. They needed someone to perform between acts at this "Battle of the Bands"-type thing. I almost said no because I do not thin these people will like it. Oh well. I ended up saying yes because I love doing poetry.

Thursday night, me and this kid Curtis were chilling. I was at this meeting to tell me what I needed to do for the concert. For a while we were not needed so we were sitting in the back room playin gon this little Casio and other music making toy. He was making random beats on it. Then he suggested that I do a freestyle poem over the beats.

I was a little surprised because Curtis is the punk-type of cat. He has this bright red mohawk that sits about 5 inches off his head. I know him because he is a freshman in my major that works in the same lab as me. Nice kid but really does not seem to be the spken word type. He keeps making me try. So for 2 hours we sat there just having me freestyling poetry, putting random lines together and seeing what works. He has gotten me out of my creative rut. I have been creatively dead with my writing for about 4 months; I have not written a poem in that long. So it felt good to be able to write. It really did. I thought I would not write another poem ever. Ever.

So a kid with a mowhawk has saved me. He really did.

Let Me Update You!!

I promise that I will try and update more often. Seriously, I will try.

This week has been a little hectic. I have presentatiob tonite that I am still working on. I know that I should have started a little earlier but I can never be on time for anything. My presentation is on spoken word poetry: the history, the make-up, its affect on pop culture. It is gonna turn out to be tight though. I have done my research and all so it will be good.

Work yesterday was just work: I hate it. They have us doing stuff that is not even closely related to archaeology. We be filing, moving heavy a$$ objecyts, sweeping floors. Plus I have to work on Tuesdays from 8am-11am, have one lab from 12pm-3:20 which usually runs over, then have another lab from 5-8pm. And I hate getting up at 8am!!!!

My Field Methods class is insane!!!!! This class is suppose to teach me how to literally excavate an archaeology site, just to give a heads up. Our lab has us outside. Now anyone who is familiar with Erie, PA knows what that means this time of year. IT IS FREEZING!!! My group was out their for so long we could not feel our hands. I was pissed. There is a reason why there is a "field season": so people do not have to torture themselves in the cold!! I guess my lab instructor does not comprehend that. Next time, I am bundling up for Antartica so I can stay warm. Why did I choose this major again?!?!?!?!? After my lab yesterday, I was sooooo tired that I was nodding off in my historic geology class. I felt sooooooooo bad for the professor because I really like him and his class. He is kind of nerdy but is a really good person. So I apologized to him after class. He understood after I told him which class I was coming from.

I also have my RA interview for tomorrow. I am excited!!! It would be great if I could get this. It would help me cut back on my student loans. Plus, once my mother's job starts paying for my tuition, I will practically be earning money for going to school!!! But back to my point. I really want this RA (resident assistant if you need any help) job. It is a job that is not beyond my scope of abilities and all. Plus I already know many of the people on the staff so I know I will get along with my coworkers. Its the perfect job for me: I can display my leadership abilities and all plus like the actual job and the people I work with! Perfection!!

Where is Maxwell???

Maxwell

Where is Maxwell??? I have not heard any news about Maxwell in a few years. I do not know why this dude has taken such a long hiatus. His music is great. It is very relaxing. Plus, it functions well as mood music ;)!!!

What made me think of this?? I was listening to my friend Cnel's radio station (check out his blog). He played a Maxwell song and it brought back some memories. I remember when I first saw Maxwell. It was on MTV Unplugged. I thought he had the coolest hairstyle ever. So I remember trying to grow out my lil 'fro and make it puff up like Maxwell's. Lol!!! The things we do when we are young.

But seriously, Maxwell has made some great music. Some of my favorites are:
'Til the Cops Come Knockin'
Whenever, Wherever, Whatever
Luxury: Cococure
Each Hour Each Second Each Minute Each Day: Of My Life
Silently
This Woman's Work

Maxwell, if you read this, make another album SOON!! R&B needs you

Acoustic Usher

Here is an acoustic version of Usher's "Yeah". This is hilarious. This dude actually did a decent job

Usher's "Yeah"

Let me update you all

Thursday:
This day was insane. The girlfriend and I went down to DC and did the educated thang. Me and the girlfriend rode the Marc train from Baltimore to DC. Then we braved the DC metro system and went We went to the Holocaust Museum. I would recommend anyone to go to this museum. It was intense but it really drove home the experience of all those persecuted during the Holocaust. The museum also inspired hope; that never again will this happen. After that we went to the museum of natural science. It was interesting, especially because we knew alll of the scientific explanations for the history of life on Earth from our paleoanthropology class. So we did the nerdy thing and came home.

Once I got home, hurricane Gina hit. This is the ex from the Pre-Valentines' day drama. She had dropped off all the stuff that reminds her of me. I was gone so I did not get to see her and I am sooooooooo glad I was out. Hone girl left pics, love letters I wrote, prom memorabilia, and some other shit. Everything had a number on it. She even sent me a remote control car that was suppose to be my Christmas gift. Then she left a letter. The letter said that she no longer loves me (bullshit). Home girl even attacked my character. My ex said that I am the type of person she hopes she does not turn out to be. She better hope she turn out like me: successfeul and sexy!! Lol j/k.

BUT, I was surprised. I definitely was not expecting this. And then my girlfriend was pissed. I mean really pissed. Some of the pics were of me kissig the ex. I think she was even more upset when I told I her I do not think I can throw the pics away. I have two things I refuse to throw away: pictures and books. I was always raised not to do that so when I attempt to, I feel guilty. My girlfriend was a little heated and she wanted to go Detroit on the ex's ass. Then we got into it. After a lot of disagreeing, I comforted her. I told her this:

Forget those pictures. Those are pictures of the past, of what used to be. That will never happen again. No matter what the ex does, I aint going back. I love you. I want to be with you. If I wanted to be with her, I would. I wanted someone else, I would be with them. But I am with you because I am happy here.

So that settled everything.

Friday:
I went up to my old middle school and spoke. Returning to St. Ignatius brought back a lot of memories, especially because I saw sooooo many pictures of me there. They had pictures of me in Cuba, playing lacrosse, and just straight looking like I was a little boy. I spoke about how I keep in touch with more people from middle school than high school. I said it is important that they understand that they are brothers. No matter where they go, they will always have other St. Ignatius boys to support them. I hope that I inspired them.

Saturday:
I went and saw my friend Cne;. Everything is going fine with him. Not perfectly but they are getting better. My girlfriend enjoyed being around him. She found him highly intelligent. I am glad the two got along. We just kind of cruised downtown Baltimore for a while and then we went out to dinner.

Dinner at Moe's was the bomb!!! Moe's is a seafood restaurant. It is a lil expesinve but the food is the best. I had this crab and shripm dish which was good. My uncle Mike and my cousin Cece joined me, the gf, my mother and her fiancee. It was great quality family time.

I Don't Know

I do not know what to write. So much is happening, I have decided to let you all decide what I should write about. Here are your choices:

1. The elite Blacks having turned their backs on the poor
2. My trip to DC today
3. Hurricane ex girlfriend has arrived.

Let me know.