Life's Perspective

I got into an argument on last Wednesday with a program manager from my AmeriCorps/Public Allies program.

She told me that she felt as if I did not care about the program or the people in it. This statement came from the fact on my recent evaluation, my AmeriCorps group mates did not evaluate me as high as my actual job supervisor.So went into this thing with she said I am dismissive, etc etc. Supposedly, my attitude stinks, I am rude and off-putting, I do not do work.

So I summoned my inner asshole and told her how I truly feel. I am not emotionally attached to my career. My self-worth is not tied to my career. Whether or not I am a good person is not dictated by how well I do my job. Thus, when my fellow AmeriCorps people worry about whether people's opinion of them change due to the success of the project, I do not panic. I do not worry.

That may seem transcendent for people. It may sound like I do not care. But I know when I meet my Maker, if there is a Maker, they will not judge me by how well I do not my job. There are other criteria that will
determine. Does this mean I do not want a great career? No. But what it means is that I will never put my career over how I treat and love my friends, family, and other people. I will never let career moves dictate whether I should be kind or courteous. I will never let career aspirations get in the way of spending time with the people I love the most. Thats all.

Perspective is what it is all about.

Career Prospects

I really like my job. I really do. While I may dread waking up in the morning (I hate mornings), I do not dread going to work. This is the first place where I feel like the work that I do is important and is actually valued. The team I work with is amazing. The participants really appreciate us. I like what I do.

But as I sit at my desk, an opportunity for career growth has appeared. My current position is an AmeriCorps position. There is a full-time position available and I threw my name in the ring. I am vastly younger than all the candidates. I have less experience. But, I think I can make it in the rodeo. I just hope my boss believes he does. I don't think I want to leave this place yet. I kind of enjoy it...

Hustlemania

I have been busting my chops this week. I had 2 interviews Monday, another one yesterday. I have one today and another on Thursday. It is all a part of the grind.

I have also been looking for a little part time job to do on the side. Any extra money would help. Even though the Americorps Program I got accepted in provides a forbearance on my loans, I would like to get started paying on them. Also, I am starting to try and plan for my next move in the future. Part of my mistake I made with my first job out of college (teaching) was that I thought it was secure. I know now that no matter what, no position I am in is guaranteed; even if I do my best. So I have been making moves to try and secure my future.

No matter what happens, I am gonna make it do what it do

Moving Forward: The Job Search

In late January/ early February, I found out that my contract at the school I am at is not being renewed. Thus, I have been looking for a new job. I am looking in the non-profit and education sector.

Someone recommended me to apply for an Executive Director position for a non-profit organization here in Baltimore. I received an email stating they are interested. It is an organization that I am familiar with. I love the work that they do. I believe in their mission with my whole heart. The pay is nice. It puts in a field that I have always wanted to be in. I love doing non-profit work.

It is with great humility that I am going to decline the offer to apply. I looked at the qualifications and the responsibilities. I have been doing some work for years in the non-profit field. However, I do not have enough professional experience to think that I could be Executive Director.

Now, it is hard to admit that there is something I cannot do. I really truly believe that I can do anything I set my mind to. However, I do not have the experience necessary to be able to do that organization a great service. I would be in way over my head. If I would be an Executive Director, I need to work my way up. I do not want to use the connections I have to get in. I believe I would fail at this position. So I am declining it. I need the job, but I realize that I do not want to ruin a beautiful organization.

Welcome To Real Life

" I hate to have these kind of meetings. I do not want you to take this personally. I really do like you. You are a great person. I have to let you know that the school is not renewing your contract for next year."

I just stared at him and kept my professional smile up all the while feeling like I was just hit in the chest with a hammer. I nodded my head in understanding, but not really understanding.

" We will talk later about specific reasons. I think you need time to adjust."

I again just nodded my head in assent. Why not tell me now and get the closure now? Why wait?

Rising out of the chair, I shook his hand and walked out the office. I felt like a weight was lifted off my chest. There was a sense of relief. While I love teaching and all that it entails, this school year has been rough. There is no other way to put it. I have had several issues to deal with. I personally felt that my learning curve was not that great. I put in tons of effort but I did not get the results. This was partially due to me but there were some things I cannot control.

So walking to lunch I kept my head held high. I have no clue what I am doing next. I am ok with that...

Opportunity

I have been presented with two opportunities. On one hand, I have been presented with an opportunity to pursue archaeology (my major) work in Utah. The other opportunity is to teach at my former middle school, St. Ignatius Loyola Academy. I will be applying to both for jobs. It does look like I may get both positions.

I have time to make a decision yet I have started to think about it now. I have no clue which one to choose. I have always wanted to do archaeology. I used to feel that it was my calling. I just knew I would be a world famous archaeologist. I would travel the world (Italy and other ancient Roman sites), drink the native drink, try the native women. I felt that I would become an international playboy while doing some digging (just playing). But seriously, I thought thta it would be my only love.

Yet now teaching has become an option, a viable one. It has been something I have been considering since I arrived at college. I do not know why it has even become an option. I just started feeling like this could be a way to contribute to the world.

So now a decision has to be made. "Epsilonicus's Future '08" is way more important than that other decision