Outta My System

If you love something, let it go,
and if it comes back then that's how you know.
I got to the stop light then I made four rights.
Now I'm back where I started,
and you're back in my life.
The further I go, the closer I get back to you.
I say I moved on,
Til' I'm reminded of you.
Can somebody help me?
Help me get out of this circle
Marques Houston - Circle

Im too attached
My heart won't let me fall back
I got it bad
Thats what you can call that (ah)
And when I see you on the streets
Thats the worst for me
Use to love the little things you did
Thats what works for me
Its too major
Dont see you in my pager
Know What you doing?
Where you at?
Or Can I see you later?
The fellas telling me
Just let her go Bow
Believe me Im trying man
I just dont know how
Bow Wow - Outta My System

I miss her!!! I really do. This week has been rough on that account. I woke up craving her next to me. I want her to kiss me. I crave her touch. I desire her conversation. Like Usher said, I got it bad. All I have been doing is listening to love songs. Its weird. I am hanging out with with other girls and I still think about her. I mean, I like the two girls and I ma interested in seeing where it goes but I still think about her. I just cannot help it. I find myself wanting to call her. I want to know if she feels the way I do. I miss her. Like Raheem DeVaughn said:

I need you like I need you. And IIIIIIII wanna love you like I want to. Baby I love you, I love you, i love you baaaaaaby!!

A Story

Me:(As my hand strikes her face) THIS IS A MAN'S WORLD!!!

Ok. I just want to hit someone and scream that. I just think it would be funny. I considered doing that to the cashier at CVS here at school. I had the urge to do it. Dont know why, I just wanted to.

Anyways... back to why I wanted to blog. I was at dinner with Cnel this past Friday. We got into a convo about one of my exes. I had this one ex who I had dated from junior year of high school until the first month of college. I was explaining to him that she likes to date guys with a "story".

What I mean by a story is that their life has to have some sort craziness to it. They had to have a rough childhood. Or they want to a gangster. She grew up in the suburbs and lead a normal life. There were not ghettos, no drugs, no abuse. She had everything she ever wanted. Now she dates guys who I guess fit some sort of fantasy. I do not know what it is.

She used to ask tons of questions. She also would try and copycat whatever I would do. Because I did not have a lot of parental supervision, I could stay out all night. I was fiercely independent. So she would try to pull that with her parents. It just would not fly.

I do not get it. Why would kids from suburbs want to grow up how I grew up? I mean it was rough. There were times I went hungry. We were broke. I lived without electricity. I slept in bus stations and lived with random people. I never had any of the things I wanted and barely got what I needed. I wish I grew up cookie cutter. I wish I lived in the suburbs and had all my need sufficiently taken care. I wish I grew up with a mom and dad. I wish I had grown up with a stable parent. These kids don't realize that those of us from the ghettoes and poor neighborhoods dreamed of having half of what they got.

These kids just do not get it. The life we lived is not cool. There is nothing "hard" to it. There are no awards for growing up poor. Growing up poor is not cool. It really is not. Ladies, it is not interesting. Ity is not fascinating to grow up poor or anything. That hard scrabble life aint cool at all. It really isn't. That shit is for the birds.