Probably Wondering

I have been slacking on keeping you updated about my life. I have so much to say so it may take a while.

Me and her are not even trying to salvage things anymore. She said she just can't get over the fact that I left. She said she can't risk it. I told her love is worth taking risks for. I tried to change her mind but it did not work. At least I tried. There is not much more I can do. We keep it civil but thats it. I try not talk to her. It bothers me to.

I went to this conference this weekend. It was a great conference. I t was the Pennsylvania Black Conference on Higher Education. The speakers were motivating. The sessions were definitely useful. I am soooooo glad I went. I did a poem at the talent show and got a standing ovation!!! It was incredible. The women were just gorgeous!!! But one bad thing happened: they tried to holler and sometimes it went over my head. I am just slow when it come to catching on. I really am. I need to work on it. But seriously, hte conference was good. It felt good to be surrounded by Black people. I spent my whole weekend around Black people!! It was a vacation come true!!!

School is hectic but I aint even stressin'. I have some presentations to get workin on. One is due this weeke and the other two are on for next week. I havent started some of them. So I am gonna get moving on it! Classes are making me work for it, especially that Forensic Stats class. This class is putting its foot in my a$$!!!!.

I guess that is the update. I hope it was not too long!

The Mind of Epsilonicus

My mind is wandering at the moment

- Talking to her just kills my spirit.
- I hate my Foensic Stats class.
- I am ready to retire already. I really am
- My dating is horrid man, it really is
- I need to work on my approach with women. I met a girl this past weekend who kept saying how men with licks were sexy. I have locks and I knew she was talking about me. All I could do was stand there. It also did not help we were at church when she said this ( I cant pimp in tha house of the Lord!!)
- This gospel song has me all choked up now. It is called "I Need You To Survie" by Hezekiah Walker. I am not the most religious person in the world but hearing that song in church ( I rarely go) had me a lil emotional. I really really feel that song.
- I am really feeling Hi-Tek right now. I heard a cut from his album and I may go buy. I may have to buy it online because Erie PA dont know ish about hip hop.
- I have not gone out in a while.
- Being an RA is like a 24 hour job. It is mad hectic
- I almost killed a girl who basically told me I dont deserve to be at this school because I am Black. Epsilonicus almost choked a bitch!!!!!!!!!
- I need to get my stripper pole back up!!
- Missy and Nikki, I have not forgotten about your dares. I havent had the time to get the pics developed about dancing on the pole. Also, I havent seen the girl I have a crush on lately.
- I have been blogging for quite a while now.
- I love my hair
- I am really not feeling the women I have been meeting. They are so dull. I mean they have no life, no personality.
- My friend Jessica showed me a good time and I appreciate it. I really do. She made sure that I had to time to party and relax. Thats a good friend right there. Plus she took me to church! We all know I need the Lord some days!!
- I gotta clean my apartment before I do my pumpkin carving program. It seriously a mess. I hate it.
- I have to face the fact that there si nothing between me and her. After our convo last nite, there really is nothing more. I have to realize it.

A Good Weekend

This weekend was good. We had Fall Break here at school. This meant that at school we had a four day weekend. I decided that Ia dod not want to be in my apartment alone so I planned on visiting my homegirl Jessica. She goes to Pitt-Titusville. So I went down and stayed the weekend with her.

The weekend was good. Jessica was a good hostess. I felt right at home at her place. But she has some crazy friends though. They were cool as hell but they were kinda wild. Also, her college is smaller than mine but has more Black people. I enjoyed being around some of my people for a change. I had fun this weekend. It was just a good weekend.

Now I gotta get notes for the class I skipped. Maybe her will give them to me.

Face The Music

Listening To:
Donell Jones - Where I Wanna Be

I said I left my baby girl a message
Sayin I wont be coming home
Id rather be alone
She doesnt fully understand me
That Id rather leave than to chill
If she gives me some time
I can be the man she needs
But theres a lot of lust inside of me
And weve been together since our teenage years
I really dont mean to hurt her, but I need some time
To be alone

But when you love someone
You just dont treat them bad
Oh, how I feel so sad
Now that I wanna leave
Shes crying her heart to me
How could you let this be?
I just need time to see
Where I wanna be
Where I wanna be...

Never did I imagine
That you would play a major part
In a decision thats so hard
Do I leave, do I stay, do I go?
I think about my life and what matters to me the most
Girl, the love that we share is real
But in time your heart will heal
Im not saying Im gone
But I have to find what life is like
Without you


I almost wrote her a letter today. I woke up thinking about how much I miss her.

I have been been thinking about her for a while. We stopped talking to each other suddenly. We claimed we were gonna try and make it work. We were gonna just try nad work on getting along again before we try being back in a relationship. It seemed like a good idea. So I tried to hang out with her and she gave me the cold shoulder. I took that as a slap to us working things out. How we gonna work things out when you won't even be around me. So we stopped talking about 2 weeks ago. She did not even call me on my birthday. My crazy ass ex-girlfriend from high school called me (the ex from high did not even have my number but she called people for it). I appreciated that but I wanted her to call me. That was the most important person who could have called me (other than family).

But I woke up thinking about her, like I do everyday. She is the first and last on my mind. I then said to myself " since she wont even look at you, write a letter and put it in her mailbox" I thought it was a good idea. I get to class and then I see her on my way. So I enter the building another way because she did not see me. As class is going on, I am writing the letter, still debating whether or not to give it to her. I do not finish it before class ends. So her and I are left alone once everyone leaves. She does not even look at me or notice that I exist.

It was then that I faced the music. There is no hope for us. I kinda ruined that. Well, its not kinda, I just did ruin it. I made a decision to leave so now I must eat that decision and face the consequences. I may not like the consequences of my actions but I have to deal with them.

I just dont like the consequence for this one: being without the person I love.

Truth or dare

Comment on this post and let me know if you want a truth or dare. i'll respond with a question or a dare, then you run over to your blog and post your response to the question or dare. make sure you reference the 'truth or dare' moto in the title of the entry so folk won't be all over your blog looking for your answer (unless you just WANT us to do it...)

guidelines:

1. nothing illegal
2. no nudity requests
3. nothing malicious

let's keep this fun.

Here are the ones I had to answer:

Trizzy: What is your most embarrasing moment and have I ever been attracted to a "friend" and not told them?

My most embarrasing moment had to be when I was younger. I got my leg stuck in a piece of playground equipment (it was a cement train) and had to have the fire department come and get me out. All the kids were laughing at me. I still hear about it to this day.

I am currently attracted to a friend I have not told them. It is one of my old roommate's ex. Me and her are from Maryland. So over the summer we kind of started talking. A lot. Almost every night of the week. Now, we talk a couple nights a week. I feel kind of bad that I have fallen for her. I have not told the old rooomie (he transfers and we dont even talk). She wants to visit me and all. I dont even know if I should tell her how I feel, especially since she goes to college in NC at Elon. I also have another friend Vanessa who goes here. But she has a man so I am plotting on how to get at her.

Tcas ~ What is the hardest thing about being in college.

I would have to say being black is one of the hardest thing about being in college. I go to school that is majority white; majority being an understatement. I have few Black friends up here ( I have only Black friends at home). Its hard not being around people like me. Its hard that people do not understand my point of view or where I am coming from. I do have some Black female friends but all of them are from the Caribbean. Their struggle is not a part of mine. Thats what is hard. I miss my people. I would not trade being who I am though. I am proud of who I am and I appreciate the history of struggle that my people have gone through. Nothing could make me want to be anything else.

Nikki ~ I havent forgotte about your dare. I havent seen the girl so I havent had a chance to get a pic with her.

Why I Love My Roommates!!!

My roommates are the best people in the world and here is why:

I have wanted a stripper pole in my apartment since last school year. I have always had big dreams of getting Lisa Raye in my place and re-enacting some scenes from "Playas Club" (if not Lisa Raye then Toni Braxton. These are dreams). I also had dreams of running a lil strip club outta my place. Just a lil something to make ends meet ahahha lol. Actually I wanted one because I always thought that it was cool. It also provides me a reason to ask girl to....... (I was gonna give u some HumanityCritic humor but decided against it!!). Let's just say I wanted one!!

They have made my dreams come true!

I walked into my apartment today and I see a huge ceiling height box in my living. I say "that looks like a stripper pole" My roomie Kevin says, "No, it is a rocket launcher" (sad thing is that I almost considered believing him). He gives a card and Curtis(the new roomie) smiles. It is signed by all these people who kicked out some money in order to get me a stripper pole!! 15 of them being females (Ima definitely let them slide down my pole!! Hahahahaha). 8 of them were my residents, and they were all female. It really made my day to see all the people who chipped in. I felt soooooooooooo special. That gift means a lot. Not because it is a stripper pole, but because of the amount of people who put the effort in to see that I get something that I wanted.
Thanks Kevin and Curtis!!

My Birthday!!

IT IS MY BIRTHDAY PEOPLE!!
I have hit 20!!

Since its my birthday, make some noise!!!!

Since its my birthday, make some noise!!!!

Since its my birthday, make some noise!!!!