God, Can You Hear Me??

God, Can You Hear Me???

I found God stretched out on the sidewalk.
He laid face down on the concrete
Hair muddled in a pool of blood,
Breath barely present,
An inkling of life still in his eyes.

There was God, dying on the sidewalk
With countless people walking by.
No one dared to touch him, or even look his way.
So I sprinted to God’s side and I asked him,
"God! God! Can you hear me?”
He murmured, “ Indeed. I hear you.”
I rolled God onto his back and asked,
“Who did this to you?”
”The people,” he said. “The people did this to me.”

Now I was confused and confound
Because I was used to God being the most powerful around.
So sitting on the sidewalk,
I held God in my arms.
He whispered in my ear, telling me stories
Of how he walked with Adam in the garden
And flooded the earth with his liquid fury,
His conversation with Moses on the mount.
He shared with me his memoirs of Babylon and her gardens
And how he cried when his son died.
Then he talked to me for a few more moments.
While he whispered to me the secrets of the universe
He died
Right there in my arms he died.
No one noticed
The entity that created the world, destroyed it, and renewed it again
Died
Right there in my arms.
And no one noticed.

Adovasio Ain't Got Shit On Me!!!!!

(Adovasio is my World Cultures professor)I know I did damn well on my World Cultures' midterm!!!! It only took 2.5 hours while most people took about 3.5-5 hours. Not ony did take shorter time but I put in a lot of detail. I worked my ass off studying for a week and a half. I better get at least a B or this wise man will get ignorant.

This wise man did get ignorant last Thursday. I cussed out my girlfriend's roommate Melissa. It took her two weeks to do them damn dishes and only when I threatened to do them. While she was cleaning dishes, the rest of the apartment was done by me and the other roommate and my gf. I go to mop the floor and Melissa started laughing!!! I went flipmode on that ass. I calle dher trifling and everything. This is an adult who is soooooo lazy!! It should never take two weeks to do dishes. I went off on how no one should have to keep after her and how you have no reason to laugh at someone who is helping you clean. I may have been wrong but someone has to say something. My girlfriend and the other roommate are too nice to go flipmode. I am not. I tell it how it is.

Tomorrow (Thursday) I go weigh myself. I have been strictly following my diet. Well, tonight I drank orange juice after 9 instead of water but other than that, I have been doing fine. I am the perfect exampleof being able to do small changes in my diet with good results. I am not starving myself or anything. Just small changes to my diet and consistant excercise have givenme good results so far. Plus I am not trying to lose too much weight, just only 7-8 pounds.

I am feeling good. I have been motivated with my diet and school work. It is amazing. I am in a good space. I hope things continue to go well.

This Diet Thing

I have lost 3 pounds this week!!!! I am soooooo proud of myself. I was curious to see if my diet would work because it seemed a little too simple. It consists of no fried foods, no soda, and no eating or drinking anything but water after 9pm. So far it has worked. I only have to lose 4 more pounds by February 4th. That should be easy as pie. It has been hard but I have been faithful to it.
I have an insane week coming up though. I have two tough test next week. One in my World Cultures class and another in my Paleoanthropology I class. I have been studying a whole lot. I really need to do well because these classes are in my major. All I have to do is study.

I really do not have much to say. Until next time...

Back On The Grind

I am now back at school; on my daily grind. It feels good being back. I know it sounds crazy but it is true. When I am at school, I feel more productuve. I really do not do anything when I am home. Oh well.

I have an interesting dilemma right now. I have to lose weight. I know most of you are saying "wtf!?!?!?!?!?! You are skinny. Why are you losing weight?" I have to for boxing. In order for me to compete at the weight class of 165, I have to lose the wieght. Right now I am at 172 so I need to lose 7 pounds. I have an interesting diet. No fried foods, no soda, and no eating after 9pm. The fried foods is easy but the 9pm thing is hard. My metablism is to the point where I have to eat almost every 3 hours. Plus I stay up late. So I am running around here being more moody than a pregnant woman craving pickles and ice cream. So my diet is simple. I think I can do it. So far I have followed it. My girlfriend thinks im crazy because I would not drink apple juice after 9pm, I would only drink water. Oh well. I will keep you up to date on how that is going. I want to lose the weight healthily, not crash and burn and end up losing energy.

Let me get going. I just woke up and I need to brush my teeth. I cannot be having "hot wtf" breath.

Just One Of Those Days

I am having a bad day today. I do not know why. I have just noticed that my mood was a gloomy. People called me today and they even noticed. Nothing has gone wrong or anything. I just feel grumpy. Hopefully, it will pass.

Christmas Break

This break has been very interesting. It is been busy yet relaxing so far. This is because I have been able to move at my own pace. I did my shopping and all without stressing out. This break has been great!!!

Yet some interesting developments have happened. My ex-girlfriend up and brought me a Christmas gift. We are on decent terms but I was not gonna get her a gift. So being the decent person that I am, I went out today and got her one. I got a stuffed animal. Something simple and neutral. She better be thankful because I did not have to get her a gift. This gift thing between me and her was sprung on me. The second development is that my uncle and mother are arguing. My uncle embarrase my 18 year old cousin (his daughter) in front of my mother in my mother's house. My mother wasn't having the disrespect in her house. She pulled my uncle up. He got all upset and now he wont let my cousin see us. He is being his typical asshole self. Oh well. I will let my mother deal with it. My feelings aint hurt. I just miss seeing CeCe though,

You all out there are lucky. I am in a lovely mood!! I just want to sing and dance and all that goodness. I feel so goood that I posted twice.

Poetry

You can see the story of my life in my daughter’s eyes
And in order to know about me, you gotta learn through her
If I die, then I might even return through her
She’s like The Giver, the memories of me are stored in her.

Everyday that I wake up, I feel so blessed
My daughter has been with me through every trial and test
On them days that I wake up with a pain in my chest
My baby always quick to get my drugs outta the medicine chest
She goes to the blender and makes me a fruit cocktail
She knows I need something in order to take this cocktail.
Because I don’t get it, then my health will fail
And we both don’t want the AIDS disease to prevail.

On them days when I feel as if I am gonna die
And I lay on the floor, break down, and cry
She comes, lays next to me, and kiss my cheek
And she tells me I should never let things get this bleak
Then I look at her and say something oh so true:
“If it wasn’t for having you, I wouldn’t even be here.
Because after getting this disease I woulda burned in my despair and fear
And it is you who keeps me smiling ear to ear
And it is you who keeps me from believing the lies
And it is you who tells me to be thankful to be one who has survived
And it is you who essentially keeps me alive.
And it is you who is gonna store the story of my life in your eyes.

An Important Lesson

There is something that my friend James told me yesterday that struck me as poignant. Here it goes:

" When someone shows you the type of person that they are, accept it."

When he said this, a light bulb went off.

Lately

Lately, I have been busy. I am keeping up with my classes and all. One class is a repeat because I got only a D+ instead of the C I need. So I have been busting my ass for it. The other ones have been coming along pretty well actually. Paleoanthropology is going to be a pain only because Doc has taught the first part of the class. This means I need to know every detail in the world abot what he taught. Oh well. That is the nature of the beast.

In the other arenas of my life: I got into an argument with Medora. It was because I told her I get frustrated with what she says soemtimes. I hate when she says she isn't beautiful. She is. Inside and out. Very few people can be like that; have beautiful personalities and look beautiful. So I told her I was frustrated, she got upset because she thought I was yelling and angry at her., I was more upset at how she felt than at her. We had a deep convo about it and all is well. I am gonna continue to support her and tell her she is beautiful, no matter what she says.

I spoke at AIDS Awareness Day this past Thursday. I read a poem and gave a presentation on what the treatment options are and how much they cost. It went really well. A woman with AIDS came in and spoke. She was deep. She talked about her experience and all. She even hit something that I did not expect. She talked about how it affected the Native American population. I never heard AIDS talked about from that perspective. It was respective.

My poetry group, the DPS, met last nite. It was good. Not a large crowd but enough people came and it was nice. I read one new poem, the one I read at AIDS Awareness nite. I gotta start writing again. I have just been sooo busy that I have not had the time. I am gonna start making time.

That is I have to say. Peace out and have a great day.

Me and My Beautiful Woman

Me and my beautiful woman on our way to Spring Formal.

I normally do not do this but I am feeling it right now. My girlfriend and I had a deep conversation Thursday night. It was one of those conversations that demonstrated one of the millions of reasons why I love her. I came to her and she helped me understand that I should never have to feel like I need to"perform". What I mean is that there is nothing special that I need to do in order to be good to her. All I have to do is be myself. That is what makes me great. It is not something that I have to do. It is what I am doing right now. That convo was one of those that made me feel all warm and mushy inside (CNel, yeah I said!!). I don't know if she is going to read this blog entry but I dedicate it to her. I am the luckiest man. Indeed I am.























PS: Aint that the finest sistah and brotha you done ever seen!!! LOL Hahahahahaha just kidding. But seriously, the suit is sharp!

My People

I am home now for Thanksgiving Break. I have been home since Thursday afternoon. There have been two epsiodes since I have been home that makes me shake my head at Black people at times. I may be criticized but oh well. I have to call it how I see it.

The first episode was on Thursday nite when I went out to a nite club called Hammerjacks here in Baltimore. The night was going well. There were fine women dancing, the music was great, and there was a nice sized crowd. As the evening progresses, a fight breaks out. People are throwing shit and all. The DJ encourages this shit to keep happening. The fight is handled and the nite goes on. Then another fight breaks out. This time it is a bunch of females involved. We all know how this can go. There is hair pulling, shoe throwing, and all that good ish. This ends up closing the club. Mayhem erupts outside. Bouncers are fighting patrons and all that. Police are involved and all. It was ugly.

Whu cant Black people go out and have a good time without fighting?? WHY WE GOTTA ACT A FOOL ON PUBLIC!!.= I cannot believe it. Im just sick and tired of it. The fight made me feel like I just did not fit in with this crowd. It is sad when I feel like I dont fit in with my own people.

The second episode was when I led a forum on Friday morning. It was at a private high school conference on diversity held ata church. The young people there were rude. They were cussing in the church itself. The boys almost started a fight. There was loud talking when other people were talking. And the Black kids were making racist comments!! How are you going to be making racist comments at a diversity conference?!?!?!?!? It was insane. Then the ideas the people came up with to help make things better at their schools were bullshit. All these kids said were that they would promote diversity. Wow. These are private and high school kids. I know they are smarter than that. I was soooooooo disappointed at the lack of initiative and the lack of innovative ideas. These kids have to do better. I felt as if there is no hope for the private schools in Bsltimore. When I left, my graduating class had made sooooo many improvements. Not only in my school but at other schools. Now I feel as if all the work we put in went down the drain. When I was in high school, not tooooo long ago, we all valued the time we had at the conference. We took advantage of it. That time was used to come up with pragmatic ideas. Now, these kids just use it as an excuse to get out of school. All I have to say is that the quality of Black students in the private school system is going down. I do not know why.

Kaleidoscope

I saw someone else do this. It is an opportunity for me to see what is going on in my life.

Pain
Not feeling that too much. Someone is giving me a headache though.

Exhaustion
I am having a mental burnout due to studying for all these finals. Also I am tired of fighting with my girlfriend.

Relief
I actually feel as if I may be ready for these finals. Also, my pregnant cousin has made it to Baltimore safely. Yay!!

Anxious
I cannot wait for finals to be done. I need to get away from Mercyhurst. I would be fine if it was not for her drama and attitude.

Swamped
I feel way over my head at times because I have just soaked up so much information. Also, I have work study hours to make up. Plus I have to find that overdue library book before Break.

Excited
My cousin made it to Baltimore!! She is like my little country sister. She is from Kansas and she has moved to Baltimore. I cannot wait to see her when I go home. Plus, Harry Potter movie is coming out. Also, I get to be back home in Baltimore. I will see all my peeps. Plus, Baltimore is better than Erie. Who could disagree??

Horny
Since me and my significant other are fighting again, our date was cancelled. You know what that means......... =(

Creative
I have not written a decent poem in a loooooooooooong time. I do not feel motivated at all to write. My poetry group is falling apart. At this point, I am starting to not care.

Restless
I feel caged in for some reason. I do not know why. I just feel as if I am being restrained. Any suggestions as to what the reason could be??

Joy
I have my bed to myself since "the girl" is not here with me tonite.

Pissed
She makes me want to "shake the shit out of her" as Kanye West would say. The way she says things just pisses me off. I love her but that does not stop her from making me mad.

My future

I have been thinking a lot about my future. I am a Black college student who is still trying to decide about what I will do. I know I want to be an archaeologist. I just am afraid I will hate it. I have been thinking this but it was really brought home one day while at work. Here is the situation:

I am in the lab working and I say, "I hate this job. It is insulting to my intelligence. Once I get my degree, I am never doing this dumb shit." (We were cleaning "lithics aka debitage from stone tools. I call it scrubbing rocks
Someone comes along and says, " Well, all that archaeologists do is this."

I heard this and I got a little worried. You mean to tell me that essentially $100,000 is being spent (it may not be my money but it is still a waste.) so i can do the same menial, intelligence-insulting work I am doing now. I have decided that if I become disillusioned with my field, I will teach. Here comes another situation:

" I am going to teach", I say.
"That is a waste of your degree", my "friend" Melissa says.

I dont understand this logic. Is it such waste to become a teacher? No!! What is a waste is to get a degree to do the same bullshit I am doing now. That is a waste!!! I am not settling to do lab work. I actually refuse to do it. My experience with it has sucked. Nothing I do in that lab is actually important and you dont need a college education to do what any of us are doing. I am going to focus on the field, actually being at the sites. I feel I can make my career whatever I want. People can settle for less but I wont. I refuse to settle for it. I dont settle for less.

New Poem

Why I’m The Greatest Poet

Now you kno what happens when I write rhymes.
These lines move you through space and time
These are the word that make people listen
To the sounds that twinkle and glisten
I recite poems with an urgency because I’m on a mission.
They appear in my mind like a prophet with a vision
I put pen to pad
And write so furious like a rapper gone mad
People like the rhymes so much that if I don’t recite they become sad.
When people do hear though, they say “It is absurd.
The way son flips them adjectives, nouns, and verbs.”
I know the words are way smoother than Medora’s curves
Moving to the rhythm of a jazz verve.
Deep words that strike an exposed nerve
Or puerile lines that expose the inner perv.
I’m a lyrical assassin that shot down wack poets
Because they lack passion
Or a sense of verbal fashion
They cannot dress words in semantics.
Or compose decent poems that make sense.
Hearing poems by wack poets drive dense
You better acknowledge; truth is word
I am the greatest poet you have ever heard.

I am experimenting with a more spoken-word format. I figure I would challenge myself. What do you think???

Roommates

Is it wrong to have such an instinctual urge to slap the shit out of my roommates?? I do not think it is wrong. Someone better pray for him because the next time he eats my food and complains when someone asks him to share, I will beat his ass like he owes me money.

Fall Break

It is Fall Break and it is lovely. I have the aprtment to myself. This means it is peaceful and quiet. I love my roommmates and all but there are times when you want to be alone. It is hard to get that time when there are 4 people sharing an apartment. I hope this 4-day break goes well. I say this because you never know how these things may go. Something could happen and it can ruin your whole break; i.e the girlfriend being upset. So far, it is going good so I cannot complain.I am about to go. I promise next time to add some poetry. I just have not had the inspiration to write. Now, I fell like I may have it. Until next time, peace and hair grease.

Aunt Jackie

Today three years ago my Aunt Jackie died. The affect that her death has on me is enormous. I think about her everyday no matter what. Life is just not the same since she died.

I always think about how she used to tell me she could not wait for me to reach certain milestones in my life. For example, she always said how she wanted to come to some of my football games. She could not wait for high school graduation, move-in day at college, my wedding in the future. Now I think about all that she is going to miss. It really eats me up inside because I should be thankful for all that she has seen. I feel angry at the fact that she is not going to see the birth of my children, my wedding, my college graduation. She did not get to see me play football. She died before I could graduate from high school. I feel angry and bitter. I feel cheated because she could not share this with me.

I do know one thing: She would definitely be proud of me.

A New Poem

I know feel as if I have closure since I have written this poem.

(Chorus) It's been 3 months since we last talked.
It's been 3 months since I decided to walk
And to you I thought I had nothing to say
But that don't stop me from thinking about you day to day.

There was one point in our lives; we were together.
You had dreams of the idea of us being forever.
We were so close, two birds of the same feather.
You called me your papi, your best friend, your confidante.
I was even called nephew by one of your aunts.
Yet you threw it all away while I was at college
Hard at work trying to gain this knowledge.
You had called me right before my birthday
And right before our two-year anniversary.
You said you loved me but you had to leave.
This was something that I just couldn't believe.
I thought, " Bitch!! How can you leave me?
Remember? Last night you told me you loved me."
But then I remembered you were cheating on me emotionally.
With your best friend's brother
But I guess it didn't matter, he wasn't that close to me.

(Chorus)

Still, you inserted the knife even further.
When you fucked my man, who was almost like a brotha.
I know it was murky. It could be taken as date rape.
But that don't stop me from feeling hate.
Girl, didn't I tell you to leave that alcohol alone
Yet you still decided to drink it in your home.
Where your two girlfriends gave each other dome.
Right in Baldwin Hall I cried
I was so angry that both of you could have died.
That nite I wanted to have my homeboy shot
But Dan kept me from calling my brother, who was posted up on the black.
Why didn't you just stab me in my sleep.
Because compared to words, the knife could only go but so deep.

(Chorus)

Bittersweet

Here is a poem. Not by me but by Kanye West called Bittersweet. I have been listening to it lately and it has sort of fitted my mood.

Bittersweet



Bittersweet, you're gonna be the death of me
I dont want you, but I need you,
I love you and I hate you at the very same time

See what I want so much, should never hurt this bad
Never did this before, thats what the virgin said
We've been generally warned, thats what the surgeon says
God talk to me now this is an emergency

And she claim she only with me for the currency,
You cut me deep bitch cut me like surgery
And I was too proud to admit that it was hurtin me
I'd never do that to you at least purposely

We breakin up again we makin up again
but we dont love no more
I guess we fuckin then

Have you ever felt like you wanted to kill her
and you mixed them emotions with tequilla
and you mixed that with a little bad advice
on one of them bad nights
you have a bad fight

and you talkin bout her family her aunts and shit
and she sayin muhfucka yo mama's a bitch
you know domestic drama and shit
All the attitude
I'll never hit a girl but ill shake the shit out of you
ut im a be the bigger man
big pimpin like jigga man
oh i figure its

Bittersweet, you're gonna be the death of me
I dont want you, but I need you,
I love you and I hate you at the very same time

See what I want so much, should never hurt this bad
Never did this before, thats what the virgin said
We've been generally warned, thats what the surgeon says
God talk to me now this is an emergency

And my nigga says I shouldn't let her worry me
I need to focus on the girls we gettin currently
But I've been thinking and it got me back to sinking it
This relationship, it even got me back to drinking now
This Hennessey, is gon be the death of me
And I always thought that you havin my child was our destiny
But I can't even vibe wit you sexually
Cause every time that I try you will question me
Say "you fuckin them girls, disrespecting me?
You don't see how your lies are affecting me?
You don't see how our life was supposed to be?
And I never let a nigga get that close to me!
And you ain't cracked up to what you was supposed to be!
You always gone! You always be where them hoes would be!"
And it's the first time she ever spilled her soul to me!
I fucked up and I know it G
I guess it's bittersweet poetry

Katrina

I really do not know what to say about it. All I can do is pray for everyone. I may not be the most religious person but that will not stop me from praying for them. Those affected need all the help they can get. I just hope my prayer is helpful.